Chapter 4 1
Once upon a time there was a man named Harry, also known as Steppenwolf.He walks on two legs, wears clothes, is a human being, but in fact he is a Steppenwolf.He learned as much as a mentally advanced man can learn, and he was quite a clever man.But there was one thing he hadn't learned: to be content with himself, with life.He has no such ability, he is never satisfied.This may be because deep down at all times he knows (or thinks he knows) that he is not a man at all, but a wolf from the wasteland.Was he really a wolf, or was he magically transformed from food to a human before he was born, or was he born a human.But he has the spiritual nature of wilderness food, or the idea of his self-righteousness itself is just his hallucination or disease, etc., etc., intelligent people can argue.It may be, for example, that in childhood the man may have been wild, disobedient, and unrestrained, and his educators tried to overcome the bestiality in him, but in doing so they gave him the illusion that he was It is indeed a beast, but it is only covered with a thin coat of education and humanity.One could argue long and hard about this, and even write books; but it was of no use to Steppenwolf, for he thought that food was only an illusion of his soul, which had been crept into him by a magic shift. It doesn't matter whether it's physical, or whether it's wolf nature because of the severe teacher's scolding and whipping.No matter what other people think or what he thinks, it is impossible to pull the wolf out of him.
Steppenwolf has two natures: human nature and animal nature, this is his destiny, maybe this fate is not special or rare.I heard that there have been quite a few people whose personalities resembled dogs, foxes, fish, or snakes in many ways, but they did not have any special difficulties because of this.In these people, people and foxes, people and fish coexist peacefully, and they even help each other. Some people are promising and admired by others. Their success should be attributed to their fox or monkey nature Rather than attribute it to human nature.This is a well-known fact.Harry is different because of him; people and ruthless don't live in peace and help each other, but they are at odds with each other and fight each other exclusively.The two aspects of a person's soul and body are enemies of each other, and this kind of life is very painful.Alas, everyone has their own destiny, life is not easy!
What about our Steppenwolves?Emotionally, like all hybrid creatures, he is now a wolf and now a man.But one thing is different from others, when he is Liang, the man on him is always there to observe, distinguish, make decisions, and wait for an opportunity to attack; conversely, when he is a man, the same is true for the wolf.For example, when Harry as a human being has a good idea, produces noble and pure feelings, and so-called does a good deed, the wolf on him will show his teeth; How disproportionate and ridiculous the false love is to the face of the Steppenwolf, because the wolf always knows in his heart what he feels comfortable with—running alone on the wilderness; drinking blood, chasing the she-wolf; From a different perspective, any human behavior is very funny, stupid and nondescript.And the reverse is also true, when Harry is a wolf, grinning in front of others, hating all people and their hypocritical, perverted mannerisms and customs, something in him lurks aside, observes food, and calls him a beast , animals, corrupt his emotions, so that he can not enjoy the simple, simple, healthy and rough wolf pleasure.
This is the characteristic of wilderness grain.As you can imagine, Harry's life is not comfortable, not happy.However, this does not mean that he is particularly unfortunate (although he does feel this way, because people always regard their own misfortune as the greatest pain in the world).In fact, this kind of work cannot be said to anyone.Even if someone doesn't have wolf nature, he can't be lucky because of it.Even the unhappiest life has its sunny moments and little flowers of happiness in the cracks in the gravel.So did Steppenwolf.Most of the time he is unhappy, no one can deny that, and when he loves or is loved he makes others unhappy.Because those who love him often only see one side of him.Some people love him as an elegant and intelligent eccentric, but once they discover the wolf nature in him, they are extremely surprised and disappointed.This is inevitable because, like every creature, Harry wants to be loved as a whole, and in the presence of those who love him—whom he values very much—he cannot lie, conceal his wolfishness. one side.Some people love the wolf nature in him, love his unrestrained, rebellious, rough and powerful, and intimidating side.When they discovered that the savage and vicious wolf is also a human being, who also longs for a kind and docile character in himself, listens to Mozart music, and reads poetry aloud; and also hopes to have human ideals of sentiment, they are extremely disappointed again. It was extremely painful.For the most part, it was these people who were the most disappointed, the most annoyed, that the Waste Land thus brought its own duality and duality into the others he came into contact with.
However, whoever thinks that this is enough to fully understand the Waste Land and fully imagine his simple and fragmented life, then he is wrong, he is far from knowing him well.He didn't know that, just as there are exceptions to every rule, and that one sinner is more pleasing to God than ninety-nine good men in certain circumstances, so Harry had exceptions and moments of happiness.Sometimes he lives and thinks and feels just as well as a wolf, and sometimes he lives and thinks and feels just as well, and sometimes the two of them live in peace, respect and love, not one sleeping and the other awake, but encouraging and strengthening each other.At times in his life it seemed that all that was conventional and well-known existed for one purpose only: to take short breaks from time to time, to be broken up and give way to extraordinary miracles, divine wills.This is true everywhere in the world.The question of whether these brief, rare moments of happiness counteract or dilute Steppenwolf's doom so that happiness and pain can be balanced, or whether those few hours of intense happiness can absorb all the pain and offset the pain, is a question that makes Leisurely People go and think as they please.The wolf often thinks about this question too. It is a day of doing nothing, a day of no use.
What needs to be mentioned here is that there are quite a few people like Harry, and many artists are this type of person.These people have two souls, two natures, there is something holy and beautiful in them, and there is something cruel and hateful, there is a maternal temperament and a paternal temperament, they can feel happiness and pain, The two are not only hostile to each other, but also intertwined and coexist with each other, just like the wolf and the human in Harry.These people's lives are extremely restless, and sometimes in the few moments when he feels happy, he will experience something extremely strong and wonderful. Bliss like a flash in the pan is radiant and makes others move and ecstasy.Many literary and artistic works describe that a suffering person suddenly sublimates in a short moment and becomes the master of his own destiny. His happiness is as dazzling as the stars in the sky, so that everyone who sees it thinks it is something eternal. , They all thought this was their own dream of happiness.All these literary and artistic works are produced in this way, and they are all precious but fleeting flowers of happiness on the sea of suffering.Although the actions and works of these people have different names, they are actually inanimate.That is to say, their lives are not beings, they have no form, and they are not heroes, artists or thinkers in the usual sense, just like the other three hundred and sixty lines.Their life is a perpetual, tormented movement, restless like surging waves beating against the shore, unhappy, fragmented, terrible, and once one does not want to be in that rare, transcendent Their lives are meaningless if they search for the meaning of life in the sparkling experiences, actions, thoughts and works of this chaotic life.Dangerous and terrible thoughts arose in such persons; that the whole of human life might be a blunder, a freak of Eve, the mother of mankind, a wild and unsuccessful attempt of Nature.There will also be another idea among them: that man may not only be a slightly rational animal, but also the favored son of heaven, immortal.
