Chapter 64 Chapter 64

About three o'clock in the morning Philip woke up and could no longer sleep.He thought of Mildred.He tried not to think about her, but his feelings were lingering and he couldn't help himself. Just like that, he stopped and stopped, over and over again, which made him dizzy.It was inevitable that Mildred would marry, for life is hard for a girl who is fending for herself; and if she finds someone who can provide her with a comfortable home and accepts it, that is too. blameless.Philip realized that, in Mildred's eyes, it would be foolish to marry her to him, because love alone could make the present straits bearable.However, she doesn't love him.It was by no means Mildred's fault, it was just another fact he had to accept.He tried to convince himself.He knew that his bruised ego was buried deep in his heart, and at this moment his lust rose from his bruised vanity.In fact, it was to a large extent because of this that he became depressed.Philip despised himself as much as he despised Mildred.He made plans for the future, thinking over and over the same plans.At this moment, he recalled the scene of kissing her delicate, pale cheek again, and her voice echoed in his ears.In medical school he had cut himself off from friends, and now he wanted company.What a coincidence, half a month ago, Hayward wrote to say that he was passing through London and invited Philip to have dinner with him, but at that time Philip politely declined because he did not want to be disturbed.Heyward was about to return to London for the social season, and Philip decided to write to him.

The clock strikes eight.He was still able to get up, and he was grateful for that.He was pale and tired.But when he had bathed, dressed, and had breakfast, he felt himself back on earth again, and the pain seemed more bearable.This morning, instead of attending lectures, he came to the Army and Navy Emporium to buy a wedding present for Mildred.Philip hesitated for a while, and finally decided on a toilet-bag.It cost twenty pounds, well beyond his means.However, this bag is both flashy and gaudy.He knew that Mildred would estimate the price of the bag very accurately.This gift can both make her happy and express his contempt for her.He felt a kind of aching satisfaction in his heart that he had chosen this gift.

Philip looked forward to the day of Mildred's marriage with trepidation, and he was looking forward to an unbearable pain.He was relieved to have a letter from Hayward on Saturday morning, saying that he had come to London earlier in the day, and had asked Philip to find accommodation for him in advance.Desperate to get out of his state of mind, Philip consulted the time-table to see which train Hayward was likely to take.He rushed to the station to meet Hayward.Friends get together, so excited.They stored their luggage at the station, and then left happily.Heyward, as usual, proposed that they first spend an hour in the National Gallery.Heyward, who had not looked at pictures for some time, said it was necessary to look at them, to get himself in tune with the rhythm of life.For months Philip had found no one with whom he could talk about art and books.Since his visit to Paris, Hayward had devoted himself to the study of modern French poets.In France, however, there are countless such poets.Hayward had at this moment to tell Philip about several gifted poets who were up to the literary scene.The two of them wandered through the art gallery, each pointing to each other's favorite pictures, talking passionately, from one topic to another.At this time, the sun is shining and the breeze is warm.

"Come on, let us go to the park and sit for a while," suggested Hayward, "and it won't be too late to look for a room after lunch." In the park, spring is full of vitality and refreshing.This kind of life makes people feel that as long as people are alive, they are happy.Against the backdrop of the sky, the verdant forests are extremely enchanting.The light blue sky is inlaid with white clouds.At the end of the jade belt-like river is a group of Royal Guard cavalry in gray uniforms.There is something of an eighteenth-century picture in this layered beauty. The scene in front of you reminds one of the plain, unadorned pictures of Johann-Baptiste Pater, not of Walter's. painting.Walter's landscape paintings are poetic, with the kind of forest and valley scenery that can only be seen in the fantasy world.Philip felt a relief in his heart.From the books he had read in the past, he realized that art (because art exists as he believes that nature exists) can also rescue the human heart from suffering.

The two of them went to an Italian restaurant for lunch and ordered a bottle of Chantilly.The two sipped and talked, recalling their acquaintances in Heidelberg, talking about Philip's friends in Paris, discussing books, pictures, morals and life.Suddenly Philip heard a clock strike three times, and felt the sound hit his heart.For a minute or two he heard nothing Hayward said.However, he continued to test the wine in his glass.He was not used to alcohol, and already felt the force of it rushing to his forehead.In any case, he was now free from worries.His quick mind, which had been idle for so many months, was now completely intoxicated by the conversation.He was extremely relieved to have someone with whom he had the same interests as him to talk to.

