Chapter 4 The Miracle of Art (3)

So I made a decision that soon I would leave my childhood, knowing that I couldn't make it to the end, even though I firmly believed that life was a farce.In fact, we program our lives to make ourselves believe things that don't exist, because we are creatures that don't want to suffer.So I tried my best to convince myself that there are things worth pursuing, that only in this way can life be meaningful. Even if I am very smart, I don't know how long I can resist this kind of biological evolution.When I really step into the adult society, will I still have the ability to face the absurdity of life?I didn't know, so I made up my mind: at the end of this year's term, on June 16, on my thirteenth birthday, I will take my own life.Don't worry, I'm not going to do this with fanfare, that would make suicide seem like a brave and challenging thing to do.Also, I can't make anyone suspicious.You know, adults are always hysterical about death, thinking of it as a big thing, but death is actually the most ordinary thing in the world.In fact, for me, it is not the thing itself that matters, but how to do it.The Japanese side of me is of course inclined towards seppuku.When I say my Japanese side, I mean my love for Japan.I am a 4th grade student and obviously I would choose Japanese as my second language.My Japanese teacher is not very good, his French swallows badly, and he is always scratching his head, showing a look of confusion, but I have a textbook that is not bad, and since the beginning of school, my Japanese has improved a lot Progress, in a few months, I hope to understand my beloved manga.Mom can't understand that "a smart little girl like you" still reads manga, I don't bother to explain to her, just say it's anime.She thought I was absorbing the subculture, and I didn't argue with her.Simply put, I may be able to understand Taniguchi Taniguchi in a few months, that is, Taniguchi Jiro, a famous Japanese manga artist, many of his works are full of literary atmosphere, and are difficult to understand. Looking at his works is like Read a literary novel, its content is fresh, elegant and thought-provoking. --Annotated comics.But I will concentrate on doing my own thing: that is to try to finish by June 16th, because on June 16th, I will kill myself.But not seppuku.That should be meaningful and beautiful, but... uh... I don't want to suffer at all.To be honest, I hate suffering; my idea is that if we decide to die, it is because we think death is a reasonable thing, so it should be done easily.Death, that should be a gentle passage, should be a gentle slide into sleep.Some people committed suicide by jumping from the window on the fifth floor, some committed suicide by taking poison, and some committed suicide by hanging themselves!This is ridiculous!I even thought it was nasty.If not to avoid suffering, why die?And I have already imagined a way to get rid of it: every month for this year, I will take a sleeping pill from the medicine bottle beside my mother's bed.She eats a lot, and if I took one a day, she wouldn't have noticed anyway, but I decided to be extremely careful at all times.We must not let our guard down when we make a decision that is difficult to understand.We can't imagine the speed at which some people will interfere with your long-planned plans, and they will just say stupid things, such as "the meaning of life" or "the great love of mankind" and, yes, "childhood is Holy".

So, I walked quietly towards June 16th, and I was not afraid.Maybe just a little regret.But such a world means nothing to me.Then again, you can't just dawdling around like the Rotten Vegetable Gang just because you want to die.It should even be the exact opposite.The important thing is not because of death, or at what age, but what we are doing at the moment of death.In Taniguchi's comic book, the main character dies while climbing Mount Everest.And before June 16th, I no longer have the opportunity to climb K2 Peak K2, also known as Mount Godwin Austen, Mount Dapsang or Mount Chogori, It is the second highest peak in the world, with an altitude of 8,611 meters (28,251 feet), second only to Mount Everest. --Annotation and Great Jura Peak The Great Jura Peak is located at the junction of France and Italy, covered with snow all year round. --Annotation, my Mount Everest is a spiritual need.The goal I set for myself was to have as many deep thoughts as possible and write them down in a notebook: if nothing makes sense, then at least the soul needs to be purified, no?However, because I am a Japanese fan, I added a restriction: profound thoughts should be expressed in the form of short Japanese poems, three-line poems or five-line poems.

My favorite three-line poem is Matsuo Basho (Bacho Matsuo, 1644-1694), the originator of Japanese haiku. The artistic conception of Zen. --Annotated haiku. fisherman's hut shrimp jump Crickets chirp! This, not a goldfish bowl, absolutely not, this is a poem! However, in the world I live in, it is not as poetic as the hut of a Japanese fisherman.Four people live in a room of 400 square meters, while many people, perhaps including some down-and-out poets, don't even have decent housing, 15 people squeezed into a room of 20 square meters.Do you think this is normal?This summer, reports of African migrants reportedly dying when their staircases caught fire while they were trapped in dangerous buildings gave me an idea.They, the goldfish bowl, they are in the goldfish bowl all day, they can't make up stories to escape from the goldfish bowl, but my parents and Colombe think they are swimming in the ocean, because they live on 400 square meters, and they are equipped with In the big house with furniture and paintings.

So on June 16th, I plan to remind them of their sardine-like living space: I will start a fire in the apartment (with the same barbecue matches).Pay attention, I'm not a criminal, I will play it when no one is around (June 16th happens to be Saturday, every Saturday afternoon, Colombe will go to Tibel's house, Mom will do yoga, and Dad will go out to socialize , and I, stay at home by myself), I will let the cat out of the window, in order to avoid hurting innocent people, I will notify the fire department in advance.Then, taking sleeping pills, I went to my grandma's house and fell asleep quietly.

Without an apartment and a daughter, they probably think about all the dead African immigrants, don't they?