Chapter 10 Chapter nine

We went back very late that day.After leaving the construction site, we went back to the beach and walked along the sand until Savannah started yawning.I walked her home and we kissed goodbye on the porch, surrounded by moths flying around the lights. Even though I kept thinking about Savannah the day before, it was nothing compared to the day after, I was so obsessed that I couldn't think about anything else, but it felt different.I found myself giggling for no reason, and even Dad found out when he got home from get off work.Dad didn't say anything - I certainly didn't expect him to, but when Dad was about to cook the lasagna and I tapped him on the shoulder, he didn't startle him anymore.The conversation at the dinner table was all about Savannah, and Pa wandered into the study a few hours later.I didn't say anything, but I think Dad was very happy for me, even glad that I was willing to share my happiness.I'm pretty sure it's because when I got home from a trip later, I found a plate of freshly baked peanut cookies on the kitchen table, with a note next to it saying there was plenty of milk in the fridge to go with it.

I took Savannah out for ice cream and then took her to the sights in Wilmington.Walking along the street, passing one store after another, I found that Savannah was very interested in antiques.Later I took her to see the battleship, but it didn't take long for me to leave.Savannah is right, watching big ships is boring.Then I took Savannah home and sat her by the campfire with the others. For the next two nights, Savannah will come to my house instead.Dad was in charge of cooking dinner for two days.On the first night, Savannah didn't ask about the coin at all, and the conversation was difficult to continue.Dad mostly just listened. Although Savannah tried to maintain a happy attitude and tried to pull Dad into our conversation, but because of habit, we talked about ourselves in the end, and Dad concentrated on eating.When Savannah left, her brow was furrowed. I didn't want to feel that her first impression had changed, but I'm sure it was inevitable.

But to my surprise, Savannah said she would come over the next day. This time, Savannah and Dad stayed in the study to discuss coins.Watching them from the sidelines, I wondered what Savannah would think of this familiar pattern of getting along.At the same time, I also hope that Savannah will be more considerate than I used to be.By the time we're gone, I know there's nothing to worry about.On the drive back to the beach, Savannah radiantly discussed Dad's affairs, especially praising him for how well he had raised me.I'm not quite sure how to interpret her comment, but I'm relieved to see that Savannah seems to accept Dad.

By that weekend, I was a regular at the big beach house.Most people know what my name is, although they are still not interested in me, but that's because they are too tired during the day.At seven or eight o'clock in the evening, most people are crowded in the living room to watch TV, instead of drinking or flirting on the beach like before.Everyone looked tanned and the blisters on their fingers were taped up with OK bandages. Saturday night, with extra energy for the weekend, I arrived just in time to watch a group of people unload crates of beer from the back of a pickup truck.I helped them move the boxes into the house, and I was shocked to realize that since I met Savannah, I have almost never drank alcohol.Like last weekend, the grills outside were firing up meat and we ate by the campfire.Take a walk on the beach after dinner.I carry a beach towel, picnic basket full of goodies for the night for a late night snack.Lying down on the beach, the two of us stared at the stars, watching the white tails of shooting stars streak across the night sky.It was one of those perfect nights, breezy, neither too hot nor too cold, and we talked and kissed for hours under the stars before falling asleep in each other's arms.

On Sunday morning, the sun began to rise over the sea.I sat up next to Savannah and watched the morning light on her face, her hair spread like a fan on the blanket.With Savannah resting one hand on her chest and the other over her head, all I could think of was, I wish I could be like this for the rest of my life, waking up next to her every morning. Then we went to church together again.Even though we didn't have a word with Tim all week, he was so energetic and friendly.Tim asked me again if I wanted to help build the house, and I replied that I'm closing next Friday so I don't know how much I can help.

"I think you're scaring him," Savannah said, smiling at Tim. "At least I tried." Tim threw up his hands in surrender. That week was probably my happiest.My affection for Savannah only increased, but as the days passed, I also began to get irritable, knowing that it was almost over.When I get anxious, I try to push the feeling away, but by Sunday night, I'm barely getting any sleep.I can only toss and turn on the bed, thinking about Savannah, trying to imagine that when I return to the camp after leave, I know that Savannah is on the other side of the sea, surrounded by men, and there are people like me who have a special feeling for Savannah. Feelings.

