Chapter 76 Chapter 76

At noon next day Philip sat in his bedroom wondering whether Mildred would come or not.He had slept badly the first night.This morning he passed the time at the Medical School Club by flipping through newspaper after newspaper.School was out and few of the pupils he knew were in London, but he managed to find a chat or two and a game of chess to pass the dreary time.After lunch, he felt exhausted and had a splitting headache, so when he returned to his apartment, he fell on the bed and read a novel.He had not seen Griffiths.He was not at home when Philip returned the night before.He was heard later but not seen, and he did not peep into Philip's room as usual to see if he had fallen asleep.In the morning, I heard him running out early.It was obvious that Griffiths wanted to avoid seeing him face to face.Suddenly, there was a light knock on the door, Philip jumped out of bed, and limped to open the door. Mildred stood motionless by the door.

"Come in," said Philip. He closed the door behind her.Mildred sat down.She hesitated before speaking. "Thank you for giving me two shillings last night," she said. "Oh, thank you soon." She gave Philip a faint smile in return.It reminded Philip of the timid, flattering look on a dog's face after it has been beaten for mischief, in order to please its master. "Harry and I were having lunch together," she said. "yes?" "Philip, if you want me to accompany you to Paris on Saturday, I am going to accompany you." A kind of ecstasy of victory hit his heart like lightning, but this emotion was fleeting, and then a cloud of doubt rose in his heart.

"Is it for the money?" he asked. "It's half of it," she said candidly. "There's nothing Harry can do. He owes five months' rent here, and you owe seven pounds, and the tailor keeps pinning him for his wages. He pawns everything he can, but he pawns everything." I'd worry enough to get rid of the seamstress who made my dress, but this Saturday the rent is due again. I can't find a job in five minutes and it always takes a while to get it Wait for an opening." She said this in a calm but complaining tone, as if she was talking about the irrationality of fate, which, although irrational, was inherent and had to be resigned.Philip did not say a word after hearing this, but he could see clearly the intention of her saying this.

"You've only said half your words," he said at last. "Well, Harry said you've been good to both of us. He said that in his mind, you were his real best friend, and I'm afraid there's no other man in the world like you for everything you've done for me." That's right. He said that we should be upright and honest. Just like you said about him, he also said that he was not like you, that he was not special by nature, and that it would be very stupid for me to abandon you for his sake. His feelings don't last, and yours does. He used to say that himself."

"Would you like to go to Paris with me?" asked Philip. "I have no objection." He stared at Mildred, with the corners of his mouth curled downward, revealing a trace of sadness.He has indeed won a big victory, and his long-cherished wish is about to be fulfilled.He couldn't help laughing, laughing at the humiliation he had suffered.Mildred glanced at him quickly, but said nothing. "I am eagerly looking forward to our visit to Paris together. I have thought that after so much suffering, I have finally found happiness..." But he couldn't finish what he wanted to say.Suddenly, without warning, Mildred burst into tears, and burst into tears.The chair she was sitting in was where Nora had sat and sobbed.Like Nora, Mildred rested her face on the back of the chair.The backrest was sunken in the center and slightly raised on both sides, so she rested her head on the hollow in the center of the chair.

"I've never had luck with women," thought Philip. Her bony body heaved and fell with sobs.Philip had never seen a woman weep so utterly forlorn.Suddenly, a wave of fear gripped his heart tightly and tore his heart apart.Without knowing it, he moved up to Mildred and put his arms around her.Mildred made no resistance, and let him caress her in the hour of grief.Philip whispered comforting and personal words in her ear, what he did not know very well.He then bent down and kept kissing her face. "Are you sad?" he asked finally. "I wish I were dead," she sighed mournfully, "I wish I had died in childbirth."

She still had a hat on her head, which was in the way, so Philip helped her take it off.He put her head in the more comfortable part of the chair, then went and sat down at the table, looking at her intently. "It's a terrible thing, darling, isn't it?" said Philip. "It's amazing how anybody needs love!" After a while, Mildred gradually stopped her sobbing, and slumped in a chair exhaustedly, with her head thrown back and her arms hanging limply by her sides. Son. "I didn't know you loved him so much," Philip went on. Philip put himself in Griffiths' place, seeing people with his eyes, and touching with his hands; he could imagine Griffiths' body to be his own, and talk to Mildred with his mouth. Reed kissed, smiling at her with his smiling eyes.Philip, therefore, fully understood Griffiths' affection.It was Mildred's feelings that surprised him.It had never occurred to him that she could be emotional, and this time it was real, unquestionably emotional.Something was gone inside him, and he felt it sharply, as if something had collapsed.He just felt that he was inexplicably weak.

