Chapter 2 Part 1 - 1

first part I lived near Jammu and Kashmir with my parents, siblings until I was four years old.Dad works there.It was a beautiful place, surrounded by mountains and full of flowers.Later, Dad took us to Mushidabad.After staying some time, he transferred to Dalhousie, and we followed, and took up residence there.Dalhousie brings back a lot of my memories of Jammu and Kashmir.Snowflakes fell from the sky, like swarms of bees, swirling and falling gently to the ground.When it rained, I couldn't get out of the house, so I had to play inside or watch the raindrops slide off the window panes.The family loves Dalhousie and has lived there a long time.Go out for a walk every day.The flowers blooming on the hillside make people feel happy.We frolic in the flowers.Sometimes, rainbows appear in the mountains, which fills me with joy.

When Dad took us back to our uncle's house in Murshidabad again, we all shed tears.Dad rented a house and sent the kids to school.Then, he left and continued to work on his work, sending money home every month to support the family.At the beginning, the money would be sent on time, but gradually, it would only be remitted every few months.My mother feels that it will be difficult to maintain the family's expenses if this continues.Yeah, how could she not think so?After another period of time, it took a long time to receive even my father's letter. My mother wrote letters one after another, but they all fell into the sea.Dad is so far away, Mom can't go, she is very anxious.But, against all odds, she insisted that we not drop out of school.

A few years later, Dad came home once, and we were very happy.But after a month or two, he left again.For a while after that, he sent money home regularly, but soon, the same situation happened again.Mom was angry and hated, and we became her punching bag.She asked her uncle for help, but the uncle's own life is very tight, so he can't take care of us.And my sister is not young anymore, which is another concern of my mother.She turned to her dad's friends for help, but no one was equipped to carry the burden of another family.Mom also thought about getting a job, but that would mean she had to go out of the house, and before, she was reclusive.Besides, what could she do?Mom was also worried about what other people would say.But worry is never filling, is it?

One day, Dad suddenly and quietly appeared again.When Mom saw Dad, tears welled up in her eyes.We also burst into tears.The uncle and the neighbors blamed Dad and tried desperately to persuade him to stay.However, Dad didn't seem to take it seriously at all, and left us again.Mom nearly broke down.I am a little better, at least I have friends, especially Tutuer and Dolly, I can often chat with them, talk to them, and they like me very much. Not long after leaving this time, Dad wrote back to say that he would be retiring soon and could go home.We are ecstatic.But when Dad retired and came home, he was always depressed.He doesn't even want to talk to us or Mom, and throws tantrums over trivial things.We started to get a little scared of him and avoided him as much as we could—every time we saw him approaching, we just walked away.

My sister grew up day by day, and my mother couldn't let go of this concern.One day, a little uncle who lived in Garynpur wrote to say that he helped my sister find a suitable partner.As soon as my father finished reading the letter, he packed up his clothes briefly, and without saying hello to anyone, he took his sister to Garynpool.Mom was really angry this time, and she said she couldn't bear this kind of life anymore. "When will I live a peaceful life?" she asked God.My mother, who couldn't bear all this for a while, finally ran away from home one day holding my younger brother in her arms.

At first, we thought that mom had just gone to the market as usual, but two days passed and she still hadn't come back.We knew something was wrong, and one by one we all started crying.The uncle who lived nearby comforted us and said that my mother might have gone to see my uncle and would be home soon.Dad was still in Kashmir when Mom ran away from home.Four days later, he rushed home and asked his mother what message she had left when she left.We told him that Mom said she was going to the market.Dad went to his uncle's house to look for his mother, but he couldn't find her.He searched all the places where his mother might go, but he didn't see even a shadow.Now, he was as anxious as a headless fly, worried terribly, he searched everywhere he could, and there was nowhere to go.

Finally, someone suggested that Dad should go to a wise man to see if he could help.Dad really set off.He is always like this: this person makes a suggestion, he does it; that person has an idea, he turns his head away and does it right.However, he must know why his mother left, and the neighbors around him may have already guessed it.Everyone blamed him, saying that if it was just a small row, mother would not leave.We're distracted by these things, but there's nothing we can do about it.Dad was also unhappy.These troubles changed him a lot.He was also worried about his sister.My elder sister has already grown into a big girl, once my mother leaves, how can I keep her at home?In fact, my sister was not that old, about fifteen years old at the time, but my father didn't want to wait any longer.He married off his sister so that no one would gossip.

