Chapter 14 Chapter Fourteen

The landing was not bad.First a splash, then a few bounces, and we're back on Earth.It was all quiet and me and Sue and Major Fritch peeked out the window. On the bank about ten feet away, a whole tribe of taxis stood watching us.Their appearance is extremely fierce, and it can be said to have reached the extreme of imagination-frowning, leaning closer to see what we are.Major Fritch said they might be upset because we didn't drop them anything from the spaceship.Anyway, she said she's going to sit down and figure out what to do now, because, so far we've been fine, and she doesn't want to mess with these monsters.Seven or eight of the biggest of them jumped into the water and started pushing our boat ashore.

Major Fritch was still sitting there when someone knocked on the capsule door suddenly.We looked at each other, and Major Fritch said, "Nobody move." I just said, "Maybe they'll get mad if they're not allowed in." "Keep quiet," she said, "maybe they'll think nobody's in there and go away." So we waited, but after a long time, someone knocked on the space capsule door again. I said, "It's rude not to answer the door." Major Fritch said to me through gritted teeth, "Shut your stupid asshole—you, don't you see that these people are dangerous?"

talking.Suddenly Wen Gongsu walked over and opened the hatch.Standing outside the door was the tallest black person I've ever seen since playing with those Nebraska corn guys in the Orange Bowl. He has a bone needle in his nose, wears a grass skirt, holds a long hat, and hangs a lot of dates around his neck. His hair is exactly like the "shabby" wig worn by Mad Tom in Shakespeare's play. The guy found Sue standing in the door staring at him.Seemed to be taken aback.In fact, he fell down and passed out from shock. Major Fritch and I peeped out the window again, and the others saw the big guy down, and ran away to hide in the bushes--waiting to see what else happened, I guess.

Major Fritch said, "Don't move--don't make any moves." But Sue grabbed a bottle in the cabin, jumped down on the floor, and poured the water in the bottle on the big guy's face to revive him .Suddenly, the big guy stood up, grunting, coughing, and spitting incessantly.He shook his head desperately.He was awake, but the bottle Sue poured water in his face was the bottle I used to pee in, and then the big guy recognized Sue, and she threw up her hands and knelt on the ground like an Arab Keep kowtowing. At this moment the other natives emerged from the bushes, moving slowly as though frightened, with eyes as big as saucers, and about to throw their spears.The big guy on the ground stopped kowtowing for a while and started to shine. When he saw other natives, he immediately scolded something, so they put down their spears and came over to gather around the spaceship.

"They look very friendly," said Major Fritch. "I think we'd better go out and identify ourselves. The people from NASA will pick us up any minute now." As it turns out, that's the most shitty piece of shit I've ever heard in my entire life—never before or since. " Anyway, Major Fritch and I stepped out of the spaceship, and all the natives went "uh, ah" at once.The big guy on the ground looked up and looked at us very confused, but he stood up immediately and said, "Hadoo—I'm a good man. Who are you?" He also held out his hand.

I shook his hand, but Major Fritch explained who we were, saying we were "members of NASA's multi-orbit pre-solar planetary microgravity spherical interactive spaceflight training program." The big guy stood there looking at us like we were aliens, so I said, "We're Americans." Suddenly his eyes lit up, and he said: "You can tell! The Americans! That's a good job'—really!" "You speak English?" Major Fritch asked. "Oh shit, yes," he said. "I've been to the United States. During the war, I was recruited by the Strategic Operations Agency to learn English, and then I was sent back here to organize our people to fight guerrilla warfare against the Japanese." Sue's eyes widened and brightened.

However, I think this situation is a bit funny-in such a stupid place, there should be a big savage who can speak English for a day.So I said, "Where did you study?" "Oh, I went to Yale, man," he said. "Poo-boo-poo, learn some shit. When he said "Poo-boo-boo," all the natives started singing "boo-boo-boo-la," and the drums came on again, until the big black waved them off. "My name's Sam," he said, "that's what they call me at Yale anyway. My real name is a mouthful. You're welcome. Would you like a cup of tea?"

Major Fritch and I looked at each other.She was pretty much mute, so I said, "Well, yes." Then Major Fritch said in a high-pitched voice, "Have you got a phone we can borrow?" Big Sam seemed a little upset, and with a wave of his hand, the drums started again, and we were sent off into the jungle with a thump-thump-thump. They had a little village in the jungle and they built some thatched huts and things like in the movies, and Big Sam's thatched hut was a grand one, and he put a chair in front of the house, like There is a throne, and four or five topless women who are at his mercy.He told them to get us some tea, and then, pointing to two large rocks, he asked Major Vermau to sit down with me.Sue kept taking my hand and following us, and Big Sam motioned him to sit on the ground.

"That's a nice big monkey," said Sam. "Where did you get it?" "It works for NASA," Major Fritch said.She seemed to think that our situation was not very optimistic. "Really?" said Big Sam. "It gets paid?", "I see it wants to eat bananas." I said.Big Sam made a confession, and a native woman gave Sue a banana. "I'm sorry," said Big Sam, "I haven't asked your names yet." "Major Jeanne Fritch, United States Air Force. Registration number 04534573. That's all I can tell you." "Oh, dear lady," said Big Sam, "you're no prisoner with us. We're just a poor backward tribe. Some say we're not much better than the Stone Age. We don't mean to hurt you."

