Chapter 27 27. Unexpected funeral

My grandpa died.I was finally able to play truant with a justifiable name. My grandfather suffered from an unknown disease. I think it is possible to apply for a patent and name it after my grandfather. I rushed to the warehouse where my grandpa kept the coffin, and I saw that my grandpa's face was covered with a yellow cloth, wearing the emperor's clothes, the emperor's hat, and the emperor's shoes.There are many wreaths around.It can be seen that my grandfather is a kind person. The warehouse is full of cigarette smoke, a lot of dust, and the smell of grain and incense, which makes people suffocate.

After leaving the warehouse, I felt the air was fresh and the birds were singing and the flowers were fragrant.what!How healthy my body is. Finally met my grandma.I saw her, supported by the national citizen and my father, walking towards me step by step, walked to a place one meter away from me, let go of her throat and sang, the tune is a kind of folklore, and I was the first heard for the first time.It’s very fresh, I didn’t expect my grandma to sing, but it’s actually half-talking and half-singing: "Grandpa (my grandma used to call me grandpa)~~~Don't go~~~My heart is like a knife~~~Your life is so hard~~~You ate a bowl of oil and salt in the morning Rice (that is fried rice with eggs) ~~~ Hello, your eldest son, second girl, third son, fourth girl, fifth son, sixth girl, seventh son (seventh son is my father, so I was just waiting for this sentence)~~~Why did you leave~~~~~" She sang and patted her leg, which is very Chinese.I like the two lines my grandma sang, "My heart is like a knife twisting" and "I ate a bowl of oil and salt rice in the morning", but my grandma sang these two lines the most, and then they sang in no order. For example, I am the seventh granddaughter, But he sang ahead of his third grandson.

I went back to the warehouse. At this time, there were already many people in the warehouse.My dad suddenly patted me on the shoulder and asked me to identify relatives: "This is your second aunt, this is your third aunt, and this is your seventh grandpa. His seventh grandpa is younger than you. Let me be more..." Under my strong request, I was finally able to face The coffin kowtowed, according to the rules, there should be three kowtows. I kowtowed nine times in a row to exercise my back muscles. Grandpa Qigu who was waiting in line behind me got impatient and kicked my ass. I had to crawl stand up.

Kowtowing failed, and I wanted to burn paper, which is the only time-killing item at a funeral.But they cling to the feudal concept of "men are superior to women", and when they saw me burning paper, they rushed over to persuade me: "Baby! Girls can't be burned, go play! Play!" After a while, the outside gradually became lively, and there were endless people sending wreaths, so I took the initiative to serve the task of pouring tea and water, accompanied by My Seventh Aunt Grandpa. I am very dedicated and enthusiastic, and the glass is still full, so I walked over fiercely, poured out the water, and poured another glass.My motto is, take a sip and pour!It's getting colder, pour it over!Sprinkle a little and pour it over!My goal is: to strive for the best waiter!The one who competed with me was Grandpa Qigu. In order to pour tea conveniently, we simply left the faucet of the thermos bucket on.

Later, I couldn’t close it even if I tried to close it. The dripping water flowed all over the floor. First I used a tea mug to catch it, then a washbasin to catch it, and then I had to use a bucket to catch it. What interests me the most is that four symphony orchestras are invited, the first one can only play sad music, the second is a pop band and karaoke station, the third is a theater troupe without makeup, and the fourth is The gong and drum team is all composed of disabled old men. The most dedicated person here is the band of disabled old men. Although they are either blind or lame, they still use their drums and gongs to compose a spring lament. Don't be angry, don't walk and don't jump, turn grief into strength, and turn hostility into friendship.Amazingly, they all hit the same beat.What's even more amazing is that when they shouted "Dinner is ready!", they were deaf, lame, and blind. They supported each other and ran to the dinner table in solidarity.

