Chapter 79 Chapter 79

Philip returned to London two or three days before the term began, in order to find himself shelter.He searched the streets beyond Westminster Bridge Road, but the houses in this part of the country were repulsively squalid.Finally, he found a house in Kennington.There was a quiet, quaint air about the area, reminiscent of Thackeray's London beyond the Thames as he knew it.Now the sycamore trees on both sides of Kennington Street are putting out new leaves.I think the four-wheeled four-seater carriage that the Newcomb family took must have passed through here to the West End of London.The houses on the street Philip had set his sights on were all two-story buildings of the same color, and notices for rent were posted on most of the windows.He walked up to a house where the notice stated that the rooms were unfurnished, raised his hand and knocked on the door.A stern, unsmiling woman answered the door and showed Philip four small rooms, one of which contained a stove and sink.The rent was nine shillings a week.Philip did not need so many rooms, but in view of the low rent he wished to agree with the woman on the spot.He asked if she could clean his room and cook a breakfast for him, but she replied that she was busy enough without doing those two things.Philip was rather pleased by this, for she was insinuating to him that she wanted nothing to do with him except to collect his rent.She then told Philip that if he went to the grocer's on the corner of the street, which was also the post office, he might find a woman who would "look after" him.

Philip didn't have much furniture, which he gathered gradually during several moves.An easy-chair he had bought in Paris; a table, a couple of pictures, and a small Persian rug had all been sent to him by Cronshaw.His uncle gave him a rollaway bed.Since his uncle no longer rents out the house in August, there is no need for a rollaway bed.Besides, for ten shillings he bought some necessary articles of furniture.He also bought, for ten shillings, a gold-coloured wallpaper to cover the room which he intended to be a sitting-room.On the walls hung a sketch of Great Augustine Street that Lawson had given him, and Ingres's "The Slave" and Manet's famous painting "Olambia".When he was in Paris, he would meditate on these two paintings whenever he shaved.To remind himself of his foray into the art world, Philippe also hung up his charcoal portrait of the young Spaniard Miguel Ajuria—his best painting, standing It was a naked young man, with his fists clenched tightly, and his ten toes gripping the floor with a strange force. There was a resolute look on his face, which made people unforgettable after seeing it.Though the defects of this masterpiece were clear to Philip after all this time, the associations which it aroused made him forgive them.He wondered what happened to Miguel.There is nothing more terrifying in the world than a person who has no artistic talent but knocks on the gate of the Palace of Art.Maybe he died in the hospital because of unbearable food and dew, hunger and disease; or in despair, he was finally buried in the dirty Seine; He retired, and now, perhaps as a clerk in an office in Madrid, he is pouring his talents roughly into politics or the bullring.

Philip invites Lawson and Hayward to visit his new house.The two of them came as promised, one with a bottle of whiskey and the other with a bag of pate de foie gras.Philip was delighted to hear both of them admiring his eyesight.He wanted to invite the Scotch guy who was a stockbroker to have a good time, but he only had three chairs, and he could only entertain two guests.Lawson knew that it was through him that Philip had made the acquaintance of Nora Nesbitt.Now he told Philip about his encounter with Nora a few days before. "She also asked you hello." Philip blushed at the mention of Nora's name (he had an embarrassing habit of blushing when he was embarrassed), and Lawson looked at Philip suspiciously.Lawson now spends most of the year in London.He really did like the Romans, his hair was cut short, he was dressed in a neat serge uniform, and he wore a bowler hat on his head.

"I think it's over with you and Nora," said Lawson. "I haven't seen her in months." "She looked very lively. She had on a very pretty hat that day, with lots of snow-white ostrich feathers on it. She must have had a good time." Philip changed the subject, but he couldn't let Norah go.After a while the three of them were talking about other things, when Philip suddenly blurted out to Lawson: "When you met her, did you have the impression that she was still mad at me?" "Not at all. She told you a hundred and twenty!" "I want to see her."

"She's not going to eat you." In the previous period Philip had often thought of Nora.When Mildred abandoned him, he thought of Nora first, and told himself bitterly that Nora would never treat him as Mildred did.For a moment he could not help wanting to go back to Nora, and Nora must have sympathized with what had happened to him.And yet he was ashamed, because Nora had always been kind to him, and he had been very mean to her. When Lawson and Hayward had taken their leave, he smoked his last pipe before bed.At this moment, he said to himself: "It would be nice if I kept watching her all the time!"

