Chapter 4 Chapter Four

In the following days, the thing that puzzled me the most was Anna's extremely friendly attitude towards Elsa.She always said a lot of nonsense that spiced up her conversation, but never said a hard word that only she knew the secret of.She was going to say a word that would make Elsa ridiculous.I also commend her in my heart for her patience and generosity.I didn't realize there was shrewdness and ingenuity mixed in here too. My father quickly grew weary of this brutal petty fight.Instead of hating her, he was grateful to her.He didn't know how to express his gratitude to her.Besides, this gratitude is just an excuse.Presumably, he spoke to her as a respected mother, as a stepmother to his daughter.He even played this card: keep pretending to put me in the hands of Anna, to make her more or less responsible for what I did, to get closer to her, to bind her more closely to us, but The way he looked at her and the way he looked at her seemed to be addressed to an unfamiliar woman who wanted to get to know her through carnal pleasures.I sometimes feel this respectful attitude in Cyril unexpectedly.I want to both avoid it and induce it.In this respect, I'm probably more impressionable than Anna.She showed an indifference to my father, an unflappable kindness, which reassured me.I even thought I got it wrong the first day.I did not find this unequivocal familiarity very exciting to my father.Especially her demure... Her demure so natural, so refined... It's a sun and shadow contrast to Elsa's innocent twittering.Poor Elsa... she really didn't notice anything, she was still full of emotion and vivaciousness, and her skin was still so tanned.

However, one day, she caught her father's gaze and probably understood.Before lunch, I saw her whisper something in my father's ear, and for a moment he looked displeased, surprised, and then smiled in agreement.Over coffee, Elsa stands up, walks to the door, turns lazily towards us (I think her gesture is modeled after an American film), and mixes 10 years of French tenderness into her voice : "Are you coming, Raymond?" Dad stood up, almost red in the face, and followed her as he talked about the benefits of the nap.Anna didn't move.The cigarette in the finger is smoking.I think I have to say something:

"It's been said that afternoon naps are great for relieving fatigue, but I don't think that's true..." Realizing the ambiguity of the words, I immediately stopped talking. "Don't worry about it." Anna said coldly. She wasn't even ambiguous.She immediately thought of a low-brow joke.As I looked at her, I was deeply moved by the deliberate calm, relaxed expression on her face.Perhaps, at this time, she was jealous of Elsa.To comfort her, I conceived a cheeky thought.The idea fascinated me as much as any shameless thought I could have: it gave me a certain confidence, it turned me on.I couldn't help saying it aloud:

"You will notice, with Elsa's tan, that nap can never be intoxicating, either to her or to him." It would have been better for me not to speak. "I hate the idea," Anna said. "At your age, it's beyond the bounds of stupidity. It's unbearable." I suddenly became excited. "I was kidding. I'm sorry. I'm sure they're really happy." She turned a bored face towards me.So I immediately asked her to forgive me.She closed her eyes and began to say in a low, patient voice: "You think of love a little more simply. It's not a series of disconnected feelings..." I think that's the case with all my loves.Facing a face, an action, accepting a kiss, suddenly getting excited..., some pleasant, disconnected moments, these are the memories of love for me.

"That's another matter," said Anna. "Loyal tenderness, sweet feelings, lack... in short, things you can't understand." With a vague gesture, she picked up a newspaper.I'd much rather have her pissed off and come out of this state of indifference to my lack of affection.I think she's right; I think I'm a brute who lives according to other people's wishes; I think I'm pathetic and weak.I despise myself.This pained me terribly, because I was not used to it, and at any rate I never thought of myself as it was.I went to my bedroom.I am cranky.The blanket under me was warm.I still hear Anna saying, "The other thing is a lack of opportunity." When did I miss someone?

I won't mention this half month thing again.As I have said, I do not want to see anything clear and frightening.Of course, the aftermath of these holidays, I remember very accurately because I was able to give all my attention to them.But these 3 weeks, 3 weeks can be regarded as a happy week... On which day did my father stare at Anna's mouth openly?On what day did he pretend to laugh at her and loudly accuse her of being indifferent!On what day had he seriously contrasted her shrewdness with Elsa's half-madness?My peace rests on this foolish notion that they have known each other for years, and if it was possible to be in love, it would have started long ago.I thought to myself: "Also, if they really fell in love, father will only love her for three months, and Anna will retain warm memories and a little humiliation of this affair." Don't I know that Anna is not a person who can Abandoned woman?But Cyril is here, and he's enough for me to think about.In the evening, we used to go out together, to the nightclubs in Saint-Tropez.We used to dance to the limp music of a clarinet, and fell in love with each other.

Those words sounded sweet and warm that night, but I forgot all about them the next day.During the day we sailed around the coast in a sailboat.My father sometimes plays with us.He admired Cyril, especially after Cyril had let him win the crawl.He called Cyril "my little Cyril", and Cyril called him "Sir".But I asked myself which of the two was considered an adult. One afternoon we went to have tea with Cyril's mother.It was a gentle, smiling woman.She told us about her difficulties as a mother and as a widow.The father gave Anna a grateful look with deep sympathy, and said many words of praise to Cyril's mother.I should be honest, he was never afraid to waste time.Anna West watched all this with a kind smile.When she came back, she said that the woman was lovely.I speak ill of that kind of old woman.They smiled at me indulgently and happily, which made me unable to restrain myself, and cried:

"You don't understand at all that she is only satisfied with herself. She is satisfied with her life because she feels she has done her duty..." "But it is true," said Anna, "as the saying goes, she did her duty as wife and mother..." "And her whore responsibility?" I said. "I don't like to hear foul language, even against it," Anna said. "It's not against the grain, though. She married like everyone else, either because she wanted to or because she wanted to. She has a child. Do you know how a child comes about?"

"Probably not as well as you." Anna sarcastically said, "But I also know some basic things." "So she brought up the child. She managed to avoid all the restlessness and worry. She lived like thousands of women, and she was proud of it, you know. In a young and The status of a mediocre wife and mother. She didn't do anything to get out of it. She prided herself on not doing this, not doing that, not accomplishing anything." "It doesn't mean much," said the father. "It's the mirror of those who brag about doing nothing!" I cried. "Some people brag about my duty because they didn't. In this regard, she may still have some value."

"You have some fashionable opinions, but they are of little value," said Anna. This may be true.I think about what I said.But I did hear the words come out of my mouth.However, my life, my father's life can support this theory.It breaks my heart that Anna despises it.People can do meaningless little things, but also do earth-shattering big things.But Anna didn't value me as a thinking person.I think it's imperative to bring her to her senses.But I didn't expect the opportunity to come so early, nor did I expect that I would seize it.Besides, I also think that I will have a different view on this kind of thing after a month, and my self-confidence will not last long.How can I be a great man?