Chapter 38 Chapter Thirty-Seven

It was halfway through the night, and I was still tossing and turning, unable to sleep.Now that he has sent his sister to intercede, it seems that I must give us a result.Scenes of conversations with my sister during the day are replaying in my mind... It is still the palace of the concubine Liang, but the sisters are not as warm and comfortable as last time.I was so embarrassed that I didn't dare to lift my head, feeling like I was sitting on pins and needles.My sister is as usual. "My lord has already told me!" My sister said softly, holding my hand. It's not that I haven't imagined a similar situation, but when my sister said such words in a calm tone, I still felt ashamed and helpless.It's just that the whole body is stiff, clenching his teeth, and sitting silently with his head buried.

My sister stretched out her hand to lift my head, but I slightly avoided her hand. My sister chuckled a few times and said, "Good sister! Are you angry with me, or yourself?" I felt sore, I reached out and hugged my sister, and threw myself into her arms. My sister put her arms around me and said, "If you are angry with yourself, you don't have to. In fact, when I saw you at Erniang's place last time, I wanted to persuade you. It's good to follow the master. He has a gentle temper and treats his wives and concubines with respect. Very good. Besides, we sisters can meet each other often and be each other’s companions.” I asked sullenly: “Sister, do you really mind?” My sister patted me on the back twice and said angrily, “What do you mind? Which elder brother doesn't have three wives and four concubines? Don't say that I don't care about these things, I just care, you are my sister, why would you mind?"

I was silent for a while, but finally I couldn't hold it back, and asked in a low voice: "If, if... it's that person, do you not mind if he marries another woman?" Said: "I'm talking nonsense, sister, don't talk to me!" My sister didn't look at me, with a mournful face, she said slowly and thoughtfully: "I don't know! But as long as it is what he likes and makes him happy, I will be willing! And I believe that even if there are others, He will still take care of me, love me, and treat me well." The elder sister lost her mind for a while, and said softly: "Er Niang passed away not long after you were born, so I have no memory! Although I was young, I still have memories. Although Ama also had a third concubine, but Treating Erniang very well! I still remember that you were sleeping next to Erniang, I was playing on the bed, and Ama sat on the edge of the bed and stroked the eyebrows of Erniang who was sick in bed."

She and I were silent for a while, it seems that although Ruoxi's mother passed away early, she was a happy woman.But what about her two daughters? My sister was silent for a long time, looked at me and asked: "Sister, what are you thinking? Which man doesn't have three wives and four concubines? As long as he loves you, it's fine. Where did so many inexplicable minds come from? And more wives and more children. That's a good sign!" I forced a smile and shook my head, suddenly thinking of Bafujin, I asked solemnly, "Did Bafujin bully you?" My sister smiled and said, "I recited my scriptures by myself, why did she bully me?" I stared into her eyes and said "Don't coax me, I know Hongwang bullied you." My sister said with a smile: "Children always have a fit, so just let him make trouble. Why take it to heart?" I looked at my sister's heart. Think, you don't mind, because you don't care at all, and if you don't care, you won't care.

... Later, my sister advised me that since I was in the same mood as the eighth elder brother, it is better to ask the emperor as soon as possible, and getting married early is the right thing to do, but I didn't listen to a word of this.I just thought in my heart, should I live my life jealously with Bafujin in the future? well!I can not do it!I can't give up my dignity, don't care about anything, just concentrate on being a concubine, face my sister frankly, learn how to deal with several women, and then turn around and be able to have a romantic relationship with him. He has his own ambitions and cannot give up the throne. He is a father who loves his son. He already has four women by his side, one of whom is still a sister.I can't change any of these things. If I marry him, I can only be destined to be unhappy. If I am not happy, how can there be happiness between us?

I can't laugh it off like my sister. The eighth brother rarely goes to my sister's place, so conflicts cannot be avoided. If I really enter the door, one can imagine the big and small conflicts that will follow.If something like the last time happened again, I would definitely not be able to bear that tone, but at that time I still had the identity of the Qianqing Palace, and the eight blessings could not do anything to me, but if I entered the gate of the mansion, I was a child, and she It's big, and the first thing I do when I enter the door is to kowtow to her and offer tea. From then on, only she sits and talks, and I stand and listen.

