Friend: Being an idiot is not like chocolate.Others will laugh at you, be impatient with you, and have a bad attitude.Now, they say, be kind to the unfortunate, but I tell you--it doesn't have to be.Having said that, I'm not complaining because I think I've had an interesting life, so to speak. I was born an idiot: I have an IQ of almost seventy, and that number matches my intelligence, so they say.However, I'm probably closer to a moron with an IQ of three to seven years old, or even better a retarded person with an IQ of eight to twelve; An idiot—because when people think of an idiot, they will probably think of it as a Mongolian idiot—that is, the kind of person whose eyes are very close together, whose mouth is often drooling, and who only plays with themselves.

Well, I'm slow--I agree with that; but I'm probably a lot smarter than people think, because there's a world of difference between what I think and what other people see.For example, I can think things out pretty well, but as soon as I try to talk them out or write them down, it turns into a jelly-like mess.Let me explain to you with an example. A few days ago, I was walking on the street, and a man was busy working in his yard.He got a bunch of shrubs to put in, and he said to me, "Gump, do you want some money?" I said, "Well, yes," and he sent me to collect dirt.I moved eleven or two loads of soil with a wheelbarrow, and on hot days, I pushed the cart through the streets and alleys to dump it.When I finish moving.

He took a dollar out of his pocket.I was supposed to make a big fuss about the low wages, but instead I took the dollar, said something stupid like "thank you," and walked down the street with the bill in my hand— —fold it, open it, fold it, and feel like an idiot.You see what I mean? Seriously, I know a little about idiots.That's about the only thing I know, but I've actually read about it-- from Dujjewski's The Idiot, to King Lear's Fool, and Faulkner Benji, even Ridley in To Kill the Mockingbird—oh, he's a serious idiot.My favorite is Lenny in "Men and Mice".Those who write about it are probably right - because they write about idiots who are smarter than anyone else thinks they are.Hey, the judge agrees with that, and any idiot would.whee.

When I was born, my mom named me Forrest because there was a general in the Civil War named Nathan Bev Forrest.Mom always said we were somehow related to General Forrest.And he was a great man, she said, but after the Civil War he started the Ku Klux Klan, and even my grandma said they were a bunch of bad guys.I'd agree with that, because we have a guy here who calls himself "Respectable Shit" or something, he has a store in town that sells guns, and one time, when I was about twelve, I passed by that store , Looking in from the window, he hung a large noose like that used for hanging in the store.He saw me watching, and he actually put it around his neck, and then he pulled the rope up like he was hanged, and stuck out his tongue and so on to scare me.I ran and hid behind cars in a parking lot until someone called the police and drove me home to my mom.So, regardless of General Forrest's feats, the one who started that Ku Klux Klan thing wasn't kind - any idiot will tell you so.Anyway, that's how I got my name.

My mother is a wonderful person.Everyone says so.My dad, he died shortly after I was born, so I never got to know him.He worked as a stevedore on the docks, and one day a crane lifted a large net of bananas from a United Fruit Company ship, and something broke and the bananas fell on my dad.Press him into a pancake.I once heard some people talking about the accident - that it was horrible, half a ton of bananas smashed my dad, and I personally don't like bananas, except for banana pudding.I like this one. My mom got a little pension from the United Fruit Company, and she sublets our house, so we got by.When I was a child, she always kept me in the house so that the other children wouldn't bother me.On summer afternoons, when the weather was terribly hot, she would put me in the living room, draw the shades to make the room a little cooler, and make me a glass of lemonade.Then she just sat there and chatted with me, just kept talking, nothing special, just like people talk to cats and dogs, but I'm used to it, and I like it, because her voice makes me feel good Safe and comfortable.

