Chapter 17 Chapter Seventeen An Uneasy Day

On Friday, the day after the odious magic show, none of the employees of the Vallett Theater sat in their seats after the morning shift: the whole crew—Vassily Stypanovich, the chief accountant. Rastochkin, two cashiers, three typists, two conductors, messengers, ushers, and orderlies, in short, all the working people sat on the windowsills facing the Garden Street and watched the street. scene above.They saw that there were two long queues lined up along the big wall outside the theater, people were next to each other, and the end of the queue had reached Kudrin Square. There were thousands of people.Standing at the head of the long line were some twenty or so well-known ticket-sellers of the Moscow theater world.

The people queuing up were extremely excited, some were vividly describing the extraordinary magic show last night, and most of them were discussing enthusiastically.Their discussion attracted the endless stream of passers-by on the street, and also caused great anxiety to the director of accounting, Rastochkin: he was not in the theater last night and could not witness the performance with his own eyes.If you listen to the introductions of the ushers, it is simply absurd—it is said that some female citizens ran around in the street in a very unseemly manner after the show, and so on.Hearing these nonsense, the mature and prudent Vasily Stepanovitch could only blink, completely bewildered and bewildered.But he still had to deal with it, because he was the highest ranking among the existing theater staff.

It was already ten o'clock in the morning, and the line of people waiting for tickets was still growing and expanding, which alarmed the police station, and quickly dispatched a large number of police, including mounted police, to rectify and maintain order.Although people lined up neatly, the one-kilometer long snake array itself has a great temptation, which surprised the pedestrians on the street. As it is on the street, it's not as good in the theater.From early in the morning, the phones in the manager's office, the financial assistant's office, the accounting office, the ticket office, and the general affairs assistant's office have been ringing non-stop.At first, Rastochkin, the accounting director, picked up the phone to answer a few words, and the conductors and receptionists also answered the phone and said a few words, but then they simply stopped answering it because of the problem on the phone——Lihuo Where are Deyev, Varenukha, Rimsky now? — can’t answer at all.At first they tried to prevaricate by saying "Likhodeyev is at home", but later the other party said that they had hung up the phone at home, and the family replied that Likhodeyev was in the theater.

A very excited woman called Rimsky.The people in the theater suggested that she call his home and ask his wife.Unexpectedly, the other party burst into tears when she heard the sound-it turned out that she was Mrs. Rimsky, she said, and her husband could not be found anywhere.It's all messed up.The office girl was now telling her colleagues what she had seen that morning: she had gone to tidy up Rimsky's office as usual, and found the door wide open, the desk lamp on, and a pane of glass in the window facing the garden shattered. , the soft chair fell to the ground, and there was no one in the room.

At ten o'clock Madame Rimsky broke into the Valette Theatre.She was crying and fussing, and kept rubbing her hands, which made the chief accountant at a loss what to say to comfort her.At half past ten, several policemen came, and the first perfectly reasonable question they asked was: "Citizens, what's going on here? What's going on?" The crowd drew back, pushing the pale and frightened chief accountant, Rastochkin, to the front.He had no choice but to tell the truth: several leaders of the Vallett Theater - the manager, the financial assistant and the general affairs assistant are missing, and they don't know where they are at the moment. The announcer was sent to a mental hospital after the performance last night. The night show was abysmal.

The policeman tried to comfort the weeping Mrs. Rimsky, sent her home, and then took an interest in what the orderly girl had said, asked her what she had seen in Rimsky's office, and demanded that all work The personnel stick to their posts.After a while, several criminal investigators came to the theater with a police dog.It was a vigorous, light gray police dog with pointed ears and very sharp eyes.The theater staff quickly whispered that it was the famous police dog "Ace Cube".It is. The actions of "Block Ace" immediately surprised everyone.As soon as it ran into the financial assistant's office, it bared its big yellow teeth, snorted and groaned, and then lay down on the ground, with distressed and crazy lights in its eyes, crawled forward, and crawled towards the broken window.After a short pause, it overcame its fear, jumped onto the window sill, raised its head and screamed wildly upwards.It didn't want to leave the window, and kept barking and screaming, shaking all over, as if it was going to jump downstairs.

