Chapter 7 witnessed

From September to October, although two or three typhoons approached the Japanese archipelago, they all disappeared into the sea to the east before making landfall. After entering October, it didn't take long before finally ushered in the crisp autumn days. Perhaps it coincides with the weather?No, although it had nothing to do with the weather conditions, Shogo's surroundings were also peaceful. The biggest reason is that the counterattack from his wife that Shogo had been dreading and worrying for a long time did not happen at all. The wife broke into the hospital to see Shiori, and confirmed the woman who had a close relationship with her husband from earrings and other items.At the same time, the wife and the head nurse also passed the breath, so the wife must know that Shiori is his lover.

If this is the case, the matter will never be left as it usually is.Shogo realized that the coming of an overwhelming storm seemed inevitable. However, the wife didn't say anything, as if she had forgotten about Shiori.Exactly the same as before, calmly doing housework and taking care of Shogo's daily necessities. Although his wife's attitude is not more enthusiastic than before, it is not so cold. If there is anything that is different, it is only one.That is, no matter how late I came home at night, or how drunk I was, my wife neither complained nor showed an unhappy face.This is not so much harmony and tranquility as it is more appropriate to say that the wife is indifferent to herself.

In a sense, it is more convenient to do everything because I am freer than before, but Shogo always feels empty. Is it because the wife lost the courage to fight with Shiori after seeing Shiori himself?There were two meetings between his wife and Shiori.First came the X-ray of the waist.The second time was when I stopped by the hospital to deliver flowers on the way back from the flower arrangement class.At that time, my wife went home alone without seeing me.Could it be that because of these two meetings, the wife felt powerless and completely surrendered in the face of women younger than herself?

However, will the arrogant wife admit defeat hastily?Unbelievable. Shouldn't the wife pretend to be honest now, and then look for opportunities to fight back?Although it seems calm on the surface at present, it is obviously too early to make people feel relieved. Just as a sudden typhoon on a clear autumn day will bring even greater disasters, maybe my wife will suddenly erupt and deal us a fatal blow at any time. Shogo warned himself while watching his wife's movements. Even so, if you really want to know what your wife is thinking, you can only read her diary.As long as you read the diary, you will naturally see clearly whether this peace is real or not.

Anyway, I still want to read the diary.Shogo searched hard for various opportunities, but on the weekends he had to make impromptu medical visits, golf, and a date with Shiori, etc., so he couldn't spare time. After half a month of this, on the second Sunday in October, starting in the afternoon, I was going to attend the football training camp, so my wife went out together. The long-awaited opportunity finally arrived. Just like understanding Shogo's mood, the diary under the wife's mattress gave the husband an exact answer. September 25 (Monday) 22:30 "Mom, hey, mom..."

I was awakened suddenly by my daughter's cry, and when I looked back, the water in the pot was about to overflow, so I hurriedly turned off the fire on the stove. "Ah! You're back. I'm sorry. What's the matter?" "It's again..." The daughter who pursed her lips and sighed was standing next to me. "I think mom has been a little weird lately." When my daughter came home from school after school, she stood there, looking at my face while grabbing the snacks on the dining table.I said that eating like this doesn't look good, so my daughter sat down on the chair impatiently.

"Why?" I asked my daughter. "Every time I talk to my mother, my mother always looks restless, as if thinking about something..." As soon as the daughter said this, the son with the remote control of the game console in his hand also came out from the next room to join in the fun. "Yes, Mom, I've been in a daze lately. Right, sister?" "Shut up too, when are you going to play the game console!" I reprimanded involuntarily.The daughter protected her younger brother, peeped into my face and said: "Too true. My mother is getting angry at every turn lately...why?"

"Don't worry about mom, go and change your uniform!" Finally sent away the daughter.Thinking about it, it is true that I haven't had a serious conversation with the children recently. My mind is full of my husband and that woman all day, and I am naturally absent-minded when talking to the children.On the one hand, I feel that this cannot be done, but on the other hand, I often get emotional and lose my temper involuntarily because of some small things. The seemingly quiet wife on the surface, did not expect to be so easily swayed by emotions!I didn't even think that my wife would vent her anger on the children. The children are indeed very pitiful.

In any case, this situation is obviously caused by the fact that after seeing Shiori, his wife understood the relationship between Shiori and herself.Thinking of these Shogo couldn't help but feel very sad. September 27 (Wednesday) 23:20 I haven't been able to sleep since I met her.In order not to be discovered by my husband, I went to a nearby pharmacy and bought sleeping pills. I drink water every day just to quench my thirst. As a result, I lost three kilograms in a week. After I shower, I scrub myself and look at myself in the bathroom mirror.The collarbone fossa sank deep as if it had been gouged out by a knife, the shoulders lost their former roundness, and the bones began to stand out.At the same time, the ribs can be seen under the breasts on both sides, just these, like an old woman.

Because of giving birth, there are many white earthworm-shaped stretch marks on the lower abdomen; perhaps because of breastfeeding the child, the breasts have also drooped down.Under no circumstances should you be naked in front of other people. Although menopause may be five or ten years later, for a woman, it has to be said that she has entered a desperate age. If it is said that this body that has lost its youth is the reason for the husband to slide towards a young woman, then the price of giving birth to a child for the husband is too great. Is it because of male instinct that men desire the bodies of young women?Is this why men rule the roost?

