Chapter 25 25

But myself, what's wrong? I just returned to the human world.My heart is like a flower that is opening its petals.I'm supposed to be overjoyed.However, I don't know what is the strange reason, but I only feel happy but not happy, worried but not worried.Maybe it's just a touch of sadness when the leaves fall, and I don't know. In fact, my mood is not bad. How could my mood be bad?I had a great time every day.It worked very well.Once the work goes well, I can spare more time to go to Harlem to do the "midnight commando" thing after work, and do more to protect civil rights.

And Marcie, to paraphrase Stephen Simpson, was too good to be true.We both have the same interests, and we can say that everything hits it off. And we literally make a couple.I'm talking about tennis, we're a good pair in mixed doubles.We were in a tri-state wide tournament.Being invincible in the Gerson Tennis Club is no longer a problem, and now our opponents are all pairs of masters from other places.Our record is pretty good (speaking of which we haven't lost a game yet). This should be said to be her credit.The male players on the opposing team are generally a level higher than mine, but thanks to Marcy's outstanding skills, all the female players on the opposing team were beaten to the brim.I really didn't expect that I would have such a day in sports.But I made it through, and thanks to Marcie, we won a lot of medals and now the first Gold Cup is in sight.

As the game progressed step by step, Marcy's personality was fully displayed.The schedule is not in our favor, sometimes we have to play at night - we lose if we don't.A Ghosn quarter-final was scheduled for Wednesday night at nine o'clock.Marcie was still in Cleveland during the day, so she took a flight back from dinner, and she had changed her tennis shirt and pants before getting off the plane. The moment has arrived.We narrowly won the game and fell asleep when we got home.It was only seven o'clock the next morning, and she had already left for Chicago.Fortunately, the week she went to the West Coast happened to be without a game.

All in all, we are such a couple: we have the same temperament and the rhythm of life is also in harmony.It should be said that there is indeed a wonderful complement to each other. But why, logically speaking, should I be very happy, but in fact I am not so happy? When looking for a doctor in London to study, it is natural to study this issue first. "It's not about me being depressed, Doc. I'm at ease. I'm happy. Marcy and I . . . both of us . . . " I paused.I would have said, "We both talk to each other a lot." But it's not so easy to deceive yourself.

"...we don't talk much to each other." Yes, that's what I said.This is what I mean, even though it sounds contradictory.No, don't we often have to chat on the phone for a long time at night? -Telephone bills can also testify. Words are good.But to be honest, how much did we really talk about? "I'm so happy, Oliver," which couldn't be called a confession.This can only be described as an expression of gratitude. Of course, my opinion is not necessarily right. How much can I know about the relationship between men and women?The big deal is that I once had a wife.But the situation in front of him doesn't seem to be easy to compare with Jenny.Because, when it comes to me and Jenny, all I know is that we were deeply in love.Where would I have looked into it?I hadn't put my feelings under the microscope of psychoanalysis to scrutinize them.I also don't know why I feel so happy when I'm with Jenny.

But it's also strange that Jen and I have so much less in common.Not only was she not interested in sports, but she hated it.I'm watching football on TV and she'd rather hide in the opposite corner with her book. I taught her to swim. I have never been able to teach her to drive. Come on!Is being a husband and wife just teaching this and that, learning this and that? Why not!It is to teach and to learn! But that doesn't mean swimming, driving, or reading a map.It’s not about teaching people how to light a gas stove—I recently wanted to recreate this situation, but when someone asked me to teach someone how to light a gas stove!

What I mean by this is that the two sides should maintain dialogue frequently and learn about themselves from it.To establish new lines in the communication satellite, there are many more ways to transmit your emotions. Jenny used to have bad dreams, and every bad dream would wake me up.At first we didn't know that she was actually seriously ill. She had nightmares and often asked me with lingering fear: "Oliver, if I can't have children-will you still love me like that?" After hearing her words, I didn't go to comfort her without thinking.On the contrary, a series of complex emotions that I have never experienced have been triggered in my heart. I really did not expect that there are such emotions in my heart.Yes, Zhan, you are my beloved, if you can't bear me a child, how can I hold my self-esteem.

However, our emotional relationship has not been affected by this.On the contrary, it was precisely because she honestly revealed her inner unease and raised such an unavoidable question, which made me realize that I was not a very great hero in the first place.I realized that I was not really able to bear the reality of not being able to have children with a very sensible attitude and a fearless spirit.I said to her at the time, then I still need her to help me, otherwise I will not be able to bear it.It is precisely because we have seen that we are not necessarily so perfect, our understanding of ourselves has greatly deepened since then.

We have grown closer ever since. "Why, Oliver, you're no braggart." "That means I'm a bear. Don't you like it, Jenny?" "Where, I'm happy." "how?" "Because I can rest assured that you won't brag, Oliver." My heart-to-heart conversations with Marcy have never reached this level.When she is in a bad mood, or when she feels nervous, of course she will come to talk to me.She also said that sometimes when she went on inspection tours in other places, she couldn't let go of her heart, because she was afraid that I would find a new "sweet person".In fact, why am I not.But it's strange to say that when we talk about our hearts, we never turn the corner when we talk about the truth. When the words come to our tongues, we don't even need to turn around to say everything.

The reason, perhaps, was that my expectations were too high.I am so impatient.People who have tasted the taste of a happy marriage clearly know what they need and what they lack.But it would be unreasonable to make such a request to Marcie all at once. You must know that in this life, she has never had a... friend, even a... trustworthy friend. But I still secretly hope that one day she will have a deeper feeling, and feel that she really cannot do without me.Hopefully she might wake me up from my sleep one day and ask me something like this: "If I can't have children, will you still love me like that?"