Chapter 21 Chapter 21

It did not take long for Mr. Perkins to see that what he had said had no effect on Philip, and he did not speak to him again that term.At the end of term, Mr. Perkins wrote him a scathing report.When the school report came home, Aunt Louisa asked Philip what it said, and Philip replied with a cheeky smile: "It sucks." "Really?" said the pastor. "Then I'll have to look again." "You think it would be good for me to stay in Canterbury? I should have thought it would be better to go to Germany for a while." "How did you come up with such an idea?" said Aunt Louisa.

"Don't you think that's a pretty good idea?" Sharp had left the Royal College and had written to Philip from Hanover.He was the one who really got out of the way of life, and every thought of this made Philip feel more restless.It was too much for him to spend another year in the cage of the school. "Then you won't get a scholarship." "I've lost hope anyway, and besides, I don't think I particularly want to go to Oxford." "But you're going to be a clergyman, Philip?" cried Aunt Louisa. "I've stopped having that dream a long time ago."

Mrs. Carey stared at Philip with astonished eyes, but she was accustomed to restrain herself, and turned immediately to pour another cup of tea for Philip's uncle.The uncle and nephew were all silent.In an instant Philip saw the tears trickling down his aunt's cheeks.His heart skipped a beat because he had caused her pain.She was wearing a tight black coat sewn for her by the tailor on the other side of the street, her face was covered with wrinkles, her eyes were dull and tired, her gray hair was still combed into frivolous little curls according to the style of her youth, Her whole appearance was both amusing and somehow pathetic.It was the first time Philip noticed this.

Then, when the Vicar was in the study, and was talking with the curate after shutting the door, Philip threw his arm round his aunt's waist. "Oh, Aunt Louisa, I'm so sorry I've made you sad," he said. "But if I'm not made to be a clergyman, I can't do much if I try to, don't you think?" "I'm so disappointed, Philip," she moaned. "I've thought about this for a long time. I think you can become your uncle's deputy in the future. In case something happens to us--after all, we can't live forever, right--you can take over your uncle's position ."

Philip was in a panic, his heart was pounding, and he was shaking like chaff, beating the wings of a dove that has been caught in a trap.Auntie leaned her head on his shoulder, sobbing loudly. "I wish you would persuade Uncle William to let me leave Canterbury. I hate that place." It was not easy, however, to change the vicar of Blackstable's mind.According to the original plan, Philip had to stay at the Royal Academy until he was eighteen, and then go to Oxford for further studies.Regarding Philip's wish to drop out of school at this time, he could not listen to anything, because the school had not been notified in advance, and the tuition fees for this semester had to be paid no matter what.

"Will you inform the school, then, that I'm leaving for Christmas?" said Philip at last, after a long debate. "Well, I'll just write to Mr. Perkins and tell him about it, and see what he thinks." "God, I wish I was twenty-one by now. Getting nods for everything sucks!" "Philip, you shouldn't be talking to your uncle like that," said Mrs. Carey gently. "Don't you know Mr. Perkins won't let me go? He'd love to have every Student Section in his hands." "Why don't you want to go to Oxford?" "What's the point of going to Oxford if I don't intend to be a priest in the future?"

"Why don't you plan to be a pastor? You are already a member of the church!" said the pastor. "So it's Reverend Rowe," Philip replied impatiently. "What are you going to do, Philip?" asked Mrs. Carey. "I can't say. I haven't made up my mind yet. But whatever you do in the future, it's always useful to learn a foreign language. It's better to live in Germany for a year than to stay in that damn place." Philip felt that going to Oxford was nothing more than a continuation of his school career, no better than it had been, but he did not like to say so.He is full of hope to master his own destiny.Besides, some old classmates knew him more or less, and he just wanted to avoid them.He felt that his school career had been a complete failure.He wants to change course and start a new life.

It so happened that Philip's desire to go to Germany coincided with some of the ideas recently discussed by the Blackstables.Sometimes, some friends of the doctor's family came to visit for a short stay, and they talked about new things happening in the outside world; the tourists who came to the seaside for summer in August also had their own unique way of observing things.The pastor has also heard that some people think that old-fashioned education is not as effective as it used to be, and that various modern languages ​​that were not valued when he was young are becoming more and more important now.Even he himself felt a little at a loss.One of his younger brothers failed the exam and was sent to study in Germany, thus setting a precedent.But since he later suffered from typhoid and died in a foreign country, it can only show that such an experiment is really dangerous.After much talk, the uncle and nephew finally agreed that Philip would go back to Canterbury for another term, and then he would go away.Philip was not very satisfied with this solution.Unexpectedly, a few days after he returned to school, the principal said to him:

"I have a letter from your uncle. It appears that you intend to go to Germany, and he asked me what I thought of it." Philip was dumbfounded.The fact that his protector didn't count for what he said had to make others feel ashamed. "I think the matter is settled, sir," said he. "Far from it. I have written to tell your uncle that I think it would be a great mistake to drop you out of school." Philip sat down at once, and wrote a violent letter to his uncle.He didn't bother to choose his words carefully.That night, he was so angry that he couldn't even sleep, and he kept thinking about it until late at night; when he woke up in the morning, he was thinking about the tricks they played on him.Philip waited anxiously for a reply.A letter came after two or three days, and it was from Aunt Louisa, very delicately written, and full of pain between the lines, saying that Philip shouldn't have said that to his uncle, which made his uncle very sad, and said he didn't understand. Consideration had no Christian forbearance; he had to know that they had done so much for him, and they were much older than he, and they must have been a better judge of what was in his favor.Philip clenched his fists tightly.He has heard this kind of talk a lot, and he really doesn't understand why some people regard this as the golden rule.They didn't know the facts as well as he himself did, so how could they take it for granted that being old must be wise?That letter also ended with reference to Carey, who had withdrawn his notice of withdrawal from the school.

Philip was full of anger, which he held until his half-break next week.The school's half-days are usually on Tuesday and Thursday, because they have to go to the cathedral to worship on Saturday afternoon.At the end of the day, the sixth graders were all gone, but Philip stayed. "Sir, may I wish to go back to Blackstable this afternoon?" he asked. "No," replied the Headmaster simply. "I have something important to discuss with my uncle." "Didn't you hear me say no? Philip turned around and left the classroom without saying a word.He was so ashamed that he wanted to vomit.He suffered a double humiliation, first having to ask for help, and then being turned down.Now he hated the principal.This extreme brutality and tyranny worried Philip.He was too angry to think of anything else, and as soon as he had eaten his lunch he took a well-known path to the station, just in time for the Blackstable train.He went into the parsonage and saw his uncle and aunt sitting in the dining room.