If this is the case, can a man just close his eyes and not look at a woman who has lost his youth?No, instead of that, they might as well just rent out part of their male body to young females, which may be a better option. As a husband and wife for many years, the long-term co-living has formed a spiritual interdependence and a sense of security.Such accumulating and carnal enjoyment are matters of a completely different nature and should be considered separately.If I can think this way, I won't be restless or sullen about my husband's affair at any time. Even if the relationship between the woman and her husband has continued, from the perspective of our relationship as husband and wife, it is only a short moment. No matter how young the woman is, it is only a play for the husband.Because it's just an affair, you should turn a blind eye and let time dilute it as if nothing had happened. Now, although the husband is keen on the young woman, I have nothing to lose as a wife... It seems that his wife regards his relationship with Shiori as just an accidental affair, and there is nothing he can do about it. If my wife really thinks so, I will naturally welcome her here.I have no intention of abandoning my wife and this family because of my affair with Shiori. I just hope this stage sets me free. My wife seems to have lost confidence in her own body, but it's the same for me as a man.In order to sustain what little self-confidence I had, I pursued the young Shiori.As the wife felt it too, it didn't come from reason, it was just a man's instinct. Shogo nodded alone, talking to himself, and then turned to the next page. September 28 (Thursday) 24:00 Despite all kinds of troubles, you can't just sit by and do nothing.Even though I am not young anymore, as a wife, I have my self-confidence and arrogance. At noon, I took the flower arrangement from Platinum's flower arrangement classroom, and went to the hospital under the pretext of sending flowers. At one o'clock in the afternoon, I reckoned that all the patients in the hospital in the morning had been seen, so I walked into the waiting room with the flower arrangement I took out of the box. The woman suddenly stood up and greeted me: "Ma'am, you are here, I have been waiting for you." Because she had agreed to arrive at one o'clock in the afternoon, she was waiting for me.She is still so pretty. "Well, I want this flower to decorate here." I handed the flower arrangement over. "Ah, what a lovely gerbera flower! I like it very much." Like young girls nowadays, she said quickly. "Really? This month's flower arrangement has no sense of the season, it's very bad!" I couldn't help but tingle with my words. "Where, Madame's flower arrangements are always beautiful." She flattered. It sounds good on the surface, but I must be laughing at me in my heart, thinking that I don't know anything.When I think of this, the anger that I have been trying to suppress rises spontaneously. "Then I'll take it," she said. Because it was a break at noon, she seemed to be planning to leave after taking the flower arrangement.I saw no one else in the waiting room, so I ordered her: "Hey, clean this up!" I picked up the flower arrangements and vases that were adorning the middle of the waiting room, and handed them directly to her chest. The wife just said that there is no way for her husband to have an affair, but to let it go.It didn't take long, however, and now it became intolerable again. Not only that, but his wife came to the hospital alone to meet Shiori regardless of her dignity.And even brought flowers to ask for trouble, what exactly does it mean? Is a woman's resentment so persistent and terrifying?The diary of the same day continues: I'm afraid she must have been unhappy then.However, she only showed a puzzled expression for a moment, and then she smiled and replied "Got it", then took the vase and walked into the registration office. I whispered to her back in a clearly audible voice: "Your earrings are beautiful and match you very well." For a moment, I felt her shoulders tremble, and immediately turned around and said softly: "Thank you!" Then she walked away quickly. For her, she was finally freed from the predicament, and perhaps she breathed a sigh of relief. However, I clearly noticed.Today, too, she smells of lovely cherry blossom perfume and is intentionally wearing earrings that my husband gave her. In addition, when receiving the bouquet, the nails of both of her outstretched hands were painted with bright red nail polish. The gorgeous nails are too dazzling, which is not in harmony with her pure and lovely face.Moreover, patterns similar to ribbons and heart-shaped decorations are painted on the nails. These are