Chapter 10 Chapter 09 The Exiled City

From then on, it can be said that the plague has been related to all of us.Until then, although these unusual events have caused surprise and anxiety among the residents of the city, everyone has been able to go about their business as usual, and it looks like this will continue to be the case.But once the city was closed, they found that everyone, including the author, was cooking in the same pot, and they could only adapt to this environment.Such was the case, that a personal feeling of parting from a sweetheart became, in the first few weeks, a feeling shared by the whole town, mixed with a sense of dread, which became the basis of this long exile. The greatest pain that life brings.

One of the most prominent consequences of the lockdown is that people suddenly face separation for which they were not prepared.Some mothers and children, some couples and sweethearts, when they parted a few days ago, only made the intention of parting temporarily. They said two or three words of exhortation on the platform of the station and then hugged and said goodbye. They are sure to meet again in a few days, or at most in a few weeks. The separation of their relatives has little effect on their daily affairs, but suddenly, they find themselves in a situation where they are far away from their relatives, helpless, unable to meet again and unable to communicate. desperate situation.Because a few hours before the provincial government's ban was issued, the closure of the city had actually begun, and any special circumstances were not considered.We may say that the first result of the relentless onslaught of the plague was to force the townspeople to act as if they were impersonal.In the first few hours of the ordinance's implementation day, crowds demanding a solution to the problem flocked to the provincial capital, some made phone calls and some went to complain to officials in person.The situations are all equally worthy of concern, and all equally impossible to consider.Seriously, it took many days before we realized we were in a non-negotiable situation. Words such as "accommodating", "care", and "breaking the rules" have lost their meaning.

Not even such comforting things as correspondence are allowed.Because on the one hand, all normal transportation links between the city and the outside world have been cut off;At the beginning, some lucky ones interceded with the guards at the city gate, and passed the letter after obtaining their consent.This was still in the first few days after the official announcement of the plague, when it was natural for the guards to be moved by sympathy.However, after a period of time, these guards fully realized the seriousness of the situation and refused to bear the responsibility that no one could estimate the consequences of.At first, long-distance telephone communication with other cities was allowed, but in the end, the public telephone offices were overcrowded, and all lines were so busy that all calls were stopped for several days.It was then strictly restricted to so-called emergencies such as deaths, births and marriages.The only way left is telegram.The relatives and lovers who have always been connected by heart, emotion and body can only relive old dreams from a telegram with a dozen words written in capital letters.However, due to the fact that the telegrams are quickly exhausted, the long-term common life or the mood of the gun can only be briefly summarized in a few ready-made formulas exchanged at regular intervals, such as: "I Okay, I miss you. I love you." And so on.

There are still some of us who still don't give up and continue to write letters, trying to think of ways to keep in touch with the outside world, but in the end it's all in vain.Some of the methods we have imagined may work, but no one can judge, because we have not heard back from the other party.For weeks on end, we wrote the same letters and uttered the same appeals over and over again, so that after a while what had come from our hearts became empty words.We still repeat the same stuff mechanically, trying to express our hard life through these lifeless words.This obstinate and fruitless monologue, this dry conversation with the wall, turned out to be less useful than the standardized terms of the telegram.

After a few more days, it was finally clear that no one could get out of the city, and they asked whether they could bring back those who had been out before the plague.After a few days of consideration, the provincial government agreed to the request, but stipulated that those who came here were not allowed to leave the city for any reason.Can only go in, not out.As a result, there are also some families - but there are not many - who just want to see their loved ones, and make hasty decisions without careful consideration to invite them to use this opportunity to come back.However, those trapped by the plague soon realized that what they did was driving their relatives into the tiger's mouth, so they would rather endure the pain of separation.During the height of the plague there was but one instance in which human affection prevailed over the fear of terrible death.But to people's surprise, this case did not involve a couple whose passionate love overrides pain, but happened to Dr. Castel and his wife, an old couple who had been married for many years.Mrs. Castel had gone to the neighboring town a few days before the plague was discovered.Their family is not a model family worthy of people's emulation, and the author even dares to say that until now, it is not certain whether the couple is satisfied with their union.But this relentless and continuous isolation made them feel deeply that they could not live apart from each other, and once they realized this, the plague was nothing.