"I don't mean to make you sad. If you don't want to go with me, don't go. I'll pay you whether you go or not." She shook her head and said: "It can't be like this. I said I would go with you, so I will go." "If you are attached to him with all your heart, what good is it going to do?" "Yes, you're quite right. I'm really attached to him. Like Griffiths, I know it won't last, but for now..." She stopped talking and closed her eyes at once, as if she was going to faint.A strange idea flashed into Philip's mind, and he blurted out without thinking:

"Why don't you go with him?" "Then how? You know we have no money." "Money, I'll give it!" "you?!" She sat up abruptly and stared at Philip.The pair of pupils gradually brightened, and the cheeks gradually turned rosy. "It seems like the best thing to do is for you to go out and spend this time, and then come to my side." He suddenly felt resentful for making such a suggestion.Yet this painful ordeal brought with him a strange, elusive emotion.Mildred stared at him with wide eyes. "Oh, what are we going to do with your money? Harry would never agree."

"Oh, go and persuade him, he will agree." Her disapproval only made him more determined, but he wished in his heart that Mildred would reject the proposal flatly. "I'll give you five quid so you can stay out of town from Saturday to Monday. That's enough money. On Monday he's going home, and he's going to stay until he's back in North London to take up his duties." "Oh, Philip, is it true?" she cried, clapping her hands. "As long as you let me go with him, I will love you deeply in the future, and I will do anything for you. As long as you really do this, I will definitely be able to overcome this emotional crisis. You really Would you like to give us money?"