After my sister left, we realized how hard it is to live without a mother.When my sister left, she cried and said, if my mother hadn't left, it wouldn't be our turn to carry the burden. "You're sending me away," she said to her father, "but now it's your turn to take care of the younger siblings. They don't have any relatives but you." With my sister gone, our problems became serious stand up.Dad was never home, and sometimes he would give us some money so we could buy something to eat.Even so, he would tell us: "No matter what, don't forget to study." That's why life is so hard, and we didn't drop out of school.

In school, I made a good friend. Her mother often called me to her house, gave me food, and even let me live with their family.The principal also treated me very well and gave me notebooks and pencils.After my mother left, there was no one to help us with homework, so the principal asked his daughter to tutor us for free. As much as I love school, I hate home as much.I don't want to go home, no one at home will appreciate my efforts like the teacher, and it's not interesting to go back.The days when I wasn't at school felt like years, and I missed my mother and sister like crazy, and I ran out to play with my friends every chance I got.I love playing games with them so much!We played girl kabaddi, peek-a-boo, throwing handkerchiefs, and jumped as high as we wanted.The days passed like this.

I never skipped school.No one knows that I often go to school without eating a single grain of rice.I was too afraid of my father to tell him that there was nothing to eat at home.One day, a friend came to my house and waited for me to go to school together.I quickly packed up and was ready to go.My friend asked me to eat something before I left, and I blurted out: "There is no food at home." My father heard this.I didn't know he was at home at the time, otherwise I wouldn't have said it.When I got home from school that day, my dad beat me up.I lay in bed for three days before I could get out of bed and walk around, and several days before I could go to school.When the teachers and friends saw me, they all came to inquire about the situation.

