Chapter 75 Part Two - Thirteen

Nekhludoff rang the bell at the prison gate.He wondered how Maslova was feeling today, and thinking of what secrets she and her fellow prisoners were keeping from him, he felt apprehensive and nervous.He explained to the guard who opened the door that he wanted to see Maslova.The guard went back to make inquiries and told him that Maslova was in the hospital.Nekhludoff went to the hospital.The hospital gatekeeper was a kind little old man, let him in immediately, asked who he wanted to see, and led him to the pediatric ward. A young doctor, reeking of carbolic acid, met Nekhludoff in the corridor and asked him sternly what he wanted.The doctor was always sympathetic to the prisoners, so he often had conflicts with the prison authorities and even with the chief doctor.He was afraid that Nekhludoff's unlawful demands would show that he treated everyone equally, and he pretended to be angry.

"There are no female patients here, this is a pediatric ward," said the young doctor. "I know, but there's a woman here who's been transferred from prison to be an assistant nurse." "Yes, there are two such women here. What is your business?" "One of them is Maslova, I know her very well," said Nekhludoff. "I want to see her, and I am going to Petersburg to appeal her case. I want to deliver this thing to you." She. There is only one photograph in it," said Nekhludoff, drawing an envelope from his pocket. "Okay, that's fine," said the doctor reassuringly, and ordered an old woman in a white apron to call for the assistant nurse, Maslova. "Would you like to sit here? You can go to the waiting room."

"Thank you," said Nekhludoff, taking advantage of the better attitude of the doctor to ask him if Maslova was doing well at the hospital. "Not bad, not bad considering her past life experiences," said the doctor. "Here, here she is." The old woman came out of a door, followed by Maslova.Maslova wore a striped dress and a white apron, and a triangular bandanna covered her hair.Seeing Nekhludoff, she blushed, stopped hesitantly, then frowned, lowered her eyes, and walked quickly towards him on the long carpet in the corridor.She went up to Nekhludoff, was about to shake hands with him, but held out her hand anyway, and blushed still more.Nekhludoff had not seen her since she lost her temper and apologized during their last conversation.He expected her to be in the same mood today as last time.But today she was quite different, a new expression appeared on her face: reserved, shy, and Nekhludoff felt that she was disgusted with him.He said the same thing to her as he had just said to the doctor.He told her he was going to Petersburg and handed her the envelope containing the photographs he had brought from Barnovo.

"This is a very old photo I found in Barnovo, maybe you will like it. Take it!" She raised her black eyebrows, and looked around in amazement with her squinting eyes, as if asking what this was for her.Then silently took the envelope and stuck it in the apron. "I saw your aunt there," said Nekhludoff. "See?" she said coldly. "How are you here?" asked Nekhludoff. "It's nothing, it's fine," she said. "Not too bitter, is it?" "No, it's nothing. But I'm not used to it." "I'm glad for you. It's better than over there."

"What does 'over there' mean?" she asked, flushing suddenly. "That's the prison," Nekhludoff answered hastily. "What's the matter?" she asked. "I think they're nicer here. Not like the people over there." "There's a lot of good people over there," she said. "I ran over about the Minshov mother and son, and I hope they will be released," Nekhludoff said. "God bless, that old woman is very kind," she said, expressing her opinion of the old woman again, and then smiling. "I'm going to Petersburg today. Your case will be heard shortly. I hope the judgment will be reversed."

“Whether it’s rescinded or not, it’s the same for me now,” she said. "Why do you say: 'It's all the same now'?" "No reason," she said, looking into his face questioningly. Nekhludoff took her words and this look to mean that she wanted to know whether he had insisted on his decision, or had accepted her refusal and had changed his mind. "I don't know why it's the same for you," he said. "But it really makes no difference to me whether you go acquitted or not. Whatever the case may be, I will do what I say," he said firmly. She looked up.Her squinting black eyes seemed to be looking at his face or elsewhere.Her whole face was beaming with joy.But what her mouth said was quite different from what her eyes said.

"Why do you say such things!" she said. "I say this to let you know what I mean." "You've said enough about it, there's no need to say any more," she said, with difficulty suppressing a laugh. The ward became noisy for some reason.There was the cry of a child. "They seem to be calling me," she said, looking over her shoulder uneasily. "Well, goodbye then," he said. She pretended not to see his outstretched hand, turned away without shaking hands, and, trying to hide her triumph, walked briskly along the long corridor carpet.

