Chapter 5 Polzukov

I began to observe this person carefully.Even his appearance is a bit special.No matter how absent-minded you are, you can't help but stare at him.And he couldn't help laughing out loud.This is the case with me.It should be pointed out that this little gentleman's small eyes are always moving, or that his whole body is particularly sensitive to the gaze that is directed at him.He almost always felt instinctively that someone was watching him, so he immediately turned around to face his observer, and then analyzed the projected gaze with a disturbed mood.His eyes were constantly moving back and forth, and his body was constantly turning from side to side, making him look like a moving weathervane.Strange to say!

He seemed afraid of ridicule.In fact, he is almost a clown who has to be made fun of in order to make a living.He often sticks out his head obediently and let everyone tease him, not only mentally, but also physically willing to endure other people's teasing.Of course it depends on who he is with.People who are willing to be buffoons are not worthy of pity.However, I found this man to be a monster, this ridiculous man was not at all a professional clown.There was still something noble about him.His uneasy mood, his morbid expression of always being frightened for himself, is the best proof.It seems to me that his desire to serve others is not so much for material gain as for his good heart.He was very happy when people laughed at him in the most brutal way in front of his face.But at the same time, the thought of his audience being ruthless and (I can swear it) repaying good for good was painful to him.Because these audiences are not laughing at his behavior, but at himself, including his heart, his mind, his appearance, all his flesh and blood.I believe that at this moment he will feel how embarrassing his situation is, but his protest quickly disappeared in his heart. In fact, every time he protests, he is extremely tolerant.I'm convinced that all this happened because of nothing else but his kindness, not because he was kicked out because he couldn't borrow money.This gentleman often needs to borrow money, that is to say, he uses this method of borrowing to beg for money.Whenever he finished making all kinds of funny faces and made people laugh enough, he felt that he had won a little bit of power and could ask people to borrow money.But oh my!What kind of loan is there!What kind of appearance did he have when he opened his mouth to borrow money!I can't imagine that so many different ghost faces, so many different qualities, can be accommodated at the same time in such a small space, that is to say, on this small man's wrinkled face with high cheekbones. Feelings, so many extremely deep impressions!There is nothing in there!It was a mixture of emotions: unspeakable shame, fake impudence, remorse, resentment, sudden blushing, fear of failure, begging for forgiveness for daring to disturb someone, a sense of personal dignity, There is also the low self-esteem that is fully aware of his own insignificance and uselessness-all of these, like lightning, flashed across his face.In this way, he has been in the world for six full years, but he still hasn't figured out what kind of expression he should adopt at the delicate moment of borrowing money!Of course, he would never be able to be completely ruthless and mean.His heart is so kind and warm!I would even go so far as to say that, in my opinion, this is the most honest and noblest man in the world, but he has a small weakness: as long as he can please others, you give orders, what despicable things he does You can do it all, and do it willingly, without thinking about yourself.All in all, this is what one would normally call a wimp.The most ridiculous thing is his clothes.He was dressed almost exactly like everyone else, neither better nor worse than others, clean and even a little too elegant, and he wanted to show his own decency and dignity secretly through his clothes.This kind of equality on the outside and inequality in the heart, he is often worried about himself, and at the same time he is constantly humiliating himself-all of these constitute a strong contrast, making people feel that he is both ridiculous and incomprehensible. Pitiful!If he really believes in his heart that his audience is the kindest person in the world (and he still does, though his own experience tells him otherwise), what they laugh at is his absurd behavior , instead of a poor man like him, then he will happily take off his tuxedo and wear it on the street instead, catering to other people's happy wishes, and getting pleasure from it himself, anyway, as long as he can make his own food and clothing parents Laugh, as long as it brings them pleasure.However, no matter what method he uses, he will never be able to achieve equality.He also has another characteristic: this weirdo has a strong self-esteem.As long as there is no danger, he becomes impulsive and even dares to sacrifice himself to save others.He is good at dealing with those patrons who make him so angry that he can't bear it.Sometimes he is willing to risk, sacrifice everything, almost heroic!But this does not last long, often only the act of a few minutes... In short, he is a genuine sufferer, and a most useless and therefore most ridiculous sufferer.

