Chapter 15 I Know I Want to Live——Comment on Naoko Anbo and Gibbon Banana

I Know I Want to Live——Comment on Naoko Anbo and Gibbon Banana 1. The beauty of cherry blossoms Naoko Anbo and Yoshimoto Banana, two Japanese female writers, seem to exist in two styles: one is classical, the other is modern, the other is pure and beautiful, lingering in the fairy tale world of foxes and bears, and the other is Complicated and fierce, uncertain in the ups and downs of the modern city. The lifestyles of the two are also very different. Naoko Anfang has always lived in seclusion, living a hermit-like life in the suburbs. Some critics in Japan called her works "flowers blooming silently in a corner of the yard".She opened up quietly, alone in the dark place, revealing a strange fragrance. In 1993, at the age of 49, he died of illness.

Yoshimoto Banana is much more dazzling. She was born in Tokyo in 1964. She graduated from the Art Department of Nihon University. Izumi Kyoka", "Friday Yamamoto" and other literary awards.After 1989, she rose rapidly, and her books became a sensation one after another. She is currently the most famous best-selling female author in Japan. One writes fairy tales and the other writes best-selling novels. It may be somewhat unbelievable, at least unconventional, to bring these two writers together to discuss.But there is indeed a common sentiment in their works, a kind of thing inherited in one continuous line, which touches my heart gently and continuously.what is that?

That is first of all an interest in death. The Japanese nation has its own unique understanding of death.In their culture, death is a way of eternity, with a kind of poignant poetry.Therefore, they seem to be less afraid of death; thinking about death, and the meaning of death to life, has always been something they are happy to do. When I first came into contact with the fairy tales "The Forest of the White Parrot" and "The Fox's Window" by Naoko Anbo, I was shocked: the clear and beautiful fairy tale world can actually exude such a sad and beautiful atmosphere!The two fairy tales are about the remembrance of the living people for their dead relatives. They are very sad, but warm from nowhere.

She is looking for a passage: When Yin and Yang are separated forever, is there no way to reach each other and comfort our hearts?We seem to see Naoko Anfang smiling sadly and beautifully, saying: No, that's not the case.Death can't take away anything, especially nostalgia.As long as there is remembrance, the living and the dead are never really separated. Gibbon Banana's, "Full Moon" and "Moon Shadow", three novels, one clue: When death comes and takes away the loved ones in life, how can the living people survive in this vast and lonely world? How about continuing to live?

When death has become an unavoidable existence, her protagonist hopes to find the reason and support to live. The two writers are both interested in things on the boundary between life and death.There is a boundary between life and death, and thinking on this boundary enables us to gaze at the undead while maintaining our own lives. Secondly, what fascinates me is that this kind of thinking is presented in a feminine and elegant way, and it ultimately boils down to a feminine worldview: No matter how sad, she will never despair—just as Banana Yoshimoto finds the real life in the kitchen, Naoko Anbo only needs the blue fingers of Kikyo flower and a little fantasy.

No matter how lonely and confused, there is always an unexpected serenity and firmness, which is a particularly broad maternal gesture. The works of these two people are tender and sad. At first glance, they seem soft and boneless. After touching them carefully, you will find the core of warmth, firmness and excellent flexibility. About the pain and hope of living, the eternity and poetry of death, everything that is intertwined between the two is what these two female writers want to express. Yes, just like cherry blossoms, thin, subtle, psychedelic, and charming.When it is open, it is as delicate and romantic as clouds, and when it withers, it has a decisive attitude that is not sloppy.

2. There is no happiness without despair The one at hand is published by Taiwan Times Publishing Company. The word "Kitchen" is written on a touch of orange on the top of the cover, which is a color that will arouse people's appetite at first glance; what's even more amazing is that while turning the pages of the book, I can smell the scent of mangoes,— —That is one of my favorite fruits. Once, while eating a sweet and juicy mango, I said sincerely: Just to have mangoes to eat, it’s not in vain to come to this world! —I got up and walked about the room, trying to find the source of the scent.After searching around, I tentatively sniffed the book at hand, my God, how unbelievable, it is this book that smells of mango!

That's it, this book, while talking about death, smells like mangoes.This posture is exactly the posture of Gibbon Banana in the novel. It will always be that the most important relatives are taken away by death, whether it is Mikage or Tanabe, they are thrown into this vast and lonely world, falling into a situation of complete loneliness.Death exudes a bone-piercing chill, as if there is a faint call, issued from the dark place, the depths of nothingness.Man must find a kind of strength to resist this call, and must find something that is enough to warm him to resist death.This warmth, this strength, may come from the kitchen or from a meal of tonkatsu and egg rice...