Each type has its own distinctive markers, each with its own unique virtues and vices, its own heinous sins.One of Steppenwolf's qualities is that he is a nocturnal wanderer.Mornings were the worst time for him, he dreaded them, they never did him any good.Never in his life had he been really happy in the morning, never had he done anything to please him in the forenoon;It was only in the afternoon that he slowly warmed up and became active, and only in the evening was his good time, when he was full of vitality and able to accomplish something, and sometimes he was full of joy and joy.This is related to his need for solitude and pursuit of self-reliance.Never has a man pursued the machine of autonomy with such depth and fervor as he did.When he was poor in his youth, and had labored so hard not to starve or freeze, he preferred to save a little bit of power in his own way by saving food and clothing.He has never sold himself for money and comfort, never sold himself to women and rich and powerful people, in order to maintain his freedom, he has abandoned and rejected many times that will bring benefits and happiness in the eyes of the world thing.He thinks the most hateful and frightening thing is to be an official, follow the rules, and take orders from others.He hated the office, the secretariat, the office, and his worst nightmare was that of being imprisoned in a barracks.He has ways of avoiding all these nasty situations, often at great cost.That's his superman, his strength, that he's indomitable and inflexible in this kind of thing.His character is firm and consistent.His pain and fate are closely connected with his strengths.He was in the same situation as everyone else: he got what his nature drove him to, but he got too much of it and was hurt by it.At first, it was his dream and happiness, and then it became his painful fate.Those who pursue power are ruined by power, those who pursue money are ruined by money, those who humble themselves are ruined by groveling, and those who pursue pleasure are ruined by pleasure.It is for the same reason that the wilderness is ruined by its own way.He has achieved his goal, he is more and more free-spirited, no one can give him orders, he does not need to look at other people's eyes and act; his words and deeds are all freely decided by him.Because every strong-willed person can get his true guilt.The impulse of the heart drove him to pursue something.Harry got his freedom, but he suddenly found that his freedom is death, he is very lonely now, no one from the outside world will disturb him, which makes him feel very terrible, all kinds of people have nothing to do with him, even He himself had nothing to do with himself, he slowly suffocated to death in the increasingly thin air of irrelevance and loneliness.As it stands now, solitude and absolute autonomy are no longer his wish and purpose, but his doom; his sentence, and what has been conjured up by magic can never be taken back.Now, when he is full of longing, good intentions, arms outstretched ready to be bound, ready to live with others, it is no use, no one cares about him now.In fact, it's not that people hate him, hate him.On the contrary, he has many friends.Many people like him.But all he got was sympathy and friendliness.People invited him to visit him, gave him gifts, wrote him kind letters, but no one really approached him, he had no affinity with anyone else, no one wanted and could live with him.An air of solitude and tranquility surround him, everything around him slips away from him, he is incapable of relationships, and neither will nor desire can help him overcome this incapacity, which is one of the great features of his life. one.
Another characteristic is that he belongs to the category of suicides.It must be stated here that it is a mistake to call suicides only those who actually commit suicide.Many of these people become suicides by accident, and suicide is not necessarily their nature.Among these ordinary people who have no personality, no obvious characteristics, and have not experienced the torture of fate, there are some who kill themselves all their lives, but in their nature and characteristics, they do not belong to the type of suicide; But many—perhaps the majority—of those who are essentially suicides have never damaged a hair of their own.Harry is a "suicide". Suicides do not necessarily have a strong desire to die. Some people have this desire, but he is not a suicide.It is characteristic of the suicide that he feels himself—whether justified or not—a particularly dangerous, unreliable, and jeopardized sprout of nature, who always feels himself jeopardized, unprotected, as if standing On the narrow and narrow cliff tip, as long as there is a slight push from an external force, or a slight dizziness, you will fall into the abyss.One characteristic of such people is that, for them, doomed suicide is their most likely mode of death, at least in their own imagination.This emotion is always expressed in adolescence, and it stays with them throughout their lives, but the premise is not that their vitality is not strong.On the contrary, it is not uncommon to find among suicides some very tenacious, very courageous, very strong desires to live.Just as there are people in the world who have a fever when they get a little sick, so there are people who we call suicides who are naturally sentimental and go crazy when they are slightly stimulated.I want to commit suicide.If we had a science that dared to face life, that studied life, and not just the mechanism of life, if we had a science like ethnography, like psychology, then the above facts would have been known to everyone.
What we say about suicides here is, of course, superficial. This is psychology, and a little physics, if you will.From a metaphysical point of view, things are quite different and much clearer, because from this point of view we see "suicides" as people who have developed a personality that is deeply guilty and whose purpose in life no longer seems to be the self. Completion, self-development; but self-disintegration, return to the matrix, return to God, return to the universe.Many of these people are completely incapable of committing real suicide because they know suicide is a sin.But in our view, they are suicides, because their savior is not life, but death, they abandon themselves, drift with the tide, extinguish the spark of life, and return to the original.
Just as the strong can become weak (certainly in certain circumstances), so the typical suicide, in turn, can often, and often does, turn his apparent weakness into strength and support.That's what Harry the Steppenwolf was.Like thousands of others of his kind, in his imagination, the road to death was always open for him.Thus, he is sentimental, full of fantasy, and not only that.He also drew comfort from the above thoughts, and used them as a foothold for his life.Like all people of the same kind, any disappointment, pain, and bad life situation will immediately awaken in him the desire to die for release.Over time, he developed this tendency into a philosophy that is beneficial to life.He thought that the door of escape was always open for him, and this thought gave him strength and curiosity to experience all kinds of pain and hardship. In his misfortune, sometimes he had a feeling like schadenfreude. Thinking: "I want to see how much suffering a person can endure! Once it reaches the point where I can't bear it, I will open the fire door and get rid of doom." Many suicides gain great strength because of having such thoughts.