The dog was taken out of the office and placed in the theater foyer, and it ran through the gate into the street and led the investigators to the taxi rank.The clues it follows are broken here, and people have to take it away. The criminal investigators sat down in the office of the General Affairs Assistant and sent the people who had seen the performance last night to question one by one.It should be said that every step forward in the investigative work encountered some unexpected difficulties.As soon as I got a little clue, it was cut off again immediately. Have you put up a poster?Posted it.But overnight, all the posters were covered by new posters, and now there is not a single old poster to be found.Where the hell did that magician come from?No one knows.He must have signed a performance contract with him, right?

"It should be considered signed," replied Rastochkin, looking disturbed. "If it has been signed, then the contract should also go through the formalities of the accounting office?" "That is necessary," said Rastochkin passionately. "So where's the contract?" "No." The accounting director spread his hands, his face became paler and paler.Indeed, no matter whether it is in the files of the accounting office, or the files of the manager and the two assistants, this contract cannot be found, not even a shadow. So what is this magician's last name?The accountant director didn't know this, because he didn't watch the show.None of the receptionists knew about it. Only one female conductor frowned and thought about it, and finally said:

"Surname Wo...like Wallander." Maybe not Wallander?Probably not Wallander.Maybe Flanders. As a result of inquiries to the Alien Immigration Administration, there was no such thing as Wallander or Farland ever heard of a magician there. Correspondent Karpov reported that the magician was staying at the house of the manager Likhodeyev.People immediately rushed to the manager's house, but neither the magician nor Likhodeyev himself was found.Not even Grunia, the housemaid, was there, and no one knew where she was.Nikanor Ivanovich, director of the Housing Management Office, is not there, and neither is Prolezhnev, the secretary!

The thing was so absurd that it was unbelievable: all the leading members of the theater disappeared suddenly, and a ridiculous and strange performance was held here last night, but no one knew who and under whom it was ordered. It's almost noon, and it's time to start selling tickets.Of course, where can we talk about ticket sales!A large piece of cardboard was hastily hung up at the gate of the Vallett Theater, on which it was written: "The show is closed today!" The people in line, first of all the ticket sellers at the front, were in a commotion.But after making a fuss for a while, they still started to disperse after all. After about an hour, there were no more people queuing up on Huayuan Street.The investigators have been withdrawn to work elsewhere, and all the theater staff went home, except for a few people who were left on duty.The Vallett Theater was closed.

