Chapter 10 chapter eight

Suzuko stood up, grabbed Okinawa, who was smoking a cigarette, and shook his shoulders, asking, "Where did you put the rest?" "Asshole, there are no more, it's all finished. If you want to buy one, go buy it yourself." After Okinawa finished speaking, Suzuko kicked him hard.The ash fell on Okinawa's bare chest, Okinawa smiled, but still lay still.Suzuko was so angry that he broke Okinawa's syringe. "You have to be responsible for cleaning up." She acted as if she didn't hear me, and took five hallucinogenic drugs at once.Okinawa swayed and smirked.Turned to me and said:

"Aaron, play the flute and listen." Van Gogh, played by Douglas on TV, is clamoring to cut off his ears. "Liangzi must be imitating him, you just like to imitate." A Kai said. "I'm not in the mood to play the flute right now." Van Gogh let out a blood-curdling scream, and everyone except Okinawa turned their eyes to the TV. Ryoko touched the blood-oozing bandage while talking to Akai from time to time: "Your stomach really doesn't hurt anymore? I've made up my mind. I'm going to India. You go to Singapore first, and I'll pick you up. We can go to Hawaii together."

A Kai didn't answer a word. Okinawa said leisurely: "Suzuko, go sell your lust, and you will have money to buy heroin. This is what Jackson told me. Aaron, you can take her to Jackson. He said that you can go there anytime. I have no use in Okinawa, so I'd better go find her." Jackson." Suzuko suddenly yelled hysterically, Okinawa twisted his body and laughed, Suzuko shouted at him: "What are you laughing at? I'm not a beggar, and I don't hang out with beggars. I've had enough of you, son of a bitch! I'm going to sell the store, Aaron, and I'm going to buy a car so I can come to you whenever I want, I To be Jackson's woman, Sablo can do it too."

"I want to buy a car that can live in people, and have parties every day, okay, Aaron, help me buy one." Okinawa sat up and lit a cigarette, his eyes blank, and he breathed out smoke rings feebly. "Suzuko, you should go back to Okinawa. I will go back with you. You continue to study beauty, and I will convince my mother that you can't stay here any longer." "Are you kidding, Okinawa, you lie down, don't even think about borrowing money from me in the future anyway. You want to go back yourself? I won't give you travel expenses. No matter how much you cry and beg me to lend you money to buy Heroin, don't expect to get a penny. You should go back to Okinawa!"

Okinawa lay down again, and murmured: "It's up to you." Then he said to me: "Aaron, let's play a tune!" "Didn't I say I'm not in the mood to blow it?" Yoshiko watched TV silently.Ah Kai still had some pain in his stomach, so he kept taking medicine.There was a burst of gunfire on the TV, and Van Gogh's neck was broken. "It's over." Liang Shan whispered. A moth landed on a post. At first I thought it was stained with something dirty, but when I took a closer look, I saw that it had moved a little bit, and a thin layer of fluff had grown on its gray wings.

After everyone went back, the room seemed darker, not because the light was weak, but because the light source seemed to be far away from me. A lot of messy things fell on the ground.There were clumps of hair that must have been Moka's; there were cake wrappers Lili bought, bread crumbs, red or black nails, flower petals.Soiled toilet paper, the tab of a soda can, women's underwear, Yoshiko's congealed blood clot.Socks, broken cigarettes.Cup, bottle of salad dressing. There were also record sets, film rolls, pentagonal snack bars, syringe boxes, and a book of Malarme's poems that Kazuo forgot to take away.I patted the black and white striped moth to death with the back of this collection of poems, and with a tiny sound, mucus flowed out from the moth's abdomen.

"Aaron, are you tired? You have weird eyes. Go back to sleep early." After killing the moths, I suddenly felt hungry and took out a plate of leftover chicken from the refrigerator.The chicken was inedible, and the sour taste on the tongue spread to the brain.When I picked out the chicken nugget stuffed in my throat with my fingers, I felt a general coldness, as if I had been punched in the face.Goosebumps formed on the neck.After I rinsed my mouth several times, I always felt sour in my mouth and my gums were sticky.The chicken skin stuffed between my teeth makes my tongue ache.There was a layer of oily chicken that I spat out floating in the sink.It turned out that the potato chunks blocked the drain. I took out the potato chunks, and the water began to decrease. The chicken drew a circular arc and was sucked into the drain.

