Chapter 11 chapter Five

The events I have just referred to cannot be without consequences.Like someone who responds carefully and is confident in himself, Ana does not tolerate compromise.Therefore, for her, her action just now, the soft softening of her blunt hand on my face, is a consequence.She sensed something, and she could have asked me to tell, but at the last moment, she either felt pity, or became indifferent, and didn't bother to ask me about my affairs.For it was as difficult for her to take care of me, to tame me, as it was to admit my weakness.Nothing but her sense of duty motivated her to assume the role of protector and educator;

When she married my father, she assumed the responsibility of taking care of me.Perhaps I would rather have this constant reproach belong to--if I may say so--annoyance or a more superficial emotion: habit soon overcomes it; When you learn your responsibilities, you can get used to the mistakes of others. Six months from now, she'll probably be just tired of me, a loving tiredness, which is just what I need.She doesn't, however, because she feels she's in charge of me, and, in a sense, she does, because I'm still basically a submissive person, submissive and obstinate at the same time.

So she regretted letting me go that day and made me feel that way.A few days later, at dinner, I got into an argument with her, still talking about those annoying vacation homework.I was so rude that even my father got angry, so Anna finally shut me up in my room.When she locked me up, she didn't say a single high-pitched or harsh word.I don't know what she does.I was thirsty, so I went to the door and tried to open it.The door couldn't be opened, and I realized that the door was closed tightly.I've never been locked up in my life and I'm terrified of it.This is real fear.I ran to the window.There is no way to get out of the window.I turned around and slammed into the door frantically, hurting my shoulder a lot.I gritted my teeth and tried to break the lock.I don't want to shout and let people open the door for me.I left the nail clippers on the door and stood in the middle of the room with my hands empty.I didn't move, paying attention to compose myself a little bit, to calm down.As my thoughts slowly became clearer, I became calmer.This is the first cruelty I've ever encountered.

I felt it knotted inside of me, tightening as my thoughts unfolded.I lay in bed, carefully drawing up a plan. Although I made the excuse that she was cruel and I was cruel, but after all, I couldn't be cruel.I got up three times in one afternoon and tried to get out of the room, only to be knocked against the door in shock. At 6 o'clock, my father came and opened the door for me.I numbly got up when he walked in.He looked at me and said nothing, I still smiled at him. "Let's talk, okay?" he asked. "About what?" I asked. "You hate this book, and so do I. This explanation is useless..."

"It's also the truth." He seemed to breathe a sigh of relief, "You have to be nicer to Anna and hold on." This statement baffles me: tell me to bear with Anna a bit...he turns the question upside down.After all, though, he saw Anna as a woman he had imposed on his daughter, not the other way around.In this way, I can have all kinds of hopes. "I just hated it," I said, "and I'm going to apologize to Anna." "Then you...um...you are not angry, are you?" "Of course not," I said lightly. "Besides, if we're in trouble because of Anna, I could get married sooner. That's the best it can be."

I knew this solution would make him uncomfortable. "This is not something to consider. You are not Snow White, don't you have the heart to leave me so early? We have only lived together for two years." The thought was intolerable, neither to me nor to him.I had a presentiment that I would lean on him and weep, with lost happiness and tender affection.I can't let him get involved. "You know I'm exaggerating a lot. Anyway, Ana and I, we're on good terms. We both give in to each other..." "Yes," he said, "of course..." He will presumably think, as I do, that concessions cannot be mutual.And only from my side.

"You see," I said, "I know very well that Anna is always right. Her life is far more successful and meaningful than ours..." He made an unconscious gesture to refute, but I ignored it. "... From now on, a month or two from now, I will have fully grasped Anna's thoughts. There will be no foolish quarrels between us. Just have to be a little patient. " He looked at me, obviously bewildered. He's also a little scared: he's lost a participant in his future escapades; he's also lost a little bit of his past. "Nothing can be exaggerated," he said feebly. "I admit I've made you live a life that maybe wasn't your age, and...well, not my age, but it's Not a stupid or unfortunate life,..., No. In fact, for two years, we were not very... um... sad, no, not very insane, because Anna saw things a little differently, Deny everything like this."

"I can't deny it, but I must give up." I said firmly. "Of course," said the poor man, "let's go down." I apologized to Anna without hesitation.She told me there was no need to make amends; the reason for our quarrel was the heat. I feel like I don't care, lighthearted and happy. I found Cyril in the pine forest as promised.I told him what had to be done.He listened to me with a mixture of admiration and horror.Then he took me in his arms.But it's getting late, I have to go back.I was amazed at how hard it was to separate from him. If he was looking for some bond to keep me, he found it.My body recognized him, and it recognized myself, and it clings to his body, blissfully blissful.I kiss him passionately.I wanted to kiss the sore ground and brand him so that he would remember me at night and dream of me at night.Because without him, without him clinging to me, without his flexible movements, without his sudden madness, without his long touch, the night would be endless.