When my brother was a little older, he decided to leave his father and live with his aunt.He didn't know until he got there that his aunt's family was not well-off, and he could only barely make ends meet by saving food and money.Now only my father, my brother and I are left at home.The uncle thinks that the best way to reorganize the family is to help Dad find another partner.At first, Dad rejected the uncle's suggestion, but soon, he began to think about it. The stepmother never listened to my dad, and never cooked for us on time.She often beats us for no reason, and even sows discord in front of Dad, spreading rumors and making troubles, so that we will be beaten by Dad.No matter what we said, Dad didn't want to hear it, and sometimes he didn't even want to look at us.There is nothing we can do.After the uncle learned about the situation, he called his father over and told him that before punishing the children, he should at least determine whether the children were at fault.After hearing what my uncle said, my father changed a little.Realizing that his stepmother wasn't telling him the whole truth, he started scolding her, which only made things worse at home.Once the situation became unbearable, he took his stepmother to live with her brother for a while, and her father and brother would reason with her.But once she got home, everything was back to normal.She neither cooks well nor treats us well.It was so bad that sometimes we had to try to cook our own meals, and Dad even had to do it himself.But we are still too young, and we often burn our fingers when cooking.At this time, Dad started to go out to do business, and he would leave home for two or three days each time, and when he came back, he had to listen to us complaining about not having enough food or being taken care of. Such a life day after day.Suddenly one day, my father said that he was going to Danbad to interview for a job as a driver.He told his uncle about it.Just a month later, he came back.But he didn't stay at home for a few days and left again, leaving us in the care of our uncle.However, this time he left for several months without sending a penny home.We're really in trouble. Suddenly one day, he appeared in front of us again and took our stepmother and us siblings to his residence in Dhanbad.My brother and I went back to school.Although Dad didn't buy us books and notebooks, we managed to get them.I love school and study hard.Maybe this is why I met so many teachers and classmates who placed good hopes on me in school.I don't know exactly how Dad spends his money, but I do know that he used to drink a lot, and it got worse after Mom left. We had only been in Dhanbad for a few days when Baba found a job at a factory in Tajpur.So, Baba left us at a friend's house of his and went to Dagapo.That friend was like brother and sister to him, and despite not being related to us by blood, he was really nice to us.After the living expenses left by her father ran out, she became worried: What should I do?After some deliberation, she decided that it was the most appropriate arrangement to send me and my brother to her father and my stepmother to her brother.At that time, it was the worship day of Lord Shiva.On the night of the worship day, everyone wore colorful new clothes, and there was a festive atmosphere everywhere.But it wasn't ours, and my brother and I sat on the doorstep and watched it all, crying. I was very angry with my father because of him, we had to put up with all kinds of gossip.People talked a lot: Although you have parents, you are like orphans.Dad works far away, that's why you are in this situation... Without your mother, you have no relatives! A few days after Shiva Puja, Dad came home.It was late at night and we were all asleep, but when we heard his voice, we all woke up with a start.He called my brother and me to the front and told us the good news: Mom has returned.This makes us ecstatic.I asked my father over and over again where my mother was.He said that if my brother and I wanted to see her, we had to go with him.Then, he lied to his stepmother again.He said, "I'm going to your father's house. You can meet me there by train tomorrow morning. You can't lose a moment, and you still have debts to a few people." He added, "If they see When I come back, I will definitely come to collect the debt. I don’t have a penny on me now, it’s better to go quietly.” He made up a story to her like this, and took us away.When we arrived in Dagapo, we found out that my father kept claiming that it belonged to my mother, but it turned out to be another woman.I asked my brother, "How long are we going to endure before we are tall?" He cried.Our second stepmother couldn't see it, so she took him into her arms and comforted him.It made me think that maybe we could get some maternal love from her, but the opposite was true. Dad wouldn't let our stepmother leave the house—not even to get water from the tap.If there is no water, let us fetch it.We were so afraid of Dad that we dared not say a single word of disapproval.The neighbors around us felt sorry for us, but there was nothing they could do.Now the stepmother's sister, our aunt, is a very simple and loving woman.She took good care of us.Sometimes, she would take us to her house, but Dad didn't like that.She also asked her sister to be nice to us, but our stepmom said, "What can I do? I'll just do what he says." We don't think the stepmom likes my sister taking us to her house either. Baba took us to Dagapo but said nothing about going to school.I'm used to being in school, so as soon as the chores are done, I run out with the kids who live nearby.But Dad is not happy.One day, a neighbor girl saw me crying by the side of the road and told my dad.He came to ask me why I was crying, I choked up and said, I really miss my mother, why did you lie to me that my mother is back?The current mother is not our real mother...Suddenly, my father stared at the coin in my hand and asked me what I was holding.I had no choice but to tell him that on the day my mother left, she stuffed a ten paisa coin into my hand, and every time I saw this coin, I would think of my mother. Dad was very sad when he heard this, and asked me what my brother and I wanted.I said I want to study.A few days later, he sent me to my uncle's house, saying I should stay there so I could go on to school too.But my father never thought about it for my uncle. My uncle doesn't have much money and his health is not particularly good. It is unfair to impose this burden on his shoulders.As soon as I arrived at my uncle's house, I knew that there