Chapter 5 Kamala

Siddhartha learned something new every step of the way as the world changed and his mind was completely captivated.He saw the sun rise over the forested peaks and set over the distant palm beaches.He saw stars lined up in the sky at night, and the crescent moon was like a small boat floating in the blue sky.He saw trees, stars, animals, clouds, rainbows, rocks, weeds, flowers, brooks and rivers, dew glistening in the bushes in the morning, distant mountains pale blue and gray, birds singing, bees buzzing Hum, the breeze blows leisurely across the rice fields.All this is ever-changing, colorful, and has always been so, the sun and the moon are always shining, the river is always flowing, the bees are always humming, but before, all this was just a blindfold to Siddhartha. A veil of emptiness, scrutinized with suspicion, doomed to be saturated and annihilated by thought, for they are not essences, for essences lie beyond the visible.Now his liberated eye rests on this side, sees and recognizes the visible, seeks a home in this world, not looking for the essence, not aiming at that side.The world is beautiful as long as you look at it so unquestioningly, so purely, so innocently.The moon and stars are beautiful, the brooks and banks are beautiful, and forests and rocks, goats and beetles, flowers and butterflies.It is indeed beautiful and lovely to roam the world in this way, to be so naive, to be sober, to communicate so frankly, to be so unsuspecting.Sometimes the sun is directly overhead, sometimes in the shade of trees, sometimes to drink from streams and ponds, sometimes to eat pumpkins and bananas.The days seem short, the nights short, and the hours fly by like a sail on the sea, and beneath it a ship full of treasures and pleasures.Siddhartha saw a troop of monkeys wandering in the high treetops, leaping from branch to branch, and heard a wild, longing cry.Siddhartha saw a ram chasing and copulating with an ewe.In a swamp of reeds, he saw barracudas chasing prey because of hunger, and small fish jumped out of the water in groups in front of him, terrified, flapping and writhing, shining brightly.A ferocious predator churning up water eddies exuding power and passion.

All this had always been like this, but he hadn't seen it before because he hadn't been here.Now that he's here, he's rightfully here.Light and shadow flitted past his eyes, stars and moon reflected in his heart. On the way, Siddhartha thought of everything he had experienced in Yetawana Grove, the teachings he had heard there, the Tulku, his parting from Govinda, and the conversation he had with the Tulku.He recalled what he had said to the living Buddha at that time, recalling every sentence, and was surprised to notice that he had actually said something that he did not know at the time.Everything he said to Gotama—his affairs, the affairs of the living Buddha, the precious and secret is not knowledge, but the unspeakable and unteachable things he experienced when he suddenly realized in Maosai—this is exactly what he said. What he is going to experience now, what he is beginning to experience now.Now he has to experience himself.He has long known that his ego is Atman, possessing an eternal nature like Brahman.However, he never really found this self, because he originally wanted to catch it with the web of thought.If the body is not the self, and the original game is not the self, then the mind is not the self either.It takes rationality, learned wisdom, and learned skill to draw conclusions and derive new ideas from what has already been thought about.No, this world of thought is still earthly, and it would be futile to kill the contingent feeling-self to fatten the contingent thought-and-learned self.Thought and feeling, both are lovely things, behind both lurks the final consciousness, both are worth listening to, both are worth dealing with, neither underestimated nor overestimated, both should be used to understand the heart A deep, secretive voice.He only wanted to pursue what the voice commanded him to pursue, he only wanted to stay where the voice advised him to stay.At the beginning, when he suddenly realized, why did Gotama sit under the bodhi tree?When he heard a voice, a voice in his own heart, telling him to rest under this tree, he did not first perform penance, sacrifice, bathing or prayer, did not eat or drink, did not sleep or dream, but obeyed. the voice.He just obeyed, not obeying external orders, but obeying this voice, obeying willingly.It is right, it is necessary, it is essential.