"When the grief was saturated and even the tears dried up, a slight drowsiness drenched my body, I made a quilt in the bright kitchen, and fell asleep wrapped in a blanket like Linus. The sound of the refrigerator motor made me sleep. I don't feel completely alone. I know I can spend the night there and welcome the dawn. Just want to fall asleep under the stars. Waking up at dawn. Nothing else matters. " "My favorite place in the world is the kitchen. No matter where it is or what it looks like, as long as it's a kitchen, a place where food is made, I feel comfortable.It better be fully functional and used thoroughly.There were plenty of clean rags, and the white tiles gleamed.

Even a dirty kitchen, I love it like hell. There are fruit peels and vegetable residues scattered all over the floor, and the soles of the slippers are pitch black. I don't care about these, as long as it is spacious enough.I love leaning against the silver doors of the huge, towering refrigerator, stuffed with assorted groceries that seem to easily last through the winter.Often I suddenly raised my head from the oil-stained gas stove or the rusty kitchen knife, and the starlight was silent outside the window. It's just me, and the kitchen, in this house; it's better than just me.

Whenever I am too tired to speak, I often think in ecstasy: If the time of death comes, I hope to breathe my last breath in the kitchen.Whether it's lonely and cold, or accompanied and warm, I'll stare at death without fear; as long as it's in the kitchen. " At the beginning of the novel, Mikage is orphaned by the death of her grandmother.Her situation felt like something out of science fiction: a plunge into a murky cosmic abyss.She is alone, like a floating weed in this world. At this time, Tanabe appeared.He brought Mikage into his family. Mikage barely knew of Tanabe's existence until her grandmother died.He is a college student who is one year younger than her and works in a flower shop after school.Mikage's grandmother loves flowers very much, and goes to the flower shop twice a week, so she got to know Tanabe and got along very well. Tanabe met her grandmother by chance, and Mikage even more so. Two people who meet by chance are equally lonely, equally unfortunate, and even less healthy.They are all like outcasts.Abandoned by the wider society. Such people are particularly sensitive to warmth.When others treat themselves a little better, they will quickly and deeply realize it.So at his grandma's funeral, Tian Bian's grief was unusual. "When offering incense, he closed his swollen eyes from crying, and his hands trembled; when he looked up at the portrait of grandma, tears flowed all over his face uncontrollably." And because I am often in loneliness and sorrow, I can understand the situation of others, and I know what a person needs at such a time.Tanabe knew that after the death of his grandmother, Mikage stayed alone in that empty room, and it was even more difficult to get out of grief, so he let Mikage live in his house. In this world, there are many people, but those who really have a personal relationship with you, and those who really give their love to you, are only a handful of them.The existence of these people is the strength that supports us through a long life. Tanabe lives with his mother.They have bright, clean, well-ordered, well-equipped kitchens, wide, thick, and soft sofas that make people want to sit down and never want to get up again, and smiles that shine like gods. And Tanabe's mother is actually his father - a man who underwent sex reassignment surgery from a man to a woman. The more their stories are heard, the more confusing they become.Everything was so chaotic and incredible.A family that looks so healthy and bright has so many strange origins inside.Only by following these clues can we get a glimpse of the struggle of Tanabe and his son, and the difficult and ups and downs of their mental journey. And they don't complain about anything.They deal with the "weirdness" in their lives calmly and enjoy life happily.Individually, people who should be unhealthy and unnatural show a particularly healthy and natural attitude towards life in mutual attachment and care.Under the very abnormal premise, this family is particularly happy and bright, which is enough to comfort the soul. The three hearts are all lonely, each with its own pain. Rieko has changed from man to woman, she is both father and mother.She has become such a person, with a dazzling maternal appearance, and a strong and deep masculine inner.In the novel, she is like the Virgin Mary, with a divine power.Because of this, she has to bear a lot of suffering, and her loneliness is particularly difficult to dispel. Her loneliness is as deep as her charm. For Mikage and Tanabe, they had the love of their grandmother and the love of Rieko, but they still couldn’t get rid of their loneliness—"Everyone is the same, one day we will all be reduced to dust in the abyss of time. This kind of cognition Become part of the body, and we carry it forward." After witnessing the death of a loved one, every day seems to be late at night, the world is so vast, and the world is so dark, incomparable attraction and boundless loneliness exist at the same time.Individuals are so small in comparison. If there is no mutual support and warmth of the same kind, how can we get through this long night? Therefore, the three souls who are also lonely and helpless