Chapter 121 Chapter 121

When the hops were over, Philip returned to London with the Athelny family, with the letter of his appointment as assistant resident at St. Luke's Hospital in his pocket.On his return to London, he rented a modest room in Westminster, and at the beginning of October went to work in the hospital.The work there is varied and interesting, and he learns something new every day.Gradually he felt that he was not as insignificant as before.He often sees Sally.At this moment, Philip felt that everything was going well and he was very happy.Except when it's his turn to deal with outpatients, he usually leaves work at six o'clock.After work, he went to the sewing shop where Sally was, and waited for Sally to come home from get off work.A few young boys are always swinging around on the sidewalk opposite the store door or around the corner a few steps ahead; the girls in the store come out of the store in twos and threes, or in groups, When the boys came out, they were pushing and shoving each other, while giggling non-stop.Sally, in a plain black blouse, was very different from the country girl who picked hops shoulder to shoulder with Philip.She came out of the shop in a hurry, and when she saw Philip, she gradually slowed down and smiled at him calmly as a greeting.The two of them walked side by side through the bustling and noisy streets.Philip told Sally about the work in the hospital, and Lisalie told Philip about the work that day in the shop.As time passed, Philip knew the names of Sally's female workers by heart.He found Sally to have a subtle but witty sense of humor.Sally told Philip about the girls in the shop and the young boys who were attracted to them, and made Philip laugh.She talked of characteristic anecdotes as if there were nothing funny in them, but she spoke with wit and eloquence, which entertained Philip so much that he could not help laughing.At this moment Sally shot Philip a smirk which showed that she was unaware of her own humor.When they met, they just shook hands; when they parted, they were polite.Once Philip invited Sally to his flat for tea, but she declined.

"No, I don't want to go. How bad it is." The two of them never said love words like Qingqing and me.Sally seemed to want nothing more than walking side by side.But Philip was sure that Sally would be glad to be with him.She was still as unpredictable as when they had first met.What she was doing, Philip still couldn't understand.But the longer he knew her, the more he liked her.Sally is competent, self-possessed, and has a charming honesty that makes her reliable no matter what the situation. "You're a very nice fellow," Philip blurted out to Sally once, carelessly.

"I guess I'm just like everybody else," Sally went on. Philip knew he didn't love Sally.He had a strong affection for Sally and liked her by his side.Philip felt an unaccountable comfort in having her by his side.It seemed to him that his attachment to a nineteen-year-old seamstress was absurd: he only respected her.He marveled at her unusually sound physique.She is a pure and wonderful beauty.Her impeccable physical beauty always filled him with a feeling of awe.In her presence Philip always felt that he was not at all suitable for her. One day, three weeks after returning to London, Philip noticed that she was more silent than usual when they were walking together, and saw a slight wrinkle between her brows, which broke the quiet and peaceful expression of her face.This is a harbinger of frowning.

"What's the matter, Sally?" asked Philip with concern. Sally looked straight ahead, avoiding Philip, with a clouded face. "I can't tell either." Philip immediately understood what she meant.His heart beat suddenly quickened.He felt his face suddenly change color. "What do you mean by that? Are you afraid of...?" Philip broke off the conversation abruptly.His words were stuck in his throat and he couldn't continue.The possibility of such a thing happening never crossed his mind.At this time, he found that Sally's lips were trembling, and she was trying to restrain her emotions and not let herself cry.