The above case is an exception.For most, the parting obviously lasted until the plague was stamped out.For all of us, the thoughts and feelings of life that we thought we were familiar with (the feelings of the Orans are simple, as mentioned above) have now changed their appearance.The husband or lover who is usually the most reassuring partner finds herself becoming jealous and suspicious.Men who confessed to being frivolous in matters of love became faithful.The son, who usually doesn't care about the mother who lives with him, finds that his mind often revolves around a wrinkle on the mother's face, where all his worries and regrets are concentrated.This relentless, complete, and hopeless separation has pushed us into a state of distraught, making us haunted all day long by the figure of a person who has not been parted for a long time, but seems to be a world away.The pain we actually suffer is twofold: first, our own pain, and second, the imagined pain of our relatives, sons, wives, or lovers outside.

In a different environment, we citizens would seek diversion in the midst of pleasure and busyness.But at this moment, the plague left them with nothing to do but walk around the gloomy city, wallowing in depressing memories day after day, because when they wandered aimlessly in this When walking in a small town, there are always a few streets to walk around, and most of them are the streets that I walked with relatives who are no longer with me in the previous period. Thus, the first effect of the plague on the citizens was a sense of exile.The author can be sure that what he wrote can also represent the feelings of everyone, because this is the common feeling of the author and many citizens at the same time.The ever-present emptiness in the depths of our minds is indeed a sense of exile, a definite emotion, an anxious arrow of memory, a grotesque delusion, either to go back in time or, conversely, to time fly by.Sometimes we let ourselves be intoxicated in the realm of fantasy, imagining that we are happily waiting for the sound of the doorbell or the familiar footsteps on the stairs, or we deliberately forget that the train is not running. When you get home, go home and wait for your loved ones.Of course, these games cannot last, and knowing that there will always come a time when the train will stop running, we know that our separation from our loved ones is destined to last, and that we must arrange everything we have to get through it. some time.In short, we have been imprisoned again since then, and we can only miss the past.Even if there are a few of us who place hope in the future, they give up that hope as quickly and as best they can when they are traumatized by what people who believe in fantasy end up being.

In particular, the entire population soon refrained from its former habit of calculating how long they would be separated, even in public.Why is this?The reason is that some of the most pessimistic people put the time of this separation at six months, so they have prepared for this period of hard work in advance, mustered their courage to accept the test, and tried their best to survive this long and painful period. but when they happen to meet a friend, or see an article in the paper, or some surmise flashes through their minds, or suddenly become farsighted, then they realize that there is no reason not to It is believed that the epidemic will last for more than half a year, maybe a year, or even more than a year.

Then their courage, will, and patience break down, so suddenly that they feel as if they will never get up again.So they force themselves not to think about the date of liberation, not to look into the future, or rather force themselves to keep their heads down.However, such prudence, avoidance of pain, and high avoidance of battle are of course ineffective. He tried his best to avoid this kind of mental breakdown that he absolutely did not want. —this fantasy, which is common on the whole—was also washed away.They are trapped between the peak and the abyss, unable to go up or down.Not to live there, but to float and sink, to be abandoned in the directionless days and fruitless memories, like a wandering crowd of ghosts, who have no foothold unless they are willing to take root in a painful situation land.

They have experienced the wretchedness of all prisoners and exiles, that is, living in useless memories.They are nostalgic for the past all the time, but what they feel is melancholy.They really want to add to their past memories all the things they could and did not do when they were together with the relatives they are looking forward to now.At the same time, during their captivity, images of their relatives abroad were constantly imprinted in their minds, even in happier situations, because their actual situation at that time could not satisfy them.They feel anxious about the present, they hate the past, and they despair about the future.They look like people who have lived behind bars due to legal sanctions or revenge in the world.In the end, the only way to escape this unbearable feeling of emptiness is to let the train pass again in fantasy, and time to fill in fantasy with the incessant ringing of the doorbell - which, however, remains obstinately silent!

