Chapter 34 Chapter Thirty-Four

At lunch the next day, they took travel blankets and cushions to the fountain.Although they still had books with them, no one was in the mood to read them.After Miss Wilkinson settled comfortably, she casually opened the parasol with the red top.Philip had no scruples now, but at first Miss Wilkinson forbade him to kiss her. "Last night, I was so indiscreet," she said, "I couldn't sleep because I felt like I had done something wrong." "Bullshit!" he said aloud. "I'm sure you slept soundly last night." "Don't think about it, what would your uncle say if he found out?"

"Look what you said, he won't know!" He leaned towards her, heart pounding. "Why do you want to kiss me?" He knew he should answer "Because I love you", but he just couldn't say it. "Why don't you tell me?" He asked rhetorically. She looked at him with a smile in her eyes, and at the same time touched his face lightly with the tips of her fingers. "Look at how smooth your face is!" she whispered. "I really need to shave my face," he said. Strange to say, I never thought it would be so difficult to talk about love!He felt that silence could help him more than words, and he could express unspeakable emotions with his eyes.Miss Wilkinson sighed.

"Do you like me after all?" "I like it very much." He leaned forward to kiss her again, but this time she half pushed and half agreed.Philip, who seemed impulsive, was bluffing; he was playing the part of the flamboyant, and he felt he was playing it perfectly. "You're starting to frighten me a little," said Miss Wilkinson. "Will you come out after supper?" he begged. "Unless you promise not to mess around." "I'll do whatever you want." This half-truth and half-false flame of passion is really burning on him now.At tea in the afternoon, he was laughing and laughing, and Miss Wilkinson looked at him anxiously.

"Those flickering eyes of yours should relax," she told him later. "What would your Aunt Louisa think?" "I don't care what she thinks!" Miss Wilkinson chuckled cheerfully.As soon as supper was over Philip said to her: "Would you like to go with me for a cigarette?" "Can't you give Miss Wilkinson a rest?" said Mrs. Carey. "Don't forget she's not as young as you." "Oh, I just wanted to go for a walk, Mrs. Carey," she said rather disapprovingly. "A walk after lunch, and a rest after supper," said the minister.

"Your aunt is very nice, but mother-in-law is annoying sometimes," Miss Wilkinson muttered as soon as they had closed the side door after they left the house. Philip threw his freshly lit cigarette on the floor and threw his arms around her.She tried to push him away. "You promised not to mess around, Philip." "You don't really believe I'll keep such a promise, do you?" "Come on, it's too close to the house, Philip," she said. "What if someone comes out of the house suddenly?" Philip led her into the vegetable garden, where no one would come at such a time, and Miss Wilkinson was not thinking of maggots this time.Philip kissed her passionately.There was one thing he couldn't understand: in the morning, he didn't like her at all; after noon, he thought she was acceptable; but at night, as soon as he touched her hand, his soul was taken away.Moreover, she never imagined that her tongue has also become clever, and she can spit out that series of love words.If it was in broad daylight, he wouldn't be able to say it no matter what, and even he himself felt surprised when he heard it.

"You're really good at talking about love," she said. He thought so too. "Oh, if only I could pour out all the passion that burns in me!" he murmured fervently. It's wonderful!He had never played such an exciting game before, and the beauty was that almost everything he said came from the heart, only a little exaggerated.He was not only amused but excited to see how it all worked out for her right away.At last, with evident difficulty, she managed to say that she was going back to the house. "Oh, don't go now," he shouted. "Must go," she muttered. "I'm afraid."

He suddenly had an intuition, knowing how to react at this moment so as not to lose proportion. "I can't go in now. I'm going to stay here and think about it. My cheeks are hot and I need some evening air. Good night." Philip held out his hand seriously, and she held it in silence.He felt she was trying to keep herself from whimpering.Oh, what a thrill!He stayed in the dark garden alone for a while, bored for a while, which made sense after thinking about it, and then he went into the house and found that Miss Wilkinson had gone to bed. After this, the relationship between the two of them was naturally extraordinary.On the second and third day Philip seemed a man in love.He was flattered and flattered to find Miss Wilkinson in love with him: she told him as much in English as she did in French.She poured out her admiration to him.In the past, no one has ever said to his face that he has a pair of charming eyes and a sensual mouth.He had never bothered much about his personal appearance, but now, whenever he had the opportunity, he would look at himself in the mirror and feel sorry for himself.It was wonderful that Philip could feel, in kissing her, the passion which seemed to shake her heart.He kissed her a lot because it was easier than flirting with her.However, he instinctively felt that she wished he could whisper in her ear.Even now, it made me feel silly to confide in her.He was proud of being in love, and he hoped that there would be someone who would listen to his bragging and boasting, and would be willing to discuss the details of his love affairs with this person.Sometimes what she said was so mysterious that he felt as if he was in a fog when he heard it.If only Hayward were here, to be able to ask him what she meant, and what his best course of action was next.Whether to do it quickly or let things take their course, he couldn't make up his mind.Now there are only three weeks left.

