Chapter 9 Chapter Seven (Part 1)

Mary Carson is turning 72, and she's planning the biggest gala in Killambo's 50-year history.Her birthday party is scheduled for early November.It was hot then, but bearable—at least for the natives of Gilly. "Write it down, Mrs. Smith!" said Minnie in a whisper. "Did you mark it down? She was born on November 3rd!" "What else do you say, Ming?" asked the housekeeper. "Minnie's Celtic mysticism was at odds with the calm English temper of the housekeeper. ① Minnie's pet name. -- Annotation ② Or translated Celts, a tribal group living in Central and Western Europe around the first millennium BC, whose descendants are now scattered in Ireland, Wales, Scotland and other places. -- Annotation

"Yo, that means she's a femme fatale, doesn't it? She's a femme fatale!" "I still don't understand at all what you're trying to say, Ming!" "My dear Mrs. Smith, the worst in a woman is found in her. Oh. She's the devil's offspring, that's all!" said Kate, wide-eyed, and crossing herself. "Honestly, Minnie, you and Kate are as stupid as hell," said Mrs. Smith.She was not at all moved. But the excitement is still running high, and it's going to get higher.The old spider in the high-backed chair sat in the very center of her web, sending out a constant stream of orders: this must be done, that must be done, take this from the warehouse or put that in.Two Irish maids were busy polishing the silver, cleaning the fine Haviland china, converting the chapel into a drawing-room, and tidying up the adjoining dining-room.

① Porcelain tableware produced in Limoges, France, made in 1839. -- Annotation The Cleary boys were more in the way than help.Stewart and a crew of ranchers mowed the lawn with a scythe, weeded the tea jars, dusted the porch with damp sawdust to dust the Spanish tile floor, dusted the parlor with white holy powder to make it fit. to dance.Clarence O'Toole's band came all the way from Sydney.Oysters, prawns, crabs, and lobsters were brought along at the same time; and they employed several women in Gilly as temporary helpers.From Rudna Hunish to Innismorey, from Brora to Neringam, the whole region was agitated.

Mary Carson moved from her high chair to her desk because of the unnatural echo of movement or shouting in the hall; she drew a piece of parchment to her face, I dipped in the pool and started writing letters.The letter is written in one go, without even pausing to consider the placement of a single comma.For the last five years, she had painstakingly worked out each complex phrase in her head until it was perfectly precise.It didn't take long for her to write the letter. It took two pages in total, leaving exactly a quarter of the second page free.However, after writing the last sentence, she sat down in a chair for a moment.The desk with the fold-out lid stood against a large window, so that whenever she turned her face she could see out onto the lawn.The laughter outside caused her to turn her head away.At first she thought nothing of it, then she flew into a rage.Damn his and her fascination!

Father Ralph taught Meggie how to ride a horse.Meggie, a country girl, had never been on horseback until the priest corrected her.It was a strange thing that the girls of poor village homes had never ridden a horse.Riding a horse was a pastime for rich young women in the countryside, and it was no different in the cities.Oh, girls from Meggie's background could drive a buggy and a slow horse, and even drive a tractor, and sometimes a car, but they rarely rode horses.It costs a lot to put a girl on horseback. Father Ralph had brought two pairs of springy booties and tweed riding socks from Gilly to the noisy table in the Cleary kitchen.Paddy was reading at leisure after dinner.He looked up, slightly surprised.

"Oh, what have you brought, Father?" he asked. "Meggie's riding outfit." "What?" Paddy said loudly. "What?" Meggie murmured. "Meggie's riding outfit. Honestly, Paddy, you're the biggest idiot! You've inherited the biggest and richest ranch in New South Wales, and you've never let your only daughter ride a horse! If she could On an equal footing with female equestrians like Miss Carmichael, Miss Hopeton, and Mrs Antoine King. What do you think? Meggie has to learn to ride, learn to sit in the saddle, you hear? I know you're busy, so I'm going to teach Meggie myself, if you like it or not, it's up to you. If it happens to interfere with her chores, there's nothing you can do about it. Fee's going to try to cut Meggie's work a few hours a week, That's it."

The one thing Paddy never did was argue with the priest.So Meggie started learning to ride at once.She has longed for this opportunity for several years.Once, with trepidation, she ventured to ask her father to let her ride, but he forgot all about it the next morning, and she never asked again.This, she felt, was an expression of her father's disapproval.Learning to ride under Father Ralph's protection gave her great pleasure, but she did not show it, for her adoration of Father Ralph had now turned into a girlish infatuation.She knew in her heart that this kind of obsession would not work, so she let herself enjoy the joy of being with him in her dreams, imagining the taste of hugging and kissing him.She couldn't dream of anything further, because she didn't know what was going to happen next, and she couldn't even imagine what was going to happen next.Even if she knew it was wrong to have tender dreams of a priest, she seemed to have little recourse to restrain herself from thinking otherwise.The best she could think of was to be sure that it never occurred to him that her mind had changed beyond the norm.

While Mary Carson was looking out of the drawing room window, Father Ralph and Meggie were coming up from the stables at the end of the house, and beyond that was the ranch foreman's house.The ranchers rode scrawny shepherd horses that had never been in a stable in their lives.When these horses are penned up for use, they are scattered in the yard. When they are on duty, they hop around on the pasture in the enclosure of the house.But Drogheda had stables, though only Father Ralph used them at the moment.In order for Father Ralph to have good horses to ride, Mary Carson kept two well-fed riding horses; he never rode the scrawny shepherd horses.When he asked her if Meggie could use his mount, she didn't object too much.This girl is her niece.He is right.She should be able to ride a horse with dignity.

