Chapter 10 chapter Ten

He continued to keep his own diary, and this is what he wrote during this time: "November twenty-fourth. Get up at eight o'clock, read the Holy Book, and go to work (Pierre obeys En Advice from the Lord, serve on a committee), go home before lunch, and eat lunch alone (the Countess has many people I hate), and eat in moderation (Jiangxi) people.He founded Xujiang Academy and made a living by teaching. He is known as Mr. Xujiang.Zhuyuan, after lunch, transcribed holy books for the brothers and sisters.Go to the Countess at night, and describe JI.It was a ridiculous experience, and when everyone laughed, I realized that I shouldn't have done it.

I went to bed with happiness and peace of mind.great lord you help I walk your life path: (1) Overcome anger with a calm and calm heart; (2) Overcome lust with temperance and aversion; (3) Avoid the emptiness of the world, but not from: A, state affairs; B, housework; C, friendly relations; D, economic affairs. " "November twenty-seventh. He got up very late, and after waking up, he showed a lazy look and lay on the bed for a long time.My goodness!Help me, make me stronger, enable me to walk your way.I read the holy books, but without the affection I should have.Brother Urusov came, and we talked about the emptiness of the world.He was describing the king's new plan.I was about to start scolding, but thought of my own code of conduct and what our benefactor said: When the country needs a real Mason to participate in activities, he should be an ardent state activist, and if he has no such mission, he should A level-headed bystander.My tongue is my enemy. T． B．and O.These senior brothers have all come to visit me. In order to accept a new junior brother, a meeting was held beforehand.They asked me to assume the duties of a teacher.I felt I was incompetent and unfit to be a teacher.Then we come to the description of the seven pillars and the seven steps of the Temple, the seven sciences of the Holy Spirit, the seven virtues, the seven sins and the seven rewards.

O．Brother can speak eloquently.In the evening a ceremony for the admission of members was held.The original layout of this home adds to the majestic views.Boris Drubetskoy has been admitted as a member.I recommend him and I will be the teacher. As I stayed with him in this dark temple, a strange feeling made me uneasy.Suddenly a hatred for him arose in me which I was trying in vain to overcome.I sincerely want to save him, free him from evil, and guide him to the path of truth, but I cannot abandon my bad thoughts about him.I couldn't help thinking that his purpose in joining the Freemasonry was simply to get close to people, to be favored by the members of our chapter.He asked several times whether there was N.and S． (I cannot answer his question) Apart from these grounds, my observation alone shows that he is not good at respecting our holy Masonry, he is too concerned with appearance, and is satisfied with appearance, so that he has no intention of spiritual improvement. , I have no reason to doubt him, but I seem to feel that he is not honest enough. When I stood alone with him in the dark temple, I always felt that he smiled contemptuously at what I said. I really want to Stab his bare chest with the long sword I hold in my hand and point it at him.I couldn't speak clearly and clearly, and I couldn't tell the truth about my doubts to the coach of my seniors.Architect of nature, please help me to find the way of truth out of the maze of falsehood. "

After that, three pages were left blank in the diary, and the following paragraph was written: "Brother B. and I had a long and instructive conversation alone. He advised me to keep in touch with brother A. His conversation made me, who is not worthy of being a member, understand many things. Adonai Is the name of the Creator. Eloin is the name of the master of all things. The third name is a name that cannot be expressed in words, and its meaning is all things. My conversation with my brother B. made me on the road to acquire noble virtues. Fortify yourself, lift your spirits, and strengthen your convictions. There is nothing to doubt before him. I can clearly distinguish the meager theories of social science from the all-encompassing teachings of our divine. Human science for All things are divided for understanding, all things are strangled for analysis. In the sacred doctrine of Freemasonry, all things are one, all things are known in its totality and life. The Trinity is the three great elements of matter. Elements: Sulphur, Mercury, and Salt. Ryujuan contains the properties of olive oil and fire, which, combined with salt, induces desire by means of fire, and by means of this desire it attracts mercury, sticks to it, stabilizes it, and together produces a single objects. Mercury is a liquid, volatile spiritual substance, Christ, the Holy Spirit, Him."