In a conflict, the eighth elder brother can stand by me, but if there are more and more conflicts, won't he get impatient?I don't understand why others can live happily, but why I always hold back.He was overwhelmed by the affairs of the court, and he had to face another war when he returned home.My grievances, his incomprehension, can there be happiness forever?The already limited relationship between the two may be consumed in these trivial matters.If I marry him regardless of life and death, what I want is only a short-lived happiness between the two of us, but I can't see the happiness after marrying him.All I see are feelings fading and fading away in real life!

If his head were to be severed tomorrow, I would jump on it without hesitation, the moment of burning is eternity.But with thousands of days ahead, I'm afraid that the sparks in the hearts of the two of them will be extinguished in the end, and they will all be ashes! There is no flaming love between Anna Karenina and Vronsky, but when it comes to reality, when a man's love is exhausted, Vronsky can return to the upper class as soon as he turns around, but Anna just You can choose to commit suicide by lying on the rails! God!So sensible!so sober!How can you analyze your feelings like this?I thought you were already Ruoxi, but you are still Zhang Xiaowen!

He couldn't help laughing bitterly loudly, the laughter continued, but gradually turned into a low whimper. The first snow this winter fell for two consecutive days before it cleared up in the morning.For some reason, I feel that this year is extremely cold. I wear layers of clothes, but I still don't feel warm.Facing the eighth elder brother, thinking about what to say later, I felt the chill from my heart to my fingertips. I wrapped my cloak tightly, trembling, tried to open my mouth several times, but fell silent again.He kept looking at the pine branches that were drooping due to the snow on the side, with a calm expression.I bit my lip, knowing that I can't delay anymore, since I have made a decision, I don't want to delay others.

"For the last time, will you agree to my request?" I looked at his side face and asked sadly. He turned his head and stared at me quietly, with a trace of sadness in his eyes, and it seemed that there was still a faint hatred.I didn't dare to look at him anymore, I lowered my head, closed my eyes and said, "Tell me the answer, I want you to tell me 'yes' or 'no'." "Ruoxi, why? Why are you forcing me? Why are you forcing me to choose between things that can coexist at all?" "I just want to ask you, agree or not?" ... "No promise?"