When I was growing up, she let me go out and play with people at first, but then she found out they were playing tricks on me.One day when they were chasing me, a boy hit me on the back with a stick and it gave me such a horrible scar.After that, she told me not to play with those boys anymore.I started trying to play with girls, but it wasn't much better because they avoided me. Mom thought public school would be good for me.Because maybe it would help me to be like everyone else, but after a few days of school, the school told Mama I shouldn't go to school with everyone.They put me through first grade though.sometimes.The teacher was lecturing, and I was sitting there, not knowing what was going on in my head, anyway.I started to look at the birds and sparrows outside the window, and things that climbed up and down on the big oak tree outside, and sat down after a while, and the teacher would come over and teach me a lesson.Sometimes I'd get this weird feeling over my head and yell and she'd tell me to go out and sit on the bench in the hallway.The other kids never played with me or anything; except to chase me or make me howl so they could laugh at me—except for Jenny Curran, who at least didn't avoid me.Sometimes she asked me to walk home with her after school.

But the next year, they put me in another school, and I tell you, it was a weird school.It was as if they had gathered all the weirdos they could find, some my age, some younger, and big boys up to sixteen or seventeen.They were mentally handicapped in various degrees, crazy epileptics, and children who couldn't even go to the bathroom to eat by themselves.I was probably one of the best, a big fat guy, at least fourteen years old, and he had a disease that made him shake all over his body, like he was in an electric chair or something.Our teacher, Miss Margaret, always asks me to accompany him to the toilet.lest he do anything strange.

However, he still complied.I didn't know how to stop him, so I simply locked myself in a toilet and waited for him to finish before walking back to the classroom with him. I stayed at the same school there for about five or six years.Actually the school wasn't too bad they let us paint with our fingers and make little things but most of the time they just taught us how to tie our shoes and how to do it without spilling the food and don't go crazy and yell and cry , Throwing poop all over the place and so on.He didn't teach us to read -- except to recognize road signs, and distinguish between male and female toilets and so on.Anyway, with so many serious idiots in the school, it's really impossible to teach anything else.Also, I think the purpose of this kind of school is to keep us from annoying other people.Who wants to have a bunch of idiots running around outside?

Even I understand this truth. Nearly thirteen, I started to have some very unusual things happen.First, I started growing taller.Within half a year, I grew six inches, and my mother had to lengthen my pants all day long.Then, I started to grow sideways.By the age of sixteen, I was 2.2 meters tall.Weighs two hundred and forty-two pounds.I know that's why they took me to be weighed.They said they couldn't believe it. What happened next completely changed my life.one day.I was walking down the street on my way home from the school for idiots when a car pulled up next to me.The guy called me over and asked what my name was.I told him, and he asked me what school I went to, and he never saw me around.After I told him about the school for dummies, he asked me if I ever played American football.I shake my head.In fact, I could have told him that I've seen other people play, but they never let me play.However, as I said, I'm not very good at having long conversations with people, so I just nod.That was about two weeks into school.

After three days or so, they got me out of that school for idiots.My mom was there, and the guy who drove the car that day and the two thugs—I guess they were there just in case I messed up.They took all my things out of the drawer and put them in a brown paper bag, and told me to say goodbye to Miss Margaret; all of a sudden she was crying and hugging me hard again.later.I say goodbye to all the fools who drool, cramp, and bang their fists on the table.Then I go. Mama and that guy in the front seat and I in the back seat between two goons, like in the movies where the cops take the convicts "into town"