The director of accounting, Rastochkin, still has two tasks to complete: first, to report yesterday's events to the State Administration of Popular Culture and Entertainment; The cash shall be handed over to the Finance Office of the Cultural and Entertainment Bureau. Vasily Stepanovich, the accountant director who has always been conscientious and meticulous, wrapped the money in newspaper, tied it with string, put it in a leather bag, and went straight to the taxi stand: The detailed rules are very clear. Of course, you cannot squeeze a bus or a tram with large amounts of public money. There were three empty cars at the station, but the drivers drove away as soon as they saw someone approaching with a full purse.The director of accounting saw several empty cars slipping away from under his nose, and for some reason the driver gave him a vicious look back. He felt it was strange and stood there blankly guessing the reason. After two or three minutes, an empty car came into the station, but the driver immediately showed displeasure when he saw the passengers. "Is your car empty?" asked Rastochkin, clearing his throat in surprise. "Take out the car money and have a look!" The driver replied angrily, without looking back at him. The chief accountant was surprised, but he had no choice but to tuck his precious handbag under his arm, and took a ten-rouble note from his wallet to show the driver. "No!" said the driver curtly. "I'm sorry, I..." Just as the accounting director was about to speak, the driver interrupted him: "Have you got a three-rouble note?" The head accountant was even more perplexed, but he hastily drew two more three-rouble notes from his wallet and showed the driver. "Get in the car!" the driver said loudly, and slapped the odometer so hard that it almost broke. "Let's go!" "Don't you have any change?" The accounting director asked timidly while sitting in the car. "You have a pocket full of change!" The fellow plane yelled loudly, his bloodshot eyes could be seen from the small mirror in front of him, "I've seen it three times today, and others have seen it too. The bastard gave me a ten-rouble note, I gave him four and a half rubles, and the damn thing got out of the car and slipped away! But after a few minutes, I saw: what ten-rouble note, it was a bottle of Narzan mineral water logo on the board!" Then the driver uttered a series of words that could not be printed in a book, "I met another one on the other side of Zubov Square. He gave him ten rubles, and I gave him three rubles. Let's go! I I reached out to touch the wallet, and who would have thought that a bee in it stung my finger! Look!" The driver said a series of obscenities again, "but the ten-ruble note is gone. Last night it was in the There's a conjurer in this Valette's sideshow (again curses) who's done money-changing tricks (again curses)!" The chief accountant was stupefied, he shrank his neck, pretended that he had heard the name of the "Vallet" theater for the first time, but he thought to himself: "Oh, look at this! After arriving at the building of the Culture and Entertainment Committee, Rastochkin paid the fare without any trouble, entered the building, and walked straight to the leader's office.But still in the hallway he felt that today was not the right time: the office building was in chaos.A female messenger ran past him in a panic, her kerchief slipped back, her eyes wide open, and she shouted to someone as she ran: "He's not here, he's not here! My good comrades, he's not here! Both the jacket and trousers are there, all right, but there's no one in the clothes!" The female courier ran into a room, and immediately there was the sound of cups and plates breaking.Immediately afterwards, another person ran out of the secretary's room.The chief accountant recognized him as the head of the first department of the committee, but the head of the committee seemed not to recognize Rastochkin, and hurried away. A terrified Rastochkin came to the door of the secretary's office.He knew that in the back of the secretary's room was the office of the chairman of the committee, Prohor Petrovitch.But as soon as he entered the secretary's room, he was completely stunned. Menacing voices came from the inner office.He could hear the director's voice. "He's lecturing again?" thought the terrified Rastochkin, who was about to go inside when he accidentally looked aside and saw a completely unexpected scene: a woman was sitting She was wailing in an ottoman—her head resting on the back of the chair, her legs stretched almost to the closet of the room, and a wet handkerchief in her hand, crying terribly.She is none other than the director's personal secretary, "The Great Beauty" Anna Richardovna.Her chin was completely stained red by lipstick, and the powder melted by tears turned into two streams of black water flowing down her attractive face from under the eyelashes. Seeing Rastochkin coming in, Anna Richardovna jumped up from the soft chair, rushed up to him, seized him by the lapel of his coat, and shouted, shaking: "Thank God! Found a brave one at last! Run away, don't care! Come with me! Let's go to him! I don't know what to do!" she cried, pulling Lars Tochkin went to the director's office in the inner room. As soon as he entered the office, the bag in Rastochkin's hand fell to the floor, and then he felt that all the thoughts in his head were in a mess.However, it should be said that this is not without reason. On the large desk in the middle of the office is a luxurious and exquisite large inkpot, while sitting behind the desk is an empty suit jacket with its sleeves stretched out on the desk, holding a pen that is not dipped in ink and is working on a document painting.A tie was still tied at the collar of his