not consistent with the image of women who are engaged in reception work at the registration office.People who are engaged in medical work should be more simple, and their image should be more beautiful and tidy. I'm surprised.At this time, the head nurse came over to thank me: "Madam, thank you for sending flowers." I nodded slightly and said, "The person in charge of registration has red nails, isn't it too colorful?" The head nurse turned around and glanced at the registration office where no one was there, bowed her head and apologized to me, saying, "I'm sorry, I must pay attention in the future." Will the head nurse really talk about her?If it doesn't work, the husband who is the dean should tell her clearly. Indeed, my wife once mentioned about Shiori's red nail polish.That was when I ate slices of toast for breakfast in the morning before going to the hospital.This incident is also recorded in the diary. September 29 (Friday) 23:30 Early in the morning, after seeing off the children, I casually said to my husband, who was having breakfast: "Well, the woman at the registration desk is very pretty." I felt a twitch in the shoulders of my husband, who was sitting with his back to me, but he said nothing. "That lady is also in charge of the medical insurance bills, right?" The husband still didn't answer.However, he stopped eating bread and started drinking coffee in a panic. "I sent flowers to the hospital yesterday and had a chat with her. It was a surprise to see the girl with red nails." The husband finally gave a dry cough, but remained silent. This attitude of refusal to answer is just the evidence that the husband admits that the woman is "her".Things have developed to this point, and there is no need to worry about anything. "Working in a hospital, you must give the impression of cleanliness..." Suddenly, the husband turned his back and replied: "The registration office is not directly involved in treating patients, so there's no need to be so picky, right?" "The registration office is the face of the hospital. That girl has such bright nail polish that the patients will be amazed." He appeared silent again.I simply say: "If it's inconvenient for you to speak, shall I ask the head nurse to speak?" Upon hearing this, my husband finally turned around, glared at me and said: "I'm afraid that's not what you should say!" "But it's really not good to go on like this..." I don't know if it's because my husband thought I didn't know that woman was my husband's lover, or because my husband felt that it's not good to continue arguing like this clumsily.Anyway, he stopped eating suddenly, got up and went back to his room. I kept looking at him, and I saw him hastily put on the clothes for going out, picked up the leather bag, said "I'm leaving", and went out without looking back. At this time, the wife already clearly knew that "Shiori is the husband's lover". "Too careless, too careless." Shogo continued to read the diary of the same day while talking to himself. If you want to say what is the most troublesome thing for a full-time wife?That is, a person spends too much time at home, so it is inevitable to be prone to cranky thoughts. Mopping the floor, doing the laundry, tidying up, watering the flowers, washing the dishes, etc., is especially true when doing these chores that you have become familiar with through years of habit. Although I tried my best to forget it, the image of the woman with the hideously pretty face wrapping her hands around her husband's neck with her bright red nails and clinging to him coquettishly always came before my eyes. If I have a job outside, or if I am busy with the work at hand, or chatting with my colleagues, it may be able to resolve and regulate my emotions. However, full-time wives cannot do this.When encountering troubles, the best way to dispel them is to chat with a few more intimate friends.But some family matters, such as conflicts within the family, are family scandals no matter how they are concealed, and cannot be easily discussed with others. I was relatively free in the afternoon, so I suddenly wanted to visit the Tokyu Department Store in Shibuya, which is a famous store that sells a variety of high-quality brand-name products. Because most of the things can be bought near Hiroo, I only go shopping in high-end department stores once a month. According to the shopping list I wrote in advance, I searched for it according to the map, hurriedly bought it and left.So what happened suddenly today? Originally, I went out to relax and adjust my mood, but when I was about to go home, I unknowingly bought all kinds of shopping bags, and I couldn’t lift them in both hands, so I had to leave some of them in the