Chapter 24 Chapter fifteen

Meggie didn't want anyone to know she was back.She was coming up to Drogheda in the mail truck with old Bluey Williams, Justine in a basket by her seat.Bluey was overjoyed to see her, eager to know what she had been up to for the past four years.But, as they approached the manor, he fell silent; thinking she must wish to go home in peace. Back to brown and white, back to dust, back to the amazing purity and ease that North Queensland so lacks.Here are no more wanton plants, no more laborious, hands and feet to tidy up the room; here is only the old life that turns slowly like a brilliant starry sky.There are more kangaroos than ever.And that lovely, well-proportioned little rue tree, so plump and serene it almost looks coy.Above the trucks, pink-winged lorikeets are chattering, pink under their wings, and emus are galloping.The rabbit hopped away from the road, and kicked up a cloud of white clay smoke.The faded trunks of dead trees stood out in the prairie.Forest mirages lingered on the horizon in the distant arc, refracted from the Biban-Biban plain.Only the erratic shadows at the bottom of the forest show that they are not real scenes.The crows cawed desolately and anxiously.She hadn't heard this voice for a long time, but it never occurred to her that she would not hear it.The dry autumn wind rolled up the hazy dust and mist like a heavy rain, and this piece of grassland, the silver-gray grassland in the northwest, meandered directly into the sky as if thanking God for his grace.

Drogheda, Drogheda!On the devil's eucalyptus and the quiet, tall pepper trees, buzzing (口ying) (口ying) bees are flying.Livestock enclosures and milky-yellow sandstone buildings, and a completely different green lawn surround the mansion.The gardens are in full bloom with autumn flowers, pansies and zinnias, asters and dahlias, marigolds and marigolds, chrysanthemums, roses, roses.Mrs. Smith stood dumbfounded in the gravel backyard, and then she laughed and shouted.Minnie and Kate came running.Old, sinewy vines wound like chains around Drogheda's heart.Drogheda was home, and here was her heart, and always would be.

Fee came out to see what all the fuss was about. "Hello, Mom. I'm back." The expression in the gray eyes hadn't changed, but Meggie could still tell in hers that Mom was happy, but she didn't know how to express it. "You left Luke?" Fee asked, taking it for granted.Only then did Mrs. Smith and the maids realize that she had returned alone. "Yes. I'm never going back to him. He doesn't want a home, his kids or me." "child?" "Yes. I'm going to have another baby." The servants let out an ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.Fee said her opinion in that measured voice, suppressing her joy.

"If he doesn't want you, you're right to come home. We'll take care of you here." This was her old room, looking out over the grounds and garden.When the new baby was born, she and Justine lived in the next room.Oh, how nice it is to be at home! Bob was also happy to see her.He was becoming more and more like Papa, becoming a slightly hunchbacked, muscular figure, as if the sun had baked his skin and bones and turned them.He also has a kind of gentle power.But maybe it's because he has never been an elder of everyone, so he lacks the demeanor of his father's loving father.And, like Fee, he was quiet and self-controlled, his emotions invisible and his opinions invisible.It occurred to Meggie with a sudden surprise that he was in his mid-thirties and still unmarried.Then came Jack and Hughie, who seemed to have been cut from the same mold as Bob, but without his authority.They welcomed Meggie home with shy smiles.She thought, it must be like this, they are too shy, this is the nature of the earth, because the earth does not need the expression of emotion or social demeanor.It needs only what they give it, and that is unspoken love and total devotion.

All the Cleary men stayed home that night, unloading the truck that Jens and Patsy had loaded corn in Killy. "I've never seen such a dry day, Meggie," said Bob. "It hasn't rained in two years, not a drop. Rabbits are a worse scourge than kangaroos and they eat more grass than sheep and kangaroos put together. We want to try hand feeding but you know what happens to sheep ." Meggie knew sheep best.They are a bunch of idiots, incapable of even understanding the basics of survival.These furry nobles have been completely bred into a kind of mentally retarded and mediocre animals in breeding and selection.Sheep eat nothing but grass or scrub cut from their native environment.However, there are not enough people to mow the grass to meet the needs of 100,000 sheep.