"Hey, where did you come from?" said the pastor. He was obviously not very happy to see Philip, and looked a little embarrassed. "I'm here to talk to you about my leaving school. When I was here last time, you agreed with your own words, but you suddenly changed your mind a week later. I want to find out what you mean by being so back-and-forth ." Philip could not help being a little surprised at his own boldness, but he had made up his mind on what to say anyway, and forced himself to say it, despite the bruising of his heart. "You came here this afternoon, the school allowed you to leave?" "No. I asked Mr. Perkins for leave of absence, and he flatly refused. If you like, you can write to him and tell him I've been here, and I'll be sure I'll be scolded." Mrs. Carey sat knitting, her hands trembling.She can't bear other people's quarrels, and the scene where the uncle and nephew are at war makes her feel like sitting on pins and needles. "If I did write and tell him, you'd deserve the scolding," said Mr. Carey. "If you want to be a real informer, you can. You've written to Mr. Perkins anyway, and you're good at that sort of thing." Philip said these words very poorly, and gave the chaplain the escape he so wished for. "I don't want to sit here anymore and you're talking nonsense at me," he said pompously. He stood up and strode out of the dining room into the study.Philip heard him slam the door and lock it. "Oh, God, I wish I was 2:11 now. It sucks being held down like this." Aunt Louisa sobbed softly. "Oh, Philip, you shouldn't speak to your uncle in that manner, and go and make him right." "I don't have anything to pay for, no. It's obvious that he is trying to mess with me. It's not a waste of money to let me stay there to study, but what does he care about? It's not his money anyway. Let some people know nothing. It would be cruel enough for someone to be my guardian." "philip" Philip was eloquent, venting his grievances, and when he heard her call, he suddenly shut his mouth.It was a scream of grief.He didn't realize how mean what he said was. "Philip, how can you be so heartless? You know we're doing all this for your own good. We know we're inexperienced no more than having children ourselves, so we're obliged to write to Mr. Perkins for advice. "Her voice trembled, and she couldn't speak for a while. "I try to treat you like a mother. I love you and consider you my own son." She was so small that she seemed to be blown down by the wind, and in her spinster-like demeanor, there was a bit of melancholy sadness, and Philip's heart was moved.His throat was suddenly constricted, and tears welled up in his eyes. "I'm sorry," he said, "but I didn't mean to break your old heart." He knelt down beside her, put his arms around her, and kissed her weeping, emaciated cheeks.She wept bitterly; and Philip seemed to feel pity that her life should be so wasted.Never before had she expressed her emotions so vividly. "I know, I have never been able to treat you as I wanted to, Philip, and I don't know how to give you my heart. I have no children, just like you lost your mother when you were young. It is quite chilling." Philip forgot his anger and his serious concerns, and only thought about how to reassure her. He stammered and tried to persuade her, while stroking her body clumsily with his small hands.At this time, the clock struck.He had to start at once to catch the train by which he would be able to get back to Canterbury in time for the evening roll call.When he sat down in a corner of the train carriage, he finally realized that the door itself did nothing, and it was a waste of time.He was angry at his own cowardice and incompetence.The pastor's arrogance, and his aunt's few tears, made him so dizzy that he forgot what he came home for, what a fool.However, after he left, I don't know how the old couple discussed it. In the end, another letter was written to the principal.Mr. Perkins shrugged his shoulders impatiently.He showed the letter to Philip.It reads like this: Dear Mr. Perkins: Forgive me for intruding on you again about Philip.This child under my guardianship, really It's making me and my wife anxious.It seems that he is eager to leave school, and his aunt finds him miserable unhappy.We are not his biological parents, so we are really at a loss as to how to deal with him. He seemed to think that he was not doing well academically, and that staying in school was a waste of money.if We shall be most obliged if you could speak to him earnestly; and if he does not change his mind, perhaps My original plan was for him to leave school at Christmas. your very faithful william carey Philip returned the letter to the Headmaster with a surge of triumphant pride.After all, he got what he wanted, won the right to do his own thing, and his will overcame the will of others. "Your uncle may change his mind when he receives your next letter. I can't afford to spend half an hour replying to his letter," said the principal angrily. Philip remained silent. Although his face was expressionless, he couldn't hide the sparkle in his eyes.Mr. Perkins caught the look in his eyes and laughed. "You've won, haven't you?" he said. Philip smiled frankly.He couldn't hide his ecstasy. "Are you really in a hurry to leave?" "Yes, sir." "You don't feel comfortable here?" Philip blushed, he instinctively hated others prying into his deepest feelings. "Oh, I can't tell, sir." Perkins stroked his mustache slowly and thoughtfully, and looked at Philip thoughtfully, as if he were talking to himself. "Of course, the school is for students with average intelligence. Anyway, these round holes, whether your stakes are square or round, you have to wedge them in there. No one has time for those with superior intelligence. The students are bothering you." Then, he suddenly said to Philip: "Listen, I have a suggestion, you might as well listen to it. This semester is not long anyway, and staying another semester may not necessarily kill you. Well, if you really want to go to Germany, you'd better wait until after Easter, not as soon as Christmas. Going out in spring is far more comfortable than midwinter. If you still insist on leaving after the end of next semester, I won't stop you Yes. What do you think?" "Thank you very much, sir." Filled with joy, Philip had finally won the last three months, and didn't mind staying an extra term.Thinking of getting permanent relief before Easter, the school seemed to reduce the atmosphere of the cage a bit.Philip was delighted.In the school chapel that night, he looked around at the well-behaved classmates in the year queue, and he could not help but chuckle at the thought that he would not see them again for a long time.He looked at them with almost friendly affection.His eyes fell on Rose.Rose was scrupulous in his duties as class president; he was a man who wanted to be an influential and exemplary student in the school.That night, it was his turn to read the scriptures aloud, and he read them vividly.A smile creased Philip's face at the thought of parting ways with him forever.In another six months, it didn't matter to him how big Rose was and how healthy his limbs were; what was so important about Rose being the monitor of the squad, or the head of the eleven disciples of Jesus?Philip stared intently at the old masters in clerical gowns.Gordon was dead, having suffered a stroke two years ago.All the rest are gathered together.Philip saw now what a poor lot they were, with