At night, Siddhartha was sleeping in a boatman's thatched hut by the river, and had a dream: Govinda was standing before him, wearing a yellow monk's robe.Govinda looked sad, and he asked sadly, "Why did you leave me?" So he embraced Govinda, put his arms around him, pressed him to his breast, and kissed him.Unexpectedly, it was no longer Govinda at this time, but a woman, with a full breast protruding from the woman's clothes. Siddharetah sucked on the breast, and the milk was sweet and fragrant.It is the smell of woman and man, sun and forest, animals and flowers, fruit of every kind, pleasure of every kind.It is intoxicating, intoxicating. —When Siddhartha awoke, the gray water shimmered through the little door of the hut, and a mysterious cry of an owl sounded in the woods, deep and loud.

At dawn, Siddhartha begged his host, the boatman, to ferry him across the river.The boatman took him across the river on a bamboo raft, and the broad water surface shone reddish in the morning light. "It's a beautiful river," he said to the boatman. "Yes," said the boatman, "a very beautiful river. I love it more than anything else. I have always listened to its voice, often looked into its eyes, and I have always learned from it. You can learn a lot from a river .” "I thank you, good man," said Siddhartha, stepping on to the other side. "I have no gift for you, my dear, nor can I pay for the boat. I am a homeless man, a Brahmin. son of a Samana."

"I have seen it," said the boatman. "I don't expect your reward, and I don't want your gift. You should give me a gift when you have a chance." "Do you believe that?" Siddhartha asked happily. "Of course. This is what I learned from He Shui: Everything will come again! You, a Samana, will come again. Well, goodbye! I hope your friendship is my reward, and I hope you can think of me when you worship the gods!" They parted with a smile.Siddhartha was delighted at the friendliness and kindness of the boatman. "He's just like Govinda," he thought with a smile. "Everyone I meet on the road is like Govinda. Everyone is grateful, even though they are entitled to thanks. Everyone is humble and willing. Make friends, obey willingly, think little. People are like children."

At noon, he came to a village.In the alley, the children rolled in front of the mud-walled hut, playing with pumpkin seeds and shells, yelling and fighting, but they all ran away in fright when they saw this strange Samana.At the end of the village, the road crosses a stream, and a young woman is kneeling by the stream to wash her clothes.Siddhartha greeted her and she looked up and glanced at him with a smile when he saw the whites of her eyes sparkle.He greeted him in the usual way, and asked how far it was to the city.She straightened up and walked over, the wet mouth on her young face was very moving.She joked with him, asked him if he had eaten, and asked if it was true that the Samana lived alone in the woods at night without women around him.As she spoke, she put her left foot on top of his right foot, making a movement like a woman provoking a man to make a caressing movement, which textbooks usually call "climbing a tree."Siddhartha felt his blood heat up as he remembered his dream again and he bent slightly towards the woman and kissed the dark brown nipples of her breasts with his lips.He saw her smile wistfully upturned, eyes narrowed in longing pleading.

Siddhartha felt lust too, the wellspring of sexual desire welling up, but since he had never touched a woman before, he hesitated, his hands were ready to embrace her.Just then, with horror, he heard his inner voice say "no".Suddenly, the young woman's smiling face lost all charm, and all he saw was the watery eyes of a female in heat.He touched her face friendly, turned around, walked briskly into the bamboo bushes, and disappeared from the disappointed woman. Before evening he came to a large city and was very happy, for he longed to be with people.He had lived in the forest for a long time, and that night he slept in the boatman's thatched hut, the first time he had slept in a roofed dwelling for a long time.

On the outskirts of the city, by a beautiful, fenced park, the tramp met a small company of servants and servants, all carrying baskets.In the middle is a richly decorated sedan chair carried by four people, and in the sedan chair, a woman sits on a red cushion under a brightly colored awning. She is obviously the hostess.Siddhartha stopped at the gate of the forest garden and watched the group of people passing by. He saw the servants, maids and baskets, saw the sedan chair, and saw the noble lady in the sedan chair.Under the tall black hair, he saw a very cheerful, very delicate and very intelligent face, the bright red face was like a freshly cut fig, the eyebrows were trimmed and drawn into a high arc, jet black His eyes are intelligent and alert, his smooth and slender neck protrudes from his green and gold jacket, his white hands are slender and delicate, and he wears a wide gold bracelet on his wrist.