... I smiled wryly, I tried my best to hold you, but you have your own choice and persistence. I thought about it, looked up at his sad eyes mixed with hatred and said: "You must be careful and watch out for the fourth elder brother." The hatred in his eyes dissipated, and he looked at me in bewilderment.I thought about it, and then said: "There are also Wu Sidao, Long Kedo, Nian Gengyao, Tian Jingwen, Li Wei, you have to be more careful." I know so many of Yongzheng's cronies, and I don't know what to do with them. No, I just hope those TV dramas are not made up randomly. After finishing speaking, he bowed his head and took a deep breath, and said word by word: "From now on, you and I will have nothing to do with each other!" After finishing speaking, he turned around and ran, and he wailed behind him, "Ruoxi!" I paused slightly, looked ahead and said, "I am a person who is greedy for life and afraid of death, and I am not worth keeping." After speaking, I ran away. From now on, you and I are strangers!Why can't you promise me?Why do you have to fight for the throne?What's the point of me marrying you if I can't save your life?What's the point of my grievances if I can't see happiness in the road ahead?I know you won't agree, but I still deceived myself and asked again.Why, can't you agree? He staggered all the way, his feet went limp, and he fell to the ground.This time, there was no one around to reach out to support me.My face was buried in the snow, my body was cold, and my heart was even colder.When he wanted to get up, his feet suddenly hurt, and he lay back on the snow. He didn't care to see where he was injured, but felt the pain in his heart. He just lay there in the snow with his face pressed against the snow, motionless.In my mind, I just think of him wearing a black cloak and black bamboo hat, walking slowly by my side in the snowy sky.Scenes are like yesterday, but today is so close. "Who is this? Why are you lying motionless in the snow?" Hearing the voice was Thirteen, my heart felt sad and my body didn't move. Thirteen reached out to help me up, with a horrified face, he threw the snow off my face and head for me, and asked, "Ruoxi?! What's wrong? Did you get hurt?" After speaking, he helped me up, and looked down carefully. I am all over. The fourth elder brother standing next to him was also surprised.I ignored their surprise, and just whispered to Thirteen, "Take me back!" Thirteen hurriedly asked me, "Can I walk?" I shook my head, my feet hurt even now, I must be unable to walk Moved.He thought for a while, glanced at the fourth elder brother, bent down and said, "I'll carry you back!" I nodded, holding his back and wanting to lie on his back. But the fourth elder brother took a big step, supported me, and said to Thirteen: "You go and ask someone to bring her back with a rattan spring stool. There is no reason why elder brother carries a maid on his back. If people see it, it will only cause trouble. Necessary trouble! Don’t be in a hurry for a while.” Hearing this, Thirteen straightened up quickly and said, “I’m in a hurry, so I really don’t think carefully about it!” As he spoke, he ran away in a hurry. I stood on one foot with the help of his hands.My mind is numb, as if I have thought a lot, but it seems that I have not thought about anything.It turned out that the heartache was unbearable, and no rational analysis could relieve the pain in my heart.The fourth elder brother has been standing quietly with me. I was so sad and sore, "If you really want to abuse yourself, you'd better do it behind closed doors. You don't have to do this in front of everyone. Since you may be disturbed and hindered by others, you won't be able to enjoy yourself if you don't tell the truth!" Frozen, it took a long time to slowly understand the meaning of his words.Just now he was ashamed, but now he suddenly became angry. I suddenly wanted to shake off his hand, but his arm remained motionless, his hand was still on my arm, and I stared at him.He looked at me unmoved, and asked in a low voice: "Do you want to sit in the snow?" After finishing speaking, he let go of his hand. I couldn't use my strength on one leg, and the other leg was a little stiff, so I couldn't rely on it. , the body shook a bit, fell and sat in the snow. I looked at him angrily in disbelief, no one has ever treated me like this!He looked down at me calmly.I was short of breath, grabbed a handful of snow from the ground, raised my hand and threw it at him.His head was slightly sideways, and I quickly grabbed a snowball and threw it at him, and he dodged again. He looked mockingly at me, who was sitting on the ground, distraught.Said lightly: "I can lie still on the snow, but now I just let you sit for a while, what can't you bear?" He sneered and said, "Look at what you look like now? Do you still expect others to take pity on you?" He held Xue in his hand, but knew that it would be useless to throw it over.I hate him so much, but I can't do anything about him. "Why are you sitting in the snow?" Shisan quickly walked over to help me up, while looking at the fourth elder brother suspiciously.The fourth elder brother asked the two eunuchs who were carrying spring stools to stand up calmly. The eunuch helped me to sit on the spring stool, Shisan told them to send me back, and then go to the imperial doctor and let me recuperate.I lowered my head and sneaked a peek at the fourth elder brother, who looked at Shisan and the eunuchs busy without paying attention to me. After Thirteen gave instructions, the eunuchs carried spring stools and passed by Shisan and Si elder brother. Taking advantage of Si elder brother being unprepared and passing by by mistake, I got close, and hit the snow ball I had been holding hard on put on his robe.In fact, I want to throw it in his face, but I really don't have the guts.But even so, the anger in my heart has dissipated a lot. Thirteen behind him gave an 'ah' and laughed again.I couldn't help turning my head slightly, peeking at Thirteen who was laughing at the snow on the fourth brother's robe. The fourth brother had a smile in his eyes, and he was looking at my hiding eyes. I was confused , quickly turned his head. As the anger faded away, he felt the pain in his feet, but it was his heart that hurt even more. 'There will be nothing more to do with it from now on! '...I thought about this sentence over and over again when I was on the grassland, but there was always some hope remaining. I didn't think that the world would be like this. I thought I would give up my stubbornness, endure the embarrassment of sisters serving a husband, and try to please him with different tricks. Maybe he could hold his heart, but it was nothing more than that!He will not stay for me.