Insolent, bitter old Mary Carson had hoped that Meggie would refuse the request, or join them in whipping at once.Unexpectedly, Naimei didn't refuse, and she couldn't get on the horse anymore.Seeing them walking across the lawn together now made her angry.The man wore breeches, a white shirt, and high-waisted boots, as elegant as a dancer.Wearing short riding boots, the girl is tall, childish and pretty.There is a harmonious friendship between them.There were countless times when Mary Carson wondered why no one but herself felt sorry for their close, almost intimate relationship.Paddy thought it was a good relationship, Fee—she was a piece of wood! -- didn't say anything, as usual, and the boys thought of them as brothers and sisters.Was it because she loved Ralph de Bricassart that she saw what no one else saw?Or was it her imagination, and there was nothing else here but the friendship of a middle-aged man in his mid-thirties with a girl who was not yet grown up at all?nonsense!No middle-aged man of thirty - not even Ralph de Bricassarte - could look down on a rose in full bloom.Even Ralph de Brixarte?snort!Ralph de Bricassart especially could see that nothing escaped this man's eyes.

Her hands trembled, and the ink in the pen splattered dark blue dots across the bottom of the letter.The bony fingers pulled out another sheet of paper from the file grid, dipped the pen in the inkwell again, and wrote those words and sentences again without thinking about it like the first time.Afterwards, she struggled to move her bloated body towards the door. "Minnie! Minnie!" she cried. "God ordered, it's her!" The maid's voice came clearly from the opposite living room.Her freckled face, which always looked youthful, was thrown out from behind the door. "My dear Mrs. Carson, what can I bring you?" she asked, wondering why the old lady didn't ring for Mrs. Smith as usual.

"Go get the hedgeman and Tom. Tell them to come see me right away." "Should I tell Mrs. Smith first?" "No need! Just do as you're told, girl!" said the bum from Nobumaki, who had been here as a temp 17 years earlier; he'd fallen in love with the Drogheda gardens and might as well have left.The hedgeman, a complete bum by nature, had been left in the pasture endlessly to wire the stakes, and was mending the white palisades of the estate for the feast.The call made them so frightened that they arrived within a few minutes.They stood there in work pants and flannel sweaters, twisting their hats nervously. "Can you both write?" Carson asked. They both nodded and swallowed. "Okay. I want you to watch me sign this piece of paper, and then, right after my signature, sign your name and address. Got it?" They nodded. "Print your signatures, as usual, and print your permanent addresses clearly. I don't care if the postman can get the letter there, as long as you can be found at that address." These two people watched her sign her name, which was her only official signature.Tom stepped forward, cracked his pen, and signed the paper with difficulty; then the hedge-man wrote "Chase Hawkins," in large, flowing letters, and Write down an address in Sydney.Mary Carson watched them unrelentingly; when they had signed, she handed each of them a dark red ten-pound note, and then, to keep them quiet, dismissed them without ceremony up. Meggie and the priest were long gone.Mary Carson sat heavily at her desk, drew another sheet of paper in front of her, and began writing again.This letter was not as easily written off as the last one.Again and again she paused to think, then pursed her lips, grinned humorlessly, and continued.She seemed to have a lot to write, because she wrote so sloppily that it almost became a pile, but she still needed a second sheet of paper.At last she looked over what she had written, folded the two sheets together, stuffed them into the envelope, and sealed the back with wax. Only Paddy, Fee, Bob, Jack, and Meggie went to the party; Hughie and Stuart were considered little ones, much smaller than they thought they were.For once in her life, Mary Carson was generous.Everyone was dressed in new, the best clothes that could be found in Gilly. Paddy, Bob, and Jack were immobilized in starched shirts, corsets, high socks, white bow ties, black tailcoats, black trousers, and snow-white vests.It was a formal dinner, so the men had to