"I suggest, can you use me?" she asked. "Yes, Meggie, if you're still working the inner paddocks on horseback like you used to, you'll have one more man cutting the bushes." The twins were right, they talked very quickly at home. At fourteen they left Rivermew for good, before they could run fast enough across the black-soil plains.They already looked like teenage Bob, Jack and Hughie.The old-school twill and flannel clothing has gradually been replaced by the clothing of the great Northwest rancher: white thick wool denim, white shirt, wide-brimmed flat gray felt hat, flat-heeled half-waist elasticated riding boots, Only a small group of aboriginal people living in the shantytowns of the Kiri imitated the cowboys of the American West and wore high-heeled boots that were all the rage.Wearing a ten-gallon Stetson hat.To a man of the black-soil plains the attire was a useless posturing, part of an exotic culture, and a man in high-heeled boots could not walk through the bushes, which he often had to , and a ten-gallon Stirling hat is too hot and heavy.

① A hat with a drooping wide brim and a high crown. -- Annotation The sorrel mare and black gelding were dead, and the stables were empty.Meggie insisted that she would be fine riding a shepherd horse, too.But Bob went to Martin King's ranch and bought her two part-blood work horses--a beige mare with a black mane and tail, and a long-legged sorrel gelding.For some reason, the loss of the old sorrel mare hit Meggie harder than her separation from Ralph, it was a delayed reaction, and the death of the sorrel mare seemed to make the fact that he was gone even worse. It was more poignant, but it was nice to be out in the paddocks again, to ride horses and dogs, to suck the dust kicked up by bleating sheep, and to look at the birds, the sky, and the ground.

It was a very dry day.For as long as Meggie could remember, the Drogheda meadows had always managed to survive every drought.But this time is different.Now the grass looked mottled, showing black ground between tufts of grass.There are fine cracks on the ground, like thirsty mouths.It's the rabbit's fault to get this far.In the four years she was gone, they suddenly multiplied enormously in one year.Although she thinks they were bad for many years before then, almost overnight, their numbers went well beyond saturation point.Rabbits are everywhere, and they also eat valuable pastures.

She had learned how to use a rabbit trap, and in a way, she didn't want to see those cute little things being mangled by steel teeth.But she is a person who loves the land very much, and she will not be afraid of such a last resort.It is not cruel to kill in the name of survival. "God punish homesick Bommie for being the first to bring rabbits from England," Bob complained. Rabbits are not native to Australia.Their nostalgic importance has created a major headache for the continent's ecological balance.There is no such problem here with sheep and cattle, which are skilled at grazing the moment they are introduced.There are no longhorn carnivores in Australia to control rabbit populations, and imported foxes cannot reproduce.Man is certainly an unnatural carnivore; but there are too few men and too many rabbits.

After Meggie's belly was too big to ride, she spent her days at the estate with Mrs. Smith, Minnie, and Kate, making clothes and knitting sweaters for the little one wriggling in her belly.He (she always thought of the little guy as "he") was a part of her that Justine would never be.She was not suffering from nausea or depression, and she was eagerly looking forward to having him.Perhaps, partly for this reason, Justine had been neglected; and now the light-eyed little thing had been transformed from a brainless baby into a brilliant little girl.Meggie found herself fascinated by the process and the child.A good deal of time had passed since she had been indifferent to Justine; now she longed to love her daughter infinitely, to hold her close, to kiss her, to laugh with her.To be politely ignored is a blow.And yet, that was just how Justine treated her every gesture of tenderness.