"I'm not sure yet. Maybe nothing happened." The two of them walked forward in silence, and finally came to the corner of Chancelli Lane.It was here that Philip usually parted from Sally.At this time, Sally stretched out a hand to him, with a slight smile on her face. "There's nothing to worry about right now. We've got to think better." Philip left silently, but thoughts were churning in his mind, making it difficult to calm down.He was always a fool!His first thought was to think that he was a mean, pathetic fool, and in a fit of rage he cursed himself for being a fool more than a dozen times.He despised himself, blaming himself for being so dazed and in such a bad situation.At this time, there were thousands of thoughts in his mind, and they came one after another. After a while, they were all entangled, cut continuously, and the arrangement was still chaotic, just like the jigsaw puzzles seen in nightmares.He couldn't help asking himself: What should we do in the future?Everything before his eyes was so clear and clear, and the goal he had been striving for for many years was finally at his fingertips, but this time, his unimaginable stupid behavior set up obstacles for himself.His weakness, by Philip's own admission, was the obsessive longing for an orderly life, that is to say his passion for the life to come, which he could not overcome.As soon as he returned to the hospital to settle down and start working, his mind began to dream and was busy making various plans for future travel.In the past, he also tried to restrain himself from making detailed plans for the future, because doing so would only make him discouraged.But for the moment, he thought, now that his purpose was at hand, there would be no harm in giving in to an overwhelming longing.The first leg of the journey, he wanted to go to Spain.That country was the place he yearned for with all his heart.At this time, his heart is full of the spirit, legend, style, history and lofty image of that country.He felt that Spain gave him a special revelation that no other country could give him.Córdoba, Seville, León, Tarragona, Borgos and other ancient and beautiful cities were familiar to Philip, as if he had walked on their winding streets since he was a child like.Only the great Spanish painters were his painters.His heart pounded as he pictured himself standing ecstatically before the paintings; for him more than any other, those pictures soothed his traumatized, troubled soul. soul.He has read great works by great poets, but the poems of Spanish poets are more national than those of poets of any other country, because the Spanish poets seem not to follow the trend of world literature, but to Inspired directly from the hot, fragrant plains and desolate mountains of their homeland.In a matter of months, he would be listening to the people around him speaking what seemed to be the most beautiful language of heart and emotion.His taste is clean, and he vaguely felt that Andalusia was too lonely, too sad, and seemed a bit vulgar, and could not satisfy his unrestrained enthusiasm; he yearned for the distant and windy Castile. And Aragorn and Llane, great and rough.Philip himself didn't know what it would bring him to venture into those unknown worlds.But he always felt that he could gain strength and determination from it, so that when he faced the wonders of more distant and strange places, he would be more calm and comprehend the beauty of them.

This is just the beginning of everything.Philip was already hooked up with several steamship companies which took their ship's surgeons with them when they went to sea.Therefore, he knows the sailing routes of various companies well, and finds out the pros and cons of each route from the people who have traveled these routes.He ignored Orient Shipping Company and Pacific Overseas Shipping Company, because it is difficult to get accommodation on the ships of these two companies. Besides, these two companies mainly transport passengers, and there is room for medical staff on passenger ships. too small.However, it doesn't matter. Several other companies have special ships to go to the east. The cargo task is not tight. They stop at various ports along the way. The length of the stop varies from one or two days to half a month. This is ample time. , You can also take the opportunity to go deep into the interior of the port for a circle.Being a ship's doctor on this kind of ship, the salary is not much, and the food is ordinary, so not many people seek this position.A person with a diploma studying medicine in London, once applied, was almost guaranteed to be accepted.The ship sailed from one remote port to another, carrying goods and doing business; there were not many passengers on board except an occasional leader, so life on board was kind and pleasant.Philip knew by heart the names of the ports where the ships stopped along the way.Those place names all sketched out in his mind pictures of sunny tropical landscapes with strange colors, and genre paintings of colorful, unpredictable and tense-paced life.Ah, life!That was what he, Philip, lacked.Life finally approached him gradually.Maybe he could change to another ship in Tokyo or Shanghai and sail straight to the South Pacific Islands.Being a doctor is useful everywhere.Maybe there is a chance to go to Myanmar for a visit.As for the dense forests of Sumatra and Borneo, why can't he go and see them?He is still young, time is not a problem.He has no relatives and no relatives in England, and he can spend a few years traveling around the world, enjoying the beauty of life like a kaleidoscope.

But at this juncture, such a nerve-wracking thing happened.He didn't think that Sally would make a mistake in her judgment. Strange to say, he firmly believed that Sally's feeling was right. After all, such things could happen.Anyone with a discerning eye can tell at a glance that the Creator originally made Sally a mother who could bear children.Philip knew what to do.He shouldn't let this trivial matter make him deviate from the established path of life, even if he deviates a little bit!Then he thought of Griffiths.He could well imagine the indifference with which Griffiths would have responded to such news had it been his place.Griffiths must have thought it a headache, and would have slipped away like a wise man, and let the girl eat the bitter fruit all by herself.If it happened, Philip thought to himself, it was because it was inevitable.Thinking of this, he instead blamed Sally.Sally, she is a girl who knows the world and is familiar with the trivialities of life, but she still takes risks with her eyes open and reckless.Only a lunatic would let such a trivial matter mess up his whole life.There are very few people in the world who can deeply realize that life is like the morning dew, fleeting, and know how to seize the opportunity to enjoy the moment, and he Philip is one of them.He was willing to do what he could for Sally, and he could try to raise some money for her.A strong man will never let anything change his life goals.