recognize each other, understand each other, and become each other's support and comfort. After experiencing despair, they really understand what happiness is. There is no such thing as happiness without despair. Mikage once said, "I don't need anyone to tell me, I realized the existence of the space that can never be filled." Now, "There is a kitchen, there are plants, and someone is asleep under the same roof, so quiet... …which is enough to allow a person to sleep peacefully." In the eyes of others, such as active and healthy people like Sotaro, Tanabe is "weird".In the past, Mikage liked the healthy and bright aura of Soutaro very much, and she yearned for it infinitely, and also made her feel self-loathing because she couldn't be like him.But now it's different.Now, what she needs most is the atmosphere of the Tanabe family, where they curl up together like small animals that have suffered the same experience, warming each other up. Before experiencing complete loneliness, Yuying was also used to rushing forward regardless of herself, but now, looking at Tanabe and his son, it is like seeing stars through the gaps in the clouds of the night sky-it is a rare and precious feeling that is lost and found. happiness. The reason why "Full Moon" is a relationship of continuation and correspondence. "Full Moon" opens with Eriko dead, murdered by a gay man who fell in love with her but she didn't.This time it was Yuichi Tanabe who was thrown into the abyss.He seems to be unable to pass this test no matter what, he wants to escape from reality, exile himself, and never look back. Tanabe doesn't want to drag Mikage into the vortex of sorrow she is in. As for Mikage, on the one hand, she has to fight against the sorrow herself, and on the other hand, she also wants to pull Tanabe, just like Tanabe once pulled her. This time, it was up to her to pull Tian Bian out of the drowning water. But how to do it?she does not know. Until, on a business trip in Izu, she didn't eat well all day, and sat hungry in a bright and clean small shop, and ordered a fried pork cutlet and egg rice.While waiting for the meal to be served, she called Tanabe.Knowing that he ran away from home and stayed alone on the edge of a field in a hotel, he was also hungry at the moment. The tonkatsu egg rice was served, and it was indescribably delicious.Impulsively, Mikage immediately ordered another one, asked the owner to pack it in a lunch box, took it into a taxi, and drove several hours late at night to the city where Tanabe was located, and entered his room through the window, just to "" This is so delicious tonkatsu egg rice that one will feel guilty eating it alone.” In "Moon Shadow", the characters have changed, but the theme remains the same: a car accident caused "I" to lose his lover, Ah-Deng, and Ah-Deng's younger brother, A-Dong, not only lost his brother, but also lost his lover, Ah-Gong. In order to get rid of the painful entanglement, "I" jogs every morning, and A Dong wears the uniform sailor skirt left by his lover to go to class. Young lives, the impact of death on them almost takes their breath away.My mind has moved to another dimension, and I can no longer return to the original place, unable to understand the world with the same perspective as before.Thoughts are restless, ups and downs, mood is anxious and dazed, always depressed.Jogging and sailor suits are just means to withstand a withered heart. They live, but death is sideways.They need to get rid of the gravitational force emanating from the bottomless abyss, and let the bright atmosphere wrap them again. Sometimes, it is not easy to do this on their own.What Gibbon Banana repeatedly told is how to overcome difficulties and save oneself after deeply perceiving the lonely fate of human beings and the ruthlessness of death in the process of growing up; at the same time, she gradually learned to help others and completed the the growth of one's own soul. 3. Love and Death Naoko Anfang's world is more ethereal and illusory, like "fog and rain", vague, sentimental, with the fresh and moist atmosphere of rainy days, and the ambiguity in the fog. Therefore, her fairy tales are difficult to describe. ——You can tell a story, but how can you tell a mood?I can only recommend you to read her. The translator of her fairy tales said: "...as long as you approach Naoko Anfang, you will never leave her for the rest of your life." However, here we have to try to tell a story first.Let me talk about "The Fox's Window" first. "I" lost my way on the mountain path I was used to walking, and walked alone with a long gun, in a trance. When "I" turned a corner on the mountain road, suddenly, the sky was as bright as polished blue glass, and the ground was also a piece of light blue—a blue platycodon flower field.A white fox flashed by. "I" chased after it, but it disappeared.And in front of me suddenly appeared a "printing and dyeing platycodon house", and a clerk who was still a child wearing an apron. "I" understood at a glance, this is the change from the little fox just now. The little fox clerk enthusiastically persuaded "I" to dye something, and suggested, just dye your fingers. "Dyeing your fingers is a very beautiful thing!" Then it used its dyed four fingers to form a diamond-shaped window, put it in front of "I" and said happily, "Take a look inside!" The figure of a white fox was reflected in the window made of fingers.The little fox said