The most popular one is the karaoke stand, and the lead singer is a young woman.I saw her sitting lazily on a chair, wearing platform shoes, wearing a tube top and a leather skirt, with a thin body, holding a microphone, drooping eyelashes, and frail. Her famous song is "Du Shiniang", with a particularly high voice and With a crying voice, with a wave voice.The first person to order a song was my third aunt's daughter's boyfriend's girlfriend. She came on stage by herself and said: "I sang a song "I Really Miss You" for Grandpa Jiang, expressing my great sorrow for Grandpa Jiang's death!" As soon as I heard it, I hurried to the kitchen to see what I was eating today.Because she sings like a train whistle.too loud.

Uncle Dashu who is in charge of the spoon said: "Want to eat so early? Go to the street with your sister Forsythia to buy some food." My sister took the menu to the vegetable market, and I followed.My sister picks from left to right, chooses from top to bottom, maybe to see which side is cheaper.Finally, she stopped at a carrot stand, still bargaining. I was like a spectator, so I squatted on the ground.Suddenly, my eyes lit up, there was a green pepper on the ground, and I seemed to see a pot of roasted peppers in sauce. I quickly picked it up, put my arm in front of my chest, and put the pepper in my armpit.All of this is seamless!

Unexpectedly, when my sister paid, the chili seller said: "Boy, that sister of yours took a chili pepper!" Oh my god!I met Sun Wukong!Fierce eyes! I was so nervous that I wanted to find a piece of tofu to touch me to death.But still quick wit.I let go of my hand, and the chili fell off. I immediately spread both hands to show her: "No wow! No wow!" My sister led me back. I looked back, but the chili seller kept laughing at me, I don't know if it was a smirk or not. Back in the kitchen, everyone is working, especially the uncle Dashu who is the chief cook, and Uncle Daye, the younger uncle, are shaving a whole pig. I don’t think the work of peeling water chestnuts is very tiring. So I took the initiative to join the ranks of women. They were all my mother N, aunt N, sister N and aunt N, but I didn’t know any of them. Their names were: Daxing, Daliu, Dashi, Dagui, Dali , big toon, big elm, big banyan, big cherry, big birch, big tallow...

Big Tree threw a kitchen knife at me, I caught it just in time, Big Tree said: "Ah peel!" I quickly started peeling, but the knife was too big, and I couldn't hold it, so I had to chew it with my mouth. Seeing this, Sakura threw me a razor, and peeling water chestnuts became simple and clear.With my great help, water chestnuts flooded. With the shout of Uncle Dashu, the great chef, he stopped drinking: "It's shaved!" - the pig was shaved like a white winter melon. Uncle Daye said: "The dishes are served!" There were as many dishes as feeding pigs. Of course I have to serve the dishes again, and the ones who serve the dishes with me are all my sisters and brothers. The names of the sisters are: forsythia, bauhinia, magnolia, hibiscus, and the buddies are called loquat, pineapple, pineapple...

Loquat brother served the food with a very bad attitude: "Let's let let..." He smashed two plates and one bowl. I am very lively, and I even reported the name of the dish: "Dangdangdangdang... The pig is here, the chicken is here, the goose is here... ..." The guests finally finished eating. Because the dining table was crowded, we brothers and sisters couldn't get in, unlike uncles and aunts who secretly ate their fill in the kitchen. We waiters, after finishing our work, sat around a blank table, hoping to get a table of fruits of labor, we talked and laughed, and waited for half an hour, but there was still no food.So, under the leadership of brother loquat, we came to the kitchen aggressively.