Philip said so, but he knew he couldn't do it.He absolutely can't do it!He still knows himself. "I'm such a coward," muttered Philip in a self-defeating way. Sally had always trusted him and had always been good to him.No matter how many reasons there are, he must never do something that he thinks is terrible.He knew that if he kept thinking about Sally's embarrassing situation, he would never find peace of mind during the journey.Besides, how to explain to her parents?The couple never regarded him as an outsider, and they must not repay their kindness with revenge.The only feasible way is to marry Sally as soon as possible.He could write to Dr. South that he was going to be married soon, and that he would accept his advice if it continued.Practicing medicine among the poor was his only way out.Among them his lameness was all right, and the poor did not laugh at his wife's straightforward manner.It was ridiculous that he took Sally as his wife.At this time, an indescribable tender emotion could not help sprouting in his heart.When he thought that the child was him, a warm current of emotion flowed through his body.Dr. South would welcome him back, he had no doubt.So, he pictured in his mind the scene of him and Sally living in the fishing village again.They would rent a small house with a view of the sea and watch the big steamers pass by, to places he would never reach.It may be the wisest thing to do.At this moment, Philip heard what Cronshaw had said to him before his death.He said that the trivial matters of life are meaningless to him. With his own imagination, he always occupies the two major fields of time and space.His words are absolutely true: she will be an invincible flower in full bloom, if you love her forever!

He will dedicate all his lofty ideals to his wife as a wedding present.Make self-sacrifice!Philip's spirits were high under this good spirit, and every hour of the evening he thought of self-sacrifice.He was so excited that he couldn't read a single word in the book.Driven from his room into the street, he paced up and down Birdcage Promenade with his heart beating in his chest like a bird of joy.He couldn't wait to see Xiu Li's happy smiling face after he proposed; if it wasn't too late.He would run to Sally at once.He imagined that later in the evening he would sit with Sally in the comfort of the living room, looking through the open shutters at the view of the sea.He was reading while Sally buried herself in her needlework.Her lovely face looked all the more charming in the light shaded by the umbrella.They would whisper together, talking about the growing child; when she turned her eyes to look at him, there was a gleam of affection in her eyes.The fishermen he treated, and their wives, would come to express their sincere thanks; and he and Sally would also be connected with those ordinary people, sharing their joy and pain.Suddenly, however, his thoughts returned to his soon-to-be sons--his Philip's, and Sally's too.Already he felt in himself a kind of affection for his son.He imagined that he was stroking his son's perfect limbs with his hands, and he was convinced that his son must be very handsome.He will also bequeath to his son his ideals of preparing himself for a rich life.Looking back on his long life journey, Philip embraced his relationship with Sally.He silently endured the disability that made his life difficult.He knew it distorted his character.Now, however, he found that, also from it, he had acquired that power of reflection which gave him infinite pleasure.Without it he would never have acquired a keen taste, never a love of literature and art, and an interest in the wonders of life.He was often ridiculed and looked down upon by others, but all these made him introverted and made his heart bloom with endless fragrance.Then he realized that normal things are the most precious things in the world.Everyone has flaws, either physical or mental.At this moment, he recalled all the people he was familiar with (the whole world is like a ward, everything in it is really inexplicable), and he saw a long queue in front of him, everyone was physically disabled and mentally traumatized: Some of them were physically ill, either heart disease or tuberculosis; some were mentally disturbed, either depression or alcoholism.At this moment Philip felt a holy pity for them.They are involuntary, but the instruments of blind chance.He might forgive Griffiths for his cunning, and Mildred, though she had caused him so much pain.The two of them are also involuntary.It is only reasonable to recognize people's virtues and tolerate their faults.At this moment, the last words of the dying God before his death flashed through his mind:

Oh, forgive them, for they know not what they do.