wear white ties and tailcoats, and the women had to wear floor-length skirts. Fee was dressed in a crepe gown, a rich dark gray that suited her in style; the soft pleats trailed the floor, the neckline was cut low, the dress was tightly wrapped around the waist and beaded, reminiscent of a Queen Mary. The style of the era.She had her hair pulled up high and swept back into a puff like a haughty dame, and she wore a fake pearl choker and earrings sold at Gilly's that were almost real. , only close inspection can tell it is a fake.The ostrich-feather fan in her hand was dyed the same color as her long skirt, achieving a perfectly harmonious effect, and at first glance, it did not look so ostentatious.The weather is still very hot, at seven o'clock in the evening, the temperature is still more than 100 degrees Fahrenheit. ① Queen Mary (1516-1558), whose reign was 1553-1558. -- Annotation The boys were dumbfounded when Fee and Paddy emerged from their house.Never in their life had they seen their parents so remarkably beautiful, so strange.Paddy still looks 61 years old; but this extraordinary attire makes him look like a politician; while Fae looks at first glance as if she is 10 years younger than her 48 years old. , charming, full of life, with a charming smile.Jim and Patsy cried out and would not look at Mama and Papa, they were so panicked and out of place.But mother and father behaved in the same way, and after a while the twins smiled admiringly. But all eyes were on Meggie.Perhaps because Gilly's seamstress still has nostalgia for her girlhood and resents the fact that all the other invited young girls had their gowns made in Sydney, she put all her heart into Meggie's outfit went among.It was a sleeveless, pleated, low-necked dress; Fee had begged the seamstress not to make it so, but the seamstress assured her that all girls would wear it-- Does she want her daughter to wear out-of-the-box clothes that look so rustic and make people laugh out loud?So Fee made a reasonable concession.The dress, in crepe and tiers of chiffon, was only slightly cinched at the waist, but had a belt of the same material at the hip.The color of the clothes was a little dark, with light pink in the gray. At that time, this color was called rose gray.Face to face, the seamstress and Meggie embroidered the gown with tiny pink rosebuds.Meggie had cut her hair as short as possible in a short cut that even the Gilly girls were horrified at.Of course, curly hair is more trendy.For Meggie, though, short hair was more acceptable than long. Paddy opened his mouth and cried out, for she was no longer his little Meggie.But again he closed his mouth wordlessly; he had already experienced this in Frank's house a long time ago in the rectory.No, he couldn't keep her as a little girl forever, she was already a young woman, already shyly gazing at her own beauty in the mirror.Why make life harder for the poor little guy? He held out a hand to her, smiling softly. "Oh, Meggie, you're so lovely! Come on, I'll go with you myself, and Bob and Jack will go with your mother." She was just one month shy of turning 17.For the first time in his life Paddy felt very old.But she was his sweetheart; nothing could spoil her first party of adulthood. They walked slowly towards the manor, much earlier than the first visitors had arrived.They made an appointment to dine with Mary Zhisen, and stood beside her to receive guests with her.No one wanted to get their shoes dirty, but walking a mile in the Drogheda dust meant a stop in the kitchen to polish the shoes and brush the dust off the hems of trousers and skirts. Father Ralph was wearing his ordinary vestment, which was simple in shape, save for a few flashing lines.The predecessor of the cassock: countless small black buttons from the edge of the robe to the neckline, tied with a purple-edged patriarchal sash.It suited him well, and no man's evening dress was half as good as it. Mary Carson chose a white satin outfit with white lace and white ostrich feathers.Fee stared at her blankly, and in spite of Fee's habit of indifference, couldn't help being shocked--why did she dress herself up like this, like a fatuous old spider trying to get married? ?She is fat in old age, which is not good for her. Paddy, however, didn't seem to see anything inappropriate; he stepped forward and took his