Chapter 26 Chapter 26 The Messenger Leaves: Looking for a Way

When Drouet was gone, Carrie was left alone. She could hardly comprehend what had happened when she heard his going away. All she knew was that he was going away in a huff. It was some time before she began to think , whether he will come back. Of course not now, but whether he will come back in the future. It was already dusk outside. She looked at the room, wondering why these rooms gave people a strange feeling today. She went to the dressing table, swiped A match was lit, and the gas lamp was lighted. Then she went to the rocking-chair, and sat down to think. It took her a while to collect her thoughts. But when she did, she realized the seriousness of the problem. She was alone now, and what if Drouet did not come back? What if she never heard from him again? The room won't last long, she will have to move out.

It should be noted that it never once occurred to her to turn to Hurstwood, which was to be commended. Every thought of him brought her heartbreak, remorse, and pain. In truth, it was a proof of the wickedness of man. The evidence shocked and frightened her. He would fool her without batting an eyelid. She could have been in worse. Yet she couldn't get his smile out of her mind. .Only that seems so weird and too bad because it doesn't fit with her current perception and feelings towards him. But she's alone now. That's the brunt of the problem at the moment. What to do? Should she go out and start working again? Should she be found first in the downtown area? Playing on stage! Well, yes. Drouet Speak of this. Is there any hope of being an actress? She is rocking in her rocking chair, lost in thought, with all kinds of thoughts running through her. The minutes are ticking by, and the night has fallen completely. She hasn't had a bite yet. something, but they sat there, weighing it over and over in their hearts.

Remembering that she was hungry, she went to the little cupboard in the back room, where the little food left over from her breakfast was kept. She looked at it anxiously. Food was now more important than ever. While she was eating, she began to consider how much money she had left. Thinking of the importance of this question, she immediately went to find her purse. It was on the dresser, and there were seven dollar bills in it, and some small change. Thinking of With only such a little money, she was very depressed. But thinking that this month's rent has been paid, she was happy again. She also thought about what would happen to her current situation if she really ran away from home just now. Bi, she feels that the current situation is not too bad, at least she still has some time, maybe everything will be better in the future.

Drouet is gone, but so what? He doesn't seem really angry, he's just pretending to be. He'll be back...he will, of course. His cane was still in the corner, and here was one of his shirt collars. His light overcoat was still in the wardrobe. She looked about, comforting herself with what she saw. But then she Another question comes to mind: what if he does come back? This question, though less upsetting to her than the previous one, was no better. She would have to talk to him, explain it to him. He would make her admit that he was right. In that case, would it be right to continue living with him? possible.

On Friday, Carrie remembered that she had an appointment with Hurstwood. She watched the hour of their appointment go by, and felt her own disaster clearly again. She couldn't move. So she put on a brown coat, and went out at eleven o'clock, to try her luck again in the downtown area, where she had to find a job. At twelve o'clock it was overcast with the prospect of rain. At one o'clock it really began to rain, and the rain obliged Carrie to go home and stay at home all day. It also made Hurstwood The mood was low, and the whole day was gloomy. The next day was Saturday, and many businesses were only open for half a day. The weather was warm and sunny. After a night of rain, the trees and lawns looked very green. When she went out, the crowds The sparrows were chirping and singing. Looking at the lovely park, she could not help feeling that life is very interesting for those who have nothing to worry about. She hoped again and again that some miracle would happen, so that she could retain the comfort she had hitherto enjoyed. Life. Of course, when she thought this, she didn't want Drouet or his money, nor did she want to have anything to do with Hurstwood again, but she just wanted to continue living the old contented and carefree life. Because after all It's a happy life these days, at least a lot happier than when I have to go out and make a living alone.

When she came to the business district, it was already 11 o'clock, and the business hours of the day were running out. She didn't realize it at first. The pain caused by her last trip to this tense and demanding area was still fresh in her memory. , affecting her mood. She wandered about, trying to convince herself that she was making up her mind to look for a job, while at the same time feeling as if she needn't be so eager to find a job. Finding a job was too difficult, and she still had days to put it off. Besides, she doesn't think she's really faced with the problem of being self-sufficient. Anyway, she's in better shape now than she was then: she's better looking than ever. Her clothes fit her well and her manners are much improved. Men...  ...the well-dressed men who used to sit in their imposing offices, watching her indifferently from behind the polished brass railings, now fixed their soft eyes on her face. She felt somewhat of her appearance But it's not enough to make her feel completely confident. What she wants is not the extra favors of men, but the work she gets legally and legitimately. She has needs, but no man can expect to use smooth words or Xiaoen Xiaohui came to buy her off. She wants to earn her living innocently.