When Jens and Patsy left Rivermew.Mrs. Smith had intended to take them under her wing again, but found, to her dismay, that they spent most of their time outside in the paddock.So Mrs. Smith turned to little Justine, and found that she, like Meggie, was rejected from a thousand miles away.Justine didn't seem to want to be hugged or kissed or made to laugh. She started walking and talking early, at nine months.Once she could stand on her legs and wield that articulating tongue, she could walk by herself and do exactly what she wanted to do.She wasn't loud or naughty, just extremely strong.Meggie didn't know anything about Gene, but if she had, she might know that it was a mixture of Cleary, Armstrong and O'Neill. But, most surprising of all, Justine stubbornly refused to smile or laugh.Everyone on Drogheda had tried their best to get her to grin a little bit, but to no avail.When it comes to this natural seriousness, she has an edge over her grandmother. On the first day of October, when Justine was exactly sixteen months old, Drogheda, Meggie's son, was born almost four weeks early and by surprise.She had two or three severe contractions and her water broke.He was delivered by Mrs. Smith and Fee, who had just hung up on the doctor.Meggie barely had time to expand her pelvis.The pain was negligible, and the torment passed quickly. I'm afraid it has rarely been so fast before.Even though she couldn't help feeling a pang of pain, Meggie felt wonderful that he had been born into the world so suddenly.When Justine was born, her breasts were completely dry, but this time the milk was so full that it flowed out.This time there is no need for a bottle. He is so beautiful!Big and slender, with flaxen curly hair on a perfect little skull, and vivid blue eyes, which did not change color in the slightest afterwards.How can they change?They were Ralph's eyes, as he had Ralph's hands, and Ralph's nose and mouth, and even Ralph's feet.Meggie had gone too far to appreciate that Luke was so much like Ralph in build and complexion, and so much in features.But the hands, the shape of the eyebrows, the shaggy forehead, the shape of the fingers and toes were more Ralph than Luke.I hope no one remembers a man with this look. "Have you figured out his name?" Fee asked, and the kid seemed to like her. As she stood there with him in her arms, Meggie watched him with great pleasure.Mom is going to love again.Oh, maybe she won't love him the way she loves Frank, but at least she'll feel something. "I'm going to call him Dai." "What a strange name! What? Is this the name of the O'Neill family? I guess your relationship with the O'Neill family is over?" "It has nothing to do with Luke. It's his name. It's not someone else's. I hate family names; it's like wanting to put a part of someone different into someone new. I'm straight up Juss Ting is called Justine because I like it, and I call Dane Dane for the same reason." "Well, it does make sense," Fei agreed. Meggie flinched in pain, her breasts overfilled. "Mom, you better give him to me. Oh, I hope he's hungry! And, I hope old Blue can get the breast pump. Otherwise, you'll have to drive to Gilly and get one." Bluey nickname. -- Annotation He is hungry.He pulled her hard, his clumsy little mouth sucking on her breast so painfully.She looked down at him, at his closed eyes and black eyelashes with golden tips, at his eyebrows that resembled his father's and that little cheek that kept sucking.Meggie loved him more than pain from sucking. It is enough to have him, and he can only be satisfied with him alone.I will not have any more children.Ralph de Bricassart, you love that God more than me, and you will never know what I stole from you—from him.I'll never tell you about Dane.oh my boy!It's much more comfortable to transfer you to the pillow than to lie in her arms, and it's easier to see his flawless little face.my child!You are mine, and I will never reveal your history to others.The last thing that should be revealed is your father, he is a priest, he will not recognize you.Wouldn't that be wonderful? In early April, the ship arrived at the port of Genoa.Archbishop Ralph set foot on the land of Italy when the flowers were in full bloom and the Mediterranean spring, and took a train bound for Rome. Originally, he had requested that he could take a car from the Vatican to Rome, but he was afraid. Feeling the atmosphere of the church closing in on him again, he wanted to delay the moment as long as possible.The Immortal City lived up to its name, he thought, gazing out of the taxi window at the bell towers and domes, the dove-filled piazzas and the Roman columns whose plinths had been buried for centuries.Oh, to him they were all superfluous.Important to him was the part of Rome that called the Vatican.There, in addition to luxurious public buildings, there are luxurious private residences. ① Another name for Rome. -- Annotation A Dominican friar in black and beige robes led him through tall marble corridors filled with bronze and stone statues worthy of a museum.They passed some portraits of various styles.There are Giotto's, Raphael's, Botticelli's, Fra Anselico's.He was now in the anteroom of a great cardinal, and no doubt the well-to-do family of the Cantini-Fochs honored the surroundings of its venerable descendants. ① Also known as the "Missionary Brotherhood", it is one of the main sects of the Catholic Mendicant Order. Founded by the Spaniard Domino (1170?