coat, and a fountain pen was stuck in the upper left pocket.But there was neither a neck nor a head at the top of the collar, and of course, there was no hand protruding from the white cuff of the shirt.Empty Clothes seemed to be working wholeheartedly, unaware of the chaos outside.The suit seemed to hear someone walking into the office.It straightened up and leaned against the back of the seat, and from the top of its collar came the familiar voice of Director Prohor Petrovich, familiar to Rastochkin: "What's the matter? Isn't there a sign on the door saying that I won't meet you?" The beautiful secretary rubbed her hands and screamed at Rastochkin: "Look! Do you see?! Without him! He's not here! Try to bring him back! Bring him back!" At this time, someone poked a probe into the house again, and fled away with a whoop.Feeling his legs trembling, the chief accountant hurried to sit on the edge of a chair, but he did not forget to pick up the handbag that had fallen on the floor.Anna Richardovna hopped around beside Rastochkin, pulled at his coat, and cried: "Every time the director points at monsters and goblins to swear at people, I always try to dissuade him from swearing like that! Look, something is wrong with the swearing!" The big beauty ran to the desk as she spoke, using a wonderful and gentle voice, because of the words just now. The wailing became louder and louder: "Prosa! Where are you?!" ①A nickname for Prohol, indicating that the female secretary has a close relationship with the director. "Who is your Prosha?!" Kong Yi asked arrogantly, leaning back on the soft chair again. "I don't recognize anyone anymore! I don't even recognize me anymore! Do you understand?" The female secretary burst into tears again. "Please don't cry and make a fuss here, this is the office!" The striped wool suit seemed to be a little angry, and its sleeves were pulled over another file next to it, apparently ready to continue reviewing documents. "No, I don't want to see this! I can't stand it!" cried Anna Richardovna and ran back to the secretary's room, and the accountant hurried out. "Just think about it," said Anna Richardovna, trembling with excitement, grabbing the chief accountant's arm again, "I'm sitting here, and I saw a big black cat come in. , almost like a hippopotamus. Of course I hissed 'go' at it. The cat ran away, but then came a dumpy guy who looked like a cat too, and he said, 'Hey, you citizen woman, how can you Shouting "Go" to the visitor like chasing a cat?!, he broke into Prokhor Petrovich's office. Of course I immediately followed him, shouting after him: 'What are you doing? Crazy?' But that shameless guy went straight to the director's desk and sat on a soft chair opposite him. So he, our director, lost his temper. Our director, no matter how kind-hearted, but Quick-tempered, quick-tempered. I admit it. He's nervous. Works like an old cow, but short-tempered. No, he got angry and said, 'Why did you come in without asking?' But that shameless fellow, just think about it, sat down on the chair with a big face, and said with a playful smile: "But I have something small to talk to you!" Prohor Petrovich became even more angry:' I'm busy now!' And the fellow, can you imagine, saying: 'You have nothing to do!' Do you hear? Then, of course, Prohor Petrovitch could not bear it any longer, he Shouting angrily: 'What's that like? Get this guy out of me! What the hell!' And the guy, you know, laughed instead and said, 'Want to go to hell? Oh, that's easy!' So, all of a sudden, before I could yell out, the cat-faced guy disappeared, and at the same time, the director disappeared... only one... empty clothes... sitting here. Woo!..." Anna · Richadovna grinned again through her large mouth, which had completely lost its line. She was crying so hard that she couldn't breathe, but after a breath, her words were more rambling," she said: "But he, in that empty suit, is still writing, still approving documents, and writing all the time! It's driving people crazy! He's still on the phone! Everyone is scared away, faster than a rabbit!" Rastochkin stood beside the secretary, trembling.Fortunately, fate saved him from the predicament: two policemen walked into the secretary's room with calm steps.When the beautiful woman saw the police, she pointed to the door of the director's office and cried even more sadly. "Don't cry yet, please, citizen!" a policeman said to her.At this moment, the chief accountant felt that he was completely superfluous here, and hurried out of the secretary's office, and a minute later he was breathing fresh air in the street.He felt empty and humming in his head, and in this humming he seemed to hear fragments of yesterday's performances told by the usher.The usher had talked about a big black cat attending the show.He thought: "Oh! The black cat that came here just now is not the one from our theater?" The honest and conscientious Rastochkin, having failed to do anything with the Culture and Recreation Committee, decided to visit the municipal branch of the Culture and Recreation Committee on Vadzukovsky Street.To calm himself down, he walked to Vagankov Street. The Moscow Branch of the Culture and Entertainment Committee is located in a courtyard on this street, occupying an old small building that has been weathered and weathered for a long time.The porphyry columns in the front hall of the small building can be regarded as a local scenic spot. But it is not its porphyry columns that astonish visitors to this small building today, but what happens next to these columns in the vestibule. In the front hall, several visitors were surrounding a weeping girl sitting at a small table. On the table were several cultural and entertainment publications, which the girl sold.But now, not