Chapter 66 Chapter 66

Philip immersed himself in his studies in a good mood.He has a lot to do, because in July he has to take the first three subjects of the Unified Examination, two of which he failed last time.Despite this, he still felt that life was full of joy.He made a new friend.When Lawson was looking for a model, he found a girl who was practicing as an understudy in a theater.To entice the girl to sit for his portrait, Lawson arranged a luncheon one Sunday.The girl came with a companion.Philip was also invited to attend.This makes up four people.His task is to accompany the girl's bridesmaid.He found it easy, for the bridesmaid was a pleasant talker, with an amusing wit of eloquence.She invited Philip to see her at her place, and told him she had rooms in Vincent Square, and usually had tea at five o'clock in the afternoon.He did go, was glad to see himself welcomed, and visited again later.Mrs. Nesbitt was only twenty-five years old, short in stature, and, though not beautiful, her features were sweet and lovely.She has sparkling eyes, high cheekbones and a wide mouth.The disparity in the shades of the various parts of her face reminds one of a portrait of a figure by a modern French painter.Her fair complexion, rosy cheeks, bushy eyebrows, and shiny black hair had an odd, unnatural effect, but by no means offending.Separated from her husband, she supported herself and her children by writing modest novellas.There were one or two publishers specializing in such novels, so she could write as much as she could.The remuneration for this kind of novel is very low, only fifteen pounds for a 30,000-word novel, but she is satisfied.

"After all, readers only pay twopence for such a novel," she said, "and they read the same story forever, I just change the name. Sometimes I get bored, but when I think I have to pay laundry and rent , I have to buy more clothes for the children, so I bite the bullet and write down." In addition, she went to several theaters that needed supporting roles to find work and earn a little money.Once employed, she could earn sixteen shillings to a guinea a week.But at the end of the day, she was so exhausted that she fell asleep like a dead person.Her life is bumpy, but she can take care of herself; her strong sense of humor allows her to enjoy herself even when she is in trouble.Sometimes, in a stroke of luck, she found herself penniless, and her worthless belongings were sent to the pawnshop on Vauxhall Bridge Road.She ate buttered bread until things got better.However, she never lost her cheerful nature.

Philip was interested in the kind of modest life she led.She babbled on and on about her grotesque personal struggles to make him laugh.He asked her why she didn't try to write better quality literature.However, she knew that she didn't have such talent, and besides, the remuneration calculated by thousands of words for her shoddy and inferior works was justified, and at the same time, this kind of works were written with all her strength.She wanted nothing more than to wish that the present life would continue.She seemed to have no relatives, and several friends were as poor as she was.

"What's going to happen in the future, I don't even think about it," she said. "As long as I have money to pay three weeks' rent and a pound or two for groceries, I don't think about anything. What's the point of living if you're thinking about today and worrying about tomorrow? It's as bad as it gets. I think there is always a way to go.” It was not long before Philip got into the habit of going every day to share tea with Mrs Nesbitt.That way she would not be embarrassed when he called on her with a piece of cake, or a pound of butter, or some tea.They began to call each other by their Christian names.He was new to female tenderness, but he was delighted to have someone willing to listen to his troubles.Time flies hour by hour.He made no secret of his admiration for her.She is a delightful companion.He could not help comparing her with Mildred: the one was ignorant and opinionated, and took no interest in anything she did not know; the other was quick-witted and full of wit.It was disheartening to think that he might be entangled with a woman like Mildred almost all his life.One evening Philip told Nora the full story of his love affair with Mildred.He did it not because it added any luster to his face, but because he was delighted to have the sympathy of Nora's charmer.

"I think you're pretty much out of the woods now," she continued after he had finished. Sometimes, like an Aberdeen puppet, she would cock her head comically to one side.She was sitting in a vertical chair, sewing.She doesn't have time to sit still and do nothing.Philip nestled comfortably at her feet. "It's hard to describe how happy I am with the bottom of my heart that this is finally over." "Poor thing, you must have been very unhappy during that time," she murmured, placing a hand on his shoulder in sympathy. Philip seized the hand on his shoulder suddenly and kissed it.Nora hastily withdrew her hand.

"Why are you doing this?" she asked, blushing. "Are you unhappy?" She stared at him for a moment with smoky eyes, and then smiled sweetly. "No," she said. Philip got up on his knees and faced her.Nora stared blankly into his eyes, and the wide mouth moved in a smile. "What's the matter?" Nora asked. "Oh, you're a wonderful man. I can't thank you enough for treating me so well. I like you so much." "Just say silly things," she said. Philip took her arm and pulled her towards him.Instead of resisting, she leaned forward slightly.He kissed her red lips.

"Why are you doing this?" she asked again. "Because it's so comfortable!" She was silent, but her eyes were shining with gentle light.She stroked his hair lovingly with her hands. "You know, it's stupid of you to do that. We're such close friends. Isn't it great that we've been friends?" "If you really want to have my way," replied Philip, "you'd better not touch my cheek as you are doing now." She giggled, but she didn't stop touching his cheek. "I'm doing it wrong, aren't I?" she said.

