If one looks at my life from the outside, I don't seem particularly happy.Yet, despite my many mistakes, I have not been particularly unlucky.After all, it is foolish to ask what is happiness and what is unhappiness, because I have often felt that I am much more attached to the unhappy days of my life than to the happy ones.Perhaps it is fated that a man must consciously accept the inevitable, must taste bitterness and bitterness, must overcome the inner, real, non-accidental destiny that lurks within the outer, so my life is really Neither poor nor bad.Presumably my external destiny is as inevitable and divinely arranged as that of most people, so that my inner destiny is really my own work, and I am responsible for all my pleasures and sorrows.

When I was a teenager, I often fantasized about being a poet.If I were a poet, I should never have resisted the temptation to withdraw my own life into the tender shadows of childhood, and wallow in the fondly cherished currents of my early life.Therefore this wealth is so dear and sacred to me that I cannot allow the slightest damage to it.About my childhood, I can only say that it was happy and colorful.I was left free to develop my inclinations and faculties, to create my own pleasures and pains at will, and to see the future not as some alien power from above, but as the hope and interest of my own power.So I was able to go in and out of several schools, and I was recognized as an unlovable and not very talented child; although I was relatively law-abiding, I couldn't stand any strong constraints, so in the end my family let me develop freely .

When I was about six or seven years old, I learned that music has an invisible power that can affect me very strongly and rule me.Since then I have my own world, my own hiding place and my own paradise, which no one can take away or invade, and which I do not want to share with anyone.I became a musician, although I didn't learn any instrument until I was twelve years old, and it never occurred to me that I would be earning a living in music. Life hasn't changed much since then, so I look back and see how colorless my life was, and it was set from the beginning and there was only one way to go.In this case, no matter how good or bad my external life may be, my inner life remains the same.I have to grope for a long time, without music scores and musical instruments, but a melody is always stirring in my blood and lips, and a rhythm and rhyme are always present in my breath and life.I hungrily tried to find ways to save, to forget and to liberate myself from different paths. I pursued God, knowledge and peace so earnestly, but always found in the end that everything existed only in music.Whether it be Beethoven or Bach:--in short, in a world where music sometimes shakes one's heart, those harmonies can pass through our hearts, for me music is a deep comfort and means It is the expression of all life.oh music!You suddenly remembered a tune, and you sang it silently in your heart, intoxicated by it, it possessed all your strength and actions, and at that moment, the music lived in your heart, it solved for you Everything that is accidental, malicious, rude, and pathetic, music resonates the world, eases difficulties, and makes dullness grow wings!There is so much power in the tune of a folk song!Of course, the most important thing is harmony: every kind of melodious and harmonious music is a pure sound, such as the melodious bell, which can satisfy people's beautiful feelings. With the ups and downs of the music, it often makes people excited and gets Great joy, by no means any other entertainment can match.

All the holiest imaginations that people and poets aspire to, always seem to me the noblest and inner vision of the music of the celestial bodies.There the deepest and most precious gallops of my thoughts lie--there mystical and harmonious voices of the constitution of the universe and of the totality of all life are heard.Ah, how can life be so chaotic, so silent, so false, as if there were only deceit, malice, envy, and hatred among human beings, while every little song, every tinny sound, played out clearly Purity, harmony, and love, that clear voice opened the gates of heaven!How can I be dissatisfied: I cannot compose a song and a pure music out of life, full of good wishes: I feel in my heart an inescapable creditor who desperately demands Produces a music that is pure, melodious, and holy; but my working days are so full of chance and noise that no matter where I look, I can't hear an echo worth hearing.

That's all I have to say.I am now thinking, who am I writing these manuscripts for?Who has such great power over me, who can urge me and break my solitude, and now I have to mention the name of a lovely woman who not only contains a large part of my experience and destiny, but also shines My star and the sublime symbol of all things.