Philip thought about the beauty of the good times he and Nora had spent in that cozy little room off the Place Vincent, of their visits to galleries and theatres, and of the days when they A charming evening of heart-to-heart talks between the two.He recalled Nora's constant concern for his health, and her deep concern for everything about him.She loved Philip deeply with a sincere and loyal affection, which was far more than sexual and almost maternal.He knows that this kind of love is very precious, and it is for this that he should sincerely thank the gods for their kindness.He made up his mind to ask Nora for mercy.She must have been very distressed, but he felt that she had a noble heart and a generous heart, and would forgive him, because she had always been kind to people.Should I write her a letter?No.He was going to break into her room suddenly and fall at her feet—he knew in his heart that he would be too timid to make such a dramatic gesture.But that was the way he liked to think about it--to tell her straight up that if she would take him in, she could always rely on him.He had recovered from the abominable ordeal he had been through, he knew the value of her character, and now she could trust him.He daydreamed lightly, and his thoughts suddenly turned to his vision for the future.He pictured himself boating on the river with Nora on Sundays; he was going to take her on a tour of Greenwich.He will never forget the joy of going out with Hayward for sightseeing, and the beauty of London Harbor will always be deeply etched in his memory.On hot summer afternoons, he and Nora would sit and talk in the park.He thought of Nora's laughter, like the sound of old tears flowing over pebbles in a bend of a stream, funny, garrulous, yet full of character.Thinking of this, Philip couldn't help laughing.Then the pain he had suffered would pass from his mind like a bad dream.

At tea-time next afternoon Philip thought that Nora must be at home at this time.But when he raised his hand and knocked on the door, a surge of courage disappeared without a trace.Will Nora forgive him?It was contemptible for him to pester her like this.A servant girl came out and opened the door.He had never seen the maid before on his daily visits.Philip asked her if Mrs. Nesbitt was at home. "Will you ask her if she can see Mr. Carey?" said Philip. "I'll wait here for an answer." The maid thumped up the stairs, and after a while, thumped down again. "Sir, please go upstairs. The front room on the second floor."

"I know," said Philip, with a small smile on his face. Philip went in with a beating heart.He knocked on the door. "Come in," said the familiar, cheery voice. This voice seemed to beckon him to go to a new land full of tranquility and happiness.As soon as his feet stepped into the room, Nora came forward to meet him. She shook hands with Philip as if they had parted only the day before.At this moment, a man suddenly stood up. "This is Mr. Carey--this is Mr. Kingsford." Philip was disappointed to see that Nora was not alone at home.When he was seated, he secretly and carefully looked at the strange man in front of him.He had never heard Norah mention the man's name, but it seemed to him that the strange man sat at ease in the chair, as if at home.The man was about forty years old, with a clean shaven beard and long, blond hair that was pomaded and combed neatly.He was ruddy and had the tired, cloudy eyes of a handsome man past puberty.He has a big mouth and a big nose, with high and prominent cheekbones.He was a tall man with a round waist and a thick back, and he was of medium height.

"I've been wondering what's the matter with you," said Nora, with her usual rapturous expression on her face. "I met Mr. Lawson the other day—did he tell you?—and I told him you should come and see me too." Philip caught a hint of embarrassment in the expression of her face.Philip himself felt rather awkward about this meeting, but seeing Nora calmly, he felt admiration spontaneously.Nora made him a cup of tea, and just as he was about to add sugar to it, Philip hurried out to make it. "Look at my memory!" she exclaimed. "I forgot." Philip did not believe she would forget, and she must have stuck to his habit of never adding sugar to his tea.He took it as a sign that she was out of shape and out of control.

The conversation which had been interrupted by Philip's unexpected visit resumed.Philip gradually felt that it was a bit awkward to ask questions among them, as if he was a superfluous person.Kingsford acted like no one was around, pretending that he wasn't there, and just kept talking on his own.His conversation is not without humor, but the tone is a bit assertive.He appeared to be a newspaper man, and he had something interesting to say on every subject touched.Philip was astonished to find himself gradually excluded from the circle of conversation.He made up his mind to stay with him to the end, and sat until the intruder got up to leave.He wondered to himself whether this Mr. Kingsford had also taken a fancy to Norah.In the past, he and Nora often talked about some oily bachelors who wanted to hang out with Nora, and laughed at those guys who didn't know what to do.Philip tried to steer the conversation into subjects familiar only to him and Nora, but every time he did so the newspaperman invariably intervened, and always succeeded in directing the conversation into a place where Philip could not speak. Had to keep silent on the topic.Philip felt a little resentful towards Nora for this, for she should have seen that he was being fooled.But perhaps she was punishing him by it, and the thought returned Philip to his old glee.At last the clock struck six Kingsford rose suddenly.