The guests set off a brawl in which everyone participated.It occurred to me suddenly that our eccentric had jumped onto a chair.He shouted desperately at the top of his voice, begging to be left alone. "Go and listen," my host whispered to me, "he often has very interesting stories to tell... Do you think he is very interesting?" I nodded and squeezed into the crowd. Indeed, the gentleman, who was quite well dressed, jumped onto a chair, and shouted with all his might, which attracted general attention.Many people who did not know the strange man exchanged puzzled glances, while others let go of their throats and laughed.

"I know Fedosey Nikolaitch! I should know Fedosey Nikolaitch better than anyone else!" cried the strange man from the dais on which he stood. "Gentlemen, please let me know." Tell me. I'll tell you about Fedosey Nikolaitch! I know one thing about him, and it's a wonderful anecdote! . . . " "Then speak quickly, Osip Mihalitch, speak quickly!" "Speak quickly!" "Listen well!" "Everyone listen carefully, listen carefully!!!" "Well, I'll begin, but, gentlemen, this case is a little special..." "Yeah!"

"It's kind of funny." "Very well, very well, very well!--you should get back to business quickly!" "This incident is a small episode in the personal life of me, your humblest servant..." "Then why do you keep declaring that what you're about to tell is ridiculous?" "It's even a little pathetic!" "what!!!" "All in all, gentlemen, the story you are about to hear from me is such that it has brought me into the acquaintance of a very interesting company." "Don't go around the bush, talk about it quickly!"

"That incident..." "Why do you keep talking about that and that, and hurry up and tell that fable worth telling!" A young gentleman with fair hair and a beard said hoarsely. said the voice.He put one hand into his trouser pocket, intending to take out the handkerchief, but inadvertently took out the wallet. "Well, my gentlemen, I hope that when I have finished I will see many of you put yourself in my shoes. One last thing to say is that this incident , I am not married." "You were married! . . . had a wife! . . . Porzukov wanted to be married!!"

"Honestly, I wish I could see a Porzukov madame right now!" "What was the real name of your ex-Mrs. Porzukov?" asked a young man shrieking, pushing himself close to the storyteller. "Gentlemen, the first chapter of the story goes like this: "It was exactly six years ago in the spring, to be more specific, March 31st. ①French: Madame. Please note this number, gentlemen, it is the day before April..." "It's the day before the first of April!" cried the young man with the curly locks. "Sir, you really know how to guess! It was evening. Over N County, the twilight was getting thicker and thicker, and the moon was trying to climb out of the hazy twilight... All in all, everything there was very good. At this time, Just at this twilight hour, after saying goodbye to my late, reclusive grandmother, I sneaked out of my humble abode. Excuse me, gentlemen, for using a very fashionable The language is isolated? That was the last time I heard it from Nikolay Nikolaitch. But my grandmother was indeed isolated: she was blind, deaf, dumb, stupid, anyway. Say what you will about her! . . . I confess that I was terrified, about to do something big, and my heart was pounding like a scrawny kitten's neck. It seems that the claws of the edge are tightly grasped."

"Wait a moment, Porzukov monsieur!" "What are your orders?" "Speak briefly, please, and don't go so far in circles!" "I obey, sir!" said Osip Mihainyitch, somewhat embarrassed. "I went into the little house of Fidosey Nikolaitch (which he bought honestly). You know that Fedosey Nikolaitch was no ordinary colleague of mine, but My immediate boss. After the servant reported to him, he immediately led me into his study. I still remember clearly: the room was pitch black, not even a candle was lit. I looked up and saw Fedosey Niko Lajic French: Monsieur is coming in. Then we both remain in the dark..."

"What happened between the two of you?" asked one of the officers. "What do you think, sir?" Porzukov asked, and hastily turned his slightly convulsed face to the curly-haired young man. "That's right, gentlemen! A very strange thing happened at this time. Actually, it's not really a strange thing, it's just a so-called common life incident. I took it out of my pocket very casually. He took out a roll of paper, and he also took out a roll of paper from his pocket, but it was issued by the state..." "Bills?" "It's bills, sir! Then we exchanged."

