Chapter 57 Chapter fifty-seven

Philip arrived at Victoria Station almost half an hour earlier than Mildred had appointed.He sat in the second-class waiting room and waited and looked around, but he didn't see her coming for a long time.He couldn't hold it any longer, so he got up and walked into the station, looking at the trains coming from the suburbs.The time she set has passed, and she is still nowhere to be seen.In a hurry, Philip ran into the other waiting rooms and looked around.Suddenly, his heart skipped a beat. "There you are! I thought you weren't coming." "It's because I know it's going to take so long that I'm not happy to come. I'm thinking about going home."

"But you said you were waiting in the second-class waiting room." "I didn't say that at all. Why should I sit in the second-class waiting room when I can sit in the first-class waiting room, don't you think?" Philip was sure he had heard correctly, but he stopped defending himself.They got into a cab. "Where are we going to eat?" she asked. "I'd like to go to the Adelph's. Would it suit you?" "I don't give a damn if I eat anywhere." said Mildred angrily.Just now she waited for a long time in vain, holding back her anger, and now Philip wanted to talk to her, but she hummed and ignored her.She wore a long cloak of dark coarse material, and a crocheted scarf wrapped around her head.They came to the restaurant and took seats at a table.She looked around with satisfaction.The candle lamps on the dining table are all covered with red lampshades, and the dining room is inlaid with gold and silver, which is full of beautiful things. With the addition of large glass mirrors, it looks resplendent and luxurious.

"It's my first time here." Mildred smiled brightly at Philip.She took off her cloak, revealing that she was wearing a pale blue square collar, and her hair was more combed than usual.He ordered champagne, and Mildred's eyes sparkled when it was brought to the table. "You'll be drunk," she said. "Just because it's champagne I want?" he asked in a nonchalant tone that seemed to imply that it was something he never drank. "I was really surprised when you invited me to the theater that day." The conversation was not very congenial, Mildred seemed to have nothing to say, and Philip was uneasy at his own inability to amuse her.Mildred listened to him absent-mindedly, but her eyes were busy looking around at the other customers, obviously not trying to pretend to be interested in Philip.Philip now and then made a joke or two with her, but she took it seriously, and made a grimace at him.She came alive only when Philip talked about the other waitresses in the restaurant.Mildred hated the manager of the store very much, and she told Philip all kinds of misbehaviors of the manager.

"I can't get along with her anyway, especially her stinky airs. It's really unbearable. Sometimes, I really want to shake things out in front of her. She shouldn't think that I don't know her details." "What's the matter?" asked Philip. "Well, I overheard it once by chance that she used to go to Eastbourne for a week with a man. There was a girl in our shop, her sister was married, and she went to Eastbourne with her husband. By chance, Ben, we ran into the mistress of our shop. The mistress lives in the same hotel as her. I don't think she's ever married, despite her wedding ring."

Philip kept her glass well filled, hoping that the champagne would warm her up, and hoped that the excursion would end the day.He noticed the way she held the table knife as if she were holding a pen holder, and when she raised her glass to sip, the orchid-like little finger curled up happily.Philip changed the subject several times, but could not get any more words out of Mildred's mouth, and it was a delight to think of her laughing and laughing with the German in the shop. Angry and annoyed.After supper they went to the theater together.Philip was a rather well-bred young man who didn't pay much attention to comic opera.He felt that the gimmicks in the play were frivolous, vulgar and unrefined, and the tunes of the music were too shallow to be memorable.In this respect, the French comic opera seems to be far superior.But Mildred watched it with relish, and laughed so hard that she couldn't straighten up when she saw the gimmick, and she glanced at Philip from time to time, obviously wanting to exchange glances with him to understand the subtlety, and at the same time One side clapped hands ecstatically.

"This is the seventh time I've been here," she said after the first act, "and I can't get enough of seven." Mildred was interested in the women in the first-class seats around her.She ordered Philip to see which ones had painted faces and which had wigs on their heads. "These West End bitches really don't like it," she said, "I don't know how they can stand it when they're wearing something like that," and she ran her hands through her hair. "My hair is all my own." There was no one in the theater that she liked, and no matter which one was mentioned, she would say something bad.Philip felt very uncomfortable when he heard that.Maybe tomorrow, he thought, she'd be in front of the girls in the store and say he'd taken her out and that he was such a boring guy and so on.He was disgusted with Mildred, but somehow he wanted to stay with her.On the way home Philip asked her:

"Hope you had a great time today?" "of course." "Come out for a walk with me another night, okay?" "I have no opinion." She's always saying these weird things.Her icy look drove Philip mad. "From the way you speak, it seems that it doesn't matter whether you go or not." "Oh, if you don't take me there, someone else will ask me out. I never worry about having no one to accompany me to the theater." Philip fell silent.They came to the station and Philip went to the box-office. "I have a monthly pass," she said.