sister's hand, all smiling.Even though Father Ralph watched the scene with half amusement and half detachment, he still found Paddy to be an unlovable person. "Oh, Mary! How pretty you look! Like a young girl!" Indeed, she looked almost as she did in the photograph taken shortly before Queen Victoria's death.There was a deep line on each side of the imperious nose, the stubborn mouth was unyielding; the slightly protruding, cold eyes stared at Meggie without blinking.Father Ralph's bright eyes turned from niece to aunt, and from aunt to niece. ①Queen Victoria, 1819-1901, Queen of Britain and Ireland, reigned from 1837-1901. -- Annotation Mary Carson smiled at Paddy and put her hand on his arm. "You'll have dinner with me, Padraic. Father de Bricassart will be with Fiona, and the boys must let Meghan sit among them." She turned to look at Meggie. "Are you dancing tonight, Meghan?" "She's too young, Marie, not yet seventeen," Pada said hastily. He remembered another of his parental flaws. None of his children had learned to dance. "What a pity," said Mary Carson. It was a grand, luxurious, extravagant, grandiose, joyful banquet; at least, that's how it was rumored everywhere.Royal O'Mara traveled 200 miles from Innismory with his wife, sons and his only daughter.While it's not a big deal, it's rare for people in Kiri to think of running 100 miles to see a cricket match, let alone a dinner party.And Duncan Gordon from Izzy-Ujski, whom no one could persuade to explain why he called his own pasture far from the sea the "Scotch Gaelic Seahorse Hunting Farm", and He was with Martin King, his son Anthony, and Mrs. Anthony; Ivan Pa from the Blaine Y Pool area in Kipple; there was Dominic O'Rourke from Biban-Biban; Horry Hobton from Bill-Bill, and dozens of others guests. ① Scots living in the mountains of northern and western Scotland. -- Annotation Most of them are emerging families who believe in Catholicism in the local area, and there are very few families that can show off their Anglo-Saxon surnames.The Irish, Scots and Welsh guests were about equal.No, if the Catholics were in Scotland or Wales, they could expect neither dominion in that country nor the sympathy of other Protestants throughout the ages.But here, for thousands of miles around Killambo, these nobles could defy the English nobility, masters of everything they could see.Drogheda, the largest industry, is larger than some European parks.Take care, princes of Monaco, princes of Liechtenstein!Mary Carson was the best of them all.Accompanied by a well-dressed Sydney Orchestra, they twirled to the waltz, or stood aside and danced the Charleston with the children, munching on lobster pie and frozen raw oysters, and drinking to save their lives. 15-year-old French champagne and 20-year-old Scottish pale ale.If they told themselves they would rather eat a leg of lamb or corned beef than drink cheap wine, strong Bundaberg rum, or casks of Grafton bitter.But it's also nice to have a taste of the finer things in life, which is what they're after. ①Monaco is a small country in Europe with a territorial area of ​​only 15 square kilometers. -- Annotation ②The area of ​​Liechtenstein is only 158 square kilometers. -- Annotation Yes, most of them had bad years.In good times, they carefully store their tried wool against bad weather, for no one can predict whether it will rain or not.However, the weather has been nice for some time and the cost of being in Kiri is small.Oh, once born on the black soil plains of the Great Northwest, there is no other place in the world like this place.They are not nostalgic and do not want to go back to their homeland for pilgrimage.Australia is discriminated against because it is a country that believes in Catholicism, but apart from the discrimination of this religious belief, they have nothing wrong with them, and the Great Northwest is their hometown. Besides, Mary Carson had covered all expenses for the evening.Spending the money was nothing to her.It is said that she can even buy the British throne.Her money was in the form of steel companies, in the form of silver ore and lead and zinc, in the form of copper or gold coins, in hundreds of different forms, and most of these things were Literally means turning into money.Drogheda hadn't been her main source of income for a long time; it had been nothing more than a