"I just can't stand the thought of the holidays coming to an end," she said. "It hurts like a knife, and we might be apart forever." "If you had any affection for me, you would never be so cruel to me," he whispered. "Oh, we have always been like this, isn't it good, why are you still not satisfied? Men are all the same, push their feet, and there will never be a time to be satisfied." Under the entanglement of his beggars, she could only say: "Don't you see it's impossible! How can it work here?" He proposed various plans, but she refused to try anything.

"I don't dare to take this risk. If your aunt finds out, it would be terrible!" A day or two later, he hit upon a brilliant idea that seemed to be infallible. "Listen, if you say you have a headache on Sunday night and you're willing to stay with the housekeeper, then Aunt Louisa will go to church. Usually Mrs. Carey stayed to watch the house on Sunday nights so that Mary Ann could go to church.However, if she had the opportunity to attend Vespers, she was not willing to pass it up. Philip had changed his mind about Christianity in Germany, but he felt it unnecessary to let his relatives know, and hoped to obtain their understanding, and he seemed to go to church quietly.It's good to pray well, so you don't make trouble for yourself.But he went only once in the morning, seeing it as a respectable concession to social prejudice; he refused to attend church in the evening, seeing it as a fitting expression of his determination to preserve freedom of thought.

When he made this suggestion, Miss Wilkinson paused for a moment, then shook her head. "No, I'm not doing it," she said. But when tea came on Sunday afternoon she was a great surprise to Philip. "I don't want to go to church tonight," she said unexpectedly. "I have a terrible headache." Mrs. Carey was very concerned, and urged her to take a few drops of her own "headache drops" which she used to drink.Miss Wilkinson thanked her for her kindness, and after tea said she was going to her room to rest. "You really don't need anything?" asked Mrs. Carey anxiously.

"Nothing, thank you." "I'm going to church if that's the case. I don't usually have an opportunity to go to vespers." "Oh, okay, you can go at ease!" "And I'm at home," said Philip, "and Miss Wilkinson can send me if she needs anything." "You'd better leave the sitting-room door open, Philip, so you can hear Miss Wilkinson if she rings." "Okay," said Philip. So, after six o'clock, Philip and Miss Wilkinson were left alone in the house.On the contrary, Philip became frightened and flustered. He really regretted how he had come up with such a bad idea, but it was too late to regret it now, and he couldn't let go of the opportunity he had won so hard.What would Miss Wilkinson think if he got cold feet!Philip went into the hall and listened attentively. There was no sound in the room, wondering if Miss Wilkinson really had a headache.Maybe she had forgotten his suggestion long ago.His heart tossed in pain.He tiptoed up the stairs.When the stairs creaked, he was startled, and hurriedly stopped.At last he came to the door of Miss Wilkinson's room, stood outside the door, listened, and then put his hand on the doorknob.Waited a while longer.He seemed to have stood there for at least five minutes, unable to make up his mind, his hand trembling.If he was not afraid that he would regret it later, he would have slipped away long ago.Now it is like climbing to the highest level of the diving platform in the swimming pool.Standing under the platform and looking up, it seems to be no big deal; but when you stand on the diving platform and look down at the water, your heart will be half cold.Only because he was afraid of being ugly, he was willing to bite the bullet and jump down.It would be embarrassing to climb down the stairs you just climbed up.Philip mustered up his courage, turned the doorknob lightly, and walked in.He felt himself being sifted like a leaf in the wind. Miss Wilkinson was standing in front of the dressing table with her back to the door, and turned quickly when she heard the door open. "Oh, it's you! What are you doing here?" She had taken off her skirt and blouse and was just standing there in a petticoat.The petticoat was very short, just as high as the top of the boot; the skirt was sewn from a jet-black shiny material, with a ruffle at the bottom.She was wearing a short-sleeved white shirt.Her strange appearance gave Philip a chill.I have never seen her lack charm like this moment, but now, there is no room for retreat.He closed the door behind him and locked it.