"I bet it smells like bribery," said a well-dressed young man with short hair. "Smells of bribery, sir!" continued Porzukov, "well, even if I were a Liberal I'd seen quite a few of them! If it is said that you will have the opportunity to work in other provinces in the future, then please do not...stretch your hands at the door of your own house...so as not to be burned...because a writer once said: Even the smoke of the motherland, we also feel Cheerful and sweet! ①——Our motherland is our mother, gentlemen, the mother who gave birth to me and raised me!We are all her sons, fed on her milk! ..."

① This is a famous line of patriotism by the Russian writer Griboyedov, seen in his masterpiece "The Pain of Wisdom", and the audience burst into laughter immediately. "However, believe it or not, gentlemen, I have never accepted a bribe." After he finished speaking, he scanned the room suspiciously. There was a prolonged roar of laughter.Like the roar of a volley of artillery, it completely drowned out Porzukov's voice. "Yes, indeed, gentlemen! . . . " He immediately stopped talking and continued to look around everyone with a strange expression on his face.Maybe—who knows? —Perhaps it suddenly occurred to him at this moment that he was more honest than most of this group of honest people... So, until the laughter was over, the serious expression on his face did not disappear. "Well," began Porzukov, when everyone was quiet, "although I have never taken a bribe, this time I am guilty: I took it from a corrupt official . . . Bribe... stuffed it in my pocket... that is, I had some documents in my hands, and if I handed them over to someone, then Fedosey Nikolaitch would be in trouble .” "So that's how he bought the papers?" "It was bought, sir!" "Give you a lot of money?" "The money for me is as much as a man can get by selling his conscience...if anyone is willing to give it. However, when I put the money in my pocket, it seems like a scoop of boiling water has been poured on my head , very unbearable. I really don't know how I did it. I always look like this, gentlemen, you can see. I was half alive, with two lips moving constantly, and my legs and feet trembling. Yes, I am guilty, I am guilty, I am ashamed and ashamed. I deserve to die! I am going to ask Fedosey Nikolaitch for forgiveness..." "Well, did he forgive you?" "I haven't asked, sir! . . . I was only talking, but it was the right thing to do. For I have a burning heart. I saw him look me in the eye, and so Then he said: "You are not afraid of God, Osip Mikhailych! " "You see, what should I do? I spread my hands out of politeness and turned my head away. I said, 'Why should I be afraid of God! Fedosey Nikolaitch?'  … In fact, I say this out of politeness... I can't wait to get into the ground myself. "'You have been a friend of our family for a long time, you can even say that you have become our son.—Who knows if this is the arrangement of heaven, Osip Mikhailych! I don't know why you suddenly Thinking of telling, and planning to tell now! . . . Do you want me to trust people from now on, Osip Mihailych?' "Look, gentlemen, that's how he is. He gave me a lot of words of admonition!And he said: 'No, tell me, will I trust people from now on, Osip Mihailych? 