product storage place.Moreover, none of the things I bought this time were for my family, almost all of them were for myself. "Since my husband does as he pleases, I will indulge myself." "Since my husband can buy jewelry from Tiffany's high-end gemstone store for that woman, it's nothing for me to buy these things." Not that little girl..." Muttering to myself, I paid for everything I bought with my husband's credit card.When my husband saw the total amount of shopping this time, he didn't know how he felt. This is the first time for me to go shopping like this.Even I found it incredible, and I remembered a sentence I heard somewhere: "Lonely women like shopping." Originally, I was a person who did not have a strong desire to shop. Could it be that the hunger and thirst of my soul prompted me to shop in such a large amount? Such a self is really pathetic. How much money did the wife buy?You only need to look at the list of credit cards to know, but so what?Because the cause is on my side, I can't say anything. However, the wife should still be reminded that shopping should not be too frequent. "Lonely women love to shop." It's such a good saying.However, it feels really sad.I really hope that my wife will not consider the problem too complicated, but will this work for a wife with a delicate personality and blood type A? September 30 (Saturday) 23:30 At noon, I met the head nurse at the hotel at the west exit of Shinjuku and had lunch together.After dinner, the head nurse gave me a note with the address of a woman named Xiang Tian at the hospital registration office. "Thank you! How long will it take from this address to the hospital?" "There is only one stop by tram. If you walk, I heard that 15 or 16 minutes is enough." It seems to be a high-end apartment.Young people may not be able to live in such a convenient place in the center of Tokyo.Could it be that her husband pays her rent? "That girl is striking, isn't she?" "Well, yes. She doesn't seem to care too much, though." The head nurse hesitated for a moment, and said as if she mustered up her courage: "However, some people seem to be suspicious..." Hearing this, I felt restless in my mind. As the hospital operator, the dean has an improper relationship with the female staff of the unit. If people know about this, the discipline will be disturbed, and the authority of the dean will be greatly reduced.Perhaps seeing the change in my face, the head nurse hastily persuaded me to explain: "However, as you can see, she is relatively simple and not a bad person." Based on her relationship with her husband, can it be said that she is not a bad person?I shook my head.The head nurse bowed her head honestly and said: "It hasn't been an issue at the moment...but I'll make sure to bring her to her attention." "Keep an eye on her! If anything happens, please contact me immediately." In short, it has come to this point, maybe the only way is to force the husband to dismiss the woman. Ah, my wife even knows Shiori's address. Shogo felt that the search network against him was getting tighter and tighter, and he couldn't help but let out a sigh. Can you really pass the level this time?No matter what I think here, it is useless. The initiative in this matter lies entirely with my wife, and there is nothing I can do. October 1 (Sunday) 23:30 I still couldn't sleep last night, and it was almost dawn when I opened my eyes. I lay on the bed with my eyes closed.I don't know whether I am dreaming or awake, and I am trapped in a hallucination and fantasy. Even in the daytime, I often feel dizzy and often see stars when I stand up.Extremely weak both physically and mentally. To my husband who came home very late at night, I originally planned not to say anything, but I couldn't help but say a few words. I am restless and unable to control my emotions. Is my husband aware of this? In short, if this situation continues, my husband will only dislike me even more and avoid me more and more. I myself do not want to be such a woman. Why don't you just tell your husband what you feel in your heart? "Break up with her..." If I can tell my inner thoughts, I will feel better, right?Originally, it was my husband who did something sorry to me, so there was nothing to be concerned about. Now, however, the husband clearly loved the woman.Therefore, even if it is confirmed who she is and all the relevant evidence is collected, one cannot act easily. If my husband will make mistakes and go all the way to the dark, how will I live in the future? In the worst case, it is not impossible for the husband to leave the family and go to the woman.Maybe in the near future, divorce is waiting for me. Regrettably, those of us full-time wives mainly rely on