Chapter 6 Sarah

raining. I thought it was not a good sign that it was raining heavily in the morning.I hurriedly picked up the cue card on my desk, hoping to look a little more professional.Who am I trying to fool?I'm not a lawyer, not professional enough.I'm just a mom, and I don't even do my job justice. "Mrs. Fitzgerald?" the judge urged me. I take a deep breath and look down at the jumbled words written on the stack of cue cards I'm clutching.I stood up, cleared my throat, and began to read aloud: "In this country, we have a long legal history of allowing parents to make decisions for their children. The judges also agreed that that is included in the constitutional right to privacy of citizens." .All the testimony we heard in this courtroom..."Suddenly there was a thunderbolt, and all my cards fell to the floor.I knelt down and hurriedly picked up my cards, but now they were out of order.I tried rearranging the cards, but none of the sentences seemed to make sense.

Oh hell!Anyway, that's not what I have to say. "Your Honor," I asked, "may I do it all over again?" When he nodded, I turned my back on him and walked over to my daughter.She sat next to Campbell. "Anna," I said, "I love you. I loved you before I saw you. I know I love you because I'm a mother. I should know all the answers, but I don't. Every day I I wonder if I'm doing the right thing. I wonder if I know my little ones as well as I think I do. I wonder if I'm too busy caring for Kate to do what being your mom should do for you."

I took a few steps forward, "I know, as long as there is a slight possibility of healing Kate, I will hold on to it, but that is the only way I know how to do it. And even if you don't agree with my approach, Even if Kate disagrees, I will still be the mother who tells you I told you so. Ten years from now, I want to see a baby sitting on your lap, or in your arms, because by then , you can understand what it feels like to be a mother. I have a sister, so I know the fair relationship between sisters: you want your siblings to have the same things as you—the same number of toys; Minced meat; the same amount of love. But being a mother is totally different. You want more of your child than you ever had. You want to build a fire under her and watch her fly high. Words can't describe it. "I put one hand on my chest, "I still try to be fair in my heart."

I turned to Judge Desarro, "I don't want to come to court, but I have to. It's a legal mechanism, and if a plaintiff takes action, even if he's your child, you have to respond. So I'm forced to explain, argue, why I'm sure I know better than Ana what is best for her. It's not that easy to explain what you think is right when you have to. If you say what you believe is true you mean It could be one or two things -- you'll still evaluate what works, or accept the facts completely. Logically, how can a word have contradictory interpretations, but emotionally, it's totally possible. Because sometimes, I think I What I did was right, but sometimes, I would reflect on whether every step I took was wrong afterwards.

"Even if today's verdict is in my favor, I can't force Ana to donate a kidney. No one can force her. But would I beg her? Would I beg her even if I wanted to stop myself? I don't know, and Kate After talking and hearing Anna's testimony, I still don't know. I'm not sure what to believe, I never knew. I know, there are only two things that are out of the question: This lawsuit is not about donating a kidney... It's about choice. No one really wants to make up their own minds, even if a judge gives them the right." Finally, I confronted Campbell, "I was a lawyer a long time ago, but I'm not a lawyer anymore. I'm a mother, and what motherhood has to do for the past eighteen years has been much harder than what I've ever done in court. Mr. Alexander, when the trial first started, you said none of us were obligated to go into a fire and get someone out of a burning building. But if you're a parent and it's your child in the fire, Then you have a different mentality. In that situation, if you run in and save your child, not only will people understand, they will actually respect you."

I take a deep breath, "my life is like a building on fire, one of my daughters is inside, and the only chance to save her is to put my other daughter in, because she's the only one who knows the way. do i know i'm taking a risk Of course I do. Do I know that could cause me to lose two children at the same time? Yes, I know. Do I know that it might be unfair to ask her to do it? I definitely know! But I also know that it is The only chance I have to keep them both. Is that legal? Is it ethical? Is it a crazy, stupid, or cruel idea? I don't know. But, I wholeheartedly believe it's right!"

After I finished speaking, I returned to my seat.The rain was beating on the window to my right.I wonder if the rain will ever abate.