-1221) in the early 13th century.Shortly after its founding, the Society was appointed by the Pope to preside over the Inquisition. -- Annotation ② Giotto di Banton (1267-1337), a painter, sculptor and architect in the early Italian Renaissance. -- Annotation ③Raphael Sanchio (1483-1520), a painter and architect in the High Renaissance of Italy--Annotation ④Sandro Botticelli (1445-1510), an Italian Renaissance painter. -- Annotation ⑤ Fra Angulico (1383-1455), commonly known as Guido Di Pietro, was a monk country in the early Italian Renaissance. -- Annotation Cardinal Vittorio Scarpenza di Contini-Verches sat in a room.The room was furnished with ivory and gold, richly colored tapestries and pictures, French rugs, and French furniture.The smooth little hand with the gleaming ruby ​​ring stretched out to welcome him.Archbishop Ralph lowered his eyes in delight, crossed the room, knelt down, took the hand, and kissed the ring: he put his cheek to it, knowing that he could not lie, though on his lips Before touching the symbols of super-worldly power and worldly authority, he tried to restore his old air. Cardinal Vittorio put his other hand on the bent shoulder, nodded to the friar, and motioned him to step back.Then, when the door was closed softly, his hand moved from the shoulder to the hair, stopped on the dense black hair, and gently smoothed back the half of the hair that covered the forehead.This hair has already changed, and it won't be long before it is no longer jet black, but iron gray.The stooped back straightened, the shoulders were thrown back, and Archbishop Ralph looked straight up into his Master's face. Ah, it has changed!The mouth had sunk in, painfully, more vulnerable; the eyes, the color and shape and matching so beautifully and gracefully together, were so different from the eyes he remembered as having always seemed to be part of him forever.Cardinal Vittorio had always had an illusion that the eyes of Jesus were blue, like Ralph's: calm, unmoved by what he saw, and thus able to encompass everything.However, this may be a false illusion.How can one perceive humanity and one's own pain without the expression of the eyes? "Hey, Ralph, sit down." "Your Excellency, I want to repent." "Wait, wait! Let's talk first, in English. Ears are everywhere these days, though. Thank Jesus, there are no English ears. Please sit down, Ralph. Oh, see You're so happy! I've lost your wise counsel, reasoning, and your friendship of perfect quality. They haven't given me a man who loves you half as much as I love you." He could feel that his mind had suddenly become stiff, and felt that his mind was thinking in rigid language.Ralph de Brixal knew better than most what a change in a person's intercourse, or even a change in speech, signifies.Those eavesdropping ears are powerless against extremely fluent spoken English.So, he sat down not far away, facing the thin figure in bright red moire silk.The color of the dress is ever-changing, and the bright red hue is not so much a striking color in itself as it blends in with its surroundings. The extreme boredom he had felt for eight weeks seemed to be lessening.He didn't know why he longed for this meeting so much.At this time, he already had a bottom line in his heart, and he would be understood and forgiven.He felt divinely guilty for his infidelity, for not behaving himself as he had hoped, for having disappointed a funny, kind, and faithful friend.His crime was that when he entered this pure place, he was no longer pure. "We are priests, Ralph, but before that we were something else, something we were before we were priests. Loneliness as we are, we cannot escape that. We are men, with Men's weaknesses and miscalculations. No matter what you tell me, it will not change the impression I have formed of you in the past years of our work together; no matter what you tell you, it will not make me underestimate you or love you less .Because over the years, I know, you've got rid of that inner weakness and humanity that we have, but I know it must have awakened in you, because it's happened to us all. Even the Pope himself Like a quote. He was the most humble and human of us." "I have broken my oath, Your Excellency. This cannot be easily forgiven. It is sacrilege." "When you accepted Mrs. Mary Carson's estate many years