our husbands for our livelihood, so we have great scruples when dealing with conflicts with our husbands.Although he doesn't want to admit it, in real life, the initiative is in his hands. Because of his one decision, all kinds of changes can happen to us.I am like a leaf floating in a torrent. However, leaves also have the backbone of leaves. After going through all kinds of troubles and internal ideological struggles, it seems that the wife's thinking is that if she takes strong measures, she will become passive instead. If you can think like this, then of course it's good.For men's occasional affairs, women are usually nagging and talking non-stop, which is a mistake in itself.The best way is for me to be with Shiori like I am now. I didn't say that I want to divorce my wife.I just wish my wife would turn a blind eye to my current game. If her husband completely slid towards Shiori and went on the road to divorce, his life would become very difficult.It is indeed remarkable that the wife can realize this. No matter how big the wife is, she is just a full-time wife.A full-time wife cannot support herself.It is foolish in itself to fight with one's husband on an equal footing in such a position. As long as my wife stays honest and doesn't cause trouble, I can guarantee to provide her with a rich and stable life like now.I hope she can think about it rationally and act prudently. Shogo felt slightly relieved and turned another page. October 2 (Monday) 3:00 I left halfway through the reception to send off my old friend Ikeda, and hurried home at eight o'clock in the evening. However, there was no sign of her husband at home, and the tension before going home was gone. According to the daughter, after everyone had dinner together, the father left after saying "I have an emergency and will be back later".It was the home I left about thirty minutes ago. Is there really an emergency?I'm afraid he knew that I was going to the farewell party, so he went out according to the plan he had arranged in advance.Is not it? Recently, as long as I said that I went to the emergency room at night, my husband never mentioned the condition of the patient. I understand that most of these are lies, so I never ask. Anyway, it would be irresponsible to leave two children alone at home and go out alone. Anyway, if you really have to go out, shouldn't you contact my cell phone?Didn't call me, that's evidence of a problem.Originally, I had to drink tea after the farewell party, but I refused the invitation of my friends and rushed back. Now that I think about it, I really regret it. Since my husband goes to that woman, I can also drink tea with men other than my husband. I'm going to wait for my husband to come back tonight and ask him explicitly why he's out. Indeed, after my wife went out, I said "there is an emergency" and went out. I also knew that my wife might be suspicious of this matter, but that day I went out in a panic because Shiori called and said "I have a little fever". The wife might wonder if there was an emergency, but Shiori did have an emergency that day. The diary of the same day went on to write: Tonight, no matter what happens, I will wait for my husband to come back. However, after taking a shower, I lay on the sofa in the living room and fell asleep without knowing it. When the movement at the door woke me up, the clock was striking 2:30 in the morning.If it was normal, the husband would go directly to the study, but maybe because the light was on in the living room today, the husband walked straight here.Just as the husband stretched out his hand to the switch at the door and was about to turn off the light, "Oh..." the husband made a surprised voice. "What, are you here? What's the matter, are you still here so late?" That's what I was going to say. "You, have you been in the ER at this late hour?" "Of course. You are waiting here just to ask this, right?" My husband glanced at me with a surprised expression, took a glass of water from the kitchen and drank it.I simply said to my husband: "It's so late at night, and I'm not at home. If you go out again, aren't the children too lonely?" "Don't be silly...patients can't wait whether you go out or not. You should know that." "Then just tell me, and I'll come home early." "Well, you haven't gone out for a long time. It's hard to go out once. I can't bear to call you back." What more can I say. "It's hard work, go to bed early." I taunted him with effort, and fled into the bedroom. In short, according to the development of this situation, the possibility of our relationship repairing is equal to zero.The husband is more and more addicted to that woman every day, and if this continues, the final result can only