"Our shop closes at 1:00 p.m. on Saturdays." Just when she felt that it was time to go in and ask if there was any work, the notice at the door of the shop made her feel relieved and satisfied. Now she had an excuse not to apply for a job. There are many signs like this Now, the hands of the clock pointed to a quarter past twelve, and she decided that it would be futile to continue looking for a job that day. So she took a streetcar and went to Lincoln Park. There is always a lot to see here. Stuff...flowers, animals, lakes. Again she consoled herself that on Monday she would get up early and look for work. Besides, anything could happen between now and Monday.

Sunday passed, a day full of the same doubts, worries, self-consolations, and God knows what other whims. Every half hour, she had the painful thought that something should be done, and that it must be done now. The thought was like howling The end of the whip was whipping her body. Sometimes she would look around again and reassure herself that things were not so bad...she would get through it and be safe. At times like this she would think of Drouet suggested that she might have a chance as an actress. She decided to try the next day. For this reason, she got up early on Monday morning and dressed carefully. She didn't know how to start this kind of job hunting, but she thought it must have a more direct relationship with the theater. You just need to go to the theater and ask people For a moment, ask the manager and apply to him for a position. If there is a vacancy, you may be hired. At least he will give you instructions on how to apply.

She had never dealt with such people, and was unaware of the lewdness and humor of these people in the show business. She only knew the position held by Mr. Hale, but because of her close relationship with his wife, she was the last person she wanted to meet. This is Mr. But there was a theater at the time... the Opera House of Chicago, which had a very good reputation, and its manager, David A. Henderson, was a bit famous in the area. Carrie saw a well-rehearsed play or two there, She had also heard of several other plays at this theatre. She knew nothing of Henderson himself, nor did she know how to apply for a job. But she felt instinctively that there was a good chance of getting a job in this place, so she went to Lingering around the theater. Finally, she mustered up the courage to step into the majestic gate of the theater. Inside was a resplendent and resplendent hall, and the famous actors and still photos on the wall were displayed in frames. After entering, there was a quiet ticket office. But she Haven't the courage to go any further. A famous burlesque performer is here this week, overwhelmed by the fame and grandeur. She dares not imagine her place in such a dignified place. Thinking of herself She was so arrogant that she dared to come here to look for a job. She almost trembled when she thought that she would almost be scolded. Come on, it's wonderful for her to sneak out like this. If you still want to find a job here, you are really too stupid and overwhelmed.

This little adventure ended her day's job-seeking efforts. She wandered elsewhere again, but only from the outside for now. She had several theater locations in her mind...  Foremost among these were the Grand Opera House and the McVegar Theatre, both of which were very popular...and walked away. Her personal qualifications were too insignificant in her own opinion to be valued by society. Here again her courage and confidence fell. Mrs. Hale came to see her that evening. She sat talking and did not go away, so that Carrie had no time to think about her situation or her luck for the day. But before going to bed, she sat down to think, full of pessimistic forebodings. Loey has not yet appeared, and has not heard anything. She has spent a dollar of her precious money, for meals and carriages. It is obvious that her money will not last long. Besides, she has not Find a way to make some money.

