Chapter 7 part one - four

Having finished his coffee, Nekhludoff went to his study to read the notice of the court and what time he was due to appear before writing to the princess.To go to the study, you have to pass the studio.There is an easel in the studio, on which is an introductory sketch, and a few studies on the wall.Seeing the draft that he spent two years working on, seeing those studies and the whole studio, he once again deeply felt that his painting level could no longer be improved.This mood is what he often has these days.He thought it was due to an overly highbrow aesthetic, but it was always unpleasant anyway.

Seven years ago, he concluded that he had a talent for painting, so he resigned from the military.He put artistic creation above all else and looked down upon other activities.Now it turns out that he has no right to self-importance.So it's not pleasant to think about it.He looked at the luxurious equipment in the studio with a heavy heart, and walked into the study sullenly.The study is high and large, and contains all kinds of decorations, supplies and comfortable furniture. Nekhludoff immediately found the notice in the drawer of the large writing desk marked "Urgent" and knew that he must appear in court at eleven o'clock.Then he sat down and wrote to the princess, thanking her for the invitation, and saying that he would try to go to dinner as soon as possible.But he tore up the letter after he finished writing it, thinking the tone was too affectionate.He wrote a new one, but felt that it was too cold, and people would be angry if they read it.He tore up the letter again and rang the bell.A sullen old servant, with whiskers, clean-shaven lips and chin, and a gray muslin apron entered.

"Please send for a carriage." "Yes, sir." "Say to the people from Kochakin's house again, thank them, and I will try my best to get there." "yes." "That's a little rude, but I can't write. Anyway, I'm going to see her today," thought Nekhludoff, leaving the study to change. After he changed his clothes, he walked to the gate, where the well-known driver was already waiting for him in a rubber-wheeled carriage. "I arrived just after you left the Korchagins' house yesterday," said the coachman, half turning his dark, muscular neck under the collar of his white shirt. "The gatekeeper said your master was just leaving."

"Even the coachman knows about my connection with the Korchagins," thought Nekhludoff, thinking again of the question that had been haunting him lately: whether he should marry Miss Korchagins or not.This problem, like many of the problems he encountered at present, cannot be solved no matter what. The reason why Nekhludoff wants to get married is, firstly, in addition to obtaining the warmth of the family, he can avoid abnormal sexual relations and live a moral life; secondly, and the main reason is that he hopes that the family and children can To fill his present empty life.These are the reasons why he wants to get married.The reasons for not wanting to get married are, first, fear of losing freedom, which all bachelors have such concerns; second, an inexplicable fear of women, a mysterious creature.

There were also some special reasons for his willingness to marry Missy (Miss Korchagin's real name was Mary, and like all families in their circle she had an alias), namely, first, that she was of good family, dressed, Distinctive in speech, gait, smile, she gave the impression of nothing but "well-bred"—a quality he could think of no better adjective for, and valued; the second , she thinks he is an outstanding figure, so he thinks only she understands him.This acquaintance with him, that is, the affirmation of his noble character, Nekhludoff considered it a sufficient proof of her intelligence and insight.The particular reasons for not wanting to marry Missy were, first, that he was likely to find a girl who was much better than Missy and therefore more suitable for him; and second, that she was twenty-seven years old, so she must have been in love before.This thought made Nekhludoff very uncomfortable.His pride made it impossible for him to bear the situation, even though it was a thing of the past.Of course it was impossible for her to know that she would meet him later, but he was still humiliated by the thought that she might have loved someone else.

In this way, there are reasons for wanting to marry and not wanting to marry, and the two are evenly matched, so Nekhludoff laughed at himself as Buridan's ass①.He could not make up his mind which bale to choose. -------- ①French philosopher Buridan wrote a fable in the 14th century, saying that a donkey saw two bales of hay, which were exactly the same in appearance and quality. "Anyway, I haven't received a reply from Maria (the wife of the chief nobleman). The matter is not completely over yet, and I can't take any action yet," he said to himself. He rejoiced in the thought that he could, and had to, put off making a decision.

"But we'll think about these things later," he thought, as his buggy came stealthily up the tarmac before the courthouse. "Now I have to perform my social duties faithfully as usual, as I should. Besides, most of these things are interesting," he thought, passing the porter into the courthouse porch.