only does she not sell publications to visitors, but she just waved her hands and refused to answer the questions that the guests cared about.In the front hall, rapid ringing was heard from all departments of the city branch, as many as twenty telephones were ringing at the same time. The girl cried for a while, then shivered suddenly, and shouted hysterically: "Look, it's coming again!" And she sang suddenly in a quivering soprano: Holy Lake Baikal, Glorious Ocean①... ① "Sea of ​​Glory" is an ancient Russian song praising battle and freedom.The lyrics were written by the national hero poet Denis Davydov (1784-1839).The whole song is divided into five sections.The lines quoted here and below are the first verse.The version is different, and the lyrics are slightly different.Here, too, the author has slightly changed the lyrics. One of the correspondents just walked up to the doorstep, suddenly threatened someone with his fist, and then sang along with the girl in a low baritone voice: glorious ship, A treasure trove of whitefish! In the distance, some voices sang with their voices, and more and more people joined the chorus, and finally the same singing voice was heard from every corner of the entire city branch.Room No. 6, closest to the vestibule, is the auditor's office, where a husky, deep and powerful bass stands out.The ringing of many telephones seemed to accompany the chorus.The correspondent stood on the steps and let go of his throat and sang: Come on, northeast wind, Let you set off huge waves! Tears were streaming down the girl's face, and she wanted to grit her teeth and not sing, but her mouth opened involuntarily, and she had to sing along in a voice an octave higher than the correspondent's: young man he, Not a voyage! The visitors were silent, and they were deeply surprised that although these chorus members were scattered in various places, they sang very harmoniously, as if the whole chorus stood together, and each of them was staring at an invisible conductor. Pedestrians on Vagankov Street stopped outside the fence and watched in amazement at the inexplicable joy that filled the entire town hall. After singing the first verse, the singing stopped abruptly, as if a baton was directing.The correspondent cursed in a low voice and walked away.At this time, the main door of the small building opened, and a man wearing a coat appeared inside the door, and a doctor's white coat was exposed under the coat.Another policeman was standing beside him. "Please think of a way, doctor, please!" The girl begged hysterically. The secretary of the city branch ran up the steps from the inside, and it seemed that he was also very embarrassed.He implored the doctor embarrassingly: "Look, doctor, it's like this, everyone here seems to have been hypnotized...so, we must..." Before he could finish his sentence, his voice choked, and then he suddenly used The tenor sang: Shileka, Nerchinsk, It's not scary now...① ①The first line of the third verse of "Sea of ​​Glory".Shilka and Nerchinsk (Nerchinsk) are both place names of the Transbaikal region, which was a prison for political convicts in the Tsarist Russian era.The following "in the mountains...chasing and killing!" is also the third lyric. "Bastard!" the magazine seller just yelled, and before she had time to explain that she was scolding, she immediately sang a cadenza in her throat, followed by "Shileka, Nerchinsk... …"Come "You should control yourself! Stop singing!" said the doctor to the clerk. All signs indicated that the secretary would rather pay any price to stop singing, but things backfired and he couldn’t stop. Together with the entire chorus, he sang the following words to the passers-by on Vagankov Street: “… ...In the deep mountains and old forests, I avoided the sharp claws of wild beasts; the arrows of archers failed to hunt me down!" As soon as the song stopped, the doctor first gave the newspaper girl a dose of valerian tincture, and then led by the secretary to each department to give the medicine to others. "Excuse me, ma'am," asked Rastochkin, the chief accountant, suddenly, "has a black cat visited you?" "What black cat?" cried the girl angrily. "There's a donkey in our town council, a jackass!" Then she added, "Just let him hear! I'll tell it all!" And she Really told the whole story here. It turned out that the leader of the city branch, in the words of the girl, "destroyed all kinds of relaxing entertainment programs!" He organized various amateur groups and became addicted to a pathological level. "He deceived the leader and deceived the superior!" The girl shouted loudly. She said that the chief organized the Lermontov research team, chess team, checkers team, table tennis team and riding team during the year. He also claimed that the freshwater lake boating team and mountain climbing team must be organized before summer. stand up. During lunch break today, he is the chief... "Get a son of a bitch out of nowhere," the girl went on, "and he's walking around on the guy's arm! The guy's wearing checkered shorts and a broken pince-nez, and that Your face... don't mention how ugly it is!" After they entered the office, according to the girl, the chief immediately took the guy to the cafeteria, introduced him to all the staff who were having lunch, and said that he was a famous expert in organizing choruses! This news greatly discouraged the future climbing team members.But the chief immediately called on everyone to cheer up and show courage.The so-called expert was also gagging at the side, assuring everyone that the chorus only takes a very, very little time, and the advantage of joining the chorus is that several trains can't finish it! So, according to the newspaper girl, it was of course the most famous sycophants in