"Go back to sleep, are those guys gone?" Lili was making the bed. She was wearing a translucent nightgown, and the ring on her hand reflected the red light on the ceiling, flickering. There were several large pieces of chicken stuck in the drain.I still have the smell of fried chicken on my hands and I can't wash it off.When I went back to the living room to get a cigarette, I suddenly felt a certain sense of insecurity, as if being hugged tightly by an old woman with skin diseases. "Aaron, let me make you a cup of coffee." The white round table that Lili is proud of reflects the light, and there is a layer of faint green on the surface. The green is very unique, just like the mysterious green that shimmers on the sea when the sun is setting in the west.

"Do you want coffee? Coffee can soothe the hangover, and you can sleep well later. I have been feeling unwell since that day, and I didn't even go to the store, and I didn't send the car to be repaired." Lili stood up from the sofa as she spoke, her voice sounded very hazy, as if the ancients stood far away and used a long microphone to transmit the voice.Lili turned into a puppet that only had a moving mouth, and the speaking voice was recorded before. There is always a chill in my room.Even though I put on a sweater, closed the balcony door, and even drew the curtains, I was so hot that I was sweating, but the cold still hadn't disappeared.

In the airtight room, the sound of the wind was far away, as weak as tinnitus.There is a feeling of isolation from the outside world due to the fact that you can't see the outside world. I didn't pay attention to the scene on the street outside, but it appeared as if I could vividly remember it.I saw a drunk man crossing the road, a girl with red hair rushing past, someone throwing an empty can from a passing car, towering aspen trees, hospitals and sky full of clouds in the middle of the night starry.The room was filled with a strange air that suffocated me.It smelled like burnt butter.