situation.Except we're not going into town.We go to the newly established high school.When we got there, they took me into the principal's office, and my mom and the man went with me, and the two thugs were waiting in the hallway.The headmaster was a grizzled old man with a stain on his tie and baggy trousers who looked as if he'd come out of a dork's school too.We all sat down and he started explaining stuff and asked me questions and I just nodded, but what they were trying to do was get me to play American football.This part is my own understanding. It turned out that the guy in the car was a coach named Fellers.I wasn't in the classroom that day, I didn't have class or anything, and Coach Fellers took me to the locker room, and one of the goons found me a jersey with shoulder pads and stuff, and a nice plastic helmet, on the front of the helmet There is a piece that keeps my face from being squashed.The only problem was, they couldn't find any sneakers that I could wear, so I had to wear my own sneakers until they ordered them. Coach Fellers and two thugs helped me put on the jersey, then helped me take it off, put it on again, and repeated it ten or twenty times until I could put it on and take it off by myself.One accessory I don't wear well all day is the shield - because I don't see any reason to wear it.Hey, they tried to explain it to me, and then one guy told the other I was a "stupid" or something.I guess he thought I didn't understand what he was talking about, but I did, because I paid special attention to this kind of "bullshit".Not because it would hurt my feelings.Hey, people have called me worse cosmic eyes before.However, I still pay attention. After a while, a group of children walked into the cloakroom one after another, took out their golf equipment and put them on.After that, we all went outside and Coach Fellers called everyone up and told me to stand in front of everyone and introduce me.He said a lot of bullshit and I couldn't quite understand it because I was scared to death because I was never introduced to a group of strangers.Anyway, later some people came and shook my hand and said they welcome me and so on.Then Coach Fellers blew a whistle that scared the hell out of me, but everybody started jumping around and practicing. What happened next is a long story, but, in short, I started playing American football.Coach Fellers and one of the thugs specially drilled me because I didn't know how to play, and the team had a block play, and they tried to explain it clearly, but after a few practice, everyone seemed to get bored, because I couldn't remember me. What to do. Then they practice another move called defending; they put three guys in front of me and I'm supposed to break through them and grab the guy with the ball.The first half was easier because I could easily push those three guys down, but they didn't like the way I grabbed the guy with the ball, and at the end, they had me hit a big oak tree a dozen or twenty times— — Get a feel for that feeling, I guess.But after a while, after they figured I'd learned something from that oak tree, they made me practice with those three guys and the guy with the ball.They pissed off because I wasn't vicious enough to pounce on the guy with the ball after pushing three guys out of the way.I got a lot of abuse that afternoon, but I went to the coach after practice and told him I didn't want to throw the guy with the ball down.Because I was afraid of hurting him.The coach said it wouldn't hurt him because he was wearing a jersey and was protected.Actually, I'm not so afraid of hurting him, I'm afraid that he will be angry with me if I don't treat everyone well.They will come and beat me again.Long story short, it took me a while to figure it out. Besides, I have to take classes.We didn't really have much class at the School for Dummies, but this school takes it a lot more seriously.Anyway, somehow they managed to give me three self-study classes, the kind where you can do whatever you like as long as you sit in the classroom, and three classes where a lady taught me how to read.There are only two of us in the class.She was so nice and beautiful, and I had more than one or two evil thoughts about her.Her name is Miss Henderson. Suffice it to say, I only enjoyed the lunch class, but I don't think that counts as a class.When I was in school for dummies, my mom would make me a sandwich, a cookie, and a piece of fruit—except for bananas—that I would bring to school.But this school has a cafeteria with nine or ten things to eat, and I always have trouble deciding what to eat.I figured someone must have said something, because after a week or so, Coach Fellers told me to eat whatever I wanted, saying everything was "ordered."awesome! Guess who came to my study room?Jenny Curran.She came to me in the corridor and told me that she remembered my classmates in the first grade of elementary school.She's grown up already, with pretty black hair, and long legs, and a pretty face, and other things, I dare not say. Coach Fellers isn't happy with the team's situation.He seemed to be very unhappy a lot and was always yelling.He yells at me too.They tried to keep me standing still, just to prevent