the possible exception of Turner.He still smelled a little bit human.It pained him to think that he had been under the control of these people.In another six months, there is no need to buy their account anymore.Their praise meant nothing to him anymore, and as for their reprimand, he could just shrug his shoulders and laugh it off. Philip had learned to restrain his emotions, to keep them secret.Although he still twists for himself.She is shy and distressed, but her mental state is often warm and high-spirited.With one leg on his back, he walked silently and cautiously with an indifferent expression, but his heart was brimming with joy and cheering loudly.From his own point of view, it seemed that walking was also easier.There are so many thoughts and thoughts in my mind, it's hard to catch them.Yet they came and went, leaving him with a rapturous passion.Now, he is in a cheerful mood, and Ye Yi concentrates on studying hard.He was determined to make up for the long-lost studies in the remaining weeks of the semester.He is intelligent and quick-witted, and it is a great pleasure in life to stimulate his intelligence.In the final exam, he achieved excellent results.To this, Mr. Perkins made only a brief remark, which he had made when he was commenting on Philip's composition.Mr. Perkins, after his general remarks, said: "Looks like you've made up your mind to stop doing stupid things, don't you?" He smiled at Philip, showing his teeth, and Philip, with downcast eyes, smiled back awkwardly. There were five or six students who hoped that by the end of the summer semester next year, all the prizes and scholarships awarded by the school would be covered. They had already excluded Philip from their rivals, but now they had to look at him with admiration, and they were a little apprehensive disturbed.Philip was leaving at Easter, so he wasn't really a rival at all, but he kept his mouth shut among his classmates and kept them on their toes.He knew that Rose had spent two or three holidays in France, and thought he was superior in French; besides, he hoped to win the dean's prize for composition in English.But Ross now found that Philip was far better than himself in these two subjects, and he was a little discouraged; Philip looked at him coldly, secretly feeling great satisfaction.There is also a classmate named Norton, if he can't get a scholarship from the school, he can't study in Oxford.He asked Philip if he was running for a scholarship. "Why do you have an opinion?" Philip asked rhetorically. Philip found it amusing to think of other people's futures in his own hands.This kind of approach is really a bit romantic-first grasp all kinds of rewards in your own palm, and then, because you don't care about these troubles, let others take advantage of them.Winter passed and spring came, and at last the appointed day came, and Philip went to say good-bye to Mr. Perkins. "I don't think you really want to leave here, do you?" Seeing the headmaster's obvious surprised expression, Philip's face darkened. "You said there would be no hindrance then, sir," replied Philip. "I thought at the time that you were just a whim, and it's better to accommodate it for a while. Now it seems that you are stubborn and self-willed. Tell me, why are you rushing to leave now? Anyway , there is only one semester at most. You can easily get a scholarship from Magdalen College; you can securely get half of the various prizes issued by our school Philip pouted and looked at Mr. Perkins, feeling that he had been tricked again.But Mr. Perkins, having made his wish to himself, must keep it. "You'll have a good time at Oxford. You don't have to decide what you're going to do right away when you get there. Don't know if you know how pleasant life is there for any thinking person." "I've made all my arrangements for going to Germany at the moment, sir," said Philip. "Can't it be changed once it's arranged?" asked Mr. Perkins, with a mocking smile on his lips. "I'm sorry to lose a student like you. Stupid students who gnaw at their books often do better than smart students who are lazy, but what happens when students are smart and work hard--you will get results like you grades achieved during the semester." Philip blushed.He is not used to listening to other people's compliments. Before this, no one had praised him for being smart.The Headmaster put his hand on Philip's shoulder. "You know, it's a tedious job trying to cram knowledge into the brains of stupid students. Once in a while, you meet a smart kid who has the same heart, and you just need to nudge him a little bit, and he'll get it right away." .Hey, at this moment, there is nothing in the world that makes people more happy than teaching." The principal's kindness softened Philip's heart.It had never occurred to him that Mr. Perkins cared so much about his own fate.He was moved, and there was an indescribably sweet feeling in his heart.How nice it would be to finish high school with great honour, and go on to Oxford.In an instant, scenes of university life flashed before his eyes.Some of these situations are from returning to school to participate in O. K． S．I learned from the conversations of the alumni of the competition, and some of them were heard from the letters of the alumni who were read aloud by the students in the study room.But he was ashamed, and if he backed down now he would be a complete fool in his own eyes; his uncle would have sniggered at the success of the Headmaster's ruse.He didn't pay much attention to the school's prizes, so he planned to give up these things at his fingertips in a dramatic way. Now if he suddenly went to fight for it like an ordinary person, wouldn't this kind of attitude be ridiculous to others.In fact, at this time, as long as someone persuaded Philip from the sidelines and gave him enough face, he would do exactly what Mr. Perkins wanted.But at this time, his expression remained unchanged, and he did not reveal any conflict of inner emotions at all, and his unhappy face looked very calm. "I think it's better to go away, sir," he said. Mr. Perkins, like many men accustomed to relying on their personal influence, grew a little impatient when his efforts did not produce immediate results.He had so much to do that he couldn't just waste his time on a crazy kid who seemed to him to be obstinate. "Well, I said that if you insist on leaving, I will let you go. I will keep my promise. When are you going to Germany?" Philip's heart was beating violently.It would have been better to win this battle, he couldn't say. "At the beginning of May, sir," replied Philip. "Well, when you come back, be sure to come and see us." He held out his hand.Philip would have changed his mind if he had given him another chance, but he felt that the deal was done and there was no turning back.Philip went out of the house.His high school career was over.He is free.But the ecstatic passion that had been waiting for him before was now gone.He hesitated in the church garden, his heart was heavy and he felt infinitely oppressed.Now, he regrets that he should not have been so stupid.He didn't want to leave, but he knew that he would never go to the principal again and say that he wanted to stay.He would never subject himself to such humiliation.He wasn't sure if he was doing the right thing or not.He resented himself and everything around him.He asked himself wistfully: Is this human nature? After finally achieving the goal, he hoped that he would fail!