Siddhartha was very happy to see her so beautiful.As the sedan chair approached, he bowed deeply, then straightened up, looked at that beautiful and lovely face again, stared at those smart big round eyes for a while, and smelled a fragrance that he had never smelled before.The pretty woman nodded with a smile, and disappeared in the forest garden after a while, followed by the servants. I walked into the city, Siddhartha thought, never expecting to come across such a lovely symbol.He really wanted to go into the forest garden at once, but he pondered for a while, and suddenly realized how the servants and servants looked at him at the gate, how contemptuous, suspicious, and rude they were.

I'm still a Samana, he thought, still an ascetic and a beggar.I can't stand here like this, and I can't go into the forest garden.he laughed. He inquired about the park and the name of the noble lady from a person who came by on the road, and learned that this was the park of the courtesan Kamala, and besides this park, she had another house in the city. Then he entered the city.He now has a goal. He followed his goal in and out of the city, running in the streets and alleys, standing quietly in the square, and resting on the stone steps by the river.In the evening, he met a clerk in a barber shop, first saw him working in the shadow of an arch, and then came across him praying in a temple of Vishnu (upper slave and lower hand), and he told the guy about Vishnu. The story of Se (upper slave and underhander) and the auspicious goddess.That night, he slept beside the boat on the river.Early the next morning, before the first customers came, he had his beard shaved, his hair cut, combed, and pomaded by the clerk.Then he went to take a bath in the river.