'I thought to myself, what do you have to do with me whether you believe in people or not! You know, I had a tickle in my throat, and my voice was shaking, and I had a premonition that my bad temper was about to break out, so I grabbed my hat and went away... "'Where are you going, Osip Mikhailych? On the eve of the festival... Are you still remembering me, what have I done to offend you?...'" I was anxious He had to keep shouting: 'Fyodosey Nikolaitch, Fedosey Nikolaitch! ' "Well, that is to say, I was softened by his words, just as white sugar melts when it meets water, gentlemen! That's not enough! Even the big bag of banknotes in my pocket It seemed to be shouting: 'You ungrateful fellow, damned robber!'--and the bag of notes seemed to weigh as much as five poods... "'I see,' said Fedosey Nikolaitch, 'that you are regretting... you know, tomorrow is...'"'It is the Egyptian Marian Day, sir...'"' Well, don't be sad,' said Fidosey Nikolaitch, 'that's enough, you made a mistake and repented! Let's go! Perhaps,' continued Fidosey Nikolaitch,' Maybe I can bring you back to the true path... Maybe my humble house gods (I vividly remember the robber used the word 'house god') will take your already My heart, which had become stiff (I don't want to use the word 'stone'), deeply strayed...'" He took my hand, gentlemen, and led me to his family . I felt a gust of cold air coming through my back, so I shivered all over!I thought to myself, what face do I have to meet people? ...What you need to know is... I don't know how to put it, anyway, a very delicate situation arose later! "Is it Mrs. Porzukov?" "Exactly Maria Fedoseyevna, sir! But, you know, she was not destined to be what you call Mrs. Polzukov. She didn't have the Russian unit of measurement. A pood is equal to a kilogram. Blessings to this honor!You see, Fedosey Nikolaitch is right when he says that they treat me almost like a son.Half a year ago, a cadet named Mihailo Maximich Dwigailov was still alive, and that was the case.But later, he obeyed the call of God and went to the west.It is said that he left a will of some kind, but after searching for it, he couldn't find it anywhere.It was later found out that he had never made any will at all... "'Hey!!!'" "Well, it's nothing to do with it. It can't be helped, gentlemen, I slipped up and went too far, please forgive me! I like to make a few witty puns. Of course it's not good. But it's nothing to talk about. What's worse is that my career is over from then on. Because the cadet has retired, he won't even let me into his house (he lives very richly, because he owns If I say that he is treated like his own son by their family, it may be good. "'Aha!!!'" "Yes, that's exactly it, sir! And from then on I've been showing up at Fedosey Nikolaitch's. I've found something wrong again and again, but I've kept my mouth shut. It's my fault (maybe it's me. Luckily!), a horse buyer came to our little town out of the blue. It was a bolt from the blue! His job was fluid and easy, all about cavalry. He was firmly in the Stuck beside Fedosey Nikolaitch, like a cannon standing there motionless! When my bad temper flared up, I said insinuatingly: 'Fyodosey Nikolaitch, why are you bullying me? What? In a sense, I've become your son. I've been waiting for you to treat me like a father...' He began to answer me, but what kind of answer was he, my dear Well, that is to say, he finally spoke. He read it like a whole long ballad, desperately. You just listened obediently. His sweet words made your mouth water, Spread your hands! But what he said, you couldn't understand, you couldn't understand, so you just stood there like a fool. He made my mind confused, like a slippery The slippery loach twists and turns, so you can't figure it out. Well, a genius, he is simply a genius. His mouth is really frightening! I was so scared that I was out of my wits and fidgeting, neither this