On the other hand, all suicidal people are familiar with how to resist the temptation to commit suicide.Each of them knows clearly in some corner of their soul that suicide is a way out, but it is a less dignified and less legal emergency way out. It is much nobler and more beautiful to end life with one's own hands.This kind of understanding, this kind of loss.Feelings of the heart (which have the same source as the murderous conscience of the so-called self-satisfied man) motivate most suicides to persevere in their struggle against temptation.They struggled as a habitual thief struggled with his vices.Steppenwolf is also familiar with this struggle, he has changed various weapons to fight.Then, at the age of forty-seven, he had a sudden inspiration, a lucky and not without humorous idea, which often made him happy.He made his fiftieth birthday the day he could kill himself.He negotiated with himself that on this day, he could decide whether to use the fire escape according to his mood that day.No matter what else may happen to him, whether it is sickness, poverty, all kinds of pain and suffering, all these are not far away, and all this is only a few years, a few months, a few years at most. It's been a long time, and every day is one day less, and one year is less than one year!True, there was some trouble now, and unfortunately, he was much more bearable than in the past.In the past, these misfortunes would have tormented him and shocked his soul.When he felt particularly unwell for some reason, and encountered all kinds of special pain and loss in addition to the increasingly lonely, poor, and rough life, he said to the pain: "Just wait, in two years, I'll see you again." I can dominate you!" Then, he imagined with joy: On the morning of his fiftieth birthday, he picked up the razor, bid farewell to all the pain, walked out of the fire escape, and closed the door casually, the letters and congratulatory messages flowed like snowflakes to him. He flies.Then the gout, the depression, the headaches, the stomachaches all had to throw in the towel.
It remains to explain the various phenomena of Steppenwolf's character, especially his special relation to the citizenry.These phenomena are all related to their basic principles.Let us take his relationship to the spirit of the citizens as the starting point to observe.
According to his own opinion, Steppenwolf is completely outside the world of citizens, he has neither family life nor career ambition.He felt that he was a completely isolated individual, that he sometimes felt that he was different, that he was quite gifted;He has a conscious contempt for the bourgeois; he is proud that he is not a bourgeois.In some respects, however, he lived like a bourgeois. He had savings in the bank, he supported poor relatives, he didn't care much about what he wore, but his clothes were decent and not shabby, and he tried to be as harmonious as possible. The police, the tax office, and such authorities live in peace.In addition, a strong, deep-seated desire often leads him to the small world of well-to-do families, making him yearn for quiet houses with clean yards and well-polished stairwells, where there is an atmosphere of order and comfort.He has many bad habits, he is loose, and he feels that he is not an ordinary person but a weirdo or a genius, and he is quite proud of it.On the other hand, he never lived where the civic spirit had disappeared.He had never made his home among exceptional individuals of extraordinary ability and power, nor among criminals or the disenfranchised.He has always boarded with well-to-do families, and he has always been very adaptable to their living standards and environment, even though he is in an antagonistic and rebellious relationship with them.In addition, he was brought up with a petty bourgeois education, from which he adopted many concepts and models.In theory, he had nothing against prostitutes, but he himself was incapable of taking a prostitute seriously, nor could he truly regard them as his own kind.For political prisoners, revolutionaries or ideological abettors spurned by the country and society, he can love like brothers and sisters, but for thieves, thieves, rapists and murderers, he can only maintain the dignity of a property owner and never go along with them.
In this way, his knowledge and behavior are also divided into two halves, and what is approved and affirmed by one half is always opposed and denied by the other half.He was brought up in a family of educated property owners; there were fixed forms and morals, so that a part of his soul was never free from the order of the world, though he had long since been more individualized than the average citizen would allow. scale, but he has long been unconstrained by the ideals and beliefs of ordinary citizens.
The "citizen spirit" as an eternal human nature is nothing more than seeking a compromise, seeking the golden mean among countless extremes and opposites.If we take any pair of these opposites, for example, the saint and the sensualist, our analogy will be easy to understand.It is possible for a man to devote himself to the spirit, to the attempt to become holy, to the ideal of the saint.Conversely, he may be completely addicted to desire, blindly pursuing selfish desires, and all his activities are for temporary pleasure.One way leads to sainthood, to devotion to the spirit, to consecration of oneself to God.The other path leads to the sensualist, to indulgence in desire, to self-depravity.Ordinary citizens try to reconcile, to live between the two.He never gives up on himself, neither indulges excessively nor abstains from asceticism, he will never be a martyr, and he will never approve of self-destruction. On the contrary, their ideal is not to sacrifice themselves, but to maintain themselves. Not a noble virtue, being a saint, nor its opposite, what they can't bear most is a spirit of restlessness until one's goal is reached, who, while serving God, wants to satisfy his own desires.Although he is willing to be a benevolent gentleman; but he also wants to live a comfortable and comfortable life in the world.In a word, they tried to live somewhere in the middle of two extremes, in a mild and comfortable zone free from violent storms, and they succeeded in doing this, but they gave up something: their lives and feelings lacked that extreme, underdeveloped The tension and intensity of a person whose purpose never stops.Only by sacrificing oneself can one live actively.The average citizen, on the other hand, values "the ego" (only the stunted ego, of course).He sacrificed intensity for self-maintenance and security, and what he gained was not fanaticism for God, but goodness.Peace of mind is not joy but contentment, not freedom but comfort, not fatal heat but a suitable temperature.Therefore, in essence, the life of the citizens is very weak. They look left and right, for fear of violating their own interests, and they are easily ruled.Thus they substituted majority for power, law for violence, voting procedure for responsibility.
It is clear that such weak and timid beings, though numerous, are incapable of defending themselves.Based on their characteristics, they can only play the role of lambs among wolves in this world.But we also see that, although the townspeople are immediately excluded and their talents are not brought into play during the reign of the strongmen, they never die, and sometimes seem to rule the world.How is this possible?Their numbers, their morality, their level of knowledge, and their ability to organize were not enough to save them from ruin and ruin.If a person is not born with vigorous vitality, then there is no medicine in the world that can maintain his life.But the bourgeoisie still exists and is growing stronger.What is the reason?