was no way I could continue my studies, so I decided to at least find out the old friends I had met in school.First, I went to visit Tutour.She had just come home from school and was overjoyed to see me.I used to call her mother Auntie. When Auntie saw me, she greeted me warmly and quickly made some food for us both.The kind aunt reminded me of my mother, who stopped while eating.My aunt asked me if something was wrong, and I told her that if my mother was still alive, she would love and take care of me like her.However, the aunt just said: "You are right, child, but what else can you do? You can only live without a mother if you have a mother. This is your fate." After we finished eating, Tutur and I chatted, and then we went out to meet another friend, Dolly.Dolly was a pretty Brahmin girl whose father and mine were acquainted.One day, Dolly's father asked about my dad, and I told him everything.Dolly's father then had a talk with the principal.I went to school before, so the principal knew me.Then one day, Dolly's dad told me that school would be available again the next day.I am really happy, I started campus life again. But the dream didn't last long.After I moved to my uncle's house, it was difficult for my stepmother to handle all the housework alone, so she and my father came to my uncle's house and wanted to pick me up.My uncle refused to let me go: "She still has to go to school, and she is excellent in her studies, so I won't let her go." But my father insisted on taking me away, and said a lot of nasty things.In the end, the uncle had to give in, but he warned them that if it made me unhappy, they would not be able to live a good life either. They took me away from my uncle's house, and my studies were interrupted again.During those days, whether I was asleep or awake, all I could think about was study and my mother.I've heard that worrying too much can make you sick, and of course it happened to me too.Dad took me to the hospital for an examination, but the doctor couldn't diagnose the cause.Dad was worried now, and found another doctor.I told the doctor what was on my mind.The doctor was very angry when he heard this, and scolded his father. My health is slowly improving.One morning, when I woke up, I found blood all over the bed sheet, and I was so scared that I cried.I was in the hospital when the nurse heard the crying and came to see what was going on.But I was too scared to speak.The nurse saw the sheets and asked me if this had happened to me before.I replied no, and she understood why I was so scared.Some people gathered around me, smiling at me.Other patients have also told me that there is nothing to worry about and that it happens to girls as they grow up.The doctor came and said I was cured and could go home.I begged the nurse to let me stay in the hospital for a few more days, but she said I was fine and if I listened to her everything would be fine. Dad took me home.Seeing my stepmother, I thought she looked preoccupied.I went in and took a shower, and when I came out, she was staring at my blood-stained clothes.I told her about the hospital.I think she said something to Dad, because Dad looked worried too, although he didn't say anything.In fact, since then, every time I see Dad, he seems to be thinking about me, but I dare not ask Dad what he is thinking. Now, I worry about my studies again.Dad kept his mouth shut because he knew my stepmother didn't want him talking to me about it anymore, but he probably knew what I was thinking.My stepmother's behavior is often beyond my expectations.Sometimes, she loved me and my younger brother a second ago, and in the blink of an eye, she had conflicts with my father because of us, turning the home into a battlefield.Dad has changed too.He no longer scolds me, even if I make a mistake, he will simply say a few words: "You are not a child anymore, don't be frizzy anymore." He always said that I am not a child anymore, let me I started to wonder if this was true. Gradually, some signs told me that I really grew up.One day, I was sitting on a Chucky reading aloud when I accidentally looked up and saw Dad staring at me.He is listening to me reading carefully.Dad saw me looking at him, so he asked me if I would like to go to my aunt's house.I said nothing.I don't know if he thinks I'm being disrespectful to him, but he doesn't say anything.In the past, if he asked something and I didn't answer it, I would definitely get yelled at. There was a boy living in the hotel behind my house who, I think, thought I was grown up, as did Dad.Every time I sat down to read in my room, I found him looking at me through the window.If I went to get water from the faucet outside the house, he would come over and stand looking at me.One day, I found out that he was talking to my younger brother and pointing fingers at me.I think he's asking how I am.Another time, I saw him chatting with a friend who I often hang out with.Then my friends came up to me and told me they were talking about me.She asked me, "Why does that boy care so much about you?" "What's so weird about that! Everyone wants to know everything about everyone else. But don't tell my dad or I'll get beaten again." I added because she kept smiling at me like she knew something I didn't thing. This friend of mine is called Krishna.She is not tall, has fair skin, and some uneven teeth, but she is still beautiful.Her sister Mani is also a lovely little girl.The three of us took tutoring sessions together.I remember that one day the power went out, we lit an alcohol lamp and continued to study.I moved the lamp so that the hot glass shade fell onto the teacher's lap.I was terrified, thinking that the teacher would definitely sue my father, and then I would be beaten again.But the teacher didn't do that at all, he didn't say anything.Although the teacher didn't take it seriously, Krishna and Mani kept teasing me about it. The two of them must have told their father about me, because one day, their father and my father talked about my brother and me for a long time.Their father asked my father why he didn't treat the children as children. "Why do you keep scolding them?" He asked, "Let them play when they want, why not? Children want to go out, but you don't let them. They are children after all, do you have to let them hang around the housework? They want to be with you too." Go out to play like other children. You don’t even think about it. Your daughter is sick and dare not tell you. She is afraid of that. But even if she tells you, how can it be better? She also understands this. Think about it Look, isn't that so?"