Philip looked into her eyes with mixed surprise.At this moment, he noticed that her eyes were gradually brightening, full of affection, and the expression contained in those eyes made his heart sway.His heart couldn't help being agitated, and tears welled up in his eyes. "Nora, you don't like me, do you?" he asked, looking puzzled. "You're a smart boy, you can't ask such stupid questions." He hugged her suddenly. After a while Philip let go of her, squatted back on his heels, and looked at her curiously. "Well, I'm just freaking out!" he said.

"why?" "I'm so surprised!" "Aren't you happy?" "So happy," he cried, in a voice that seemed to burst from the bottom of his heart, "so proud, so happy, so grateful!" He took her hand and kept kissing it.This was the beginning of a happiness for Philip that was as solid as a rock and would never die.They became a couple, but remained friends.In Nora there was a motherly instinct which was satisfied by pouring out her love on Philip.She wanted someone to fondle, scold, and sting; she had a domestic temperament, and found pleasure in tending his health and mending his laundry.She sympathized deeply with his handicap, and he himself was unusually sensitive to it, so she instinctively expressed her affection for him in a tender way.She was still a young woman just past her cardamom age, healthy and plump.For her, giving her love came naturally and quite naturally.She was in a happy mood, and her heart was full of laughter.She liked Philip because he laughed with her at all the interesting things in life that pleased her; she liked him above all because he was him.

When she told this to Philip he said cheerfully: "Nonsense. You like me because I'm a quiet person and never interrupt." Philip did not love Nora at all.However, he liked her very much, was willing to be with her, and listened to her witty conversation with great interest.Nora helped him build up confidence in himself, like a healing ointment for his spiritual wounds.He admired her for being courageous, full of optimism, and boldly challenging fate.She has no philosophy of life herself, but she is practical and not artificial. "You know, churches, pastors, stuff like that, I don't believe in it," she said. "However, I believe in God. But as long as you can make ends meet, as long as you can sometimes be brave enough to save people in danger, I don't believe that God will think of you. I think people always come It's decent to say, and I feel sorry for those who aren't."

"What then?" asked Philip. "Oh, I've got a lot on my mind, you know that," she smiled. "I'm optimistic, though. In any case, I won't be paying rent or writing novels." She had that feminine talent for being able to read people's words and feelings, and to do what they like when they flatter others.She thought it a decisive move for Philip to leave Paris, knowing that he had no hope of becoming a great painter.He listened rapturously as she raved about him.Does this move show his bravery, or the vacillation of his life, he has always been doubtful.He was relieved to think that she thought it was an act of heroism.She spoke boldly to him about the subject his friends instinctively avoided. "You're silly to be so sensitive to your lame foot," she said.Seeing him sullen and flushed, she went on: "You know, people don't think as much as you do. They notice you the first time they see you, and then they forget." Philip would not speak. "You're not mad at me, are you?" "not angry." "You know, I say this because I love you. I never want to upset you." "I think you can tell me anything," replied Philip, smiling. "I wish I could do something to show my gratitude to you." Nora used other methods to keep him firmly in her hands, to keep him from being rough like a bear.Whenever he loses his temper, she laughs at him.She made Philip more suave. "You can make me do anything you want," he told her once. "Do you mind?" "No, I want to do what you want me to do." He feels a desire to realize his own happiness.In his view, Nora gave to herself all that a wife could give to her husband, yet he was free to move about.She was the most charming friend he had ever had, and he got more sympathy from her than he had ever found in a man.The relation of the sexes was but the strongest bond of friendship between them.With it, the friendship between the two of them was perfect, but it was by no means inseparable.Moreover, his desires were satisfied, and he became calmer and easier to get along with people.He felt completely in control of himself.Sometimes he remembered how, during those dead winter days, he had been haunted by very terrible desires, filled with loathing for Mildred and loathing for himself. His exam was drawing near.Nora cared as much about the test as he did.Her eagerness touched his heart deeply, and gave him great pleasure.She made him promise to return immediately and to tell her the results of the examination.He passed all three subjects with flying colors, and when he told her her eyes welled up with tears. "Oh, I'm so happy, how nervous and nervous I was!" "You stupid little girl," Philip broke out with a sore throat. Who wouldn't be thrilled to see her look like that? "What are you going to do now?" she asked. "I can take a holiday with a clear conscience. I have nothing to do until the winter term starts in October." "I suppose you're going to your uncle's at Blackstable?" "You're totally wrong. I'm going to stay in London and play with you." "I wish you would go." "Why? You hate me?" She smiled and put her hands on his shoulders. "You've been working too hard lately, you're pale, you need some fresh air and a good rest. Please go." He was silent for a moment, gazing at her with admiration. "You know, I'm sure no one else would say such things but you. You're always thinking of me. I don't know what you think of me." "Has my care for you this month left a good impression on you?" She said with a cheerful smile. "I want to say that you treat people kindly and considerately, you are never demanding on others, you are carefree all day long, you are not annoying, and you are easy to satisfy." "Say some goddamn shit," she said. "I'm going to tell you something: I've met people in my life who can learn something from life experience, and I'm one of the very few people."