While looking for where the smell was coming from, I stepped on a dead bug whose fluids stained my feet. Turning on the TV, a close-up shot of a furious bald man appeared, I turned off the TV again, and my face was shown on the TV screen, talking to myself. "Aaron, I found that the hero in a novel is very similar to you, really." Lili sat on a chair in the kitchen, waiting for the water to boil, and waved away the flying insects flying around. "The main character in the novel is a pimp in Las Vegas, who provides a party partner for rich men, is he about the same as you? He is also very young, about the same age as you, you are nineteen years old Bar?" The glass jug was clouded with steam, and the light from the alcohol stove was reflected on the windows.Lili's magnified figure swayed on the wall, and the part that overlapped with the shadow cast by the overhead light looked very much like a splitting amoeba. "That man even took the women of his high school friends as prostitutes." Okinawa was the last one to go, wearing stinky overalls, closed the door and left without saying hello. "That man is the illegitimate son of a prostitute, but his father is the crown prince of a small country, and he is a child abandoned by the crown prince who came to Las Vegas for entertainment." Lili kept talking. "Aaron, are you listening?" "Listen." I replied.I felt that the voice I made stayed on the hot tongue, which was not like my own voice at all. I became uneasy and dared not speak anymore. My vision is a little abnormal, and everything I see seems to have turned into fog and penetrated into my eyes.I think the milk bottle sitting on the stove seems to be covered in eczema.Lili, who is bent over to work, also has eczema all over her body. I think of a friend who died of liver disease who used to say: "I always feel pain. When it doesn't hurt, it's because I forgot. I think everyone has a stomachache. It's not because I have a tumor. So when I have cramps, I feel at ease. It seems that I have found myself. I It's been in pain all my life." "The man went to the desert one dawn and drove to the Nevada desert." Lili said as she scooped a spoonful of black powder from the coffee-colored jar and put it into the boiling glass jug, and I could smell the aroma from here.When Jackson.I felt like a total yellow puppet when Rutiana was on top of me.How was he manipulated at that time? Now Lili, with her long red hair loose, is like a puppet.It is an old puppet that smells musty, a puppet that can speak lines as soon as it pulls a rope, a puppet that blinks and speaks only after opening the cover on her chest and putting in a few silver-gray batteries, a puppet with A puppet with red hair, put a can of milk in her mouth, and sticky liquid immediately flowed out from the small hole under her stomach. She was thrown to the ground hard. As long as the tape inside is not broken, it will keep going Talking puppets. "Aaron, good morning, I'm Lili, how are you?" "Aaron, good morning, I'm Lili, how are you?" "That man went to the Nevada desert to see the hydrogen bomb base. There are many hydrogen bomb bases lined up like huge buildings." Lili chattered. The cold shrouded the room more and more, I put on thick clothes and got under the quilt, drank a glass of whiskey, opened the door for a while, and closed the door for a while to go to sleep.Then I drank espresso again, did exercises again, and smoked a few more cigarettes.Even if I picked up the book, I couldn't read it anymore, so I turned off the lights and turned them on again.I stare wide-eyed at the dirt on the ceiling, or close my eyes and count, flashing past movies I’ve seen, Mel’s chipped teeth, Jackson’s penis, Okinawa’s eyes, Moka’s ass, Tiana's pubic hair. A few drunks walked past the door singing corny songs.I think it seems that the prisoners are singing in chorus, and it seems that the Japanese soldiers who are seriously injured and lose their combat effectiveness are singing a military song before they are about to jump into the sea.Before their eyes was the dark sea. These wounded soldiers had bandages on their faces, and their emaciated bodies were riddled with wounds. Yellow pus flowed out from the wounds, and maggots wriggled on them.They saluted, facing east, their eyes dimmed as if they were singing a sad song. While listening to the song, I looked at my distorted body reflected on the TV screen. No matter how I struggled, I seemed to fall deeper into sleep.The me on the TV overlapped with the singing Japanese soldiers in my hallucination.The blackness that makes up the image due to the difference in density is like the dense caterpillars wriggling on the peach tree.The sights and sounds made me uneasy and gave me goosebumps.My cloudy eyes were reflected on the dark picture, crooked as if it was about to melt. Looking at myself on the picture, I couldn't help asking: "Who are you? What are you afraid of?" Lili was still talking: "Those things are missiles lined up. In the uninhabited Nevada desert, people look like small bugs. The missiles are as big as tall buildings." The black liquid boiled in the spherical glass, and Li Li killed a flying insect.She took off the dead bug stuck in her palm and threw it into the ashtray.A puff of purple smoke rose from the ashtray, which merged with the steam of the black liquid and curled up.Lili put out the cigarette and turned off the fire of the alcohol pot, and the huge shadow on the wall suddenly became smaller. Lili poured me a cup of coffee, and I stared at my face reflected in the coffee. "The boy stood on the hill and yelled at the missile. He wanted to tell the missile what happened to him. He didn't know what to do in the future, and there was no one to tell him. He felt lonely and helpless. He said from the bottom of his heart Shouting to the missile, you explode! Explode!" I felt like a rash had formed on the surface of the black liquid.When I was in elementary school, my grandmother was hospitalized with cancer. Grandma is allergic to painkillers and festers all over her body with eczema.When I visited her, my grandmother scratched her eczema and said to me: "Aaron, I'm going to die. I'm growing something from a dead person. I'm going to die!" Under Lili's urging, I drank the same coffee as the eczema.As the liquid trickled down my throat, I felt as if the chill in my body had mixed with the rash. "Do you think it looks like you? I thought it looked like you the first time I read that book." Lili sat on the sofa and talked.I feel like her feet are being sucked into the red slippers.I feel about the same way I did once I took LSD in the park. It was a moonlit night, and I was walking alone among the tall trees in a foreign town.There is no one in this hallucinatory town, and the doors and windows of every house are closed.I