nor that No! I sing love songs at the top of my voice, I give candy, I make witty puns, and I sigh! I say I'm in pain, I'm in pain for love. With tears and snot, I explained quietly, expressing my heart!But what a fool I am!I didn't even ask the deacon of the church. I'm almost thirty years old... How can this work?But I was imaginative, and I wanted to play tricks!No!My business was not going well, and there was a lot of jeering at me--well, I was so angry that I could hardly speak. ——so I left and never stepped into his house again.I thought about it, and finally decided to inform the police right away!Yes, I want to do dirty things, I want to betray my friends.To be honest, there are a lot of whistleblowing materials, and they are all very important materials, which can be sold for a lot of money.This is a big deal!If I take out these materials and the informant letter, I can exchange them for fifteen hundred silver rubles! " "'Ah! It's a bribe!" "Yes, sir, it was a bribe, paid to me by a corrupt official! (It's not really a crime, really!) Well, let me go on now Well. If you remember, he dragged me into the living room, half dead. The whole family was there to meet me: it seemed that they were all wronged, or not only wronged, but hurt. To my mind, it's just... Well, let's put it this way, each of them has ashen faces, almost like dead people. But at the same time, they all have a condescending expression on their faces, and a solemn look in their eyes, Kind of like a kind, fatherly look... as if I'm the prodigal son, coming back to them. You see how things have come to this!They told me to sit down and drink tea, but I don't want to drink tea!My own chest seemed to boil a pot of water, and my whole body was boiling, but my legs were getting colder and colder, as cold as ice.I shrank into a ball all over, and I got scared!His wife, Maria Fominishna, the wife of the seventh-class civil servant (now the sixth-class civil servant), addressed me as you from the very beginning, and she said: 'Master, why are you so thin? ? ! ' I answered her: 'It's nothing, I'm a little sick, Maria Fominishna...' But my voice trembled!She, a sinister and vicious woman, began to accuse me wantonly without any reason.She said: 'You can see that your conscience is making you feel sorry, Osip Mihailych, my lord!Wake up your conscience with bread and salt at our house!Let our bloody tears make you change your mind!My goodness, what a horrible woman she is to speak out of her conscience!She just sat there and kept making tea for me.I thought to myself: Go to the market and have a look, my good wife, what woman is as powerful as you!Our official wife is such a powerful woman!And then, just as I should have been, came out her daughter Marya Fedoseyevna, innocent, a little pale, with small red eyes, as if she had just cried.I was dumbfounded when I saw her, and stood there blankly, motionless, like a dead person.It was later learned that she was crying because of the departure of the horse buyer.The kid got oil on the soles of his feet and slipped away.He was very knowledgeable and left before anything happened.In fact, he should go too (by the way now), the deadline for his business trip has passed, and he is not actually on a business trip!As soon as he left... this pair of loving parents suddenly realized, like waking up from a dream!Although I know everything, what can I do!I had no choice but to cover it up secretly—the family ugliness should not be publicized! ... Cough, I really can't help it. I glanced at her and felt that everything was over and I