"Before I call. I have nothing else to say," said Major Fritch. "All right," said Big Sam. "And you, young man?" "My name is Forrest Gump," I told him. "Really," he said, "is it named after Nathan Bev Forrest, a well-known general in your country's Civil War?" "Well." I said. "That's interesting. Let me tell you. Forrest, where did you go to school?" I was about to say I went to the University of Alabama for a while, but thinking about it, I decided I'd better play it safe, so I wasn't exactly lying when I said I went to Harvard.

"Ah—Harvard—the magenta flag," said Big Sam. "Well—I know it like the back of my hand. Faculty-student relationships are great—even if they don't get into Yale," he laughed out loud. "Honestly, you're a bit of a Harvard guy in that regard," he said.For some reason, I felt that something was going to happen. In the evening, Big Sam ordered two soldiers and women to take us to the place where we lived.It was a thatched hut with a dirt floor and a low door, reminding me of the hut where King Lear went.Two big guys came with spears and stood guard outside our door. Those scholars beat the drums and sang "Pu La Pula" all night long, and, looking out from the door of the house, they could see that they had set up a huge pot with a fire under it.Me and Major Fritch didn't know what it was about, but I guess Sue did, 'cause he was sitting in the corner by himself, looking sullen. It was about nine or ten o'clock, and before they gave us anything to eat, Major Fritch said, Maybe I should go and ask Big Sam for supper, and I went out the door, but the two sergeants crossed their spears Standing in front of me, I understood the meaning and went back to the hut.It dawned on me why they didn't invite us to dinner—we were dinner.damn. Then, the drumming stopped, and so did the "pu la pu la".We heard someone clucking and croaking outside at night and then someone clucking back and it sounded like Big Sam.The two sides talked like this for a long time, and the dispute became fierce.Just as they were cranking up the volume to the max, we heard--a loud thump, sounded like someone had been hit on the head with a board or something.After a while of silence, the drums resumed and everyone sang "Pu La Pu La" again. The next morning, we were sitting in the hut, and Big Sam came in and said, "Hadoo—did you sleep well?" "Well, no," said Major Fritch. "It's so noisy outside, how do you think we can sleep?" Big Sam had a pained look on his face, and he said, "Oh, I'm sorry. But it's like this, my people, uh, saw your spaceship come down from the sky and thought it was going to bring gifts or something. Since 1945 We have been waiting for you to come back and give us gifts. When they saw you sending gifts, they naturally thought you were gifts. They were going to cook you and eat them, but I persuaded them to give up." "You're bluffing me, man," said Major Fritch. "On the contrary," said Big Sam. "You know, my people aren't exactly what you would call civilized people—at least by your standards—because they really like human flesh. Especially white flesh." "You mean to tell me your people are cannibals?" said Major Fritch. Big Sam shrugged. "more or less." "Damn it," said Major Fritch. "Listen, you are responsible for keeping us safe and getting us out of here and back to civilization. The NASA search party could arrive at any moment. I ask you to treat us with the same respect you would treat the Confederates." "Ah," said Big Sam, "that's what they thought last night." "Listen!" said Major Fritch. "I demand that we be released immediately to go to a nearby town with a phone." "I'm afraid," said Big Sam, "it's impossible. Even if we let you go, you'd get caught by the little black person within a hundred yards in the jungle." "Little black person?" said Major Vermau. "We've been at war with the little niggers for generations. Because some guy stole a pig once, and it seems like—nobody remembers who—it's lost. We were actually surrounded by little niggers, since It's been that way for as long as I can remember." "Well," said Major Fritch, "I'd rather gamble with the little black person's luck than be with a bunch of cannibals--isn't the little black person a cannibal?" "No ma'am," said Big Sam, "they do headhunters." "Excellent," said Major Fritch quickly. "Last night," said Big Sam, "I managed to save your lives, or you would have been in the stew, but I'm not sure how long I could have stopped my people. They were determined to make your presence harvest." "Really?" said Major Fritch. "For example?" "One, your great ape, I think they at least want to eat it." "That ape is the sole property of America," said Major Fritch. "Having said that," Big Sam said, "I think that would be a form of diplomacy on your part." Gong Su frowned, nodded greedily, and then looked out the door sadly. "Secondly," continued Big Sam, "I thought you might do some work for us while you're here." "What job?" asked Major Fritch suspiciously. "Well," said Big Sam, "plowing the fields. Farming. Well, I've been trying to improve the humiliating lot of my people for years. An idea came to me not long ago. If only we could use the good soil , the introduction of some modern agricultural technology may enable us to break away from the fate of the tribe and play a role in the world market. Simply put, it can make us break away from this outdated economic form and become a viable and educated nationality." "What kind of agriculture?" asked Major Fritch. "Cotton, dear lady, cotton! The king of cash crops! The number one plant in your country many years ago." "You want us to grow cotton!" cried Major Fritch. "That's not it, girl!" said Big Sam.