the city council again—Van Coward and Kesar Chowk were the first to sign up.As a result, other employees believed that participation in the chorus group was inevitable, and they all had to sign up.Singing practice was scheduled for noon, because the rest of the time was occupied by Lermontov and checkers.In order to lead by example, the chief announced that he would sing tenor.What followed was a nightmare.The expert choral conductor in checkered trousers tried his voice: "Thu, y, y, y, y, y, y, y, y, y, y, y, y'y!" Then he pulled out all the shy people who were hiding behind the file cabinet and trying to avoid singing.He praised Kersar for his strong tone discrimination. He complained and accused everyone of not practicing well, asking everyone to respect him as an old singer and experienced conductor, and sometimes tapped the tuning fork on his fingers.Finally, he asked everyone to sing "Glorious Ocean". Everyone sang it once.Very well sung.The experts in checkered clothes really commanded well.After singing the first verse, the conductor apologized to everyone, said "I'll come as soon as I go!" and walked away.Everyone thought he was just there for convenience, and he came as soon as he went, but ten minutes later he still didn't come back.Everyone was very happy: this guy slipped away! However, somehow, everyone suddenly sang the second verse.This time it was Kesar Qiujia who led the singing. Although he may not have any special ability to distinguish sounds, his tenor voice is very comfortable to listen to.After the second verse was sung, the conductor hadn't returned yet.Everyone returned to their posts, but before they could sit firmly in their positions, they couldn't help singing together again.Trying to stop—impossible.After singing a section, there was silence for three minutes, and then he sang again.After a while of silence, they sang together again!Only then did everyone understand: Oops!The chief locked the office in shame, not daring to come out. The girl had just finished talking here when she was interrupted by singing again.No tincture of valerian will work. A quarter of an hour later, three large trucks drove outside the fence of this small courtyard on Vagankov Street.All the employees, headed by the leaders of the city branch, boarded the car. The first truck swayed in front of the gate and drove into the street, but as soon as it entered the street, the workers standing in the car with each other leaning on their shoulders opened their mouths and sang loudly, and the familiar singing immediately echoed throughout the street. reverberate.The people in the second car continued to sing, and the people in the third car followed immediately.The three trucks drove on like this.Pedestrians who were busy with their own affairs only glanced at this incident, not surprised, thinking that the truck was carrying people on a picnic to go out of the city.It would be nice for cars to go out of town, but not to take people on an excursion, but to take them to Professor Stravinsky's hospital. Half an hour later, Rastochkin, the director of accounting, who was completely dazed, finally came to the Finance Department of the Cultural and Entertainment Bureau of the Culture and Entertainment Committee, hoping that this time the public funds could be relieved from his shoulders.As a precaution, the experienced accounting director first took a peek into the rectangular hall this time.He saw that there were gold characters written on the frosted glass partition wall, and the staff inside the partition wall were at their posts, without any sign of disturbance or uneasiness.The hall is quiet and quiet, and it really looks like a decent big office. Vasily Sdepanovich Rastochkin poked his head through a small window with the words "Cash Receipt" written on it, and said hello to an unknown clerk. Politely ask him for a payment slip. "What do you want this for?" asked the clerk at the window. The accounting director was surprised. "I'll pay, I'm from Vallett Juggling Field." "Wait a moment, please," replied the clerk inside, and then pulled the small barbed wire to block the small window. Rastochkin thought to himself: "Strange!" Of course he was surprised, because it was the first time in his life that such a thing had happened to him.Everyone knows how difficult it is to get a sum of money, and various obstacles may be encountered at any time.However, in his 30 years of accounting career, he has never met anyone, no matter whether it is a legal person or a natural person, who feels embarrassed when accepting a sum of money. However, the small barbed wire fence was opened again.Rastochkin turned his face to the window again. "Did you pay a large amount?" asked the clerk. "Twenty-one thousand seven hundred and eleven rubles." "Oh!" The clerk's tone was ironic for some reason, and he handed out a green payment slip. The accounting director is very familiar with these procedures.He quickly filled out the form and went to untie the string that bound the paper package.However, when he opened the paper package, he was dazzled and could not help groaning in pain. In front of him are stacks of foreign banknotes.There are Canadian dollars, British pounds, Dutch guilders, Latvian lats, Estonian krona... ① Latvia and Estonia were capitalist countries from 1920 to 1940.Both countries established the Soviet regime in 1940 and merged into the Soviet Union in August of the same year. When this book was finally written in 1940, the two countries still used their own currencies.Therefore, the currencies of the two countries are also listed as foreign banknotes. "Look, another Vallett juggler!" cried the transfixed chief accountant, hearing a terrible voice above him. Vasily Sdypanovich Rastochkin was arrested on the spot.