The answer is: the reason is Steppenwolf.In fact, the vitality of the bourgeoisie lies not in the character of its regular members, but in the character of its numerous irregular members.The ideals of the bourgeoisie are fuzzy and stretchable, and thus able to include these abnormal members into their ranks.The bourgeoisie has always had many strong and rough people.Our Steppenwolf Harry is a typical example.Though he has gone far beyond the limits of civic decency, and has developed into a peculiar individual who knows both the joy of self-examination and the dim joys of hatred and self-limitation, who despises law, morality, and common sense, yet he is still a burgher. prisoner; and cannot escape its fetters.In this way, around the core of the real bourgeoisie.At the heart of the masses are the broad strata of humanity, thousands of vital and intelligent beings, each of whom rises above the civic code of life, who feel their calling to live an intense life bound to attainment; Everyone has a certain childish feeling that they are attached to the bourgeoisie, that each of them is infected, that the tension of life is lessened, but they remain in the bourgeoisie, belong to it, assume obligations, Serve it.For the principle of the great man can be applied in reverse to the bourgeoisie: what is not against me is for me!
If we further dissect Steppenwolf's soul, we will find that his abnormally developed personality makes him a non-citizen, because everything is reversed, and his personality is too strong, so he turns against himself and destroys himself.We see in him both a powerful force that propels him to saintliness, and a strong instinct that impels him to degenerate.However, because of some weakness or inertia, he cannot rise up into the chaotic space of complete freedom, and he is still fettered by the bourgeoisie, the attractive planet that gave birth to him.This is his position in this dimension of the universe and the constraints he is subject to.Most intellectuals, most artists belong to this type.Only the strongest of them break through the bourgeoisie, the earth's atmosphere, into space; the others either despondent or compromise, who on the one hand despise the bourgeoisie and are on the other hand a member of it.In order to survive, they ultimately had to affirm the bourgeoisie, thereby beautifying and empowering it.For these countless people the bourgeoisie was not enough of a tragedy, but a very great misfortune and misfortune in which their talents were cooked and brought to fruition.The few people who break free from the shackles enter the absolute situation and go to destruction in a song and tears. They are tragic figures, and such people are few in number.And those who are still conditioned by bourgeois thinking—for whose talents the bourgeois class often gives great credit—have before them a third kingdom spread out, the world of illusion and sovereignty: humor.Those Steppenwolves who cannot be quiet for a moment, those who endure terrible suffering all the time, they lack the necessary momentum to develop into tragedy, and they lack the strength to break through gravity and enter the starry sky.They deeply feel that they belong to the absolute situation, but they have no ability to live in the absolute situation.If their spirits can grow strong and flexible in suffering, they will find a compromise in humor.Humor is always a bourgeois thing, though real bourgeois cannot understand it.In an atmosphere of ethereal humor, all the intricate and chaotic ideals of Steppenwolf are realized: in humor, not only can the sage and the depraved be affirmed at the same time, and the two poles of society are bent and brought closer, but also citizens. to the ranks of the affirmed.It may have been possible for this fanatical believer in God to be positive toward the criminal, and in turn he might be positive toward the saint.Yet neither criminals nor saints, nor all other extremes, can affirm the neutral and moderate middle way, that of the bourgeois.Humor alone accomplishes the impossible, illuminating with its prism the light of all the spheres of life and uniting them; and this humor is the wonderful invention of those who are hindered in their mission to accomplish great deeds, This kind of humor is perhaps the most typical and genius feat of mankind.The world we live in doesn't seem to be our world, respecting the law and being above it, possessing property and yet seeming to have "nothing", giving up everything and yet not giving up, all these heights of life that are deeply rooted in the hearts of the people and constantly expressed Wisdom demands that only humor can fulfill.
Steppenwolf does not lack the talents and conditions to fulfill these requirements.If he could boil and drain this magic wine in his sweltering, rambling hell, he might be saved.But he still has many shortcomings.However, the possibility of obtaining an edict exists, and the hope has not been extinguished.Those who love him and those who sympathize with him may wish him to be saved.In this way, he may remain forever among the citizens, but on the other hand, his pain will become bearable and profitable.His relation to the bourgeois world--which he both loved and hated--would lose its sentimentality, and his sense of belonging to the bourgeois world would cease to haunt him as a blemish which constantly tormented him.
In order to achieve this, or to one day dare to fly into space, Steppenwolf must face himself, must examine the chaos in the depths of his soul, must have sufficient self-awareness.He will then see that his life of doubts is irreversible, and that he will never again be able to flee again and again from the hell of desire to the sentimental and philosophical consolation, from which he can console himself again and again. Flee into the blind intoxication of wolfishness.At that time, Ren and Ruan will be forced to know each other without wearing a mask of emotion, and look at each other directly.Then, either they explode and part for good so that there is no more Steppenwolf, or they marry out of reason in a flash of humor.
Maybe someday Harry would have an encounter with this last possibility.One day he may know himself, whether he gets our hundred little mirrors, or meets the Immortal, or finds in one of our magic theaters what he needs to save his barren soul .A thousand such possibilities awaited him, to which his fate attracted, and in which all unofficial members of the bourgeoisie lived in an atmosphere of strange and magical possibility.The idea that "everything is empty" is enough to make them know themselves, and lightning strikes.
Huang Yuanliang is probably very clear about all this, although he has never understood the general situation of his heart in his life.He feels his place in the edifice of the world, he feels and knows the immortal, he feels and fears the possibility of self-encounter, he knows that there is a mirror in which to look at himself, and he is urgent Need and fear.
At the end of this article, it is necessary to clarify the last point that is not true, a principled illusion.All "interpretation", all.Psychology, all inquiry needs aids, needs theories, myths, lies; and an honest author should try to clear up these lies at the end of his discourse.If I say that there is "up" and "down," then that is a point of view that requires further explanation, because only in thought, in abstractions, can there be up and down.The world itself is not up and down.
In short, "Steppenwolf" is the same, just an illusion.If Harry thinks he is a werewolf; he thinks he is made up of two hostile and opposing personalities, then this is just a simplified myth.Harry is not a werewolf at all, if we accept his lies as if without thinking on the surface, accept his own fictions and pretend to be true, really see him as a double character, as wasteland food, and interpret him accordingly. Explained, then, we exploited an illusion, which should now be corrected, in the hope of comprehension.