If this is a kind of exile, then in most cases it is exile in one's own home.Although the author is more familiar with the lives of ordinary people in exile, he cannot fail to mention the situation of some people like reporter Rambert.These people were accidentally locked in the city by the plague during the journey. They could not see their relatives and were far away from their hometown, thus multiplying their sorrow of parting.Of all those who feel exiled, they feel it most deeply, for although they feel the same as everyone else in terms of the troubles of time, they have an extra layer of troubles caused by space—a feeling of nostalgia.They collided with a high wall from time to time, which separated the epidemic area where they were located from their hometown far away in the world.These people wandered the dusty city all day long, silently calling the dusk and morning of the homeland known only to them, and their troubles were aggravated by insignificant glimpses and disturbing signs: swallow shadows in the sky , the dewdrops at dusk, or a ray of sunshine in a secluded street.This outer world, which relieves men of all troubles, they close their eyes and give themselves up to their too-realistic fantasies, trying to concentrate their thoughts on a piece of land: where two or three hills, favorite trees, Several women's faces, bathed in a ray of light, constituted a realm unique to them in the world. Finally we turn exclusively to the most intriguing couple situations.This is probably the question the author is most qualified to talk about.These people are troubled by not a few other troubles, among which must be mentioned that of remorse.Rather, their present situation allows them to consider their emotions with an impassioned and objective eye.In this environment, their own flaws seldom show themselves unobviously.First of all, they found that they could no longer accurately imagine the deeds and gestures of their relatives in other places.They complain that they are completely ignorant of the schedules of the couples who are out of town. They blame themselves for being too hasty for not understanding this. The source of happiness.From this point on, it is easy for them to look back at their past love and see its flaws.Usually, we all know consciously or unconsciously that any love can be more perfect, although we are often willing to let our love stay on a mediocre level without shame.But in memory, we have higher demands on ourselves.This sudden calamity, which strikes our city, brings not only complaining misery, but necessarily a misery of our own making, which we are willing to bear.This is one of those situations where a disease distracts people and complicates things. In this way, everyone must accept to live a day-to-day life alone facing the sky.This general life of muddling along may have tempered one's character over time, but at present it has begun to make people care about the gains and losses of trivial matters.Some people in our city, for example, have become the captives of something else, they are at the mercy of rain or shine.Look at them as if they were directly affected by good or bad weather for the first time in their lives.As long as the golden sun is shining, they look happy, but when it rains, a gloomy curtain is cast over their faces and spirits.Only a few weeks ago, they did not have this fragile and irrational resignation, because they are not alone in the presence of people, and to some extent those who have lived with them still have possession in their universe. a location.But from now on they were clearly at the mercy of Heaven, that is to say they suffered without reason and hoped without grounds. In such a situation of extreme loneliness, no one finally counts on the neighbors to help him, and everyone is alone in a corner with deep thoughts.If one of us occasionally tries to put a few words of his heart in front of people, to show some emotion, whatever the other person answers, it will end up stabbing his heart nine times out of ten.He will find that he and the person he is talking to have no common language.One spoke the language that he had congealed from longing and suffering for the past few days, and what he wanted to express was the image of long-term waiting and tormented by passion, while the other thought that what he sent was just commonplace complaints, talking about The kind of depression that abounds everywhere, the sadness that everyone has.Regardless of whether the answer is kind or malicious, it is always against the speaker's wishes, so it is better to keep silent.Some people can't bear the depression of silence, but they can't confide in others, so they can only repeat what others say, talk about commonplace things, and talk about ordinary human relations and social dynamics, which are nothing more than daily news.It has become a habit to express the most real pain through vulgar formulas.The captives of the plague could only exchange this price for the sympathy of their gatekeepers or the interest of those who listened to them. But the most important point is that, however unbearable their misery, however heavy their empty hearts felt, these exiles were a lucky lot in the early days of the plague.Because just as the city was starting to panic, their thoughts were on the man they were expecting.When the whole city was in desperation, the selfishness of love saved them.They thought of the plague only because it threatened to turn life into death.It was good, therefore, that they showed an air of absent-mindedness at the height of the plague, and might almost be regarded as a poise.Desperate psychology keeps them from panicking, which is really a blessing in disguise.For example, even if one of them was snatched by death, it always happened when he was not on his guard: just as he was whispering incessantly to a shadow in the depths of his mind, he was suddenly picked out without any further delay. In the transitional stage, he was suddenly thrown into the underworld and slept peacefully.He has no time for anything else.