Her thoughts, under the circumstances, went back to her sister in Van Buren Street. She had not seen her sister since her flight that night. She also thought of her old home in Columbia City, which seemed to be a place she could never return to. Part of that world. She did not expect refuge there. She thought of Hurstwood too, but thinking of him brought her nothing but sadness. It seemed too strange to her that he should have no scruples to try to deceive her. Cruel. On Tuesday, she was still indecisive. The failure of the previous day made her distracted, and she was not eager to go out to find a job. But she blamed herself for being too timid the previous day. So she set out to return to the Chicago Opera, although She hardly had the courage to approach it. But she finally went to the ticket office to inquire. "Would you like to see the theater manager or the theater manager?" asked the richly dressed conductor. Carrie's beauty made a good impression on him. "I don't know," answered Carrie. The question was beyond her expectation. "Anyway, you won't see the theater manager today," the young man offered to tell her, "he's out of town today." Noticing the puzzled look on her face, he asked again, "What do you need to see him?" "I would like to inquire if there is any vacancy," she replied. "Then you'd better see the director of the company," he answered. "But he's not here at the moment." "When will he come?" asked Carrie, a little relieved by the news. "Well, you might find him between eleven and twelve. He'll be here after two." After Carrie thanked him, she came out briskly. The young man was still watching her from the side window of the ornate box office. "Pretty," he thought to himself, and began to fantasize about her condescension to him, and his flattery. A major comedy troupe was performing under contract at the Grand Opera House. Carrie came here to see the director of the troupe. She didn't know that the man had little power. If there was a vacancy, actors would be sent from New York, and she had nothing to do with it. known. "His office is upstairs," a man at the box office told her. There were several people in the manager's office. Two were lounging by the window, and one was talking to someone sitting at the Laguerre desk, who was the manager. Carrie looked around nervously, I began to worry that she had to apply for a job in front of so many people. Two of them, the two by the window, began to scrutinize her carefully. "I can't do that," said the manager. "Mr. Floman has a rule that no visitors are allowed backstage. No, no!" Carrie stood waiting timidly. There were chairs beside her, but she was not signaled to sit down. The man who had spoken to the manager walked away dejectedly. The big man looked at the papers before him gravely, as if they His top priority. "Harris, did you see the article about Nate Goodwin in the Herald this morning?" "No," replied the man questioned. "About what?" "He gave a wonderful opening speech at the Chihuly last night, and you'd better see it." Harris reached for the Herald on the desk. "What do you want?" he asked Carrie, who had evidently just seen her. He thought it was someone who had come to ask him for free tickets. Carrie had all her courage, or very little courage at best. She realized that she was a novice, and that she must be rebuffed flatly. She was so convinced of this that all she wanted now was to pretend to be polite. The way he asked for advice. "Can you tell me how to get on stage?" After all, it's the best way to get a job. The guy in the chair is starting to take a bit of an interest in her, and her blunt requests and way of speaking suit him He smiled, and the others in the room smiled too, though they concealed their smiles a little. "I don't know," he eyed her impudently. "Have you ever been on stage?" "A little bit," replied Carrie. "I once played a part in an amateur theater production." She figured she'd have to show off a little to keep him interested. "Haven't studied stage acting?" said he, with an air of seriousness, for Carrie as well as for his friends. "No, sir." "Well, I don't know what to do," he answered, leaning back lazily in his chair, while she stood before him. "Why do you want to be an actress?" She was embarrassed by the man's insolence, but could only smile at his charming smile of triumph. She replied: "I need to make a living." "Oh," he replied. He took a fancy to her well-proportioned good looks, and felt that perhaps he might make her acquaintance. "That's not a bad reason, is it? Chicago, however, is not a very good place for your purpose. You should go to New York. There's a little more opportunity there. It's hard to get a career as an actor here." Carrie smiled tenderly, grateful that he condescended to give her so much advice. He noticed her smile, but interpreted it slightly differently, thinking he had a good chance of flirting. "Sit down, please," he said, pulling a chair forward from the side of the table. He lowered his voice out of the hearing of the other two in the room, who winked at each other knowingly. "Hey, Barna, I'm leaving," one of them said hello to the manager before leaving suddenly, "see you this afternoon." "Okay," said the manager. The one left picked up a newspaper, as if to read it. "What kind of role do you want to play?" the manager asked softly. "Oh, no," said Carrie, "any part will do at first." "I see," he said. "Do you live in this town?" "Yes, sir." The manager smiled ingratiatingly. "Have you ever tried to be a chorus player?" He said with a confiding whisper. Carrie began to feel that his manner was pompous and unnatural. "No," she said. "That's how most girls start out as actors," he continued. "It's a great way to get stage experience." He looked at her with friendly and seductive eyes. "I hadn't thought of that before." "It's difficult," he went on, "but, you know, there's always a chance." Then, as if suddenly reminded of something, he took out his pocket watch and looked at it. "I have an appointment at two o'clock," he said. Say. "I have to go to lunch now. Would you like to join me for dinner? We can continue talking while we