Harry attempts to better understand his fate by splitting himself into wolf and man, lust and spirit.As everyone knows, this dichotomy is too simplistic and a distortion of "truth".Harry found many contradictions in himself, and he felt that these contradictions were the source of his pain.Yet his explanation of these contradictions, though intelligible, is wrong.Harry found that there was a "person" in himself, which was the world of thought, emotion, culture, and docile and noble character. A dark world of lowly, vulgar characters.Harry divided his personality into two sides that were hostile to each other, which seemed to be a sharp distinction, but he saw time and time again that sometimes wolves and humans could live in harmony and be very happy.If Harry tried to determine at every moment of his life, at every moment of his life, in every action, in every feeling, what proportion was man, and what proportion wolf.因为没有一个人，包括最原始的黑人和傻瓜，会如此简单，他的性格会如此单纯，只是两三种主要因素的总和；而把哈里这样异常复杂的人简单地分为狼和人是无比愚蠢的行动。哈里的本质远不是只有两个因素，而是上百个、上千个因素构成的。他的生活（如同每个人的生活）不是只在两个极一一欲望和精神，或者圣火和浪子——之间摆动，而是在千百对，在不计其数的极之间摆动。
像哈里这样一个知识广博的聪明人会把自己看成荒原狼，相信能够用如此简朴、如此残忍、如此原始的公式表达他那丰富而复杂的生活，对于这一点我们不应该感到惊奇。入并没有高度的思维能力。即使最聪慧、最有教养的人也是经常通过非常天真幼稚的、简化的、充满谎言的公式的有色眼镜观察世界和自己，尤其在观察自己时更是如此！因为从表面看，所有的人似乎都具有一种天生的、必然的需要，把自我想象为一个整体。这种狂热尽管会经常地受到巨大的冲击而动摇，但它每次都能复元如旧。坐在杀人犯面前的法官直盯着他的眼睛，在某一瞬间，他听见杀人犯用他（法官）的声音说话，他在自己的内心深处也发现有杀人犯的感情、能力和可能性，但他很快又变成了一个整体，又成了法官，转身回到想象中的自我的躯壳中，行使他的职责，判处杀人犯死刑。如果那些才智超群、感情细腻的人腰拔地意识到自己是多重性格，如果他们如同每个天才那样摆脱单一性格的幻觉，感觉到自己系由许多个自我组成，那末，只要他们把这种意识和感觉告诉人们，多数派就会把他们关起来，他们就会求助于科学，把他们确诊为患有精神分裂症，不让人类从这些不幸者的口中听到真理的呼喊。有许多事情，每个有头脑有思想的人认为是不言而喻需要知道的，然而社会风气却不让人们去谈论。在这种情况下，为什么还要浪费唇舌，把这些事情诉诸公众呢？要是一个人正在把想象中的单一的自我分解为两个，那么就可以说，他近乎天才了，至少也是一个罕见的、有趣的例外。实际上，没有一个人是纯粹的单体，连最天真幼稚的人也不是，每个“我”都是一个非常复杂的世界，一个小小的星空，是由无数杂乱无章的形式、阶段和状况、遗传性和可能性组成的混沌王国。每个人都力求把这混沌的王国看成单一的整体；谈起自我时的语气给人一种印象，似乎这是简单的、固定不变的、轮廓清晰的现象，这种每个人（包括至圣至贤在内）都避免不了的错觉似乎是必然的，就像呼吸和吃饭那样是生存的要求。
这种错觉建立在某种简单的比喻之上。一个人的肉体是统一的整体，而灵魂从来不是统一的。文学创作，即使是最精粹的文学创作，始终习惯于把人写成似乎是完整的、统一的。在迄今为止的文学创作中，专家们最推崇的是戏剧，这样做是完全有道理的。因为戏剧提供了最大的可能来描写“自我”的多样性——剧中的每一个人物都免不了由独一无二的、统一的、完整的躯体加以表现。对于这种现象只作粗枝大叶的观察，就会得到剧中人都是统一体的错误印象。所以这种观察并不能推翻戏剧表现自我多样性的论断。即便是最原始的美学也极为赞赏所谓的性格戏剧；在这类性格剧中，每个人物都是单一的整体，性格十分鲜明，绝不含糊。只有纵观前后，某些人才逐渐模模糊糊地感到这一切也许只是一种廉价肤浅的美学，如果我们把那些并不是我们生而有之的，而是从古典时代因袭而来的堂而皇之的美的概念用到我们伟大的戏剧家身上，我们就错了，这些概念都是“自我”与人物的幻觉，都是人从有形的躯体出发而发明的。在古代印度的文学作品中，没有这个概念，印度史诗的英雄并不是人，而是人的群体，人的一系列轮回。