"I think if you don't mind, let me take you home, it's getting late." "If it pleases you, that's fine with me." Philip bought a one-way first-class ticket for her and a return ticket for himself. "Well, I must say, you're a very generous fellow," she said, as Philip pushed open the carriage door. As other passengers entered the carriage one after another, Philip had to keep his mouth shut. He didn't know whether he was happy or depressed.They got off at Henighill, and Philip accompanied her as far as the corner of the street where she lived.

"Just take it here, good night," she said, holding out her hand. "You'd better not come to my house. Words are terrible, and I don't like to be talked about." She said good night and left in a hurry.In the thick night, the white scarf was still faintly visible.He thought she might turn around, but she didn't even look back.Philip watched her enter a certain house, and went up to look it over.It was an ordinary yellow brick house, neat and small, exactly like the other houses on the street.He lingered outside for a few minutes before the lights in the top-floor windows went out.Philip walked slowly back to the station.What a hell of a night.He was angry and annoyed, and he couldn't express how useless he was.

Lying on the bed, Philip still seemed to see Mildred: she was sitting in the corner of the carriage, with the crocheted scarf round her head.Counting from now, it will be several hours before we can meet her again.I really don't know how to pass the time.He thought drowsily of her thin face, her delicate features, and her pale greenish skin.Although it was not pleasant to be with her, it was miserable to be away from her.He longed to sit beside her, look at her, touch her body, he wanted... the thought just came to him in a daze, before he had time to think about it, his mind suddenly cleared... he wanted to kiss her That little bloodless mouth kissed her thin lips.He finally understood: he had fallen in love with her.He couldn't believe it could happen.

He used to look forward to the coming of Venus, and he had replayed this scene more than once in his mind: he saw himself stepping into the ballroom, his eyes rested on a small group of male and female guests who were chatting, and one of the girls turned around. Come, stare at yourself.He felt a constriction in his throat and gasped, and he knew the girl was panting too.He stopped his steps and remained motionless.She is slender, with a dark complexion, slim and charming, her bright eyes are as black as night, her dance costume is as white as snow, and diamonds are shining among the black temples.They looked at each other, as if there was no one else around.Philip walked straight towards her, and she moved her light steps to meet him.They both felt that the courtesies were superfluous.Philip said to her: "I've been looking for you all my life." "You finally came to me," she murmured. "Will you dance with me?" Philip opened his hands, the girl came forward, and they danced together. (Philip always fancied himself infirm.) She danced with the lightness of a fairy. "I've never danced with anyone as well as you," she said. She changed her arrangement, and danced only with Philip the whole evening. "I am so lucky that I have been waiting for you," Philip said to her, "and I know I will meet you sooner or later." Everyone in the ballroom was dumbfounded.They didn't care at all, and they didn't want to hide their inner passion.At last they stepped into the garden, and Philip threw a light cloak over her shoulders, and helped her into a waiting carriage.They caught the midnight train to Paris.The train carried them through the silent and starry night, and galloped towards the unknown distance... He was lost in his old romantic fantasies.How could he fall in love with a woman like Mildred Rogers?It seems impossible.Her name is quirky and ridiculous.Philip thought she was not pretty, and she was too thin.On that night, he also noticed that her breastbone was obviously protruding because of the night goggles. Philip commented on her facial features one by one. He didn't like that mouth, and the sick complexion was faintly aggressive Her character was mediocre and uncharacteristic. Her vocabulary was poor, her conversation was tasteless, and her words were thrown up and down, which was a manifestation of the emptiness of her heart. Philip remembered how she was amused by the gimmicks in comic operas. She giggled--so vulgarly; remembering how she deliberately raised her little orchid finger when she raised her glass to drink. Her manner, like her speech, was polite and repulsive. Philip remembered. She used to That domineering look, sometimes he wanted to slap her in the face, but suddenly he didn't know why—maybe it was because of the thought of hitting her, or because of the thought of her beautiful little ears— He was seized by a sudden emotional impulse. He was filled with lingering emotions, imagining how he would hold her delicate and thin body tightly in his arms, and kiss those pale lips. He wanted to touch her bluish cheeks with his hands. How much he needed her. Philip had always regarded love as the land of ecstasy and tenderness, and always thought that once he fell in love the whole world would be as beautiful as spring, and he had been looking forward to that ecstatic joy.Unexpectedly, what love brings to him now is not joy, but the hunger and thirst of the soul, the painful longing, and the extreme anguish--this kind of feeling is something he has never tasted in his life. Philip tried to remember when and when the seed of love had been sown in his heart.He couldn't tell himself.I just remember the first few times I went to the dim sum shop, and I didn't think it was a big deal.But after that, every time I went there, I felt an indescribable feeling in my heart.That is a dull pain in the heart.And, whenever Mildred spoke to him, he somehow felt his throat constrict and he couldn't breathe.If it is said that once she walked away from him, what she left behind was distress, then whenever she appeared in front of him, what she brought to him was despair. Lying sprawled like a dog on the bed, Philip wondered how he could bear this never-ending anguish of the heart.