Chapter 4 Chapter 2 The Good Soldier Schweik at the Police Station

The assassination in Sarajevo had filled the police station with many hapless people, who were brought in one by one.The old inspector said happily in the interrogation room: "Ferdinand's incident must be enough for you!" They put Schweik in the prison on the second floor for interrogation.Once inside, there were already six people there; five of them sat around the table, and another middle-aged man sat on a straw mat in the corner, as if deliberately ignoring everyone. So Schweik asked them one by one why they were arrested. The five people sitting around the table said to him almost in unison: "It's because of the Sarajevo incident", "The Ferdinand incident", "It's all because of the assassination of the Grand Duke", "It's because of the Ferdinand incident" , "Because someone killed the Grand Duke in Sarajevo".

The other person who ignored everyone said: He is unwilling to deal with others because he is afraid that he will be suspected.He was only arrested for attempting to rob with violence. Schweik mingled with the group of conspirators sitting around the table, and they told each other more than ten times how they got here.All but one were arrested in inns, taverns or cafés.The exception was a very fat gentleman with spectacles and tears streaming from his eyes.He was arrested in his own home because two days before the violence in Sarajevo, he had treated two Serbian students to drinks, and then the plainclothes policeman Braques saw him go with them to the Montmartre nightclub, where he invited They had been drinking—he had signed the report admitting to that.

Schweik, after hearing their appalling stories of plots to overthrow the country, felt compelled to point out that their situation was hopeless. "We're all a mess," he began to reassure them. "You say you—or any of us—are going to be safe, but you're wrong. What does the state want the police for? It's not just to punish us gossips. The situation is so critical that even the Grand Duke has been shot, so it's nothing for people like us to be caught by the police master.They did it for the fun of it, so that it would continue to attract attention until Ferdinand's funeral.The more people we come here, the better, because when we are all together, no one will be bored. "

After speaking, Schweik stretched out his limbs on the straw mat and fell asleep contentedly. At this time, two more people were brought in.One, a Bosnian provincial, walked up and down the cell, gritting his teeth.The other newcomer was Parivitz, who, as soon as he saw his acquaintance Schweik, woke him up, and said in a voice full of sadness: "Look, I'm coming too!" Schweik shook hands with him politely, and then said: "I am very glad that you are here, from the bottom of my heart. Since the gentleman told you that he would come to pick you up, I expected that he would not miss the appointment. Thinking of It’s amazing how people keep their promises.”

But Mr. Parviz said he didn't care if they kept their promises or not, and at the same time he asked Schweik in a low voice if the other prisoners were thieves and if it would damage his business reputation. Schweik told him that, except for one who was arrested for attempting to rob with violence, the others were all for the Grand Duke's business. Schweik lay down again and fell asleep, but not for long, for after a while they came to bring him up for interrogation. So, he walked down the stairs to the third department for interrogation.He walked into the communication room with a happy face and greeted: "Good night, adults! I hope you are all healthy!"

No one answered him.Someone beat him on the ribs a few times and told him to stand in front of a table.Opposite sat a gentleman with a cold official air, who looked as fierce as if he had just jumped out of Lombroso's classic book on criminals. He cast a murderous look at Schweik, and said, "Don't play dumb!" "I can't help it," replied Schweik solemnly. "The army revoked my military registration because I was mentally unsound. A special review committee also officially declared that I was mentally unsound. I was judged by official documents to be mentally unsound—it was chronic."

"From what you've been charged with and what you've committed, you're not a fool at all," said the fierce-looking gentleman, grinding his teeth. Then he accused Schweik of a series of crimes, from treason to insulting the crown prince and the royal family.Particularly prominent in this chain of charges was the approbation of the assassination of the Grand Duke Ferdinand, from which many new charges arose, notably incitement to mutiny, since all his crimes were committed in public. of. "Is there anything else you can say to defend yourself?" the savage-looking gentleman asked triumphantly.

"You have really given me a lot of tricks," Schweik replied innocently. "But too much is not good." "So you confessed everything?" "I confess to everything. You have to be strict. If you are not strict, how can you explain it! It's like when I was in the army—" "Shut up!" cried the Commissioner of Police. "I don't ask you, you are not allowed to say a word. Do you understand?" "Master, please forgive me, I understand. I have heard every word of yours carefully." "Who do you usually hang out with?"

"A maid, sir." "Don't you have any acquaintances in politics?" "Yes, my lord. I've ordered an evening issue of the National Policy. You know, the paper that everyone calls Puppies' favorite." "Get out!" roared the savage-looking gentleman. When they were taking him out, Schweik said, "Farewell, my lord!" As soon as Schweik returned to the prison, he told all the prisoners that the interrogation was the most interesting thing. "They yelled at you a few times, and then kicked you out." After a pause, Schweik went on to say: "It was much worse in ancient times. I read a book that said that no matter whether people were For anything, you have to walk over a hot iron and drink molten lead to prove your innocence. Many people have been punished like that, and then they are cut into four pieces, or put on a belt Pillory, standing near the Museum of Natural History." "It's nice to be arrested now," Schweik went on cheerfully. "Nobody cut us in quarters, or anything like that. And got us straw mats, a table, and a seat apiece, and it wasn't packed like sardines. We got soup, There is bread to eat, and they will bring a jug of water later.

The hut is right in front of us, and all this shows how advanced the world has become.Ah, isn't it? Everything has been improved in our favor now. " He had just finished praising the improvements in prison life for modern citizens when the jailer opened the door and shouted: "Shuaik, put on your clothes and go out for interrogation!" Schweik was again standing in front of the savage-faced gentleman, who unexpectedly asked in a gruff voice: "Are you confessing everything?" Schweik stared blankly at the vicious man with his kind blue eyes, and said softly: "If your lord wants me to confess, then I will, and it won't do me any harm anyway. "

The stern gentleman wrote some words on the official document, then handed Schweik a pen and asked him to sign it. Schweik signed Brichenade's indictment, and added a sentence at the end: The above accusation against me is well-documented. When Yusef Schweik had finished signing, he turned to the stern gentleman and said: "Is there any other document for me to sign? Or do you want me to come back tomorrow morning?" The answer was: "I will take you to the criminal court tomorrow morning." "What time is it, my lord? You know, I don't want to oversleep anyway." "Get out!" This was the second shout that day from the opposite side of Schweik. He walked into the cell, and as soon as the cell door was closed, the fellow prisoners rushed to ask him questions, Schweik replied wittily: "I just confessed that the Archduke Ferdinand was probably assassinated by me." As soon as he lay down on the straw mat, he said, "It's a pity we don't have an alarm clock here." But early the next morning, without an alarm clock, they woke him up.At exactly six o'clock, a prison van took Schweik to the criminal chamber of the Provincial Legislative Court. "We are the early birds and the worms, first!" Schweik said to the people in his car when the prison car drove out of the gate of the police station. -------------------------------------------------- ⑴ Lombroso (1839-1909), an Italian criminologist.