eat." "Oh, no," said Carrie, understanding all his motives at once. "I have an appointment myself." "That's a pity," he said, realizing that his invitation had come a little too soon, and that Carrie was going now. "Come back later. I may have news of work." "Thank you," she said, coming out tremblingly. "Nice looking, isn't it?" said the manager's companion, who hadn't heard all the tricks the manager was playing. "Yes, kind of pretty," said the manager, lamenting that his trick had failed. "But she won't be a female star. Only a chorus player." This little adventure almost discouraged her from going to the Chicago Opera House to call on the manager of the company. But after a while, she decided to go anyway. The manager was a more serious and decent person. He immediately said that there were no vacancies in their company. , and seems to think her job search is stupid. "Chicago is not the place to debut," he said. "You should go to New York." But she didn't give up the idea of ​​going on the stage, and rushed to the McVeighar Theater. But there she was in vain. The play "The House" was being played there. People who asked her to see were nowhere to be found. These little expeditions kept her busy until four o'clock. She was exhausted and wanted to go home. She thought she should look elsewhere, but the results so far had disappointed her. She sat She got on the street car and reached Alden Square three quarters of an hour later. But she decided to sit down again and get off at the West End Post Office, where she always got Hurstwood's letter. There was already a letter waiting for her. Written on Saturday. She tore open the letter with mixed feelings. It was full of enthusiasm, and so distressed at her absence and subsequent silence that it relented Carrie. He loved her, that was evident. But It was too treacherous for him to dare to love her as a married man. She felt that this letter should have an answer, so she decided to write a reply letter to let him know that she already knew his marital status, so she cheated on him. He was rightly offended by the behavior. She was going to tell him that their relationship was over. As soon as she got home, she began to write the letter. The wording of the letter was very careful, and it was too difficult to write. "You don't need me to explain why I didn't come to see you," she wrote. "How can you deceive me like this? You shouldn't expect me to see you anymore. In any case, I will not see you again." How could you treat me like this?" She added in a fit of emotion, "You have caused me pain you can't even imagine. I hope you can get over your obsession with me and we can never see each other again. Farewell !" The next morning she went out with the letter, and reluctantly dropped it into the mailbox at the bend in the road. Because she had been undecided whether to write the letter or not. Then she took a streetcar and went to the business district . It's the low season for department stores, but people listen to her job application with a lot of attention, which is something that girls don't get when they apply for a job. Of course, it's because Carrie looks neat and charming. They still ask her Those old questions she's been familiar with for a long time: "What would you do? Have you ever worked in a retail store before? Do you have experience?" At the mall, at West's, and all the other big department stores, it's much the same. It's the off-season, and she can come and see later, when they might hire her. In the evening, when she came home exhausted and dejected, she found Drouet had come. His umbrella and light overcoat had been taken away. She felt that something else was missing, but was not sure. He had not taken Everything is taken away. So it seemed that his departure was a foregone conclusion, that he would never return. What was she to do now? It was obvious that in a day or two she would have to face the harsh world again as before. Her Gradually the clothes would become worn and shabby again. She clasped her hands as usual, and pressed her fingers together expressively. Big tears gathered in her eyes, and hot tears rolled down her cheeks. She was alone, terribly alone. Drouet had indeed been here. But he had come in a very different mood than Carrie had imagined. He expected to see her at home, and he would claim that he had come back for the clothes he had left behind. Then, before leaving, he would try to Make peace with her. When he came, therefore, he was disappointed to see that Carrie was not at home. He groped for Senna, hoping that she would be somewhere near and be back soon. He kept his ears open, expecting to hear the sound of the stairs. Come her footsteps. While he was waiting like this, he was going to pretend that he had just arrived home when she came back, and pretended to be embarrassed by being caught by her. Then he explained that he needed clothes so he came back. He wanted to see what was going on. how. But he waited and waited, and Carrie never came back. At first he rummaged through the drawers in case she came back. Then he went to the window to look around, and finally he sat down in the rocking chair. Carrie was late. Did not return. He began to fidget with anxiety, so he lit a cigar. After that, he paced up and down the room. He looked out of the window again and saw dark clouds gathering. He remembered that there was an appointment at three o'clock. , feeling that it would be useless to wait any longer, he took up the umbrella and the light overcoat. He was going to take them anyway. He hoped this would frighten her. To-morrow he would come back for something else, and then we'll see. how. When he got up to leave, he was really sorry that he hadn't seen her. There was a small picture of her on the wall, in the little coat he first bought her, with a face that had recently faded. The expression of sadness and longing that is often seen. He was really moved by the photo, and looked into her eyes in the photo with a kind of affection that he rarely saw. "You're sorry, Gard," he said, as if the photograph were her own. Then he went to the door, looked round the room for a long time, and went out.