In the afternoon, when the beautiful Kamala walked into the forest garden again in a sedan chair, Siddhartha stood at the gate and bowed to her. Of course, he was also greeted by the courtesan.He motioned to the servant at the end of the line to tell his mistress that a young Brahman wanted to speak to her.After a while, the servant came back and asked Siddhartha to follow him in, then silently led him into a pavilion, where Kamala was leaning on a sofa bed, and the servant left him to go away. "Aren't you the one who greeted me at the gate yesterday?" Kamala asked. "Yes, I saw you yesterday and said hello to you." "But didn't you have a beard and hair yesterday, and your hair was also full of dust?" "You look very carefully and you see everything. The man you saw was Siddhartha, the son of a Brahmin, who left his hometown to become a sramana. He has become a sramana three times. But now, I have left that road. , came to this city, and the first person I met before entering the city was you. Oh, Kamala, I came to you to tell you this! You are the one who made Siddhartha no longer The first woman to speak with lowered eyes. From now on, if I meet a beautiful woman, I will never lower my eyes again!" Kamala smiled slightly, playing with her peacock feather fan in her hand, and asked, "Sitdhartha, did you come to see me to tell me this?" "To tell you this, and to thank you for being so beautiful. If you don't mind, Kamala, I want you to be my friend and teacher, because I don't know anything about art, and you are master." Kamala laughed out loud. "My friend, I've never had a Samana come to me from the forest to learn from me! I've never met a Samana with long hair and an old fig leaf There are a lot of young people who come to see me, and I also have Brahmins among them, but they are all gorgeously dressed, with elegant shoes, fragrant hair, and bulging wallets. You Samana, young people come to me like this.” Siddhartha said: "I have started learning from you, yesterday. I have shaved, combed and oiled my hair. You beautiful woman, I am now There are not many things that are missing, just nice clothes, nice shoes and money in your purse! You know, Siddhartha has done more difficult things than these little things, and he has achieved his goal! I will also do what I set my mind to do yesterday: be your friend and learn from you the joys of love! You will see me assiduous and studious, Kamala, I have learned more than I want you to teach me More difficult things. Well, Siddhartha looks like this today, with oil on his hair, but no clothes, no shoes, no money, doesn't it satisfy you?" Kamala smiled and said: "Well, baby, it's not enough. You must have clothes, beautiful clothes, shoes, beautiful shoes, a lot of money in your wallet, and a gift for Kamala .Do you understand now, Samana from the forest? Do you remember?" "I remember," cried Siddhartha, "how can I not remember what comes out of this mouth of yours! Your mouth is like a freshly cut fig, Kamala My mouth is red and tender too, it matches yours just right, you'll see. But tell me, beautiful Kamala, are you really not at all afraid of the Samana who comes to you from the forest to learn about love? " "Why should I be afraid of a Samana, a silly Samana from the forest, a Samana who has been with wolves and doesn't understand women at all?" "Oh, this Samana is strong, and he's fearless. He might push you, pretty girl. He might snatch you, and he might hurt you." "No, Samana, I am not afraid of that. Does a Samana or a Brahmin fear that someone will seize him and rob him of his great learning, his piety, and his profound thoughts? No, because these are his. So, he will only give what he is willing to give, and only to whom he will give. That is the way it is, and so is Kamala, and so is the joy of love. Kamala's mouth is beautiful and rosy, but Try it, if you kiss it against Kamala's will, you will never taste a drop of sweetness from it, which can give a lot of sweetness! You are open-minded Siddhar Erta, learn this too: love can be begged, can be bought, can be given, can be found in the street, but it is impossible to grab it! You have made a mistake. No, a handsome boy like you would It's a pity to have such an absurd idea." Siddhartha smiled and bowed. "That's a pity, Kamala, you're quite right! That's quite a mouthful. No, I don't want to lose a morsel of sweetness from your mouth, and neither do you! So good Well, when Siddhartha has what he lacks, clothes, shoes and money, he will come again. But, Kamala, you say, you can't give me another little idea ?" "An idea? Why not? Who wouldn't like to give advice to a poor ignorant Samana from forests and wolves?" "Then please tell me, dear Kamala, where can I get those three things as quickly as possible?" "A lot of people want to know about this, my friend. You must do what you have learned to get money and clothes and shoes. Otherwise, a poor man has no money. What on earth would you do?" "I will think. I will wait. I will fast." "Nothing else?" "No more. Yes, I can write poetry. Would you trade a kiss for one of my poems?" "If I like your poem, then I will. What kind of poem is it?" Siddhartha pondered for a while, and recited: Fair Kamala went into her shady grove, At the gate of Linyuan stood a sandman in brown. He saw the lotus and bowed deeply, The beautiful Kamala also smiled and expressed her deep gratitude. Young people think, worshiping gods is lovely, Even cuter is the devotion to the beautiful Kamala. Kamala clapped loudly and her gold bracelets jingled. "Your poems are beautiful, my tanned Samana, and indeed, if I give you a kiss, I won't suffer." She