sadly: "This is my mother... a long, long time ago, bang, she was beaten to death." The little fox was very sad, and didn't realize that his true face had been exposed, so he kept talking: "Despite this, I still want to meet my mother again. I just want to see my dead mother again. "Later, it was still such an autumn day, when the wind was blowing, the platycodon flowers said in unison, please dye your fingers, and then use them to build a window. I picked a large bunch of platycodon flowers and used their juice, stained my fingers. And then, look, look-- "I am no longer alone. No matter what time of day, I can see my mother from this window." "I" was completely moved, and kept nodding.In fact, "I" is also alone. "I want a window like this too." I made the sound of a child.So, a bright smile appeared on the fox's face. "In that case, I'll dye it for you right away!" "I" stained fingers.In the window, "I" saw a girl whom I liked very much before but never met now, that is "my" sister. "I" was so happy and moved that I wanted to repay the little fox, but I didn't bring any money."Leave the gun, please," said the fox. On the way home, "I" built the small window with my hands while walking.This time, there was a silent fog and rain in the window. Deep in the fog and rain, a courtyard that "I" has always been affectionately appeared indistinctly. There were children's boots thrown in the yard, and my mother was about to come out to pick them up.The lights were on in the house, and the music on the radio and the laughter of the two children, it was the laughter of "me" and my sister who had died... "I" was too sad to raise my hands anymore— That yard is long gone, gone in a fire. "I" thought sadly, no matter what, "I" has this amazing finger, and "I" vowed to cherish this finger forever. However, as soon as I got home, due to the habit I had developed over the years, "I" washed my hands completely unconsciously! The next day, "I" tried to find the little fox to dye my fingers again, but the platycodon flower field disappeared and the little fox disappeared.Since then, "I" never met that little fox again. Now, "I" builds a window with my fingers every now and then.People often laugh at "me": why do you have this quirk? "The Forest of White Parrots" puts the longing of the living for the dead into a tangible thing - white parrots.Fathers, mothers, Indians...all keep their own parrots secretly, and let them act as their messengers, bringing their thoughts to their relatives in another country.The little girl Mizue accidentally came to the kingdom of the dead and discovered this secret. The forest is full of white parrots, as if countless paper-covered wax lamps were lit.No matter which parrot it is, it shakes its long tail leisurely and talks to itself strangely.like what: "Hello!" "What happened next?" "In good health!" And that's not all.Straighten your ears to listen, the forest is a vortex of various languages.There are foreign languages, as well as greetings and intermittent singing that I can't understand at all. There is a person sitting under a tree, and each person is listening to the sound of the parrot on his own tree in his own posture.The number of parrots varies from tree to tree.Some trees were so crowded with parrots that they could not be counted, while others had no parrots at all.The person under the tree without birds looks lonely. The window made of the blue fingers dyed by four lisianthus flowers has become a passage between life and death.Talking birds like large white flowers became messengers between our world and the realm of the dead. Reading Naoko Anfang's fairy tales, the delicate beauty, the warmth and sadness, will always make us feel that maybe there is another world outside this world, where everything that exists as long as it exists will never disappear; everything will be destroyed. Recorded: our life, memory, nostalgia, longing... This is reminiscent of Haruki Murakami's famous statement: Death is not the opposite of life, but exists forever as a part of life. She lived in seclusion all her life, and even refused to travel, but she left behind a mountain of wild chrysanthemum-like fantasy short stories, just like the modern version of Grimm's fairy tales, which touched thousands of Japanese teenagers and adults. "It was a land of wonders, a world of fairies, where there were windows of foxes, where the branches were covered with white parrots, where the souls of girls could be heard crying..." - Said It is the fantasy novel of Naoko Anfang who has touched thousands of adults and teenagers in Japan. Naoko Anfang has the reputation of "ever-victorious literary award" in Japan.Her fantasy novels are like dreams and dreams, like empty and meaningful short songs.The Japanese academic circle commented: "Wen is like a person... just one step away. If the problems of the times are purposefully integrated into the works, it will attract the attention of the world, but she will never be ostentatious..." The people and writings of Naoko Anfang have attracted more and more attention from readers outside of Japan.There are "Anfang fans" on the Internet who spontaneously produce albums of Anfang Naoko's works to exchange reading experiences.Juvenile and Children's Publishing House recently launched the six-volume "Masterpiece of Naoko Anfang's Fantastic Novels"—a comprehensive introduction in the form of "anthology", which is the first time in mainland China.