Chapter 16 Part 1 - Thirteen

From then on Nekhludoff did not see Katyusha for three years.It was not until three years later that he was promoted to an officer, left for the army, and passed by his aunt's house, did he see her again.But compared to the summer when he lived in their house three years ago, he was a different person. At that time he was a decent young man, full of self-sacrifice, ready to devote himself to all noble causes; now he is a complete egoist, addicted to wine and sex, and addicted to pleasure.At that time, the world created by God seemed to him a mystery, and he tried to solve it with great interest; now, everything in life is simple and clear, and it is arranged by the living environment in which he lives.Then it was important to be in touch with nature, to be in touch with people who came before him—philosophers, poets who lived, thought, and felt before him; now it is the social system and the intercourse with his colleagues that matter.At that time, he felt that women were mysterious and charming, and it was because of the mystery that they were even more charming; now, apart from the wives of relatives and friends, their functions are very clear: women are the best playthings he has ever experienced.At that time he didn’t need money, and the money his mother gave him couldn’t even spend one-third of it. He could give up the land under his father’s name and distribute it to his tenants; now, his mother gave him fifteen hundred dollars a month. Rubles, he didn't have enough, he quarreled with his mother over money.At that time, he thought that the spiritual life was the real me; now, he thought that the vigorous, strong, animal me was himself.

All kinds of terrible changes happened to him simply because he no longer insisted on his own beliefs and believed in other people's theories.He stopped sticking to his own beliefs and believed in other people's theories, because it would be too hard to stick to his own beliefs.If I stick to my convictions, I deal with everything against the frivolous pleasure-seeking animal me, and will always be in conflict with it.Believe in other people's theories, you don't have to deal with anything at all, all problems are solved, and it always conflicts with the spiritual self in favor of the animal self.Besides, if he insisted on his own beliefs, he would always be condemned by others; if he believed in other people's theories, he would be praised by those around him.

For example, when Nekhludoff thought about God, truth, wealth, poverty, etc., read related books and talked about these things with others, people would feel that it was out of date, and it was a bit ridiculous. French Sartre, Marcel (Gabriel Marcel, 1889-1973), May, his mother and aunt would kindly tease him and call him our dear philosopher.But he read romance novels, told obscene jokes, went to the French theater to watch light-hearted comedies, and enjoyed talking about them, and everyone praised him and encouraged him.He lived frugally, wore old overcoats, and didn't drink alcohol. Everyone thought he was eccentric and wanted to be different.He spends a lot of money on hunting and extravagantly furnishing his study, everyone praises him for his elegance and refinement, and gives him expensive gifts.He was originally a virgin and wanted to keep it until he got married, but his relatives were worried about him and thought he was sick. Later his mother found out that he had taken a French woman from a colleague and became a real man. Not only was she not sad, Instead feel happy.But the princess was troubled by the thought of her son's relationship with Katyusha and his possible marriage to her.

Likewise, when Nekhludoff came of age, he distributed to the peasants a small estate bequeathed to him by his father, because he considered it unjust for the landlord to own the land.Unexpectedly, his behavior surprised his mother and relatives, and has since become the subject of ridicule.He had been told many times that the peasants who got the land not only did not get rich, but became poorer because they opened three small hotels and simply quit farming.When Nekhludoff entered the Guards, spent a lot of money with his noble colleagues, and lost so much money that Yelena Ivanovna had to use her savings, she didn't care, and took it for granted. Yes, I even think it's a good thing to get some vaccinations in the upper class when you are young to increase your immunity.

Nekhludoff resisted at first, but it was very difficult, because what he believed to be good in his own belief was considered bad by others;In the end Nekhludoff gave in, and no longer insisted on his own beliefs, but believed in the words of others.Such self-denial was unpleasant at first, but the unpleasant feeling did not last long.At this moment Nekhludoff began to smoke and drink, and he was no longer unhappy, and even felt at ease. Nekhludoff, naturally enthusiastic and active, soon absorbed himself in this new life, which was praised by his relatives and friends, and rejected all other demands in his heart.This change began after he came to Petersburg and was completely completed after he entered the army.

The life of an officer is inherently depraved.Once a man is in the army, he spends his days in idleness, that is to say, out of reasonable and useful labor, and out of common duties.In exchange for the honor of the army, military uniforms, and military flags.Furthermore, on the one hand, he is bossy and enjoys unlimited power over others; on the other hand, he is servile and obedient in front of the chief, and obeys orders. But besides the general depravity of military service and uniform, standard and lawful massacres, in the Regiment of Guards, which was reserved for the rich and powerful, the officers were especially depraved by their wealth and proximity to the royal family.These people can easily develop into crazy egoists.Ever since Nekhludoff took up the military service and began to live like his colleagues, he had fallen into the swamp of this crazy egoism.

He had nothing serious to do but put on his uniform, carefully sewn and scrubbed by someone else, not himself, put on his helmet, take up the weapons that had been forged, polished, and delivered to him, and stride across the A fine horse bred and trained by others, to go to drill or review with those like him, that is, to gallop, to brandish a saber, to shoot, and to teach others how to do it.They had nothing else to do, but the dignitaries, young and old, even the Tsar and his cronies approved of their activities, and even praised them and thanked them for it.After these activities, they think it right and important to eat and drink in officers' clubs or luxurious restaurants, and squander money they don't know where they got; , and then spending money like water, drinking, playing cards, and playing with women.

Such a life is especially corrosive to a soldier, because a civilian would feel ashamed deep down if he lived such a life.Soldiers live this kind of life with peace of mind, and they boast and take pride in it, especially in times of war.Nekhludoff entered the army just after the declaration of war on Turkey. "We are prepared to die for our country, so this kind of life of debauchery is not only excusable, but necessary to us. That's why we live like this." Nekhludoff also vaguely felt the same way at this stage of his life.He has always felt relaxed and happy because he broke through the various moral barriers he had set for himself before, and he was often in a state of egoistic madness.

It was in this state of mind that he went to his aunt's three years later.