"What's changed in her? What's she thinking? How's she feeling? Is she trying to test me, or can't she really forgive me? Is she unable to speak her thoughts and feelings, or is she unwilling to speak? Has her heart softened, or is she still holding a grudge?" Nekhludoff asked himself, but could not answer.All he knew was that she had changed, a major change had taken place in her heart.This change connects him not only to her, but to the God who brought it about. This connection made him happy and filled his heart with warmth. Maslova returned to the ward with eight cribs and followed the nurse's instructions to make the beds.When she was spreading the sheets, she bent too low, the soles of her feet slipped, and she almost fell.A boy with a bandage around his neck, recuperating, laughed when he saw her almost fall.Maslova couldn't help it either, she sat down on the edge of the bed and let out a loud and contagious laugh, which made all the children laugh out loud.The nurse shouted to her angrily:

"What are you laughing at? Do you think you're still in the same place! Go and get some food." Maslova was silent, took the utensils and went to where the nurse told her, but she exchanged glances with the bandaged boy whom the nurse had forbidden to laugh, and burst out laughing again.Several times during the day, when the room was empty, Maslova took the photographs out of the envelope and admired them.After getting off work in the evening, she returned to the room shared with another assistant nurse, took the photo out of the envelope, and looked at the people in the photo, their clothes, and the steps of the balcony affectionately and motionlessly. , the bushes, and his face, her face, and the faces of the two aunts in front of the bushes for a long time.She could not get enough of the faded yellow photograph, especially of herself, of her young, beautiful face with the curls flying over her forehead.She watched so intently that she didn't even notice that the assistant nurse who lived with her had entered the room.

"What is this? Did he give it to you?" the obese, kind-hearted assistant nurse bent down to look at the photo and asked. "Is this you?" "Who else is it?" said Maslova, looking into her companion's face with a smile. "Then who is this? Is that him? Is this his mother?" "It's my aunt. Don't you recognize it?" asked Maslova. "How can I recognize it? I can't recognize it in my life. The whole appearance has changed. I think it's been ten years since now! " "Not a few years, but a lifetime," said Maslova.Her liveliness disappeared instantly.His face became gloomy, and a furrow sank between his brows.

"Well, life must be easy over there." "Hmph, easy," said Maslova, closing her eyes and shaking her head. "It's worse than hard labor." "Then how?" "That's it. From eight o'clock in the evening to four in the morning. Every day." "Then why don't you leave this life behind?" "I want to throw it away, but I can't do it. What are you talking about!" Maslova said, stood up abruptly, picked up the photo and threw it in the drawer. Go to the door and run into the hallway.Looking at the photo just now, she felt that she seemed to be the same as before, vaguely imagining how happy she was back then, and how happy she would be now if she was with him.The words of her companion reminded her of her current situation, and also of her life there back then—the pain of that life, which she only vaguely felt at that time, but did not allow herself to think deeply.Only now did she think clearly of those painful nights, especially of Maslenitsa, when she waited for the college student who had promised to redeem her life.She remembered that day she was wearing a wine-stained red silk dress with a bare breast, a big red bow in her unkempt hair, exhausted, weak, and drunk, and did not see off the guests until two o'clock in the night.In between dances, she sat down next to the skinny, acne-faced piano woman who accompanied the violin and told her her tragic experience.The woman who played the piano also told her distressed situation and wanted to change the environment.At this moment, Clara also came up to them.The three of them immediately decided to abandon this life.They thought the night was over, and they were about to leave when they suddenly heard some drunken guests making noise in the front hall.The violinist played the prelude again, and the pianist pounded hard on the keys and played the first bar of the quadrille, a cheerful Russian song.A short man in a tuxedo and white tie, sweating profusely, smelling of alcohol, belching, came over and put his arm around her waist.By the second quarter, he took off his tuxedo again.Another fat man with a beard, also in a tuxedo (they had just come out of a dance), put his arm around Clara's waist.They twirled, danced, yelled, drank, and made a fuss for a while... and just like that, year after year, year after year, they lived the same life.How can a person not change!In the final analysis, all this is his fault.The old hatred for him suddenly flooded her heart again.She really wanted to reprimand him, scold him badly.She regretted that she missed the opportunity today and didn't tell him again: She knows what kind of person he is, and she will never be deceived by him. She came to show his magnanimity.She pitied herself, and blamed him in vain.She wanted to drink some wine to quench the pain in her heart.If she was in prison at this moment, she would break her promise and drink.To drink here, there is no other way but to go to the doctor, but she is afraid of the doctor because he always pesters her.Now she loathes being with men.She sat on the bench in the corridor for a while, and then returned to the small room, ignoring her companion's words, and wept for a long time for her life experience of vicissitudes. -------- ① Four people form two pairs of dances, including six dance styles.