"December 3rd. Waking up late, reading the holy book, but lacking emotion, and walking out of the room Come, take a walk in the hall.I wanted to think about it, but what came to my mind was an event from four years ago.Mr. Dolokhov, who met me in Moscow after the duel with me, told me that he had one hope: that he wanted me to enjoy the fullness of my happiness, even though I had no wife at my side.At that time I had no words to answer.Now, thinking of the details of this meeting, I said to him in my mind extremely vicious words, and answered ironically.It wasn't until I saw myself pissed off that I came to my senses and dropped the idea, but it wasn't enough to make me regret it.Afterwards Boris Drubetskoy came to visit, and he began to tell me all sorts of unexpected incidents. As soon as he came in, I was very dissatisfied with his visit and said some nasty things to him. Dispute what is said.I flew into a rage and said many harsh, even rude things to him.He was silent, and when I woke up, it was too late.Oh my god, I have absolutely no way of dealing with him.This is caused by my excessive self-esteem.I put myself above him, and thereby became much worse than he, for he accommodated my rudeness in every possible way, whereas I, on the contrary, always despised him.My God, let me see more of my filth in his presence, in order that he may benefit from it.I fell asleep after lunch, and when I was about to fall asleep, I clearly heard someone speaking into my left ear: 'Your day. '

I dreamed I was walking in the dark and suddenly I was surrounded by dogs But I was walking without fear, and suddenly a puppy bit my left thigh and wouldn't let go.I started strangling its neck with both hands.Just dragged it away and another bigger dog started biting me.I lifted it up, and the higher I lifted it, the bigger and heavier it got.Suddenly brother A.Come, take one of my hands, lead me forward, and lead me to the front of a building, which can only be entered by walking along a narrow wooden board.I stepped on the planks, which tipped sideways and collapsed, and I began to climb up the wall that I could barely reach with my hands.It took me a lot of effort to move my body, climb over the wall, hang my feet on one side of the wall and my torso on the other.I looked around and saw brother A.Standing on the fence, he pointed to me the wide avenue and a garden with an elegant and tall building in it.I woke up.O God, Architect of Nature!Help me to break free from these dogs--dogs that I find terrible, help me to break free from the one of them that combines the strength of the previous dogs, help me to step into the symbol of virtue that I have seen in my dream. shrine. "

"December 7th. I had a dream, as if I dreamed of Joseph Alexievich Sitting in my house, I am very happy and want to entertain him.I seemed to be talking endlessly with some idle people, and it suddenly occurred to me that he didn't like this, and I wanted to get close to him and hug him.But as I approached him, I saw that his face had changed, that he had grown younger, and that he whispered something to me from the Masonic teachings, in a voice so low that I could hardly hear it.Then we all seemed to come out of the room when a curious thing happened. We sit on the floor, or lie on the floor.He said something to me.But I seemed to want to show him that I was so moved that instead of listening to him I suddenly imagined the state of my heart and the grace of God.Tears welled up in my eyes, he noticed, and I was satisfied.But he gave me a rueful glance, jumped up, and interrupted the conversation.I became timid and asked him if that was meant for me, but he didn't answer a word, showing me an affectionate look, and then we suddenly and unknowingly walked to my room. Bedroom with a double bed.He was lying on the edge of the bed, and I seemed to be full of affection for him, so I lay down here and rested for a while.He seemed to ask me: 'Tell me honestly, what's your main hobby?Did you know?I think you experience it. ’ The question embarrassed me, and I replied that laziness was my chief passion.He shook his head distrustingly.Increasingly disturbed, I answered him that although I lived with my wife according to his advice, I was not my wife's husband.He demurred, saying that his wife should not be denied caresses, which made me feel that it was my responsibility.But I replied that it made me feel ashamed, and suddenly it all disappeared.I woke up, and thought of a passage in the Holy Book: "Life is the light of man, light shines in darkness, shines in darkness, darkness in darkness." Cage·cover·not·live·it. '

Joseph Alexievich's face was young and clear.On this day he received a letter from his benefactor, in which he wrote about the responsibilities of the couple. " "December nine. I had a dream from which I awoke with shudders and throbbing, as if I had dreamed that I was in a large drawing-room in a Moscow house, and Joseph Alexievich came out of it.I seemed to know right away that he was done with his new life, and I ran forward to meet him.I seemed to kiss his hand, and he said to me: 'Do you notice that my face has changed? ' I glanced at his face, and continued to hold him in my arms, and I seemed to see that his face looked younger, but he had no hair on his head, and his face was completely different.I seemed to say to him: 'If I ever meet you, I will recognize you. ’ And at the same time I thought: ‘Am I telling the truth? 'I suddenly saw him lying down like a dead body, and then gradually regained consciousness. He was holding a large book handwritten on high-grade drawing paper, and walked into the big study with me.I seemed to say to him: 'This is what I sketched. ’ he answered, hanging his head.I opened the book, and the pages in this book were beautifully sketched.I seem to know that the content of these pictures is the strange experience of the soul and its lover in love.In this book, I seem to see the portrait of the beautiful and alluring young girl who is wearing transparent clothes and whose body is also transparent, flying to the sky.I seem to know that this girl is nothing more than the image of "Song of Songs".I looked at the pictures and it seemed to me that I was doing something bad, but I couldn't take my eyes off the pictures.Lord, please help me!My God, if you desert me, which is what you do, then leave it to you, and if I bring misfortune to myself, then show me what I should do.If you abandon me completely, then I will be destroyed by lust and lust. "