When I got to the beach house on Monday night, I couldn't find where the Savannah was.I asked someone to knock on the door of her room, but no one answered; I tried every bathroom, but no one was there.Savannah wasn't on the back patio, nor was she with the group on the beach. I walked down the beach, asking people, and getting mostly nonchalant shrugs.Some didn't even know she was there, and finally a girl, not sure if her name was Sandy or Cindy, pointed to the beach and said someone had seen Savannah walking that way an hour earlier. It took me a long time to find Savannah.I walked up and down the beach, and finally my attention shifted to the pier near the house.A gut feeling tells me to climb the ladder.Ears listened to the crashing of the waves below.When I saw Savannah, I thought she was here to watch dolphins or watch people surf.Savannah sits with her hands on her knees, her back against a post.When I got closer, I realized she was crying.

When I see girls crying, I really don't know what to do.Honestly, it doesn't matter who cries.My dad never cried, and if he did, I never saw him cry.The last time I cried was probably in third grade, falling from a tree house and twisting my wrist.In the military I've seen big men cry and I usually just pat them on the back and let someone more experienced take over. Before I could decide what to do next, Savannah saw me.She wiped away tears quickly, her eyes were red and swollen, and I heard Savannah take a deep breath trying to calm down.The bag I rescued from the sea was between her legs.

"Are you okay?" "No." Savannah replied, and my heart flinched. "Want to be alone?" Savannah thought about it, and finally said, "I don't know." I continued to stand there, bewildered. Savannah sighed. "I'll be fine." I nodded, putting my hands in my pockets. "Do you want me to go away and leave you alone?" I asked again. "Do I have to answer?" I hesitated and said, "Yes." Savannah smiled sadly. "Stay here, actually, it would be better if you could come and sit with me." I sat down next to Savannah for a moment of indecision, then wrapped my arms around her shoulders.We sat for a while without speaking.Savannah slowly adjusted her breathing, gradually calmed down, and stopped sobbing.She wiped away the tears that kept streaming down her cheeks.

After a while, Savannah said, "I bought you something. I hope you don't mind." I mumbled, "Of course not." Savannah sniffled, "You know when I come here What are you thinking?" Savannah didn't wait for my answer. "I thought about how we met, and the first night we talked, and you flashing your tattoos, and looking at Randy with a savage look, and our first time surfing, and you looking dumb in surprise... ..." Savannah couldn't continue, I hugged her waist. "Sounds like a compliment!" Savannah tried to pull herself together and gave me an uncertain smile, but with little success. "I remember everything from the first few days. And the next week. Talking with your dad, going to eat ice, even seeing that stupid boat." "I won't take you again Go." I promised Savannah.But she interrupted me with her hands up.