我们这个现代世界有许多文学作品试图透过人物和性格的表演描写错综复杂、丰富多彩的内心世界，而作者对此也许毫无意识。谁要认识这一点，谁就得下决心把这种作品中的人物看作是高一级的统一体（不妨叫做诗人之灵魂）的各个部分、各个方面、各个不同的侧面，他不能把这些人物看成单个的人。用这种方法观察浮士德的人就会觉得浮士德、靡菲斯特、瓦格纳以及所有其他人物构成一个单一体，合成一个超人。这高一级的超人才暗示了某些灵魂的真正本质，而单个的人物却不能做到这一点。浮士德说过一句教师们十分熟悉、庸人们非常赞赏的名言：“啊，在我的胸膛里有两个灵魂并存”然而他却忘了他的胸中还有摩菲斯特，还有许许多多别的灵魂。我们的荒原狼也以为在他的胸膛里有两个灵魂（狼和人），他觉得他的胸膛已经因此而拥挤不堪。一个人的胸膛、躯体向来只有一个，而里面的灵魂却不只两个、五个，而是无数个；一个人是由千百层皮组成的葱头，由无数线条组成的织物。古代亚洲人已经认识这一点，并且了解得十分详尽，佛教的瑜伽还发明了精确的办法，来揭露人性中的妄念。人类的游戏真是有趣得很，花样多得很：印度人千百年来致力于揭露这种妄念，而西方人却花了同样的力气来支持并加强这种妄念。
我们从这种观点出发来观察荒原狼，就会明白他那可笑的双重性格为什么使他那么痛苦。他和浮士德一样，以为一个胸膛容不下两个灵魂；两个灵魂在一个胸膛里肯定会把胸膛撕裂。实际上正好相反，两个灵魂是太少了，哈里用如此简单的模式去理解他的灵魂，这就大大歪曲了真相，曲解了他的灵魂。哈里是个天资很高的人；但他却像只能数一和二的野人那样简单。他把自己的一半叫做人，另一半叫做狼，就以为到了尽头，把自己理解透了。他把身上所有富有智慧的、高尚的、文明的东西归到“人”一边，把一切本能的、野蛮的、杂乱无章的东西归到狼一边。然而，＿实际生活却比我们的上述想法复杂得多，比我们可怜的傻瓜语言细腻得多，哈里使用如此简单的浪的方法，那是在双倍地欺骗自己。我们担心，哈里把他灵魂中还远远不属于人的因素统统归到人身上，把他性格中早已超出狼性的部分归到狼一边。
如同所有其他人一样，哈里自以为非常清楚人为何物。其实他一点不懂；虽然他在梦中，在其他无法检验的下意识中经常感觉到人为何物。但愿他永远记住这种胜利的感觉，把它变为自己的血肉！可以说，人并不是一个固定的、永远不变的形象，这种固定的、永远不变的形象是古典时代的理想，尽管古代的先知有过相反的感觉；相反，人是一种试验和过渡，人只不过是自然与精神之间的一座又狭窄又危险的桥梁。他内心深处不可抗拒的力量驱使他走向精神、走向上帝；他最诚挚的渴望又吸引他回归自然、回归母体，他的生活就在这百种力量之间颤巍巍地摇摆。人们对“人”这个概念的理解始终只不过是短暂的市民协议而已。这种习惯势力拒绝并禁止某些最原始、最粗野的欲望，要求人们有一点意识，有一点道德修养，有一点文明，不仅允许、而且鼓励人们有一点点精神。具有这种习惯的“人”如同每个市民的理想一样，都是妥协的产物，是谨小慎微而又巧妙的尝试，不仅企图蒙骗凶恶的母亲——肉体，而且还蒙骗可恶的父亲一一精神，使他们放弃缓和他们激烈的要求，以便在他们之间的缓冲地带居住。于是，市民允许并容忍他称为“人性”的东西，而同时又把人性出卖给“国家”这个凶神恶煞，任其摆布，经常在两者之间煽风点火。于是，市民们今天把某个人判为异端烧死，判为罪人统死，而过了两天又为他造纪念碑。
荒原狼也隐隐约约感觉到，人还不是完美的造物，而是一种精神要求的产物，是一种遥远的、既令人神往又令人害怕的具有可能性的东西；正是那些今天被送上断头名明天又为他们建造纪念碑的少数人时而历尽千辛万苦，时而狂欢大喜，在通向完人的道路上一小步一小步向前迈进。但是，他在自己身上与“狼”相对、称为“人”的东西，大部分不外乎是那个市民传统概念中的平庸之“人”。哈里能清楚地感觉到通向完人的道路，通向不朽者的道路，有时也在这条路上像小脚女人那样向前迈出小小的一步，并且为此而付出巨大的代价：他异常孤独，要忍受各种痛苦。然而他在灵魂深处却又不敢肯定和追求那最高要求，那种真正的、被精神寻找的修身之道，他害怕去走那唯一通向永恒不朽的羊肠小道。因为他很清楚地感到，这样做会使他受更大的苦，使他挨骂受辱，被迫放弃人生的一切希望，也许还会把他送上断头台；即使在这条路的尽头等待他的是永生不灭，他也不愿去忍受这一切痛苦，去尝试各种不同的死亡。尽管他对修身的目的比市民们意识得更为清楚，但他还是双目紧闭，不愿知道：绝望的自我钟爱，挣扎着不愿去死，肯定引人走向永恒的死亡，相反，能够视死如归、能够脱胎换骨，热心于自我转变，就能到达不朽的境界。如果说，。他在不朽者中对他喜爱的人顶礼膜拜，比如莫扎特，那本归根结底他也是用小市民的眼光去看待他的，而且往往像学校老师那样，说莫扎特有无比的天赋，以此来解释他的至善至美，他没有看到他伟大的献身精神，他的巨大热情，他对小市民的理想的漠然态度，他对极度孤独气氛的容忍态度，这种孤独受苦人、修身人周围的市民气氛变得十分稀薄，成了冰冷的宇宙以太，这是客西马尼花园的孤独。
我们的荒原粮至少已经发现自己身上有浮士德式的两重性，他已经发觉他的躯体是统一的，但是灵魂并不统一，他顶多只是处在通向这种和谐统一的理想的漫长朝圣路上。他既不想克服身上的狼性，变成一个全人，也不愿放弃人性，做一只狼，从而至少能度过统一的、不是支离破碎的一生。也许他从未仔细观察过真正的狼；如果他仔细观察过，他就会看到，即便是动物也没有统一的灵魂，在它们健美的躯体里潜伏着各种各样的追求和各种不同的东西，连娘身上也有众多危机，狼也在受苦。遵循“回归自然”的口号，这是不行的，人类走的是一条充满痛苦的无望歧途。哈里再也不能完全变成狼了，即使他回复成了狼，那他也会看到，狼也已不再是非常简单的原本文物，而是非常复杂的东西。狼在它的胸膛里也有两个或两个以上的灵魂，谁渴望成为一只狼，那他同样犯了健忘症。过去有人曾高唱：“噢，童年不逝多么幸福！”这位高唱儿童幸福之歌的人很有同情心，很伤感，他也想回到自然中去，回到无辜中去，回到原始中去．但他完全忘记了孩子们也绝不是幸福的，他们也能够经历各种冲突，经受种种分裂和痛苦。