"Really," he replied. At this moment, Mildred became a different person, she grinned and laughed.You could tell she was ecstatic.Mildred got up from her chair, knelt down beside Philip, and took his hand tightly. "It's very kind of you, Philip. You're the nicest man I've ever met. Are you going to be mad at me?" Philip smiled and shook his head, but what a pain he was suffering in his heart! "Can I go and tell Harry now? Can I tell him you don't mind? He won't agree unless you say it doesn't matter. Oh, you don't know how much I love him! What do you want me to do in the future?" I'll do what I want. I'll be back with you on Monday to Paris, anywhere." She stood up and put on her hat. "Where are you going?" "I'll go and ask him if he'd like to take me with him." "So urgent?" "Do you want me to stay here? You want me to stay and I won't go." She sat down, but Philip giggled. "No, that's all right, you go. But one thing must be made clear: I don't want to see Griffiths at the moment, it hurts me so much. Go and tell him that I, Philip, have no hostility towards him." , and no other bad opinion, but please keep him away from me." "Okay," she sprang up from her chair and quickly put on her gloves, "I'll pass his word on to you." "You'd better come and have dinner with me tonight." "That's nice." She looked up for him to kiss her, and when Philip's lips were near hers, she threw her arms around his neck. "You are a lovely fellow, Philip." Two or three hours later she sent him a note saying that she had a headache and could not keep her promise to dine with him.Philip almost expected her to come.He knew she was eating with Griffiths.He was jealous, but the sudden passion that captivated them both seemed to come from outside, as if it had been given to them by the gods, and he felt powerless and helpless.It was very natural for them to fall in love.He saw the advantages of Griffiths over himself, and admitted that if he had been in Mildred's place he would have done what Mildred did.What hurt him most was Griffith's treachery.They had been such dear friends, and Griffiths was well aware of how much he felt for Mildred.Griffiths should hold him up. He had not seen Mildred until Friday, but he hated seeing her, too.But when she appeared before him, he knew that he had no place in Mildred's heart, for Griffiths were both of them's thoughts.Suddenly, he hated her.Now he understood why she and Griffiths were in love.Griffiths is stupid, oh, stupid as hell!He has always known this, but just ignored it.Griffiths is goofy and impetuous.The charm of him just conceals his extremely selfish heart. In order to satisfy his selfish desires, he can betray anyone.What a poor and empty life he lived, he was either wandering in bars all day, drinking too much in vaudeville theaters, or sleeping in flowers and willows everywhere, causing a lot of romantic incidents!He has never read, and knows nothing except sensuality.He didn't turn a good idea: the word that hangs on his lips most often is "beautiful".It is the highest compliment he can give to a man or woman.Pretty!No wonder he was able to please Mildred, they were in unison, and they were asking each other. Philip said trifles to Mildred.He knew Mildred wanted to tell about Griffiths, but he didn't give her a chance to speak.He avoided talking about her refusal to dine with him on a small excuse two nights before.He was casual, trying to convince her that he suddenly didn't care about anything.He had developed a peculiar knack for chattering about little things that he knew would hurt her.What he said was so subtle, and he spoke it so tactfully that she couldn't tell without suffering.Finally, she stood up abruptly. "I think I should go," she said. "You're pretty busy!" he retorted. She held out her hand, and Philip shook her good-bye, and opened the door for her.He knew what she wanted to say, and he knew that his cold, sarcastic air frightened her away.His shyness often makes him appear indifferent, and invisibly makes people shy away when they see him.After he discovered this, he pretended to be like this to deal with others whenever he had the opportunity. "You never forget your promise!" said Mildred, as he held the door. "What promise?" "Money." "How much?" His tone of voice was cold and prudent, which made his words particularly poignant.Mildred blushed.He knew in his heart that Mildred hated him now, and Philip was amazed at Mildred's strength to restrain herself from losing her temper.He wants to make her suffer. "There's clothes and rent to be paid tomorrow. That's all. Harry isn't leaving, so we don't need that money." Philip's heart skipped a beat, his hand let go, and the door slammed shut again. "Why don't you go?" "He said we don't have any money, and we can't use your money." A demon has taken hold of Philip's heart, a tormenting demon of its own that lurks within him.Although he hoped that Griffith and Mildred would not both run away, there was nothing he could do.He put himself through Mildred to persuade Griffiths. "I don't see why I can't go if I want to," he said. "That's what I told him." "I should have thought that if he really wanted to go, he wouldn't hesitate." "Oh, that's not the case. He's always wanted to go. If he had money, he'd go at once." "If he's too reserved, I'll give you the money." "As I said, if he is willing, the money will be considered a loan from you, and we will repay it in full as soon as we have money." "That way, it's a little bit different than kneeling in front of a man begging him to take you for the weekend." "It's somewhat different, isn't it?" She said with a cheeky giggle. " The laughter made Philip shudder. ; "So what are you going to do?" he asked. "Nothing. He's going home tomorrow. He must go." Now Philip was saved.Without Griffiths in sight, he could bring Mildred back to him.She had no acquaintance in London, so she had to stay with him.As long as they were alone together, he could make her forget the affair very quickly.If he just let it go and said no more, nothing would happen.However, he has a strong desire to dispel their scruples, and he wants to see how hateful they will treat him.If he had only a little trick to entice them, they would yield to him, and the thought of their groveling and humiliation filled him with an uncontrollable joy.Although every time he uttered a word, his heart felt like a pinprick, but he found that there was infinite joy in this pain. "It seems that things have come to a point where we can wait until later." "That's exactly what I told him," she said. Philip was startled by the excited tone of her speech.He bit his fingernails nervously. "Where do you want to go?" "Oh, to Oxford. He went to college there, as you know. He said he'd show me around the campus." Philip remembered that he had once suggested that they should go to Oxford together for a day, but she had flatly refused, saying that the sights there did not interest her. "Looks like you're going to have good weather. It's time for fun out there." "I've been tearing my lip trying to convince him to go there." "Why don't you try again?" "Do you still want us to go?" "I don't think you have to go so far," said Philip. She paused for a second or two, looking directly at Philip, who was trying to turn his eyes at her with feigned friendliness.He hated her, despised her, but loved her sincerely. "I'll tell you what I mean, and I'm going to go to him and see if he can make arrangements for it. If he agrees, I'll come to you tomorrow to get the money. When will you be home tomorrow?" "I'll be back and wait for you as soon as I have lunch." "OK." "Now I'll give you money to pay for clothes and rent." He went to the desk and took out all the cash he had.The dress cost six guineas, and on top of that, her rent, her meals, and the child's adoption.He gave her eight pounds and ten shillings altogether. "Thank you so much," she said. Mildred turned and left.