profitable diversion. Father Ralph did not speak to Meggie directly during dinner, nor did he speak to her after dinner; he ignored her deliberately throughout the evening.No matter where he was in the living room, she kept her eyes on him, and her feelings were hurt.When he realized this, he stood down beside her chair and explained to her that if he paid more attention to her than to Miss Carmelk, Miss Gordon, or Miss O'Mara, it would be bad for her. The reputation (or his reputation) is not good.Like Meggie, he didn't dance, and like Meggie, many eyes were on him.They were without a doubt the prettiest people in the room. He ignored her partly because he didn't like how she looked tonight, the short hair, the lovely dress, and the delicate rose-gray loafers with the two-inch heels; She was very feminine; partly because she overshadowed all the other young girls with her beauty, which made him proud and overwhelmed.Miss Carmelk was well-bred in appearance, but without the special splendor of the orange hair; Miss King, with her fine flaxen braids, had no supple figure; The face is like a horse eating an apple through a wire fence.But his general reaction was one of disappointment, with a deeply painful wish to turn the calendar backwards.He didn't want Meggie to grow up, he wanted her to be a little girl who would make him think of her as his precious child.On Paddy's face, he saw an expression that he felt quite the same with himself, and he couldn't help but smile knowingly.How nice it would be if he only expressed his feelings once in his life!Yet his habits, his training, his prudence were ingrained. As the dinner progressed, the dancing became more and more uninhibited, and the champagne and whiskey were replaced by rum and beer, and the event became more like a shearing shed dance.At two o'clock in the morning, not even the ranchers and working girls could see any difference between it and the general amusements of the Kiri district, which were treated as equals. Paddy and Fee were still there, but at midnight Bob, Jack and Meggie hurried off.Neither Fee nor Paddy noticed that they were enjoying themselves.If their kids couldn't dance, they could dance themselves, and they danced; basically the two of them danced together.They seemed suddenly to Father Ralph to be in harmony with each other, perhaps because they had so few opportunities to relax and enjoy each other.In his memory, whenever he saw them, there was always at least one child by his side.He had thought about how hard it must be for parents in large families, who hardly had a moment to be alone with each other except in the bedroom.In their minds, talking in the bedroom is better than doing something else; and that is perhaps understandable.Paddy was his usual good-natured, cheerful face, but Fee was in full bloom tonight.When Paddy was on an errand to ask a rancher's wife to dance, she had no shortage of partners with whom she longed to dance.There were many women much younger than herself in the room, listlessly sitting in chairs because there were few invitations to dance. But Father Ralph's opportunities to observe the Clearys were limited.As soon as he saw Meggie leave the room, he felt ten years younger and alive.He danced very well with Miss Hopeton, Miss McKell, Miss Gordon, and Miss O'Mara.He also danced the Blake Bowden with Miss Carmichael, much to their amazement.But after that he danced with every unmarried girl in the room in turn, even poor ugly Miss Puff.At this moment, because everyone was completely relaxed and friendly, no one thought of reproaching the priest in the slightest.In fact, he was praised for his warmth and friendliness.No one could say that their daughter hadn't danced with Father de Bricassart.Of course, he wouldn't be off the dance floor if it wasn't a private party, but it was gratifying to see such a handsome man actually having a good time. ① A tap and swing dance popular in the United States from 1926 to 1928. -- Annotation At three o'clock Mary Carson stood up, yawning. "No, don't let the festivities stop! If I'm tired--I'm tired--I can go to bed. I really want to. But there's plenty to eat, drink, and have played with the band Good greeting, as long as there are people dancing, there will be accompaniment. A little noise and noise will make me fall asleep faster. Father, can you help