In the kitchen, uncles and uncles, aunts and sisters-in-law are eating white chopped pigs!Seeing so many people coming together, one knows that the comers are not good. The oldest sister, Forsythia, poses for poetry recitation, with movements, compare on the left and stroke on the right: "Our food, our drink, where is our food?" Uncle Dashu, with his left leg up on the chair and his right leg on the ground, waved his hand and said, "Your food, your food, serve It's all over!" How unreasonable!We worked all morning in vain, and when we were eating, they forgot about us! We simply do not believe that there is such a thing in the world, for a few children who have worked so hard to serve food, no food will be left! At this moment, the kinder uncle said softly: "Boy, why don't you do this: just put the dishes that are decent and have only eaten more than 20 bites on the table." I looked around and observed the expressions on the faces of the four sisters and the three brothers. : The elder sister, the second elder brother and the third elder brother looked cold and firm, and they seemed to have decided to stop eating; It is a natural wall grass, and my will is very unstable. Although I am a little hungry, I have never eaten leftovers. At this time, no matter who mobilizes me, I will go with him, but no one seems to notice. I. At this moment, the leftovers were served, and they were all fish, all of which had been bitten to varying degrees. I took the pose of a thinker and carefully thought about the reasons why the leftovers are all fish: one is because the fish is particularly unpalatable and no one eats it, so there are a lot of leftovers; If a piece is dropped, there will be no misunderstanding, and you will eat where others have eaten. The second and third brothers changed their minds when they saw the food, and joined the elder brother.Ready to eat. I saw that the advantage had shifted to eating, so of course I picked up the chopsticks. At this moment, Sister Lianqiao roared: "Don't eat!" I was so frightened that I shivered and dropped my chopsticks.When I picked up the chopsticks, I decided to go with the eldest sister.If you don't eat, don't eat! After I got up, I decided not to touch the chopsticks, the bowl, the plate or the fish. I looked at the eldest sister stupidly, and the tears accumulated by the eldest sister over the years burst out: "Give us these! Humph! Give us these! Humph! Humph!" However, after hearing her cries, Brother N and Sister N continued to eat, and some even went to the kitchen to add more food. To prove his influence once, he decided to vote with a show of hands. "Hands up, those who eat!" All five hands rose up. "Raise your hand if you don't eat!" I quietly stretched out a finger. Sister Lianqiao knew that she still had a finger to support her, so she tried her best to pinch a little bit of flesh on my arm and asked me to follow her.Seeing sister Lianqiao using violence, I just cried, cried loudly, and cried hard.All the aunts, all the uncles, all the aunts, all the parents came. Some of them handed water, and some pulled out the white pig they were gnawing from their mouths and handed it to me. The most understanding Aunt Sakura said: "Son, be filial! Miss your grandpa? Grandpa is gone! Don't cry!" At this time, I finally thought of my grandfather.I remembered that before my grandfather passed away, I made a composition. They dug out my composition text from my schoolbag, and yelled: "Listen to the inscription! Listen to the inscription!" Brother Pipa snatched it away and started to read. The words in brackets were added by him: "For the Spring Festival, I went back to my hometown (nonsense), and I saw my grandpa who was seriously ill (be careful of the eye of a needle). Grandpa is lying on the sofa. Although he is thin, he is very kind (you scold grandpa for being thin). Grandpa herded Huang Shiren's cattle, pushed the mill, poured water for washing his feet, and sold newspapers for Huang Shiren since he was a child.One day, when it was raining, my grandpa hid under a small bridge and met my grandma (hee hee hee), he fell in love with my grandma at first sight, but my grandma only had a little affection for him (my grandpa is so bad).My grandfather bought a piece of cloth with white flowers on a blue background, went to my grandma's house to propose marriage, and gave my grandma three days to think about it.When my grandma was hesitating, one night, a thief came and stole the calico.My grandma couldn't afford it, so she had to accompany my grandpa for five years in the name of husband and wife. However, during these five years, grandma gradually fell in love with grandpa, and she stayed with grandpa forever (maybe the thief is my grandpa) . My grandpa is very kind to me. Every time I go back, he slaughters the fattest chicken for me to eat.But I fed the glutinous rice that he was usually reluctant to eat to the chicken, because I didn't know glutinous rice (why didn't grandpa kill the chicken for me). Before Grandpa died, he held my hand tightly, stared at me with tears in his eyes (so scary)”