"Let me finish. Also, you're missing the point, I'm going to say how much I love every second of being with you, and I didn't expect it myself. That's not what I came for , as if I didn't come here to fall in love with you, or as if I didn't come here to fall in love with your father." I was shocked and didn't speak. Savannah tucked locks of hair back behind her ears. "You have a great dad, it's been amazing that he raised you, although I know you don't think so, and..." Savannah looked at the end of my words, I shook my head and asked in confusion, "Is this Is that why you're crying? Because of how I feel about my dad?" "No! Are you even listening?" Savannah paused, as if trying to sort out her disorganized thoughts. "I don't want to fall in love with anyone. I'm not ready. I've fallen in love with others before and I messed up myself. I know it's different this time, but in a few days you're leaving and it's all over and I'm It's going to be the same mess as last time." "We don't need to end!" I protested loudly. "But it will be like this. I know we can write letters, we can talk on the phone. We can see each other when you come back from vacation, but it won't be the same as it is now. I will never see your overwhelmed expression again, and we can't lie in bed Watching the stars on the beach, unable to face each other, sitting and sharing feelings and secrets. I can no longer feel you holding me, like now." I stopped to start, and there was a sudden sense of frustration and panic in my heart, Savannah said Every thing is right. "When I was shopping in the bookstore today, I was looking for a book to give to you. When I found it, I stood there and imagined your reaction to the book. It occurred to me that, in fact, in a few more I can see you when I'm young and then I can know, and I feel at ease just thinking about it. Knowing that if you're upset, we can talk it out face to face. That's what I'm sitting here thinking about. If we're together , anything is possible." Savannah hesitated for a moment, then continued. "But that won't be possible anytime soon. From the time we met, I knew you'd only be here for a few weeks, but I didn't know it was so hard to say goodbye." "I don't want to say goodbye either." I said softly Turn Savannah's face toward me. Beneath our feet, we heard the waves lapping against the stakes.A flock of seagulls flew overhead, and I leaned in and gave Savannah a kiss so soft I could barely feel it.Savannah's breath smells like cinnamon and mint, making me think again about applying the tune back. I hoped to distract Savannah from thinking about such an unpleasant thing, so I quickly hugged her and pointed to the bag. "What book did you buy me?" Savannah seemed completely offended at first, but suddenly remembered what she had just said. "Oh yeah, I think it's about time." From the way she said it, I knew she wasn't buying Ciason's latest masterpiece.I continued to wait, but Savannah avoided my gaze. "If I give you the book," Savannah said in a serious voice, "you have to make sure you really know how to read it." "Of course." "I'm not sure what to think," I promise." Savannah still He hesitated to speak.Then he reached for the bag and took out the book.When she handed it to me, I read the title.At first I really didn't know how to respond, this book - more like a textbook, is about autism and Asperger's syndrome.I have heard of these two terms, and my understanding should be similar to that of ordinary people. In other words, I know very little. "It was written by one of my professors," Savannah continued. "She was the best teacher I had in college. The classes were always full, and students who didn't make it would come to ask questions. This teacher An expert on developmental disorders of all kinds, and one of the few academics who specializes in adult developmental abnormalities." "Interesting." I didn't even try to hide my complete disinterest. "I think you can learn something." Savannah continued to preach. "I'm sure of that. This book looks like it's data-rich." "Not only that," Savannah's voice was calm, "I hope you read this book for your dad, and for your relationship. mode." For the first time, I felt my whole body stiffen. "What does that have to do with me?" "I'm no expert," Savannah said, "but for two semesters with this professor, this book was required reading, and I previewed it every night. Like I Say, this teacher has interviewed over three hundred adults with developmental abnormalities." I pulled my arm back. "Then?" I knew Savannah could hear the tension in my voice because she was looking at me with concern. "I know I'm just a student, but in the lab, I spent a lot of time with kids with Asperger's, and I also had the opportunity to interact with some adult patients that the professor visited." Savannah knelt in front of me Come down, put your hand on my arm. "My father is very similar to some of these patients." I think I already know what Savannah is trying to say, but for some reason, I want her to say it directly. "What does that mean?" I asked, forcing myself not to stop. Savannah answered slowly, "I think your father may have Asperger's." "My dad is not mentally handicapped." "I didn't say that. Asperger's is a developmental disorder." " I don't care what that is," my voice grew louder, "my dad is fine, he raised me, commuted to and from get off work, paid my bills on time. My dad was married." "Asperger's I can also live a good life." When Savannah said this, I thought of what she said before. "Wait a minute..." I tried to remember what she said, thinking my mouth was dry. "Before you said that my dad raised me wonderfully." "Yeah, I really think so." I finally figured out why she said that, and I couldn't help tightening my jaw and staring at Savannah, as if Looking at her for the first time. "That's because you think my dad is like 'Rain Man.' You think he's amazing because you think he's not normal." "No...you don't understand. Asperger's has several degrees, from mild to To severe..." I barely heard what she said. "And you say you respect my dad for the same reason, not because you really like him." "No, wait a minute..." I don't start standing up, suddenly desperately needing to be alone.I walked over to the rail opposite Savannah, thinking that she was always visiting Dad...not