me upstairs?" Once out of the drawing-room, instead of going up the majestic staircase, she led the priest toward her lounge.She leaned heavily on his arm.The door was locked, and when he opened it with the key she handed over, she waited aside, and then walked in in front of him. "It was a very nice party, Mary," he said. "My last banquet. "Don't talk like that, dear." "Why not? I've had enough, Ralph, I'm going to stop living." There was a mocking gleam in her hard eyes. "Do you doubt my words? For more than 70 years, when I want to do something, I have done it without any problems, so if the god of death thinks that I can die whenever he wants me to, then he Big mistake. When I choose my time, I'll die without killing myself. It's our will to live to keep us fighting back, Ralph, if we really want to stop living , it's not that hard. I'm tired and I want to stop. It's very simple." He was tired, too, but not of life, but of the endless maintenance of the surface, of the climate, of the lack of friends of common interest.The room was dimly lit only by a tall, priceless ruby-glass oil lamp.Mary Carson's face was cast with rows of red translucent shadows, giving a vaguely ghostly aspect to her stubbornness.His feet and back were sore and he hadn't danced like this in a long time, although he was proud of himself for being able to keep up with all the latest fashions.Thirty-five years old, as a rural priest, does he have any influence in the church?He was over before he even started.Ah, the dreams of youth!There is also the carelessness of young people's speech, and the violent temper of young people.He wasn't strong enough to stand the test.However, he will never make that mistake again.Never again, never again... He moved restlessly, sighing; what's the use?It's not time to come again.The time has come to face this fact firmly, the time to abandon hope and illusion. "Ralph, do you remember when I said I was going to surprise you and make you shoot yourself in the foot?" The dry, old voice jolted him out of the contemplation caused by his inaction.He looked over at Mary Carson and smiled. "Dear Mary, I will never forget a word you have said. You could have done nothing in the past seven years without you. Your shrewdness, your resentment, your insight "If I had been younger, I would have had you in a different way. You'd never understand how much I wanted to throw my age out the window for 30 years. If the devil came to me If I had bought my soul at the price of my youth, I would have sold it immediately, and never regretted the bargain as foolishly as old Faust. But the devil does not exist, You know, I can't really bring myself to believe in a God or a devil. I've never seen the slightest evidence that they actually exist. What about you?" "No. But faith is not based on evidence of existence, Mary, it is in faith, and faith is the touchstone of the church. Without faith, there is nothing." "A very short-lived creed." "Maybe. I think faith is born in a man or a woman. For me it is a constant struggle, I admit it, but I will never give in." "I'd rather let you fail." There was a smile in his blue eyes, which turned gray in the light. "Oh, dear Mary! I know that." "But do I know why?" A terrible sensitivity made him shudder, and if he hadn't resisted desperately, this feeling would have almost filled his whole being. "I know why, Mary, and please believe me, I'm so sorry." "How many women have ever loved you besides your mother?" "Does my mother love me? I doubt it. Anyway. She hated me when she was dying. Most women do. My name should have been Hippolytus." ① Son of Theseus, king of Athens, and Hippolyto in Greek legend.Theseus' second wife Phaedra tried to seduce him, but he refused. -- Annotation "Oh--! That says a lot to me!" "As for the other women, I think only Meggie loves me...but she's a little girl. It's probably not too much to say that there are hundreds of women who want me; but do they love me? I doubt it very much. " "I loved you," she said gloomily. "No, you didn't love me. I was an irritant in your old age, that's all. When you look at me, I remind you of things you can't do because of your age." "You're wrong. I loved you. God, how much I loved you! Do you think my age automatically precludes such love? Oh. Father de Bricassart, let me tell you something. Inside this stupid