ago, you broke your vow of poverty. It was bequeathed to charity and the congregation. Isn't it so?" "Then, three oaths are broken, my lord." "I wish you would call me Vittorio, as you have always done! Ralph, I am neither shocked nor dismayed. This is the will of our Jesus Christ. I think you may have learned something profound Lessons, such lessons cannot be learned by less harmful means. God is mysterious, and his secrets are beyond our poor comprehension. But I do not think what you have done is frivolous, you swear Abandonment is not worthless. I know you too well. I know that you are a man of high disposition, who loves the idea of ​​being a priest, and has a strong sense of solitude. You need this special lesson to suppress Your arrogance makes you understand that you are a man first and not as lonely as you think, which is allowed, isn't it?" "Yes, I am impersonal and believe that, in a way, I aspire to be like God. The sins I have committed are deep and unforgivable. I cannot forgive myself, so how can I hope that God What about forgiveness?" "It's arrogance, Ralph, arrogance! It's not your business to forgive, don't you understand? Only God forgives. Only God! He forgives sincere repentance. You know, He has forgiven The sins of far greater saints, and veritable villains. Do you think Satan the devil is unforgiven? He was forgiven the moment he rebelled. The reason why he was in hell A bitter fate is his own fault, not God's will. Didn't he just say so? Better be the king of hell than the servant of heaven! Because he can't overcome his arrogance and won't make his will obey Add the will of one man, though that other man is God Himself. I don't want to see you make the same mistake, my dearest friend. Human touch is one quality you lack, but that's what makes a great saint One or the quality of a great human being. You don't get true humanity until you leave it to God to forgive." The determined face twitched. "Yes, I know you are right. I must, without a doubt, admit to myself as I am and try to become a better person who has rooted out the arrogance that exists in me. I repent, and I will confess, Waiting for forgiveness. I do feel remorse." He sighed; his eyes betrayed what his deliberate words couldn't express -- what couldn't be expressed in this room -- inner conflict. "But, Vittorio, I was in a sense powerless at the time. I could neither destroy her nor would it be mine. At that time there seemed to be no question of choice, Because I do love her. It's not her fault, and I never wanted to take that love to a physical level. You know, her fate became more important than mine. In that moment, I always To think of myself first, to think that I am more important than her, because Xun is a priest and she is inferior. However, I understand that I am responsible for her survival... When she was a child, I would have been I could have made her disappear from my life, but I didn't, I kept her in my heart and she knew it. If I did get her out of my heart, she would know. Then she'd be someone I couldn't influence," he smiled, "you know, I've confessed a lot, and I've tried a little of what I've created myself." "Is that the rose?" Archbishop Ralph threw his head back, looking at the large, intricately crafted ceiling with its gilded decorations and the Morano chandelier. "Who else could it be? She's the only one I try to make." "Then will she, the rose, be safe? You will not do her more harm than by refusing her?" "I don't know, Vittorio. I wish I knew! At the time, it seemed like that was the only way to do it. I didn't have the foresight of Prometheus to get involved in a frenzy that made one's Extremely low judgment, and besides, that's easy...it happened! But I think maybe what I gave her, she needed most of what she needed, to realize who she was as a woman. I'm not saying she didn't know she was A woman. I mean I don't know. If she had been a woman when I first met her, things might have been different, but all the years I've known her, she was just a child." ①A god in Greek mythology who was punished by Zeus for stealing fire from heaven to humans. He was chained on a cliff in the Caucasus. Every day a vulture eagle would peck at his liver, but his liver would grow right away until someone Voluntarily suffer for him. -- Annotation "Ralph, you sound more serious than prepared to accept forgiveness. It hurts, doesn't it? You're human enough to succumb to human frailty. The matter Was it really done through noble self-sacrifice?" He looked at those eyes as black as a deep pool in surprise, and saw his own figure reflected in those eyes, like two dwarfs with extremely small stature. "No," he said. "I'm a man, and like a man, I found pleasure in her that I never dreamed of. I didn't know what a woman felt like. I didn't know that a woman could be a source of great pleasure. I thought I'd never And not leave her, not