couldn't stay any longer!I squinted at my hat, grabbed it and left, and the sooner the better!But it can't be done: they have my hat taken away from me... To be honest, I wanted to go without it--well, I did think so. —But I can't go anymore, they've locked the door.They started talking and laughing with me in a friendly way, winking and teasing me, which made me feel embarrassed, and ended up talking a lot of nonsense about courtship.And she, my sweetheart, sat down at the piano at once, and sang, in a voice full of contempt, a song about hussars standing with their sabers—and it literally drove me out of my wits. 'Well,' said Fedosey Nikolaitch, 'now it's over, forget about it!Come, come here... let me hug you! 'I immediately knelt on the ground and pressed my face tightly against his waistcoat. 'My benefactor, you are really my biological father! 'I was crying as I said it, like a tearful man!O my lord, what scene was there!He was crying, his wife was crying, Mashenka was crying too, everyone was crying... There was a fair-haired woman there, and even she was crying... What's more, the children Crawling out from every corner (God gave him a large group of children), they also cried loudly... I don't know how many tears they shed, but they were tears of gratitude, tears of joy, For the prodigal son has returned at last, like a soldier returning home triumphantly! ①Maria's pet name. So it's serving snacks and playing games again, so busy!Oh, I'm in so much pain!Where does it hurt!Heartache!Who do you want?My dear, she blushed!I drank a glass of rum with the old man.All in all, I couldn't be happier that they served me well! ... "Then I went back to my grandmother. When I got home, I walked up and down my little room for two hours. I woke up my grandmother and told her all about my wedding.' Is all the money given to you! The robber?''Yes, grandma, yes, all, my dear grandma! Our family is lucky, open the door!''Well, now you marry, It's time, get married!" The old lady said to me, "You know, God heard my prayer!" Then I woke up Sophron. I said, "Sophron, hurry up Help me take off my boots!' Sovron took off my boots.' Well, Sovron, now congratulate me, kiss me, I'm getting married! Brother, I really want Married. You come to get drunk tomorrow, and then go to relax, I tell you, your lord, I'm getting married!' I'm so happy!  … I should have started to sleep, but I can't , can’t sleep! I got up again, sitting and thinking, and suddenly a thought flashed in my mind: Isn’t tomorrow April 1st? It’s a bright and happy day! How can it be such a coincidence? You see What a brilliant idea! What more can I say, gentlemen! I quickly got out of bed, lit a candle, and sat down at my desk in my pajamas. That is to say, I was completely carried away. Gentlemen, you know Once a person is fascinated, he will definitely forget about it! He will even plunge into the mud! That is to say, some people even have such a strange temper: when someone asks him for this, he immediately gives it And they say, Here, take that too! He's going to be slapped, and he not only gives his cheeks, but his whole back with joy. And then they tempt you with white bread , playing you like a dog. And you, with all your heart, hugging them with your stupid paws and kissing them! Isn't that how things are now, gentlemen? You're laughing, you're whispering, I You've seen it all! When I've told the whole truth, you'll laugh at me and make fun of me, but I'm still telling you, telling you, saying no Stop. Yes, who is telling me to talk? Who is playing tricks on me? Who is standing