body, I am still young--I still have feelings, I still have wishes, I still have dreams, I am still alive; The worst vengeance ever wrought upon us by the vindictive God. Why doesn't He age our minds too?" She leaned back in her chair, closed her eyes, and bared her teeth angrily. "Of course, I'm going to hell. But, before I go to hell, I hope I get a chance to tell God that he's a selfish, malicious, pathetic defense of his faith!" "You have been widowed for too long. God gave you freedom of choice, Mary. You could have remarried. If you hadn't chosen to remarry. The result was an intolerable loneliness of your own making, not God's. Caused." For a while she said nothing, clutching the arms of the chair with both hands; then gradually she relaxed and opened her eyes.Those eyes gleamed in the red light, but there were no tears; only brightened by some unbearable emotion, and he held his breath, terrified.She looks like a spider. "Ralph, there is an envelope on my desk. Can you bring it to me?" He felt pain and fear.He stood up, walked to her desk, picked up the letter, and glanced at it curiously.The cover of the letter was empty, but the back of the letter was tightly sealed with wax and stamped with a ram stamp with a large "D".He took the letter to her, and put it in front of her; but she did not take it, but waved him back to his seat. "这是你的，"她说着，咯咯地笑了起来。"拉尔夫，这是有关你命运的文件，就是这么回事。这是我对咱们之间长期争论的最后的、最有力的一击。我不能在这里看到即将发生的事情了，真是可惜。但是，我知道将会发生什么，因为我了解你，我对你的了解比你认为我对你的了解要沉刻得多。你身上有一种令人难以容忍的自负！在那个信封里放着你的命运和灵魂。我肯定把你输给梅吉了，但是我坚信她也得不到你。" "你为什么这样恨梅吉呢？" "以前我告诉过你一次。因为你爱她。" "但不是那种爱！她是个我永远也不会得到的孩子，是我生活中的一枝玫瑰花。梅吉只是一个理想，玛丽，是一个理想！" 但是，那老太太轻蔑地一笑。"我不想谈你那宝贝的梅吉！我不会再见到你了，所以，我不想跟你谈论她而浪费时间。关于这封信，我希望你以一个教士的身份立誓，在你亲眼见到我的死尸之前不打开它，但是在我下葬之前，你马上就打开它。起誓吧！" "这没有起誓的必要，玛丽。我会按照你的要求去做的。" "对我起誓，不然我就把它收回！" He shrugged. "那么，好吧。我以教士的名义起誓：在我没有见到你逝世之前，不打开这封信，然后，在你下葬之前打开它。" "好，好！" "玛丽，请不用担心。这只不过是你的想象罢了。一到早晨。你会笑话它的。" "我不会看到早晨了。我今天晚上就要死，我已经虚弱到无法等待着再见到你时的喜悦了。这是怎样的一个急转直下啊！现在，我要上床去了，你能送我到楼梯上去吗？" 他并不相信她的话，但他明白，争论是没有用的，再说，她也没有股开这个念头而高兴起来的情绪。只有上帝才能决定一个人什么时候死，除非他将一个人停止自己生命的生由意志交给这个人。但是她已经说过，她不会这样做的。于是，他便帮她气喘吁吁地爬上了楼梯，在楼梯顶上，他将她的手放在了自己的手中，低头吻了吻她的手。 她把自己的手抽了回来。"不，今天晚上不能只吻我的手。吻我的嘴，拉尔夫！吻我的嘴，就象我们是情人一样！" 枝形灯上有四百支蜡烛，照亮了整个宴会厅。借着这辉煌的灯光，她看到他脸上露出的厌恶的表情，一种本能的畏缩；这时，她盼望着能死去。她渴望一死了之，急切难耐了。 "玛丽，我是个教士，我不能！" 她刺耳地、令人毛骨悚然地笑了起来。"哦，拉尔夫，你多虚伪啊！虚伪的男人，虚伪的教士！想一想吧，有一回你实际上鲁莽地要向我求爱呢！你是这样自主我会拒绝吗？我多希望我当时没拒绝啊！要是我们能让那天夜晚再回来的话，我情愿出卖我的灵魂，来看看你是如何千方百计地摆脱那天晚上的困境的。虚伪，虚伪，虚伪！你就是这么回事，拉尔夫！一种软弱的、无用的虚伪！软弱的男人，软弱的教士！我想，你在圣母玛丽亚的面前还能装模作样，并巨装到底吗？德·布里克萨特神父，你一直就是这样装模作样的吧？虚伪！" 庄园的外面还没有透出曙色，没有一点亮光。夜色柔和，黑暗沉沉，炎炎暑热笼罩着德罗海达。这场狂欢达到了极其喧闹的地步，如果这座庄园有领居的话，那警察就会因此而登门了。有人在廊檐下兜心翻腹地呕吐着；一片灌木丛膝朦胧影下，两个模模糊糊的身影紧紧地拥在一起。拉尔夫神父避开了呕吐者和那对情人，踏着松软的、刚刚修剪过的草坪悄然无声地走着。他的心头十分烦乱，不知道也不在意他在向什么地方走去。他只是想离开她，那个可怕的老蜘蛛坚信她在这美好的夜晚正在织着自己的死亡之茧。已经是凌晨时分了，热气依然未消敞，微风沉闷地拂过，芸香和玫瑰花丛悄然地散发出一股令人倦怠的香气；这种天地间的寂静只有在热带或亚热带地区才能领略得到。哦，上帝啊，显显灵吧，快显显灵吧！拥抱这黑夜，拥抱生活，无拘无束地拥抱吧！ 他在草坪的远处停住了脚步，站在那里仰望着天空，在一种本能的冥想中寻找着上帝。是的，就在天上的某个地方，在那星光闪烁的地方，是多么纯洁，多么神秘啊。漫漫夜空中到底有什么呢？白昼的蓝色天穹正在升起，一个人能看到永恒的闪光吗？除了目睹那远远地缀在天幕之上的繁星，没有什么东西能使人确信时间的无穷和上帝的存在。 当然，她是对的。这是一种虚伪，完全是一种虚伪。既不做一个男人，也不做一个教士。他只想做一个兼有二者的人。No!不会二者兼得的！教士和男人不能同时并存--要做男人就不能做教士。我为什么一度被她的网缠住了呢？她有强大的地位，也许比我猜想的还要强大。那封信里写的是什么？玛丽是多么愿意引诱我啊！她了解多少情况？她能直截了当地猜到多少情况？而又有什么东西值得去了解，或去拈测呢？她完全是枉费心机。是孤独寂寞使她变得疑心重重，痛苦难当，使她心中始终充满痛苦。可是你错了，玛丽。我可以产生那种感情。但是，我偏偏不愿意选择这种做法；多年来，我已向自己证明这是能够加以控制、压抑和克服的。因为唤起那种感情是一个男人的行为，而我是个教士。 有人正在墓地里哭泣。当然，这是梅吉。其他任何人都不会愿到这种地方的。他提起法衣的下摆，迈过了锻铁横栏，觉得今天晚上不把梅吉对付过去是不行的。假如他在生活中曾勇敢地面对着一个女人的话，那么他也必须同样对待另一个女人。他那可笑的超然公正又回到他身上了；那个老蜘蛛，她的毒汁的作用是不会长久的。上帝惩罚她吧，上帝惩罚她吧！ "亲爱的梅吉，别哭了。"他说着，在她身边被露水打湿的草地上坐了下来。"喂，我敢打赌，你连一块像样的手绢都没有。女人总是这样的。把我的拿去吧，把眼泪擦干，要象个姑娘。" 她把手绢接了过去，按照他的话擦着眼睛。 "你这身漂亮的衣服还没有换呐。你从半夜就坐在这儿了吗？" "yes." "鲍勃和杰克他们知道你在这儿吗？" "我告诉他们，我去睡觉了。" "怎么回事，梅吉？" "今天晚上你没有跟我讲话！" "啊！我想也许是这么回事吧。喂，梅吉，望着我！" 东方透出了鱼肚白，揭开了沉沉的夜幕，德罗海达的雄鸡高啼着，迎来了熹微的徐明。于是，他看清了，即使是涟涟的泪水也无法掩住她那眼睛的秀美。 "梅吉，你是宴会中最漂亮动人的姑娘，而且大家都知道，我到德罗海达来得太勤了。我是个教士，因此我应该避嫌。不过，我怕人们的想法并不那么纯洁。从教士的情况来看，我算年轻的，长得也不难看。"他顿了一下，想着玛丽·卡森会怎样欢迎这种略有些克制的说法，他无声地笑了。"要是我对你献一点儿殷勤。刹那间便会传遍整个基里。这个地区的每一条电话线里都会传播着这件事。你明白我的意思吗？" 她摇了摇头；那头剪短的卷发在渐渐变亮的光线中显得列鲜明了。 "唔，要了解纷坛之事你还太年轻啊。可是你必须学会去了解，教导你好象总是我的本份，对吗？我的意思是，人们将会说我不是作为一个教士，而是作为一个男人对你发生兴趣的。" "神父！" "很可怕，是吗？"他微微一笑。"可是，我可以向你担保，这就是人们会讲的话。你知道，梅吉，你再也不是一个小姑娘，而是个年轻女郎了。但是，你还没有学会掩饰你对我的注意力，所以，我只好在众目睽睽之下不和你说话。你是用一种也许会被人曲解的眼神盯着我的。" 她用一种古怪的眼光看着他，她的凝视中蓦然升起一种令人费解的表情。随后，她猛地转过头去，侧着脸对他说："是的，我明白了。我没有明白这一点真是太笨了。" "你不认为现在到回家的时候了吗？毫无疑问，每个人都会睡过头的，可是，假如有人象往常那样醒来，你可就说不清、道不白了。你不能说你是和我在一起的，梅吉，就连你的家里人也不能说。" 她站了起来，低头看着他。"我走了，神父。