just because of her body, but because I just want to be with her—talk to her, or not, eat her cooking, smile at her, share her thoughts. Just As long as I live, I will miss her." The sallow, ascetic face reminded him strangely of Meggie's face at the moment of parting; The look of resolutely going to the end.What does he know?The only humanity that the red silk cardinal seems to be attracted to is his limp Ethiopian cat. "I can't repent the way I was with her," as the cardinal didn't start.Ralph continued. "I repent that I have broken a vow as sacred and binding as my life. I am no longer able to discharge my priestly duties with the same insight and zeal as I have ever done, and I repent with a sad heart." But Meggie ?The look on his face when he said her name set Cardinal Vittorio's mind at war again. "To confess Meggie is to kill her." He put his weary hands over his eyes. "I don't know if that made it clear, or if it came close to saying what I meant. I can't seem to for the life of me express enough how I feel about Meggie." As the Cardinal turned away, he never Leaning forward on the chair, he saw his pair of figures getting bigger.Vittorio's eyes are like mirrors; they reflect back what they see.I can't see what's behind them at all.Meggie's eyes were just the opposite now, they could peer right down into her soul. "Meggie was a blessing," he said. "One of my holy things, a different kind of holy thing." "Yes, I understand," the cardinal sighed. "It's good that you feel like this. I think it would lessen a great sin in the sight of our God. For your own sake, you'd better go and confess to Father Giorgio, not Father Guillermo. Father Giorgio Won't misinterpret your feelings and your reasoning. He'll see the truth. Father Guillermo is a little less perceptive. Maybe think your sincere confession is questionable." A smile flitted like a faint shadow corner of his mouth. "My Ralph, they, who listen to all these confessions, are also men. Do not forget this as long as you live. They are vessels of God only as long as they are priests. Otherwise Besides, they are all men. The forgiveness they give is from God, but the ears that hear and judge belong to men." There was a discreet knock at the door; Cardinal Vittorio sat down in silence, looking at the tea-trays on the mosaic table. "You know what, Ralph? It's been a habit to drink noon from my days in Australia. They make tea pretty well in my kitchen, though they weren't used to it at first." As Archbishop Ralph made his way to the teapot, he did it himself. "Oh, no! I'll do it myself. Make me a happy mother." "On the streets of Genoa and Rome, I saw many people in black clothes." Archbishop Ralph said while watching Cardinal Vittorio pour tea. That is the special follower of the leader.My Ralph, we are going to have a very difficult time.The Pope was unwavering in his view that there was no discord between the Church and the secular government of Italy, and he was right on this question as on everything else.No matter what happens, we must retain the freedom to help all our children, even if there is a war that means our children will be divided and kill each other in the name of the Catholic God.Regardless of which side our hearts and feelings are on, we must always do our best to keep the Holy See above political ideologies and international disputes.I want you to come to me because I believe that no matter what your eyes see, what goes in your head is not visible, and because you have the best diplomatic mind I have ever seen. " ①The title of Mussolini during the fascist rule. -- Annotation Archbishop Ralph smiled wryly. "Whatever I am, you're going to go on with my career, aren't you? I don't know what I would have been if I hadn't met you?" "Oh, then you will be the Archbishop of Sydney, a very good and very important office," said the Cardinal, with a broad smile. "It is that our paths in life are not in our hands. We were destined to meet, just as we are destined to work together for the Pope now." "I don't see success at the end of the road," Archbishop Ralph said. "I think the end will be the one that is always just. No one will like us, and everyone will condemn us." "I understand that, and so does His Holiness the Pope. But we have no choice. Yet nothing prevents us from privately praying for the early downfall of the leader and the Führer, right?" ① Refers to Hitler. -- Annotation "Do you really think there's going to be a war?" "I don't see any possibility of avoiding this war." The cardinal's cat came softly out of a sunny corner where it had just fallen asleep.It jumped onto the bright red, shining skirt, clumsily because it was so old. Ah, Sheba!Say hello to your old friend Ralph, whom you have expressed to me that you would rather have. " The vicious yellow eyes stared contemptuously at Archbishop Ralph, and then closed.Both of them laughed out loud.