"Let me tell you, let's not waste this good time looking for a room. I'll settle you tonight. You can look for a room tomorrow or next Monday!" "Okay. So what are we going to do now?" Hayward responded. "We'll take the steamer to Greenwich for a penny." The idea played right into Hayward's hands.So he jumped into a cab with Philip and went to Westminster Bridge, and then took a steamer which was just leaving the shore.At this moment, a smile appeared on the corner of Philip's mouth.He said: "I remember when I went to Paris, Clutton, yes, he, gave a long speech. He said that painters and poets put beauty in things, that they created beauty. In "they It seems that Giotto's bell tower is no different from a factory chimney.However, beautiful things become more and more colorful as they evoke emotions in people from generation to generation.That is why old things are more beautiful than modern things.The "Ode to the Vase" is more timeless and charming now than it was when it first came out, because lovers have recited it for centuries, and pessimists have found comfort in it. "

Philip left Hayward to deduce what he might think of the scenery swaying by on either side of the bank.He realized that he had made a hint on purpose without being noticed by the other party, and he was secretly pleased.The kind of life he had lived for so long suddenly stirred up a strong reaction in his soul, which made him think a lot and feel emotionally attached to it.The ethereal atmosphere of London, with halos and flickers, casts a layer of soft, light and beautiful colors on the gray stone of the buildings; the wharves and warehouses exude a simple and solemn atmosphere similar to Japanese prints .The two of them continued to sail forward.The majestic waterway is the symbol of the British Empire, and it gets wider and wider as it goes forward.Thousands of sails are competing on the river, shuttling endlessly.Philip remembered with gratitude the painters and poets who had painted all this so gracefully.They came to the Thames River in the London area with the boat.Who can describe its majesty?Immediately, his thoughts raced and he was very excited.God knows what made the mighty river so smooth, that Boswell was always at Johnson's side, and that old Pepys stepped aboard.Ah, it turned out to be the magnificent British history, full of bizarre encounters and thrilling adventures!Philip turned to Hayward with a wide smile.

"Dear Dickens," he murmured.He couldn't help but smile when he felt his emotions arouse. "Don't you regret giving up painting?" asked Hayward. "No regrets!" "It seems that you like to practice medicine?" "No, on the contrary, I don't like being a doctor very much. But there's nothing else to do. The first two years of work are almost overwhelming, and besides, I'm not a scientist at all, unfortunately. temperament." "Oh, you can't change your mind anymore." "Well, no. I'm going to keep on studying medicine. I think I'll like it even more when I'm on the ward. I have an idea that I'm more interested in people than in anything else in the world. In my opinion, only when you are a doctor can you enjoy full freedom. You put knowledge in your head, carry a medical equipment box, and add a few medicines, and you can make a living everywhere."

"So you don't want to be a medical practitioner?" "Not wanting to be a medical practitioner, at least not for a long time," replied Philip. "As soon as I get a hospital position, I'm going to catch a sea liner. I want to go East—to the Malay Archipelago, Siam, China, and so on—and then I'll get odd jobs. There is something to do, for example, India has cholera, and so on. I also want to travel around the world. The only way a poor man can do it is to practice medicine." Then they came to Greenwich.The magnificent mansion designed by Inigo Jones looks gracefully on the river.

"Hey, look, that's where poor Jack jumped down to get his money," said Philip. The two of them strolled in the park.Ragged children were playing, their shouts resounding throughout the park.Groups of old sailors sat basking in the sun here and there.There is a kind of quaint atmosphere from a hundred years ago. "It's a pity that you wasted two years in Paris," Hayward sighed. "What a waste? Look at the movement of that child, look at the pattern of sunlight shining through the leaves on the ground, and look at the patch of sky overhead—oh, if I don't go to Paris, I can't see the sky there. "

Heyward found Philip choked up, and could not help gazing at him in amazement. "What happened to you?" "It's nothing. I'm sorry, I'm so sad. However, in the past six months, I have been eager to see the beauty of nature every moment." "You used to be very practical. Funny to have that kind of stuff coming out of your mouth." "Fuck you, I don't want to be funny," Philip said with a laugh. "Come on, let's have a cup of strong tea!"