我希望他们能更了解你，这样就决不会认为你有那种事了。你没有那种事，对吗？" 由于某种原因，这话是伤人感情的，比玛丽·卡森那冷酷的奚落话还刺伤他的灵魂。"没有，梅吉，你说得对。我没有那种事。"他跳了起来，苦笑着。"要是我说，我希望有那种事，你会觉得奇怪吗！"他将一只手放在自己的头顶上。"不，我根本就不想有这种事！回家吧，梅吉，回家！" 她面色凄楚。"晚安，神父。" 他拉住了她的双手，弯下腰，吻了吻。"晚安，最亲爱的梅吉。" 他目送着她穿过墓地，迈过横栏；她那穿着绣满了玫瑰花苞衣服的远去的身影十分优美，富于女子气，显得略有些缥缈。玫瑰灰色的。"多么恰到好处啊，"他对那尊守护神说道。 当他漫步穿过草坪往回走的时候，许多汽车轰响着离开了德罗海达，宴会终于散场了。屋子里，乐队队员正在把乐器装进盒子；他们已经被兰姆酒和疲劳弄得摇摇晃晃了。筋疲力竭的女仆和临时工打算把屋子清理出来。拉尔夫神父向史密斯太大摇摇头。 "让大伙儿都睡觉去吧，亲爱的。你们精力充沛的时候对付这种事要容易得多。我保证不让玛丽·卡森发火。" "您还想吃点什么吗；神父？" "老天爷呀，不吃啦！我要去睡觉。" 将近傍晚的时候，一只手碰了碰他的肩头。他懒洋洋地睁开眼睛，迷迷糊糊地去抓那只手，想把那只手贴在他的面颊上。 "梅吉。"他含混不清地说道。 "神父，神父！哦，请你起来好吗？" 一听见史密斯太太的声音，他的眼光突然变得异常清醒了。"怎么回事，史密斯太太？" "是玛丽·卡森的事。神父，她死啦。" 他看了看表，已经是傍晚六点多钟了。由于极度的迟钝使他头昏眼花，摇摇晃晃，这是白昼可怕的暑热造成的、他挣扎着脱去了睡衣，穿上教士的衣服，匆匆忙忙地将一条很窄的、紫红色圣带往脖子上一套，拿上了临终涂油、圣水、那只大银十字架和乌木念珠。他连想都没有想过史密斯太太的话是否对头；他知道那老蜘蛛已经死了。她到底吃下过什么东西没有？祈祷上帝，要是她吃过的话，那么，在这个房间中没有明显的迹象，医生也没有看出什么明显的可疑之处。他不知道，举行涂油礼能有什么用处。可是又非举行不可。他要是拒绝举行涂油礼，要求进行验尸，一切错综复杂的情况都会出现的。然而，这完全无助于他心中突然升起的有关自戕的疑云；让他把圣经放到玛丽·卡森的尸体上。简直让人厌恶透顶。 她已经彻底死去了，一定是在她就寝后几分钟之内去世的，足足有15个小时了。窗户都关得紧紧的，房间里由于有一些装着水的大平底盘而显得溽潮；这此平底盘是她执意要放在每一个不起眼的角落里，以便使她的皮肤保持鲜嫩。空气中有一种奇特的声音，他愚蠢地纳了一会儿闷，才明白他听到的是苍蝇发出的嗡嗡嘤嘤的声音。它们大轰大嗡地在她身上作乐，紧附着她，在她身上落脚。 "看在上帝的份上，史密斯太太，把窗子打开！"他喘了口气，向外面走去，脸色苍白。 她的僵硬已经过去，尸体又变软了，所以令人作呕。呆滞的眼球呈现出一种说不出的颜色，薄薄的双唇已经发黑；她的身上到处都落满了苍蝇。在他对她履行职务，轻声念着古拉丁文劝戒经的时候，不得不让史密斯太太在一旁轰着苍蝇，这是一场多么滑稽的戏啊，她太可憎了。这是也散发出来的气味！Ah, God!比清新的牧场上的任何一匹死马都要难闻。他不愿意像她活着时那样碰她的身体，尤其是那苍蝇下了蛆的嘴唇。几个小时以后她身上恐怕就会生满密密的蛆了。 终于，职责履行完毕。他直起腰来。"史密斯太太，马上去找克利里先生，看在上帝的份上，告诉他，让他的孩子们马上做一具棺材，没有时间派人去基里了，不然，我们会眼睁睁地看着她腐烂的。天哪！我觉得恶心。我要去洗个澡，把衣服拥在我的门外，烧掉。我再也不想从这些衣服上闻到她的气味。" 他穿着马裤和衬衫走进了自己的房间时--因为他行李中没有带备用的法衣--他想起了那封信和他的诺言。已经打过7点了；当女仆和临时工们飞快地清理宴会的残羹剩汁，把客厅又改成小教堂，为明天的葬礼做准备的时候，他能听到一片压抑的嘈杂声。没办法，他只得今晚到基里去一趟，另取一件法衣和作追思弥撒的家服。他到边远的牧场时，有几样东西是从不离身的，总是仔细地打在小黑箱子的格子中，那就是为生育、死亡、祝福、礼奔而用的圣餐，适合于一年中任何时候用的法衣。可是，他是个爱尔兰人，携带着黑色的、作追思弥撒用的法器是冒险。帕迪的声音在远处回响着，不过现在他不能和帕迪打照面。他知道，史密斯太太会把要做的事做好。 他坐在窗边，眺望着夕阳中德罗海达的景色。魔鬼桉镀上了金黄，花园中，一丛一簇的红色、粉色和白色玫瑰都被染成了红色。他从自己的箱子里拿出了玛丽·卡森的信，捧在手中。她坚持要他在她的葬礼之前看这封信，但是，他头脑中有一个声音在喃喃地说，他必须现在看。不是在今晚见到帕迪和梅吉之后看，而是现在就看。除玛丽·卡森之外，他现在还没见到任何人。 信中装着四张纸。他将它们捻开，马上就看到下面的两张是她的遗嘱。上面两张是以一封信的形式写给他的。 我最亲爱的拉尔夫： 在这个信封中你看到的第二个文件是我的遗嘱。我早先写过一份十分完备的、经过签字、加封的遗嘱，存在基里的哈里·高夫的办事处。这里面封入的遗嘱所立的时间要迟得多。自然，哈里处的那一份就失效了。 事实上，我是前几天才立下它的，并且由汤姆和修篱工作证，因为我知道，任何受益人都不许给遗嘱作证。这份遗嘱是合法的，尽管它不是哈里为我草拟的。我向你担保，世界上没有一家法院能否认它的合法性。 但是，如果我想要对我的财产处置加以改变的话，为什么我不让哈里起草这份遗嘱呢？非常简单，我亲爱的拉尔夫。因为我想除了你和我以外，不让任何人知道尚有这份遗嘱的存在。这是唯一的一份，你保管着它。没有一个人知道你持有这份遗嘱。这是我的计划的一个非常重要的组成部分。 你还记得福音书中魔鬼将我主耶酥基督带到了一座山项上，用整个世界诱惑他的那段事情吗？①当知道我拥有一点儿撒旦的力量，并用整个世界来诱惑我所爱的人（你怀疑撒旦爱基督吗？我不怀疑），该是多么愉快呀。过去几年中，我对你进退维谷的处境的观察使我心中十分快活，我越接近死亡，我的梦幻就变得越使人快活。 你读过遗嘱之后，就会明白我的意思了。我现在就知道，当我在阳界之外的地狱中被焚烧的时候，你依然留在阳间，但是，却在另一个地狱中忍受着比上帝可能制造出来的更为猛烈的火焰的焚烧。哦，我的拉尔夫，我能对你进行毫厘不差的评价啊！如果说，我根本不懂得其他的事情该怎么去做的话，你却始终知道怎样让我所爱的人受苦受难。而你是一个比我那已故的、亲爱的迈克尔好得多的目标。 当我第一次认识你的时候，你就想得到德罗海达和我的钱财，对吗，拉尔夫？你想用它作为你的进身之阶。可是后来梅吉来了，你就把最初和我交往的目的排除出了你的头脑，对吗？我成了你拜访德罗海达的一个借口，这样你就可以和梅吉在一起了。我不清楚，你能这样快就改变你的忠诚吗？你对我的实际价值到底了解多少？你知道吗，拉尔夫，我认为你是根本不了解的。我想，在一个人的遗嘱中提到其确切的财产数字不符合贵妇人的身份，所以，此处我最好仅向你保证，当你需要作出决定的时候，你手边会有一切必要的资料供你使用的。随你送人或取用区区几十万镑吧，我的财产数量大约有一千三百万镑吧。 第二页马上就要写满了，我不耐烦把这封信写成一篇论文。读一读我的遗嘱吧，拉尔夫。读完之后，你就会决定怎么处置它了。你是把它正式提交给哈里·高夫以接受法律检验呢，还是把它烧掉，永远也不告诉任何人，曾经有过这么一份遗嘱？这是你不得不做出的决定。我应当补充一下，哈里办事处的那份遗嘱，是我在帕迪来这里一年之后立下的，把我拥有的一切都留给他了。只有这样，你才能知道应当如何进行权衡。 拉尔夫，我爱你，因为你不想得到我，我多么想杀掉你啊；但除那样做以外，用这种办法进行报复要好得多。我不是那种高尚的人。我爱你，但是却希望你在痛苦中尖声呼喊。你知道，因为我清楚你将会做出什么样的决定。我了解这一点，就象我身临其境，亲眼所见一样地有把握。你会痛苦叫喊的，拉尔夫，你会明白极度痛苦是怎么一回事的。那么，就接着读下去吧，我的英俊的、野心勃勃的教士！读一读我的遗嘱，决定你的命运吧！ ①见《圣经·新约·马太福音》第五章第八节："魔鬼又带他上了一座最高的山，将世上的万国，万国的荣华，都指给他看。对他说：你若伏拜我，我就把这一切都赐给你。耶稣说：撒旦退去吧。因为《经》上记着说：当拜主体的上帝，单要侍奉他。"--译注 这封信既没有签名，也没有缩写的签署。他觉得脑门上冒出了一片汗水，一直顺着头发流到脖子后面。有那么一瞬间，他真想站起来把这两份文件一烧了事，决不看那第二份文件的内容。但是，她对她追求对象的估计是准确的，这个臃肿的老蜘蛛。当然，他会接着看下去的，他好奇之极，难以抵御这种诱惑。God!他做过什么事使她这样对待他？为什么他不生得矮小、怪僻、丑陋不堪呢？倘若他是那副模样的话，他也许会很幸福的。 后两页纸也同样是用那种精确的、几乎是缜密的文笔写成的，就象她的灵魂一样刻薄、充满恶意。 我，玛丽·伊丽莎白·卡森，以我健全之头脑与身体在此宣布，此件是我最后的遗嘱与遗言。因此，先前由我所立之任何遗嘱均属无效，并作废。 除下述特别之遗嘱外，我在世间的一切动产、钱财及房地产均遗留给圣罗马天主教会，特此将遗赠条件阐述如下： 一、上述之圣罗马天主教会下文简称教会。请教会了解我对其教士拉尔夫·德·布里克萨特所持有的尊重与钟爱之感。仅仅由于他的慈善、宗教上的指导与永不辜负期望的支持，我才将我的财产做出如此之处置。 二、只要教会赏识上述之拉尔夫·德·布里克萨特神父之价值与才干，此项遗产则将继续支持教会的事业。 三、上述之拉尔夫·德·布里克萨特神父为掌管我财产的主要负责人，负责管理、指导使用我在世的动产、钱财及房地产。 四、上述之拉尔夫·德·布里克萨特神父去世之后，对于我的遗产的下一步之管理处置将合法地受他最后的遗嘱及遗言之约束、即，教会将继续拥有全部的所有权，但拉尔夫·德·布里克萨特神父将全权负责对他的管理继承人进行提名；不得迫使他选择一位教士或教会的世俗成员作为他的继承人。 五、德罗海达牧场永远不得出售，不得再行划分。 六、我的弟弟帕德里克·克利里受雇为德罗海达牧场之管理人，并有权居住在我的房子中。他的薪水由拉尔夫·德·布里克萨特神父自由决定付与，而不得由其他人决定。 七、在我弟弟，上述之帕德里克·克利里死亡的情况下，其未亡人及子女将允许留在德罗海达牧场；管理人之职位将按顺序由其子罗伯特、约翰、休、斯图尔特、詹姆斯及帕特里克中之一人接任，但弗郎西斯除外。 八、在帕特里克或任何一子死亡，而弗郎西斯为留世之最后一子的情况下，同样权利得由上述帕德里克·克利里之孙享受。