"I have to say goodbye," he said. Nora shook hands with him and walked him to the landing.She closed the door casually and stayed outside for two or three minutes.Philip wondered what they were muttering. "Who is Mr. Kingsford?" Philip asked cheerfully, when Nora came back into the room. "Oh, he's the editor of a magazine in Harmsworth, and he's accepted quite a few of my papers lately. "I thought he was trying to stay here." "I'm glad you could stay. I wanted to talk to you." She sat in a large easy chair, curling her small body into a ball as much as she could, her legs tucked under her hips.Philip smiled at her amusing habit. "You look like a cat." Nora's charming eyes lit up suddenly, and she glanced at Philip. "It's time for me to get rid of this habit. At my age, it's kind of ridiculous to act like a child, but I feel comfortable sitting with my legs crossed under my buttocks." "I'm so glad to be sitting in this room again," said Philip cheerfully. "You have no idea how much I miss it!" "Then why didn't you come last time?" Nora asked cheerfully. "I'm afraid to come here," said Philip, blushing again. Nora gave him a loving look, and a charming smile appeared on the corner of her mouth. "You don't have to." Philip hesitated for a long time.His heart was pounding. "Do you remember the last time we met? I treated you so badly, and I'm deeply ashamed of it." She looked straight at Philip, but said nothing.Philip was dazed, as if he had come here to perform an errand which he now realized was absurd.Nora was only silent, and Philip had to blurt out again stiffly: "Can you forgive me?" Then, Philip told Nora what he felt sad and almost committed suicide, and everything that happened between him and Mildred, the birth of the child, the process of Griffith getting to know Mildred, and himself. All the infatuation, trust, and deceitful things about him were revealed one by one.He also confides to Nora that he often thinks of her kindness and love for him, and is infinitely regretful that he abandoned her kindness and love for him.He was happy only when he was with Nora, and now he really realized the nobility of Nora's character.Philip's voice was also hoarse with emotion.Sometimes he was so ashamed that he couldn't bear it, so he kept his eyes fixed on the floor when he spoke.His face was contorted with pain, but being able to express his full emotions gave him an indescribable sense of relief.He finally finished.He slumped into a chair, exhausted, and waited silently for Nora to speak.He confided everything in his heart, and even described himself as a despicable child in the process of telling.He was astonished that Nora remained silent.He raised his eyelids to look at her, and realized that she was not looking at him.Nora looked unusually pale and preoccupied. "Don't you have anything to say to me?" Nora couldn't help being startled, her cheeks flushed suddenly. "I'm afraid you've had a very rough time," she said. "I'm so sorry." She seemed to want to continue talking, but stopped abruptly.Philip had to wait patiently.Finally she seemed to force herself to speak. "I am engaged to Mr. Kingsford." "Why didn't you tell me in the first place?" cried Philip; "you don't have to make me make a fool of myself before you!" "I'm sorry, but I couldn't bear to interrupt you... You told me that your friend came back to you shortly after I met him--" She seemed to be trying to find words that didn't hurt Philip. --"I was sad for a while, but he was very kind to me. He knew that someone broke my heart, but of course he didn't know that it was you. I don't know how to live without him. All of a sudden Well, I don't think I can go on and on and on and on and on and on and on; I'm so tired and I don't feel well. I told him about my husband. If I promise to be with you soon He's married, and he's willing to give me money to divorce my husband. He's got a good job, so I don't have to do everything unless I want to. He's very fond of me, and he's eager to take care of me, It touched my heart deeply. Right now I like him very much, too." "Then the divorce is settled?" "The divorce decree has been obtained, but it will not take effect until July. We will get married as soon as July comes." For some time Philip was silent. "I hope I don't make a fool of myself," he murmured at last. At this moment, he was reminiscing about his long and ugly confession.Nora watched him curiously. "You never took me seriously," said Nora. "Falling in love is not a very pleasant thing." Philip, however, was always quick to compose himself.He stood up and held out his hand to Nora.At this moment, he said in his mouth: "I wish you a happy life. Anyway, it's the best thing that can happen to you." Nora took Philip's hand and held it, staring at Philip with attachment. "You'll come to see me again, won't you?" Nora asked. "Not again," said Philip, shaking his head. "I should be jealous to see you happy." Philip left Nora's apartment with slow steps.At any rate, Nora was right when she said he had never loved her.He was disappointed, even a little resentful, but his vanity was less hurt than hurt.In this regard, he himself knows it well.At this time, he gradually realized that God had played a small joke on him, and couldn't help laughing at himself with tears in his eyes.It's not a good feeling to entertain yourself by laughing at your own absurd behavior!