because she wanted to spend time with him, but just because she wanted to study him. With a knot in my stomach, I turned to face Savannah. "That's why you came to my house, right?" "What?" "Not because you like my dad, but because you want to prove your theory." "No..." "Stop lying!" I yelled . "You're just sitting with my dad and pretending to be interested in his coins while you're actually assessing my dad's condition like you're watching a monkey in a lab." "That's not it!" Savannah said, Standing up, "I respect your dad a lot..." "Because he thinks he's not normal, but he can overcome difficulties, right?" I growled loudly, helping her finish the sentence, "Yeah, I finally understand." " No, you'll get it wrong, I like your dad very much..." "That's why we're doing this little experiment, right?" My expression was angry, "Look, I must have forgotten your habits, you said That's what you do when you like someone. Are you going to tell me this?" Savannah shook her head. "No!" She looked like she was questioning herself for the first time, her lips quivering.When she spoke again, her voice was trembling and unsteady. "You're right, I shouldn't have done that. But I just want you to know your dad." "Why?" I took a step closer, feeling my muscles tense. Raised, remember? I lived with him." "I just wanted to help," Savannah said, looking down at the ground, "I just wanted you to actually talk to him." "I didn't ask for your help, I And don't want your help. What the fuck is this about your fucking business?" Savannah wiped away a tear as she turned her head. "It's none of my business," she said in a barely audible voice, "I thought you wanted to know." "Know what?" I continued to demand. "Know that you think there's something wrong with my dad? Know that I shouldn't expect to communicate normally with my dad? Know that if you want to talk to him, you can only talk about coins?" , and caught a glimpse of several nearby fishermen turning to look at us.It was probably a good thing that my eyes kept them away.Savannah and I continued to stare at each other. I didn't expect her to answer, and honestly, she better not.I'm still trying to digest the fact that Savannah's spending time with Dad is just her puzzle game. "Perhaps," Savannah said. Blinking, not sure what I heard. "What?" "You heard that." Savannah shrugged slightly. "Maybe that's really the only topic, maybe it's the only thing he can respond to." My hands clenched into fists. "You mean to look at me?" Although she didn't expect her to answer, she did. "I don't know." Savannah turned to me, tears in her eyes, but her voice was surprisingly steady. "So I bought the book so you could read it. Like you said, you know your dad better than I do, and I never said he wasn't normal and couldn't live, but that's clearly the case. But When you think about it, the same schedule, not looking at each other when talking, no social life at all..." I pulled away, wanting to vent my anger, anything. "Why are you doing this?" I whispered. "Because if I were you, I would want to know why. I don't say this to hurt you or insult your father. I want you to know him better." Savannah's frank attitude made me understand painfully To her is serious.Even so, I don't care.I turned and walked away to the pier, just wanting to get out of there, out of Savannah. "Where are you going? John, wait!" I heard Savannah yell. I pretended not to hear, and continued to speed up my pace, and soon reached the steps of the pier.I stomped up, across the sand, and continued in the direction of the house.I don't know if Savannah is running after me, but as I approach the crowd, everyone turns to me.I know I look pissed off.Randy, beer in hand, must have seen Savannah approaching, because he stepped in front of me and blocked me, as did a few of his friends. "What's going on?" Randy called out, "What happened to Savannah?" I ignored him and continued walking, and Randy grabbed my wrist. "Hey, I'm talking to you." That's not a smart move.Randy smelled of alcohol on his breath, and I knew it was the guts that made him dare. "Let go." I said. "Is she okay?" Randy asked again. "Let go," I said again, "or I'll break your hand." "Hey, what's going on?" I heard Tim say behind me. "What did you do to Savannah?" Randy demanded, "Why is she crying? Did you bully her?" Adrenaline rushes through the blood. "Final warning." I remind Randy. "Don't do this!" Tim yelled, his voice closer this time, "Don't be impulsive, calm down!" I felt someone grab me from behind, and everything that followed was a gut reaction. The end happens within seconds.I bent my elbow back and pushed it hard against the man's heart, and immediately heard a moan, and then I grabbed Randy's hand and twisted it so hard that it almost broke.Randy screamed and got on his knees, and then someone rushed over, I swung my elbow, and immediately felt the impact, followed by the sound of cartilage breaking.I turned around, ready to continue the challenge. "What are you doing!" I heard Savannah scream.Seeing what happened, she must have rushed all the way. Randy is lying on the sand, clutching his wrists in convulsions; whoever grabbed me from behind is now on the ground panting. "You wounded him!" Savannah sobbed as she rushed past me, "He was trying to break a fight!" I turned around and saw Tim lying on the ground with his hands covering his face, blood dripping from his fingers.The sight seemed to terrify everyone but Savannah.She knelt down beside Tim. Tim moaned, and although his heart was still beating fast, I felt a big hole in my stomach.Why Tim?I wanted to go over and see how he was doing and tell him I didn't mean to and the whole thing wasn't my fault.Not that I started it first.But who starts is not the point, at least not right now.I can't pretend to think that these people will let it go, I just hope it never happened.I started backing away, barely hearing Savannah's worried voice.I watched everyone with wary eyes, not wanting to hurt anyone; they all backed away and let me go. "Oh my God, no...you're bleeding...we've got to get you a doctor..." I backed away, turned and climbed the steps, quickly across the house and back to the car.When I came back to my senses, I was already driving on the street.For the rest of the night, I could only curse myself for what I had done.