压根儿没有什么回头路，既不能回到豺狼，也不能回到儿童。万物之始并不就是圣洁单纯；万事万物，即便是那些表面看来最简单的东西，一旦造就，那它们就已经有罪，就已经是多重性格，就已经被抛进了肮脏的变异之河，它再也不能逆流而上。通向无辜，通向本原，通向上帝的道路不是引我们向后走，而是向前走，既不通向狼，也不通向儿童，而是不断向前，通向罪恶，引导我们修身。可怜的荒原粮，作即便自杀也绝无好处，你肯定得走一条更长更难、荆棘丛生的修身之道，你将会经常不断地将你的双重性格翻番加倍，使你本已非常复杂的性格更加复杂。你不会缩小你的世界，不会简化作的灵魂，相反，你将把越来越多的世界、乃至整个世界装进你痛苦地扩大了的灵魂中，然后也许就此终止，永远安息。这是释迦牟尼走过的路。每个伟大的人物只要他冒险成功都走过这条路，只是有人自觉有人不自觉罢了。每个孩子出世就意味着脱离宇宙，从上帝那里游离出来，意味着痛苦的新的生命之路。要回到宇宙，停止痛苦的个性化，修身成神就必须敞开胸怀，扩大灵魂以使灵魂又能容下整个宇宙。
这里所说的人并不是学校、国民经济、统计资料所熟悉的人，也不是成千上万在街上游荡的人，他们是芸芸众生，只不过是海边的沙粒，波涛撞击海岸激起的水星。这种人多几百万少几百万毫无关系，他们只是材料而已。我们这里说的是高级意义上的人，是人生这条漫长路程的目的，我们说的是神圣的人，是不朽的人。天才并不像我们以为的那样罕见，当然也不像文学史、世界史或报纸所说的那样多。在我们看来，荒原狼哈里似乎有足够的天才，去作一次修身成人的冒险尝试，而大可不必一遇困难就为自己愚蠢的荒原粮感到痛苦而大喊大叫。
具有这种可能性的人用荒原狼和“啊，两个灵魂前来解救自己，就像他们胆怯地喜爱世人的东西一样，既使人感到惊奇，又使人迷惑不解。一个能够理解释近年尼的人，对人的优劣两面略有所知的人，不应生活在常识、民主、资产者的教育占统治地位的世界里。他只是由于怯弱才生活在这个世界之中，每逢他觉得他的容积过于狭小；世人的空间过于拥挤，这时，他就归咎于“狼”，他不愿知道，有时根是他身上最好的部分。他把身上一切粗野的东西称作狼，他觉得这些东西既可恶又危险，使人害怕；他自以为是艺术家，感觉敏锐细腻，但是他却看不见在他身上除了狼，在狼的身后，还有许多其他兽性。他看不见并非所有咬人吃人的都是狼，他看不见在他身上还有狐狸、龙、老虎、猴子和极乐鸟。他也看不见这整个世界，这整个天堂乐园——这里住满各种造物，有可爱的也有可怕的，有大的也有小的，有强壮的也有娇小的——为狼的童话所窒息囚禁，而他身上真正的人同样也为假人、小市民所窒息囚禁。
请设想某个花园里长满了不计其数的树木、花卉、果树、野草。如果园丁除了能区分“食用植物”与“野草”以外毫无其他植物知识．那么他就不知道该如何处理园中十分之九的植物，就会拔掉最迷人的花卉；砍去最贵重的树木，或者他至少会憎恶它们，看轻它们。荒原狼对待他灵魂中的千百种花卉也是这样的。凡是不能归到“人”或“狼”这两类的东西，他一概视而不见。你看他归到“人”下的都是什么东西！一切懦弱的、无知的、愚蠢的、卑下的东西，只要够不上称为狼性，他都一概归到“人”一边。同样，一切强大的、高贵的东西，只要他不能驾驭，他都一概归为狼性。
现在我们告别哈里；让他独自继续走他的路。如果他已经济身于不朽者的行列，已经到达他梦寐以求的地方，他会以怎样惊异的目光回顾他走过的曲折复杂、摇摆不定的生活途径，他会如何的对这只荒原狼投以鼓励的、责备的、同情的、快乐的微笑！
我读完论文，忽然想起，几个星期以前的一天夜里，我曾经写过一首关于荒原狼的怪诗。我在堆满书籍的书桌上从纸堆里找到这首诗，朗诵起来：
周围的世界白雪皑皑，
我荒原狼奔走在荒野，
群群乌鸦从样树上惊起，
兔子糜鹿却不知何在。
我若看到一只小庙，
就对它非常钟爱，
我若能把它撕碎解馋，
啊，这是天底下最大的美事。
我对情人赤诚相爱，
我咬着她细嫩的腿。
饮她殷红的鲜血；
然后我独自嚎叫彻夜不停。
没有糜鹿，兔子也能替代，
热乎乎的兔肉多甜美。
啊，难道生活中的乐趣
都已从我身边离去？
我尾巴上的毛发已灰白，
我双眼模糊无神采，
可爱的娇妻早逝已几载。
现在我独自奔走，心想糜鹿，
现在我心想小兔，独自奔走。
我听见狂风呼啸在冬夜．
我喉干似灼饮雪水，
带着可怜的灵魂见魔鬼。
现在我手头有了两张我的画像，一张是诗歌形式的自画像，画像与我本人一样哀伤胆怯；另一张画得非常冷静，似乎非常客观，出自一位旁观者之手，居高临下从外部进行观察，画家对我知之更深，然而又远远不如我自己。这两张画像一一钱伤感的诗和未署名作者的妙文都使我怅惘痛苦，两张画都画得惟妙惟肖，都毫无掩饰地画出了我那绝望的生活，清楚地反映出我的处境再也不能忍受、不能持久了。这个荒原狼该死，他肯定会用自己的手结束他那可恨的余生，或者肯定会在重新自我认识的炼狱之火中熔化，脱胎换骨，撕掉假面具，获得新生。啊，这种新生的事我并不觉得新鲜陌生，我熟悉这种事，我已经多次亲身经历过，每次都是在极度绝望的时刻。每次，当我有这种搅动心弦的经历时，我的“自我”都被摔得粉碎工每次，心灵深处的力量都把它翻个个儿，把它摧毁；每次，我生活中总有特别可爱的一部分背叛，从我身边消失了。比如有一次，我丧失了市民的声誉和财产，过去对我恭恭敬敬的人不再尊敬我。另一次，一夜间，我的家庭生活崩溃了；我那得了精神病的妻子把我赶出家门，爱情与信任突然变成了仇恨和殊死的斗争，邻居们向我没过同情和轻视的目光。从那时起，我就开始孤独起来。后来，我极度孤独，尽力克制自己，逐渐建立起新的、苦行的追求精神和美好的生活理想，生活又有了某种宁静和高度，我潜心进行抽象思维操练和十分有规则的打坐默想，经过若干辛酸痛楚的年月，这样一种生活又崩溃了，突然失去它那崇高的意义；一种莫名的东西驱使我重新到处游荡，疲惫不堪地四处奔走，新的痛苦、新的罪责接踵而来。每次撕掉一层假面具之前，每当一个理想破灭之前，总感到这种可怕的空虚和平静；感到致命的窒息、寂寞、孤独，掉进空荡荒凉的天爱之狱、绝望之狱，现在我又一次不得不在这空荡荒凉的地狱中跋涉。