behind me and always urging me: 'Speak, speak, speak quickly!' But, I am not Have you been talking, are you talking, are you telling you the truth? Let’s use a metaphor, I treat you all as my own brothers, my closest friends... Hey!!!'" The laughter from all directions gradually gathered together, and finally completely drowned out the voice of the storyteller.But the narrator is genuinely happy.He stopped talking, and his eyes scanned the entire venue for several minutes.He seemed to be impelled by some kind of passion, waved his hand, and laughed himself, as if he really realized the ridiculousness of his situation.Then he went on: "That night, gentlemen, I hardly slept. I spent the whole night scratching and writing on paper. I don't know if you see, but I've come up with a new trick! O gentlemen!When I think about it, I feel bad conscience!If this kind of thing was done at night, it could be justified: it didn't matter much when the eyes were dim, the mind was confused for a while, and the mouth was rambling and talking a lot of nonsense.But no! I woke up before dawn the next morning, slept only an hour or two in total, and immediately resumed writing!I dressed, washed, curled and pomaded my hair, put on a new tailcoat, and went straight to Fedosey Nikolaitch's to celebrate the holiday.The written note is placed inside the hat.It was Fedosey Nikolaitch who greeted me, opened his arms, and asked me to throw me into his fatherly arms and stick me to his waistcoat!At this time, I pulled up the shelf.The set I thought up yesterday is still lingering in my mind!I took a step back.I said: 'No, Fedosey Nikolaitch, if you like, please read my note at once! ' After I finished speaking, I handed him the note.Do you know what is written on it?It read as follows: For one reason or another, Osip Mikhailych had to apply for resignation, and the resignation request was hastily signed by all the officials!This is the new trick I came up with.Oh God!I really can't think of a better way!It's April Fool's Day, so I'll just pretend I'm still mad at them and play a little joke on them.I said that after a night of consideration, my mind had changed.Not only did I change my mind, but I also felt discouraged and even more aggrieved than before.I also said, look, my savior, I didn’t take you and your daughter seriously at all. As for the money, I put it in my pocket yesterday, and my future life is guaranteed, so I I will hand over your resignation report.I don't want to work under someone like Fedosey Nikolaitch!I hope to work in another department, then you just have to wait and see!I'm going to sue you!I pretended to be such a vile fellow, trying to frighten them!Also thought of a way to scare them!ah? Do you think it's a good idea, gentlemen?And all because of the cordial reception I received at their house yesterday, I wanted to make a little joke about Fedosey Nikolaitch's fatherly heart... "As soon as he picked up my report and unfolded it, I saw his whole face tremble. He said: 'What the hell does this mean! Osip Mikhailych?' And I was like Like an idiot, I said: "Today is April 1st, and I have come to congratulate you, Fedosey Nikolaitch!" That is to say, I was completely like a naughty child, quietly hiding in front of my grandmother. From behind the chair, suddenly let go of her throat, and shouted into her ear, trying to startle her! Yes . "No, you go on, what's going to happen in the future?" "'No, no, you must go on! No, you must go on!" shouted from all sides. "What followed, my gentlemen, was gossip, and whining and moaning! They said