lead to the disintegration of the family. "Could it be?" I muttered involuntarily. Anyway, I'll have to check out that woman's apartment first.All things should be discussed after confirming with my own eyes whether the husband has entered or left there. Could it be that his wife is really planning to come to Shiori's apartment? Such a thing must not be allowed to happen.Can't have the wife come and see us in and out of the apartment.As long as my wife confirms that I went to Shiori's house, the possibility of improving the current situation is equal to zero.No, it's not just equal to zero, the situation will only worsen further, and develop in the direction of the destruction of the family that my wife fears. Based on this alone, this thing must be stopped. But what should we do?While Shogo fell into deep thought, the diary also ended. This diary was written on October 2nd, and it has only been six days since today. Did the wife come to the apartment during this period?No, it's not like I've been here before, because Shiori and I haven't noticed any signs of this, so if we want to come, it will be a matter of the future, right? In any case, you must be cautious when entering and leaving the apartment in the future. Shogo reminded himself repeatedly, and went into his wife's bedroom with a diary in his hand. The tidy and silent room made people feel a little uneasy and inexplicable fear. Next time I read the diary, how will the situation develop?Like the calm before the storm, Shogo felt uneasy and stuffed the diary under the mattress. From that day on, every time Shogo saw Shiori, he used to ask her: "Has there been any changes?" I've been with Shiori since the afternoon on Saturday, and it's been a long time. After making out, Shogo asked Shiori the same question again.Shiori asked in disbelief: "Is there anything to worry about?" Shogo thought for a while, and told her frankly, "Because my wife knows about this place, maybe she will come here..." Shiori immediately replied, "It's okay." What's okay?After being taken aback for a moment, she added, "If I see Madam, I will greet you politely." Not this question.What I was worried about was that after meeting my wife, I didn't know what to say.Shiori said in a bright voice: "I, I like Madam very much. Madam is always very chic and energetic..." Shogo thought while stroking Shiori's round and soft shoulders and back, this is the so-called confidence and innocence of a young woman, right?For Shiori, the existence of a wife may be just a woman who is older than herself and has some dignity. And so, without much change, another day passed. I was always worried that something big might happen, but nothing happened.The days of alternating tension and relaxation continued day by day.Shogo thought, the only thing to do is to go with the situation and resign to fate. Is it because the wife is no longer ready to make this matter a big deal?Just when Shogo started to think this way, one Sunday in late October, the opportunity to read the diary came again. That day, Tai was going to participate in a football training game, and his wife went with her because of her help; Natsumi also went to meet friends.So Shogo was left alone in the family. October 13 (Friday) 23:30 I still have to go. I have been suppressing it these days, and finally decided to go to the apartment where the woman lives to take a look. The location is 3-35 Yoyogi.Taking the address given by the head nurse, I drove my car in the afternoon. According to the route confirmed on the map in advance, first go to the building in Nishi Shinjuku where the hospital is located, then turn to Koshu Street from there, and then drive from the Nishi-Sando intersection to Sangong Bridge. The apartment I want to go to is two or three hundred meters away from the West Sando entrance, opposite to the Sangong Bridge, on the left hand side. When I asked the name of the Yoyogi apartment, no one did not know it.This is a beautiful apartment on eight floors. There are a lot of vehicles coming and going on Nishisangu Bridge Front Avenue. Go straight down from Meiji Shrine to Yoyogi Park. If you walk a little further in, you will find a quiet and leisurely residential area. That woman lives here?I first drove the car to observe the exterior of the apartment, then parked the car in the open space next to it, got out of the car and walked into the apartment. However, stepping into the apartment's entrance hall, one immediately sees a large door.If you don't enter the password, you won't be able to enter this door. I had no choice but to check the mailbox. On mailbox No. 603, the name "Xiang Tian" is clearly written. There is no doubt that the woman lives in this apartment in this