the other guy from catching my guy with the ball, but it didn't work unless they got the ball down the middle line.The coaches weren't happy with the way I was tackling players, and I'm telling you, I spent a lot of time on that oak tree.But I couldn't do anything to rewind the player as they requested.I have scruples in my heart. Then, one day, something happened that changed everything.I had just picked up my food in the restaurant and went over to sit next to Jenny Curran.I hate to say it, but she's pretty much the only half-baked friend I have at school, and it's nice to sit with her.She doesn't pay attention to me most of the time, she chats with other people.I used to sit with the players, but they acted like I was invisible or something.At least Jenny Curran thinks of me as a person.But after a while, I started noticing that this other guy was showing up a lot, and he started making fun of me, saying "how's the idiot?" kind of shit.This went on for a week or two, and I didn't say a word, but then I finally said--I still can't believe I said that--I said, "I'm not stupid," said the guy He stared at me hard, then laughed.Jenny Curran just told the guy to shut up, but he took a carton of fresh milk and poured it on my lap, and I jumped up and walked out because I was freaking out. After about a day or so, the guy stopped me in the hallway and said he was going to "get" me.I was terrified all day, and that afternoon I was walking out of class to go to the gym, but he came up and shoved my shoulders and called me a "dumb" and all, and then he punched me in the stomach.The punch didn't hurt very much, but I started crying and turned and ran, and I heard him following and others chasing me.I ran as hard as I could toward the gym, across the soccer practice field, and suddenly I saw Coach Fellers sitting in the stands, looking at me.The guys who forced me to stop, turned around and walked away.Coach Fellers had a strange look on his face. He told me to change my jersey immediately.After a while, he walked into the cloakroom, holding a piece of paper with three tactics written on it—three! —Tell me to remember as much as possible. At practice that afternoon, he divided the players into two teams.All of a sudden the quarterback throws the ball to me and I'm supposed to run along the right outside of the line toward the goal post.They all started chasing me, and I ran as fast as I could—I got past seven or eight people before they fell on me.Coach Fellers was having a great time; jumping up and down, yelling and yelling, and patting everyone on the back.We've run a lot before, to test how fast we can go, but I'm much faster when I'm being chased, I guess.What idiot wouldn't? Anyway, I was much more popular after that and the players started treating me better.The first game I was terrified, but they passed the ball to me, I ran like hell, got two or three touchdowns, and people treated me like never before.That high school did change some things in my life; it even made me like running with the ball, but they mostly told me to run around the sidelines because I still couldn't get through the wall in the middle and knock people down.One of the thugs said I was the biggest high school quarterback in the world.I don't think he's complimenting me. In addition, I have made a lot of progress in reading and reading with Miss Han Desheng.She gave me Tom's Adventures and two other books, whose titles I can't remember.I took them home and read them all, but then she gave me a test and I didn't do very well.But I did like those books. After a while, I sat next to Jenny Curran again in the restaurant, and it didn't happen again for a while, but then one day, in the spring, I came home from school and she poured milk on my lap and then The guy who forced me appeared again.He got a stick and called me "fool" and "fool" and stuff like that. Some people were watching, and Jenny Curran was there, and I was about to back off again—but, I don't know why, I didn't.The guy poked me in the stomach with a stick, and I said to myself, fuck it, and I grabbed his arm and put my other hand on his forehead, and that just fixed it, so to speak. My mom got a call that night from the guy's parents saying that if I touched their son again they were going to call the police and "lock me up".I tried to explain it to my mother, and she said she understood, but I could see she was concerned.She told me that since I'm so big now, I have to watch out for myself because I might hurt someone else.I nod my head and promise never to hurt anyone.Lying in bed that night, I heard her crying alone in her room. However, the thing with that guy's head completely changed my view of the game.The next day, I asked Coach Fellers to let me directly dribble the ball, and he said yes.As a result, I knocked down four or five guys in one breath, broke through the tight encirclement, and they got up again and chased me.I was named to the All State Football All-Star Team that year.I can't believe it.On my birthday, my mother gave me two pairs of socks and a new shirt.She did save some money and bought me a new suit to wear to the All State Football Award; it was my first ever suit.Mom put on my tie and off I went.