Chapter 16 16

"What are you afraid of?" This is all he said when I told the whole story to the London doctor. "I didn't say I was afraid." "But didn't you run away?" "You see, it's clear now that Marcy is not a serious woman, and she has ulterior motives." "You mean she's trying to seduce you?" This doctor is so naive. "No, she has 'ulterior motives'," I explained to him with the utmost patience, "because my surname is Barrett, and it doesn't take much research in this society to know who I am. From a wealthy family."

Ok, my point has been made.It was like a courtroom awaiting sentencing: there was silence. "It's not your heartfelt words," said the London doctor at last.He said that I was insincere, and his tone was so sure that I couldn't stop thinking about it. "Perhaps you're right," I said. There was silence again. "Well, the doctor is you anyway. Then tell me, how do I feel?" "Oliver," said the London doctor, "actually, the only help I can give you, to be precise, is nothing more than enabling you to have a more thorough understanding of your own inner activities." Then he asked: "Did you How do you feel?"

"I feel like I might be cheated." "anything else?" "Still a little scared." "What are you afraid of?" I couldn't answer right away.To be more precise, I can't say it.I am really worried.Not that she might say to me, "Yeah, I'm in a live-in relationship with a guy who's an All-Star football offensive lineman with a Ph. D. in astrophysics and being with him is exciting." No, that's not what I'm worried about.I'm afraid what I'm afraid to hear is: "Oliver, I like you." If she really wants to tell me that, I'll be in a panic.

To say that Marcy is mysterious is very mysterious.But she's not Mata Hari, and she's not a slut.In fact, her only shortcoming is that she doesn't have a problem that is clearly caught. (I'm going to have to find something wrong with her anyway!) Marcie lied for whatever reason, but her lying doesn't justify my lying: I lied to myself, I told myself I wasn't... emotional . ① Mata Hari (1876-1917): Originally a Dutch dancer and courtesan, she was accused of acting as a German spy in Paris during the First World War and was executed in 1917.Later, Mata Hari became an alias for the female spy who seduced men with her beauty.

②The original text is "Babylon the adulterer", which is derived from the "Bible · Xinna · Revelation". "Apocalypse" says that John saw a great whore who was punished by God. This great whore is called Babylon, which is the source of whores and all abominations in the world (Revelation 17-19).It is extended to mean a slut and a prostitute. In fact, I'm about to get serious.It's only a little short, and I'm going to get serious. That's why I panicked and ran away, and it was exposed.How can I like other women, I have only loved one girl in my life, if I want to like other women, I think it is a change of heart for this girl.

I am always on guard like this, afraid that some unavoidable feelings will pop up in my heart, but how long can I support this kind of life?To be honest, my heart, which was already in a mess, is getting more and more messy now.The problem that tormented me has become two. One is: How can I sort out the constant longing for Gianni? The second is: Marcy Nash, how can I find it?