apartment building. Watching and watching, I felt that I couldn't take it anymore, and I walked out of the apartment.Then I went to the nearest Sangongqiao tram station.Since there is a real estate agency near the station, I would like to ask about the rental price of Yoyogi apartments. "There are various price points. The rent of the cheapest small apartment is about 150,000 to 160,000 yen per month." As soon as I heard this, I understood. The diary on October 13 continued: The rent for a small suite is 150,000 to 160,000 yen per month, which is not something a twenty-six-year-old woman can afford.According to the salary table brought by the hospital, it is impossible for her to afford such a high rent anyway. From this point of view, the rent must be paid by the husband. Although the various receipts have not been checked, there is no doubt that it was paid out of the husband's pocket money.Her husband actually let her live in such a high-end place, and secretly dated her here.It is tolerable or unbearable. October 14 (Saturday) 24:20 The husband even paid for her rent... Perhaps for the husband, this is a manifestation of manliness, but taking care of her to this extent has obviously surpassed the limit of acting on the spot. The woman cuddled tightly to her husband, coquettishly and coquettishly, and the husband's obsessive look seemed to appear in front of my eyes. Perhaps the husband was cheated.He turned out to be a man who was not good at talking about love.I haven't heard of any woman he dated before marriage.The more I think about this, the more I feel that that woman is simply a bad woman like the Medusa in Greek mythology, with countless poisonous snakes around her head. However, I am too honest.I have been treated so unfairly by my husband and still don't hate him.The villain is not the husband, but the woman. However, how does that woman plan to handle her relationship with her husband in the future? Maybe she is waiting for me to divorce my husband so that she can be with my husband? Or just go to her apartment, as the head nurse said, and give her some money to break up with her husband.That may be the most joyful thing to do. However, does this solve all problems?Even if I blamed my husband, cried loudly, and got mad and angry, I didn't think that would make my husband break up with her because he even rented the house for her.Not only that, but the husband will definitely try his best to find excuses to prevaricate. In this way, it will be easier to incite the husband's evil intentions. If I plan to investigate the fact that my husband had an affair, I must be fully mentally prepared.Divorce is also welcome when necessary.But can I make up my mind? Seeing the word "divorce", Shogo couldn't help moaning. Really!I can't believe my wife is really considering divorce.It was just a word that my wife said casually in a flash of excitement. Shogo said this to himself, and then turned another page. October 17 (Tuesday) 24:10 Natsumi went to the kitchen to get a boxed lunch, watched the TV program in the morning, and said across the dining table: "Ah, this man married a new woman again, for the second time." I happened to be filling my husband's bowl with rice, and I glanced at the TV screen. It was a famous Japanese actor in his fifties. The woman is a TV actor who is 20 years younger than him. This marriage seems to be what people often call "marriage with a son". Natsumi, who has gradually become a bit grown-up recently, seems to be very interested in this program, watching with relish while fiddling with her school uniform ribbon next to her husband. "It's amazing to be married to a woman about my own daughter's age." After hearing Natsumi's words, I said, "Because men like young women, they are easily deceived." "Ah, cheated?" "These girls don't really like that man, they must be there for money. She..." I am sarcastic about my husband sitting across from me.The husband seemed to understand it himself, staring at the newspaper, pretending not to care. "Shameless, immoral! I hate this kind of marriage! Ah, it's time to go to school, I'm leaving." The young daughter left her innocent voice and went to school. "be careful on the road!" As the door closed, I squinted at my husband's tense face and said with as much cheer as I could: "Tonight, my lord mother is coming home." "Hehe..." My husband finished perfunctorily, put down the newspaper he was reading, and stood up without drinking the tea I handed him. Since I had a few arguments with my husband who came back late at night that day, my husband's attitude has indeed changed. The husband and wife don't talk to each other except when they are with the kids and when they have something to do.Even if I took the initiative to talk, my husband just repeated his weak answer vaguely. 