beckoned him over with her eyes.He bent his face to hers, and pressed his mouth to her red lips like a New Year's fig.Kamala kissed him long and Siddhartha felt with deep amazement how she taught him, how clever she was, how she controlled him, rejected him, seduced him again, in the first kiss Then came a long series of skilfully arranged and experienced kisses, each different from the rest.He stood there panting, like a child at the moment, amazed at the abundance of knowledge and things to learn, and it opened his eyes. "Your poems are beautiful," cried Kamala. "If I were rich, I would pay you gold coins. But it will be very difficult for you to earn the money you need by writing poems." Yes, because you need a lot of money to be Kamala's friend." "You know how to kiss, Kamala!" Siddhartha stammered. "Yes, I can, and therefore I have no lack of clothes, shoes, bracelets, and all pretty things. And what can you do? Can't you know anything but thinking, fasting, and poetry?" "I can still sing sacrificial songs," said Siddhartha, "but I don't want to. I can chant mantras, but I don't want to. I've read scriptures—" "Stop!" Kamala interrupted him, "Can you read? Can you write?" "Of course I would. Quite a few people would." "But most people don't! Neither do I. Well, you can read and write, well! You'll need those spells, too!" At this moment, a maid came running and whispered a message to the mistress. "There is a visitor," Kamala said loudly. "Go, Siddhartha, and remember, don't let anyone see you here! I'll see you tomorrow." So he ordered the maid to give the devout Brahmin a white coat.Before Siddhartha understood what was going on, he was taken away by the maid, took a detour to a house with a garden, and got a white shirt, and then was sent into the bushes.The maid told him not to be seen by others, and to leave Linyuan immediately. He complied with satisfaction.He had long been accustomed to the woods, so he quietly slipped out of the park and climbed over the fence.Satisfied, he returned to the city with the rolled-up garment under his arm.He stood at the door of a hotel where pedestrians came and went, silently begging for alms, and silently accepted a rice ball.He thought to himself, maybe tomorrow I won't need to ask for alms again. Pride suddenly rose in his heart.He is no longer a Samana, and he is no longer suitable for begging others.He threw the rice ball to one of them and didn't eat. "Life in this world is very simple," Siddhartha thought. "There is no difficulty. When I was a monk, everything was difficult, very laborious and hopeless in the end. But now everything is easy, It's as easy as Kamala giving me kissing lessons, I need clothes and money and nothing else, and these are small and close goals that won't disturb sleep." He had already found out where Kamala lived in the city, and found it the next day. "Very well," Kamala called to him, "Kamaswami is waiting to see you! He is the richest businessman in the city. If he likes you, he will hire you. Be quick-hearted, My tanned Samana. I introduced you to him through someone else. Be friendly to him, he is powerful, but don't be humble! I don't want you to be his servant, you should be like him Man, otherwise I would not be satisfied with you. Kamaswami is getting old and easy to deal with. If he likes you, he will trust you very much." Siddhartha thanked her and smiled.When Kamala learned that he hadn't eaten anything yesterday or today, she ordered bread and fruit to treat him. "You're lucky," she said in parting. "Door after door is open for you. What's the matter? You have magic?" Siddhartha said: "Yesterday I told you that I would think, wait and fast, and you thought it was useless. They are all useful, Kamala, just wait and see. You see, this stupid Samana from the forest has learned many good things that you don't. The day before yesterday, I was a disheveled beggar, but yesterday I kissed Kamala, and, soon I will be a businessman , have money, and have everything you value." "That's fine," she said, "but what would you be without me? What would you be if Kamala wouldn't help you?" "Dear Kamala," Siddhartha said, straightening up, "I took my first step when I came to your forest. I made up my mind to learn love from you, a wonderful woman. I never made up my mind. I knew from the moment I made the decision that I could make it happen. I knew you would help me, I knew it the first time you laid eyes on me at the gate of Linyuan." "But what if I don't want to?" "Don't you want to! Look, Kamala, if you throw a stone into the water, it will sink to the bottom by the fastest way. If Siddhartha has a goal, a resolution , then the same is the case. Siddhartha doesn't do anything, he just waits, he thinks, but he passes through everything in the world like a stone passes through water, without doing anything, without moving, he is just dragged through , sinks. His purpose draws him to him, because he does not let anything enter his heart that might contradict his purpose. This is what Siddhartha learned from the Samanas, and this is what fools call magic And think something of the devil at work. There is nothing devil's way, there is no devil at all! Everyone can do magic, and everyone can achieve his goals, if he can think, wait, and fast." Kamala listened attentively.She liked his voice, the look in his eyes. "Perhaps so," she whispered, "as you say, my friend. Probably because Siddhartha is a handsome man, and women like his gaze, so he always has good luck. " Siddhartha bid her farewell with a kiss. "I hope so, my master. May you always love my gaze, and may I always have good luck from you!"