无可否认，我的生活每受一次这样的震撼，我最后总有些微小收获，我获得了一点自由，有了一点精神，认识更深了一点，但同时，也增加了一点孤独，更不被人理解，感冒更重了一点。从市民角度看，我的生活这样一而再、再而三地受打击，这是不断地在走下坡路，越来越偏离正常的、合理的、健康的生活。在这些岁月中，我失去了职业，失去了家庭，失去了故乡，游离子所有社会集团之外，于然一身，没有人爱我，却有许多人对我颇为猜疑，我时时与公众舆论、公共道德发生激烈冲突，纵然我依旧生活在市民圈中，然而我的感情和思想与他们格格不入，我一在这个世界上始终是个陌生人。对我来说，宗教、祖国、家庭、国家都失去了价值，都跟我无关，科学、行会、艺术故弄玄虚，装模作样，使我感到厌恶；我是个颇有才气的人，一度被人喜爱，我的观点、我的爱好、找的整个思想曾一度放射出光芒。现在，所有这些都凋敝了，荒芜了，常常使人觉得可疑。纵然。我在这个痛苦的转变过程中也获得了某些模糊的、不可捉摸的东西，我却付一出了昂贵的代价，我的生活变得愈加艰难困苦，愈加孤独，受到＿的危害更大了。说真的，我没有理由希望继续走这条路，这条路好像尼采的秋之歌中写的烟雾，把我带进越来越稀薄的空气中。
啊，我很熟悉这些经历，这些转变，这是命运给它的令人担忧的挑剔的孩子们决定的，我太熟悉这些经历、这些转变了。我对它们的认识，如同爱虚荣而一无所获的措手熟悉特错的每一步骤，如同交易所老手熟悉投机倒把、获取利润，继而变得没有一把握、以致最后破产的每一阶段一样。这一切，难道我现在真的还要再经受一遍？难道真的还要再经受一次所有这些痛苦、所有这些困惑的烦恼，了解自我的卑微低贱的痛楚、所有毙命前的恐怖、临死前的惧怕？预防重蹈覆辙，避免再次忍受这些痛苦，逃之天夭，不是更加聪明简单吗？毫无疑问，这样做聪明得多，简单得多。不管荒原浪小册子中谈到“自杀者”的有关看法究竟是否正确，谁也不能夺走我借助煤气、刮脸刀或手枪避免重复这个过程的快乐，这个过程的甘苦我真的已经尝够了。不行，万万不行，世上没有什么力量能要求我再经受一次充满恐惧的自我剖析，再经受一次新生，再次投胎下凡。这新生的目的和结局并不是和平安宁，而永远是新药自我毁灭，新的自我改造。尽管自杀是愚蠢的、胆怯的、卑鄙的，是不光彩的、可耻的、不得已的办法，但我还是热切希望有一条逃离这痛苦旋涡的出路，哪怕是最卑鄙的出路。这里无需再演充满高尚情操和英雄气概的戏，这里我只面临一个简单的抉择：是选择一瞬间的小痛苦还是选择无法想象的灼人的、无边无际的痛苦？我的生活如此艰难，如此疯狂，但我以往常常是高尚的堂吉何德，在荣誉与舒适、英雄气概与理智之间我总是选择前者。现在可够了，该结束了！
我终于上了床，这时东方已经发白，早晨打着哈欠透进窗户，天阴沉沉的，令人讨厌。这是冬季阴雨连绵的天气。我带着我的决心上了床。但是，在我就要入睡的瞬间，我还有一星半点意识，荒原狼小册子中那奇特的段落突然在我眼前闪了一下。这一段讲的是“不朽者”的事。接着我又回忆起，我有几次感到自己离不朽者很近很近，前不久就有过一次，在古老音乐的节奏中欣赏了不朽者的全部智慧，那沁人心脾开朗、严酷的微笑的智慧。这些回忆在我脑际出现、闪光、熄灭，后来我便沉入梦乡了。
快到中午时分我醒了，立刻发现我的思想又已清楚。那本小册子以及我的诗都在床头柜上放着，我的决心从我最近一个时期的生活经历构成的乱麻中探出头来，正友善地冷眼瞧着我。睡了一夜，我的决心变得清晰坚定了。不必急，我求死的决心已不是灵机一动的想法，它是成熟的、能够久存的果实，它慢慢地长大，慢慢地变得沉重，命运之风把它轻轻摇晃，然后猛地一击把它吹落。
我为旅行准备的小药箱里有一种很好的止痛药，这是一种特别强烈的鸦片剂，不过我很少服用它，常常几个月不去问津；只有肉体的痛苦实在无法忍受时，我才用这种强烈的麻醉剂。可惜它不能致死，不适合用来自杀，几年前我已经试过一次。当时我又一次陷入绝望之中，我服用了大量的这种麻醉剂，按说这么大的剂量能杀死六个人，可是并没有使我丧命。我睡着了，好几个小时完全没有知觉，”可是后来令我非常失望的是，我的胃抽搐起来，而且非常厉害，我难受得醒过来，迷迷糊糊地把全部毒汁吐出来，然后又沉沉入睡。到第二天中午醒过来时，我感到清醒得可怕，脑子好像烧毁了，空洞洞，几乎没有一点记忆力。除了有一段时期失眠胃痛使人难受外，毒药没有留下任何不良影响。
所以不可能用这种麻醉剂。我要采用另一种形式实现我的决心：一旦我又进入那种处境，不得不服用鸦片麻醉剂时，我将不再喝这种只能使我暂时解脱的药剂，而要服用能使我长期解脱的药剂：死，而且用可靠的手段如手枪或刮脸刀去死。这样，情况就清楚了，只是按照荒原狼小册子中开的有趣的方子，我得等到我五十岁生日那天，可是到那时还有两年之久，我觉得时间太长了。但是，不管是一年还是一个月，哪怕是明天，大门总是敞开的。