听见大门口有丈夫出门的声音，我急忙去送他时，大门已经从外边关上了。 就像这样，我和丈夫的距离越来越远。 的确，那天早上看电视时，妻子和女儿有过一段关于再婚的男演员的对话。 对天真无邪的女儿，说什么年轻的女性为了金钱而接近男人一类的话，这本身就不对。那些话显然是在对我含沙射影和挖苦讽刺。我的确很生气。原来妻子也并没有忘记那天早晨的事。 下面还是同一天的日记。 我一面收拾餐桌上的碗筷，一面叹着气向丈夫没有看完的报纸扫了一眼，是有关围棋方面的版面。 说起来，丈夫的围棋好像下得很好，而且拥有段位。偶尔他也和儿子一起下棋。我从中感受到了家庭的温暖。然而这种温馨究竟能持续到何时呢？ 对于父母之间的这种冷漠的气氛，孩子们感觉到或许只是个时间问题。 而且丈夫的情人，也会像这个电视演员一样，不知道什么时候会怀孕。 如果她对丈夫说"我想生孩子"，那该怎么办呢？而且如果怀孕了…… 其结果，受伤的是我呢，还是她呢？我越想越觉得难以忍受。 在那种情况没有出现以前，我希望丈夫能清醒过来。 但是，如果丈夫什么都明白，就是忍不住要偷情，在外面养情人，又该怎么办？如果还继续来往，丈夫的心情就可以归结为"我爱着她"这一句话。反过来，那个女人真的爱着我丈夫吗？今后，如果我们真的到了要分手了的话，那个女人她真的能完全接纳省吾、以及省吾的一切，并会为维护他们而做努力吗？ 自从知道丈夫有外遇以来，我瘦了将近五公斤。但因为和丈夫没有亲密的接触，所以，关于我的苦恼以及体重的减轻等情况，丈夫是不会注意到的。 每当我嘴里说出讽刺挖苦的话语时，所展现的只是一个嫉妒心强、惹人嫌的女人吧？ 然而，在不知不觉之中，就像电视中的那个女演员一样，她或许也会怀上我丈夫的孩子。即使丈夫反对，她要想做的话完全是可能的。 在事态发展到那一步之前，必须加以阻止。还是去那个公寓，好好儿地找她谈一谈…… 妻子还真以为诗织想怀孕吗？ 其实，这个年龄段的年轻人并不想要孩子。而且，自己也采取了避孕措施。 当然，如果骗她的话，并不是不可能怀孕。然而省吾认为，诗织应该不会有这种想法。 不管怎么说，妻子对这件事想得太过分了。就算我给她付房租，我也并不是就要跟妻子分手而跟诗织在一起。现在跟诗织在一起，仅仅是想享受一下与年轻女子谈情说爱时的冒险感觉。 为什么妻子不能理解一个男人的情感呢。在家庭不至于破裂的前提下，干点儿风流事儿，这几乎是每个男人都有的愿望。 在这一点上，前几天高中同学聚会时遇到的村濑也有同样的想法。 他开办了一家进口贸易公司，事业很成功。公司在品川附近，家也安在了其附近的御殿山。 聚会后，应邀去了他那宽敞的家。从他住的高层公寓居高临下地看东京湾的夜景，就好像自己漂浮在亮闪闪的灯光之上。 而且，他太太很漂亮，长得像模特一样。两个女儿长得像妈妈，也很可爱。看上去他是一个工作、家庭都非常顺利，特别幸福的男人。 但是，从他家出来，我们两人去喝酒时，他竟说出了令人意想不到的话。 "上帝保佑，我工作顺利，两个孩子也很好，眼前没有什么不满足的。在普通人看来，是令人羡慕的幸福生活。说给自己听，也确实是这么回事。" 省吾想起了刚才所看到的幸福家庭。 "但好像就是觉得什么地方不够，缺点儿什么。" 村濑这时把兑了水的威士忌一口喝完后嘀咕了一句。 "的确，我对妻子和女儿们都很满意。她们也很感激我。然而关键是作为父亲的我自己，是否已经满足了？难道只是为了得到这些才这么拼命地干吗？真是这样吗？" 省吾不由自主地点了点头后，村濑又说道： "想寻找有刺激、能让人激动的东西。" "是女人吧？"省吾问道。好像村濑就等着这句话似的，把桌子敲得咚咚响。 "就是就是，想跟漂亮的女人调调情。" 省吾完全理解村濑的感受。 在某种程度上，如果一个人工作顺利、家庭安定的话，那他看上去一定是个自由而且幸福的人。 然而，即使在这种情况下，男人并不能完全满足。住在宽敞的大房子里，在看着知足的妻子和孩子的同时，"难道我的愿望仅此而已吗"的疑问会油然而生。 的确，看到家里人愉快的样子自己也很高兴，但除此之外，现在还想拥有一个华丽的类似冒险的恋爱。或许它会被说成是男人的自私、任性，但这就是男人的愿望，真实的心声。 "对，很理解。就是这样。" 省吾不由自主地点了点头。 "工作顺利，有了金钱和时间，接下来想要的就是女人啦。如果可能的话，想跟好女人永远恋爱下去。" 家里有着模特似的漂亮太太的村濑，能把话说到这儿，既不可思议又有意思。 "那么，现在跟谁谈着呢？" 省吾问了以后，村濑淡淡地回答说"嗯……有一个人……""那你呢？"他反问道。 "一样，也有一个人。"听到这儿，村濑笑了起来，突然举起了酒杯，说："干杯！" 为谁干杯呢？为了眼前两个人的恋爱吗？ 干杯过后，省吾再次问道："你太太那边，不要紧吧？" "嘿嘿。"村濑慢慢地点了点头，又反问道，"你那边呢？" 一下子，想起了最近妒火旺盛的妻子，省吾变得心情沉重起来。 "最近醋海翻浪，焦头烂额啊……" "那种事情，别介意。因为我们拼命地工作，妻子和孩子他们才有幸福可言。" 想着那些和这些本来就不是一回事，又听到村濑这么一说，省吾好像有了一点儿勇气。 "男人的幸福是由秘密的多少决定的。" 省吾突然没有反应过来，村濑又加了一句， "人的一辈子，如果连一点儿秘密都没有的话，那太没劲了。" 与村濑见面后，省吾有勇气了。 首先，"男人的幸福是由秘密的多少决定的"，说的是男人的大胆和潇洒。虽然不能拿到桌面上说，但说到点子上了。 然而，这天真的想法被打得粉碎。下面的日记里，写出了严酷的现实。10月20日（星期五）13:30 昨天晚上九点多，丈夫去参加医生们的聚会，他突然打来电话说： "现在我们去喝酒，回来会很晚。" 他从来都不跟家里说，这次突然打电话来说理由，有点奇怪。 我相信我的直觉，对孩子说："我有点事……"就出门了。 只在衬衣上披了件外套，就直接去了代代木的公寓。 按照上次调查的路线，我把汽车停到了横着的小路口，在公寓对面的路上等着丈夫。 因为离车站很近，尽管是晚上，路上来来往往的汽车很多，从公寓那边应该看不见站在马路对面的我的身影。 我站在那儿，用眼睛一个一个地寻找着六楼点着灯的窗户。 在黑暗的夜空中，亮着灯的窗户只有三个，其中的一个就是那个女人等着丈夫的灯。 时间快到十点了，凉凉的晚风吹过面颊。因为有外套，并不感到冷，但三十多分钟一直呆呆地站着，总有点凄凉的感觉。 或许，他打电话来，真的是为了去喝酒？但是，那种小心翼翼、急匆匆的说话方式，一定是为了掩盖去诗织那里。 再等一会儿，丈夫肯定会出现的。 "今天一定要抓到证据。"我下定了决心，但如果确实看到丈夫进了这个公寓时，自己该怎么办呢？我穿过眼前的人行横道，追上丈夫，抓住他的胳膊，又哭又叫地说："回家吧，求求你了！"我会这样做吗？ 这样的爱情，已经不存在了，那为什么还要追到这里来呢？ ... 确实，那天医生们聚会后，我去了诗织的房间，妻子真的看到这个情景了吗？省吾一边觉着不可思议，一边又浏览着日记。 如果在这儿见到了丈夫，现场抓住他，让他赔礼道歉的话，这件事能解决得了吗？相反，如果他将错就错的话，我们的婚姻就破裂了。 闹到这种地步是不是有点过分？不管怎么说，首先要亲眼确认丈夫进那个女人房间的事实。 丈夫越轨的事实，一定要全部记下来。 快过了一个小时了，丈夫怎么还不出现呢？难道是我想错了？一边看着表，一边觉得心里没底，同时想到孩子们是不是已经都睡了呢？有些担心家里的情况了。 或许，丈夫改变了主意，直接回家了？如果是这样，他会给我的手机联系，没有电话，就说明还没有回到家。 "怎么办呀……" 我刚开始来回跺脚时，突然发现一个身穿灰色西装的男人，朝对面的公寓走去。 胳膊下夹着小皮包，轻快地迈着大步的样子，毫无疑问，肯定是我的丈夫。 丈夫虽然在马路对面，但也有可能会突然往我这边看，发现我。想到这儿，我突然有点害怕，但我还是直了直腰，盯着丈夫。 没有什么可怕的。我没有做什么亏心事。做了亏心事的是丈夫，感到可怕的应该是他。 比估计的时间晚了很多，但他确实在这里出现了。而且手里还提着从附近便利店买的东西。 我现在就这样冲出去，站在丈夫面前，他见到我，会说什么呢？ 然而，丈夫什么也没有注意到，在防盗门前停了下来。幸好灯光很亮，丈夫的动作看得很清楚。 我想他可能要按门铃吧，谁知他竟从口袋里掏出了钥匙。很习惯地把钥匙插进孔里，一溜烟地进去了。 那天晚上，诗织让我在附近便利店买点儿东西，之后我进了公寓。这些都让等在公寓外面的妻子看到了。 连这些都知道了，搪塞不过去了。省吾为了使自己安静下来，发了一会儿愣，然后接着看日记。 不可思议的是，亲眼看着自己的丈夫进到他情人的公寓时，我竟然格外地冷静。 丈夫那时的情形，就我对他的了解来说，是从来没有过的。是性格所致吗，嘴角流露出不检点的样子，领带松弛地吊着，好像有一种终于到了情人家的放心感。 然而，他不是专门去便利店买东西的那种男人。是那个女人让他去买的吗，还是他主动去买的？袋子里装的是他喜欢的香肠或啤酒，是为了两个人在房间里痛饮吗？ 想着丈夫靠在家里的沙发上跷着二郎腿，不停地对我发号施令的样子，我怎么也想像不出他白天的形象。 丈夫那个样子，是那个女人所喜欢的吗？或者说，她有着巧妙的操纵手段？不管怎么说，我的陌生的丈夫在这个公寓里。 风任意吹着，还夹杂着小雨，可我并不在意，还是呆呆地站在那儿，望着六楼的灯光。 在那里，我丈夫脱掉西装，换上情人为她准备的睡衣，自己打开了啤酒罐。甚至还跟那个女人亲吻。 不管怎么说，今晚没有白来。自己亲眼目睹了这些，在我心中仅存的一丝对丈夫的信任一下子也荡然无存了。 像被夜晚的雨追赶着似的，我跑进停放在公寓旁边黑暗处的汽车里。 我坐在驾驶座上，握着方向盘，已不再回头看了。直接回到家后，稍微收拾了一下，洗了个澡。 回到无人的客厅里，又被懊悔和凄惨所笼罩，一口气喝了一杯白兰地后，躺到床上睡觉去了。 丈夫回到家中的时间是凌晨三点五十七分。 省吾偷看妻子的日记，已经有一段时间了。但现在看着二十日的日记，对他的打击很大。 首先，最大的震惊是妻子已经去了诗织的公寓，而且还目击了自己进公寓时的情景。 连这些都看见了，他已没有狡辩的余地了。为此，不管妻子说什么，他也只有低头了。无谓地顽强抵抗，只能使伤口更深。他虽然意识到了这些，但他对同一天日记中一些语言格外在意。 "丈夫越轨的事实，一定要全部记下来。" 到底是为了什么呢？越轨的事实，一定要全部记下来，难道是要用到什么地方吗？ 如果，仅仅是想把每天的想法记下来的话，不需要想得那么多。 然而，"一定要全部记下来"怎么解释呢？ 也许，妻子的日记是为了某天给某人看，所以才这么一丝不苟，认真详细地写着每个字。 "Could it be..." 如果今后夫妻之间闹矛盾，妻子可以把日记拿出来让别人看，那就会追究自己的不检点行为。 但是，省吾不认为妻子是个心术不正、会算计的人。 这样做，单纯是为了吵架时痛斥我"你看你都做了些什么"，不就是为了这个手段吗？为了给报复提供证据而要记下来的。 "是啊。"省吾说给自己听着，心里平静不下来。 "结果仅仅是这个吗？如果……" 省吾感觉到，有人给妻子建议，告诉她只要有问题的地方就都记下来。 省吾有不祥的预感，但现在不愿想得太多。 不管怎么说，至少自己与妻子的关系正处在一个重大的转折点上，这是事实。