Chapter 17 seventeen

It's not that easy to have a baby. I say this with a certain amount of irony: Some people spend their first few years of sex figuring out how to prevent pregnancy (condoms were still in vogue when I started) and then change completely. The idea is not not to want children, but to want children wholeheartedly like a demon. Yes, it does become obsessed.And it would destroy the most wonderful aspect of the happy life after marriage-making it lose that piece of candor and simplicity.I mean, then you have to adjust your thoughts ("adjustment" is that unfortunate word that always makes people think of machines)-you have to adjust your thoughts of sex to make it fit various regulations and schedules. , and even strategic deployment ("Orr, wouldn't it be better to do it tomorrow morning?").This, in turn, will cause distress, boredom, and ultimately terror.

When you find that your superficial knowledge and all your supposedly legitimate and hygienic efforts are of no avail in the question of the succession of the family, there will be horrific fantasies in your mind. Jenny and I finally decided to call in a specialist for a diagnosis.During our first conversation, Dr. Mortimer Sheppard said to me: "Oliver, I believe you understand that 'infertility' is not the same thing as 'manliness'." "He understands, doc," Janey answered for me.Although I never mentioned it, Jenny knew that if we couldn't have children—even if they could be—it would be devastating to me.Doesn't her tone still vaguely reveal a kind of prayer?If an insufficiency was detected, she hoped the problem was her own.

But the doctor didn't know this. He just explained the truth to us, told us to be prepared, and then said that it is very likely that both of us will be fine, and we will soon become enviable parents.Of course, we both had to undergo a series of tests.A full set of physical examinations are available. (Nor do I want to rehash the borrowed titles of such sweeping project-by-project terms here.) We did an inspection on Monday.Jenny was there during the day and I was there after work (I was already very involved in the legal profession and had my hands full).Dr. Shepard called and told Janney to come back on Friday, saying that his nurse had made a mistake and that there were a few items he needed to go over again.When Jenny told me about the re-examination, I suspected that the doctor had found her...not fully functioning.I think she is also suspicious of this level.The so-called nurse made a mistake and so on, it is completely an old excuse.

I was almost certain when Dr. Sheppard called Jonas & Marsh to see me.He asked me to drop by his clinic when I got home from get off work.Once I heard that this wasn't a three-way conversation ("I spoke to Mrs. Barrett earlier today," he said), I was convinced.Jenny couldn't possibly have a baby.Still, Oliver, let's not talk too hard; I remember Shepard mentioning that there might be corrective surgery or something.But I was in such a turmoil that it was not the way to stay until five o'clock like this.I called Shepard back and asked if I could get him in the early afternoon.He said yes.

"Have you figured out who is responsible for our matter?" I asked right away when we met. "'Responsibility' is not the right word, Oliver," he answered. "Okay, so do you know which of the two of us has a problem function?" "Yes. It's Jenny." I was more or less prepared for this, but the decisive tone of the doctor's words still shocked me.He didn't say anything anymore, I think he probably wanted me to express my opinion. "Okay, then we'll adopt. As long as we love each other, I suppose, isn't that right?"

Only then did he tell me the truth. "Oliver, there's a lot more to it than that. Jane is very ill." "'Very ill'? Could you please be more specific?" "She's numbered." "That's impossible," I said. I just wish the doctor would tell me that this is a big joke he made on me. "Oliver, it's true," he said. "I'm sorry I had to break this news to you." I figured there must be something wrong with him—maybe his idiot nurse unwrapped it again and gave him someone else's X-ray or something.But he replied with the greatest sympathy that Jenny's blood had been tested three times.There is absolutely nothing wrong with the diagnosis.Of course, I'm afraid he'll have to refer us—me—Jenny—to a hematologist.According to him, it might as well...

I waved my hand and cut him off.I need to be quiet for a while.Be sure to calm down and sort out the mess.At this time, I suddenly remembered one thing. "Doctor, what did you say to Jenny?" "I said you're both fine." "Does she believe it?" "I guess I should believe it." "When shall we tell her?" "At this point, it's up to you to make up your mind." Make up my mind!OMG, at this point, I'm almost out of breath! The doctor explained that for Jenny's type of leukemia, the treatments available were purely palliative—maybe palliative and suppressed, but not curable.So, at this point, the idea is up to me.It doesn't hurt to delay the start of the treatment.

But at that time, there was actually only one thought in my mind: Fuck me!Terrible!Such bad luck happened! "She's only twenty-four!" I told the doctor, I must have yelled.He nodded, showing no sign of impatience.He knew Jenny's age very well, and he knew how much pain it was to me.Later, I realized that I can't always be in a daze in the doctor's office like this.I asked him what to do.That is, what should I do.He wanted me to behave as normal as possible, for as long as I could.I thanked him and left. Be normal!Be normal!