I was a jerk, and a joker, and scared them to death! And a whole lot of sweet talk, It made me feel ashamed. I stood there tremblingly, thinking to myself: How can a sinful person like me occupy such a sacred position? At this time, the official lady spoke in a high-pitched voice:' Well, you are my relatives, you frightened me just now, my legs are still trembling, and I can't even stand up! I was so frightened that I ran to Martha like a madman. I said : 'Mashenka, we have an accident! Go and see what kind of man your other is! My own crime, my dear, forgive me, old woman, my carelessness, You've got the wrong man! Well, I think it's like this: he left us late yesterday, and he probably thought, maybe he thought we were trying to please him yesterday, to set him up! If you think about it, you will be stupefied! Come on, Mashenka, don’t give me any winks. Osip Mikhailych is no stranger to us. I am your own mother, and I will never say anything about you.的坏话的！谢天谢地，我活在世上可不是二十年，而是整整四十五年呀！……” “唔，这还有什么话好说呢！先生们！我当时差点卜通一声跪在她的脚前！于是又是痛哭流泪，又是拥抱亲吻，接下来又开始开玩笑！因为四月一日是愚人节，所以菲多谢·尼古拉依奇也开起玩笑来了。他说飞来了一只火鸟，它的嘴是金刚石做成的，嘴里还衔着一封信呢！他也想愚弄别人，于是掀起了一场哄堂大笑！那场面真是感人！呸！连讲起来都觉得丢人呢！ “好了，我的先生们，现在整个故事就快要完了。我们在他们家住了一天、两天、三天，一连住了一个星期。我已经完全成了他们家的未婚女婿！这还用说吗？结婚的戒指已经订好，结婚的日子也确定了。只是他们在钦差大臣到来之前，不愿宣布罢了。他们正在等待钦差大臣到来。我等钦差大臣更是心急火燎，因为他不来，我的喜事就办不成。我心想应该早点把他打发走掉才好。可是菲多谢·尼古拉依奇却在高高兴兴的喧嚣声中，把所有的工作都推到了我的头上：结帐啦，写报告啦，核对帐目啦，做总结啦——我一看，真是乱得要命，什么都是乱糟糟的，到处都有问题！心想我总该为老丈人出把力吧！可他老是生病，而且病情一天比一天加重。 what to do?我自己一连几天几夜没睡觉，身子瘦得像根火柴。我耽心我也会病倒！不过，后来总算把一切事情都办好了，而且是在限期以前完成的！突然，他们家派人来找我，来人说：'快，菲多谢·尼古拉依奇的情况很不妙！ '我马上拚命跑去，看看到底出了什么事？我到那里一看，看到我的菲多谢·尼古拉依奇坐在那里，身上裹着被子，额头上敷着醋，皱着眉头，口里哎哟、哎哟地叫个不停！他一见我就说：'你是我的亲人，你是我喜爱的孩子！我快要死啦！我的那些小鸟们哪，我把你们托付给谁来抚养呢？ '他的妻子和孩子们抱成一团，哭得个死去活来，玛申卡也泪流满面。唉，我也跟着哭了起来！他接着说：'不，上帝是非常仁慈的，他不会因为我有罪而惩罚你们的！ '说完他就把所有的人都支使开。等到他们一走，他就吩咐把房门锁上，于是屋里只剩下我们两人，面对面地坐着。 '我有一件事求你？ ''什么事？ ''是这样的，小老弟，我临死都不得安宁，我很需要钱！ ''怎么会这样呢？ '我满脸胀得通红，话都急得说不出来了。 '事情是这样的，小兄弟，我得掏自己的钱去还公款。为了大家的利益，我是不惜一切的，就是搭出自己的性命，也在所不惜！你千万不要胡思乱想！使我感到痛心的是：一些造谣生事的家伙在你面前往我身上泼污水……使你误入了歧途，害得我从那时候起就白了头！眼看钦差大臣就要到来，可马特维耶夫还差七千卢布不对数！可是我得负责呀……我不负责谁来负责呢？ !老弟，上面肯定会要惩罚我的，你看怎么办呢？从马特维耶夫那里你是一个子儿都拿不到的！现在他已经够受的了，我怎么好忍心让他这个苦命人去担风险呢？ '我心想：圣人哪，他可真是一位道德高尚的君子啊！这才真是一颗善良的心啊！他还继续往下说道：'我女儿的陪嫁钱，我是决不动用的，那是神圣不可侵犯的！我自己也确实有一点钱，不过都借给人家了。 现在哪能一下子收得回来呢？ '我马上就卜通一声跪在他面前大叫：'你是我的恩人，我侮辱了你，使你受了委曲，那些造谣生事之徒写了告你的状子，你不用难过，把你给我的钱拿回去就是了！ '他望着我眼泪双流，说：'这正是我希望你做的！我的儿呀，快快起来！以前我为女儿的眼泪原谅过你，现在我是打心眼里原谅你了！你治好了我的创伤！我要世世代代为你祝福！ '就这样，他刚刚祝福完，我就一口气跑到家，把钱全部拿来交还给了他。我对他说？ '老爷子，拿去吧，全在这里，我只用去了五十个卢布！ '他说：'没关系。不过现在还有个小问题，就是时间很紧。你抓紧时间写个报告，报告的日期往前填写，就说你急着要钱用，所以要提前支取薪水五十卢布。我把报告拿去交给上司，说提前给你发了薪水……'好啦，这还有什么话可说呢，先生们！What do you think? 我可是连报告都写好了啊！ " “喂，以后到底怎么样呢？这事到底怎么结束呢？” “我的报告刚刚写完，我的先生们哪，事情就结束了。第二天，也就是过了一天以后，一大早我就收到一封盖有公章的信。我拆开一看，你说是什么？一份退职书！还说什么叫我赶紧办理遗交手续、结清各项帐目，另谋高就云云！ “'怎么能这样呢？'” “我当时拚命叫喊：怎么能这样呢？！先生们哪！我的耳朵里嗡嗡作响！我原以为是无意造成的差错，可是不，钦差大臣已经进城来了。我的心不禁为之一抖！唔，我转念一想，根本不是无意造成的差错！我便像往常一样，迳直去找菲多谢·尼古拉依奇。我问他：'这到底是怎么一回事？'他说：'什么事呀？'就是这份退职书呀！''什么退职书？''你看这是什么？''哦，这个么？是退职书！''难道我要求过退职吗？''您自己不是打过辞职报告吗？您四月一日交的呀！'（我当时没把那张纸条要回来！）'菲多谢·尼古拉依奇！我耳朵里听到的是您说的话吗？我眼睛里看到的是您这个人吗？''当然是我，难道还有别人吗？''主呀！我的上帝！''先生，我感到遗憾，很遗憾！您这么早就想退职。先生，您脑子里好像有问题！至于退职证明，您尽可以放心，我一定给您办好。您一向表现还是很好的嘛！''您知道我当时不过是开个小玩笑嘛，菲多谢·尼古拉依奇！其实我并不想辞职，我之所以把那张纸条交给您，只是为了让你们，我的父母亲，开开心而已……''你这就不对了！先生，这种事怎么可以开玩笑呢？ 难道可以拿报告开玩笑吗？开这种玩笑，是可以把你流放到西伯利亚去的。现在再见吧！我没有时间，钦差大臣还在我们这里，我首先得工作。您无事可做，可以游手好闲，我们可得工作。至于您的退职证明，我会给您办好的。还有一点应该告诉您：我已经买下马特维耶夫的房子，近日就要搬家，希望我在乔迁之喜的时候不要见到您。祝您一路平安！ '我拚命跑回家去，告诉奶奶：'奶奶，我们完啦！ '可怜的奶奶也跟着痛哭嚎啕起来。就在这时，我看见一个小厮从菲多谢·尼古拉依奇家里跑来，手里拿着一张字条和一只鸟笼。笼子里面关着一只椋鸟。那只会说人话的小鸟是我在热恋中送给她的礼物。可纸条上只写着四月一日几个字，别的什么也没有。先生们，就是这么一回事，你们想到了没有？ ! “唔，那么以后怎么样了呢？！” “后来怎么样！我有一次迂到菲多谢·尼古拉依奇，想当着这个卑鄙家伙的面说他几句……” "OK!" “可不知怎的，先生们，我竟没有说出口来！”