went all the way to the suburbs.I just saw a thin man, he stopped me and said: "Don't go any further." I still walked forward desperately, feeling my body started to get cold, and I had turned into a dead person.I, a dead person, sat on the bench with a pale face.I started walking towards the phantom me reflected in the night, to the point where I could shake hands with the real me.I felt incomparably terrified, and turned to run away, but the dead man pursued me, and finally caught me, got into my body, and dominated me.I feel exactly the same now as I did then.As if a hole had been opened in the head, all consciousness and memory leaked out, replaced by the chill of rotting fried chicken and a rash-like sensation.At that time, I sat on the bench trembling all over and said to myself: "Open your eyes and take a good look, isn't the world still under me? On this ground there are me, trees, grass, ants carrying sugar back to their nests, girls chasing balls and running with girls dog." "There are countless houses on this ground. Small rivers, they are all under my feet." "A terrifying world lies beneath me." Lili said: "I was thinking about you while I was reading the novel. I was thinking about what you will do in the future? I don't know what happened to that man, because I didn't finish it." When I fell down as a kid, I always liked to rub a very pungent medicine on the scrape.The blood-oozing wound will always be stained with dirt, dew on the grass, and crushed bugs. Once the potion is applied, there will be a pleasant sting.When I was tired from playing, I frowned and blew my wound while looking at the setting sun. The gloomy scenery in the evening made me peaceful.It's the exact opposite of what heroin or having sex with a woman gives me, the tingle that lifts me above everything around me, as if I'm so dazzlingly dazzling that it rivals the beautiful orange of a sunset.As I reflect on these visions in this room, I feel nothing but chills in my heart, and I pick up dead moths that have fallen on the carpet and put them in my mouth.The moth has stiffened, the green juice flowing from the abdomen has solidified, the golden scales glow on the fingerprints, its eyes are a small black ball, and it is connected with a silk thread when it separates from the rouge.I tore off its wings and placed them on my tongue, the thin lanugo stinging my gums. "Is the coffee delicious? Why don't you talk? Aaron, Aaron! What's wrong with you? What are you thinking?" Lili's body seems to be made of metal. If you peel off the white skin on the outside, the inside must be a shiny alloy. "Yes, it's delicious, Lili, it's delicious," I replied.My left hand cramps.I took a deep breath and saw a poster on the wall of a girl skipping rope with her foot cut by glass.I suddenly smelled an unpleasant smell, loosened my hand and dropped the coffee cup to the floor. "Aaron, what's wrong with you?" Lili walked over with a piece of white cloth, the white coffee cup broke, and the carpet was steaming, sucking the liquid.I also had coffee spilled between my toes and it was sticky. "What's wrong with you, are you shaking?" I touched Lili's body, rough and stiff, like old bread. Lili put her hands on my knees and said, "Go and wash your feet, there is still hot water, go and wash." Lili bent down, picked up the glass fragments on the ground, put them on a magazine, Then it was poured into the ashtray, and the liquid on the glass extinguished the lit cigarette. Lili saw that I was standing still, and said, "What are you doing standing there? Go wash your feet first. Dirty my carpet. What should I do?" I leaned on the sofa, and as soon as I took a step, I felt dizzy and almost fainted.Lili was still urging me to wash my feet. The tiles on the bathroom floor were cold, and the plastic pipes reminded me of torture chambers with electric chairs I used to see in photos.There were bloodstained underwear on the washing machine.On the yellow tiled wall, a spider was spinning a web and crawling around.I splashed water on my feet.The net of the drain is covered with confetti.On my way to the apartment, walking past the lights out of the hospital, I threw a dead moth into a flower pot, and I figured the morning sun would dry it up, and be killed by a swarm of hungry insects eat it! "Haven't you finished talking? Aaron, you should go back. I won't keep you tonight." Lili looked at me and said.She leaned on the pillar and threw the white cloth in her hand into the bathroom. The white cloth had absorbed a little black liquid and turned black.Like a newborn baby, I opened my eyes for the first time and looked at Lili and the shiny white pajamas she was wearing.What's that dark thing under the pajamas?What are the two round balls? ... Red fabric sofa, gray walls, combs with many red hairs, pink carpet, dirty ceiling with dried flowers hanging, shining light bulbs, crystal towers in the bulbs are spinning rapidly, I My eyeballs were stinging like they were being burned, and when I closed my eyes, it seemed like dozens of people were laughing with their mouths open, and I was about to suffocate.What's wrong with me?Distraught, are you crazy?The afterimage of the red light bulb remained on Lili's face.The afterimage expanded and distorted like burnt glass, turning into tiny blobs that spread from one end of the field of vision to the other.Then Lili's red-spotted face moved closer to mine. "Hey, why are you shaking all the time? Talk to me." I thought of the face of a man who also had spots on his face.He is an American military doctor who once stayed at his aunt's house in the countryside. "Aaron, you have goose bumps on your body, talk, don't scare me." Whenever my aunt asked me to go to his room to collect the rent, he always showed me the ass of a monkey-thin Japanese woman with thick black body hair. "I'm fine, Lili, don't worry, I'm just flustered, like every time I go to a party." In the military doctor's room hung a spear that was used by a man with a pointed tip coated with poison. The military doctor always held the woman's struggling legs and showed me her ass. "You must be so tired, right?" Lili asked. I had an illusion, as if I was about to be sucked into Lili's eyes, swallowed by her.The military doctor asked the woman to open her mouth to show him, and he smiled and said in Japanese, "The teeth are melting." Lili brought a bottle of brandy and said to me: "You are not normal, let me take you to the hospital." The woman opened her cave-like mouth and yelled something. "I don't know how it happened, give me a shot if you have a sedative, I want to calm myself down." Lili poured brandy into my mouth, and I bit the rim of the glass through which I could see the lights on the ceiling.I felt the filthy blobs overlapping and it made me sick to puke. "I don't have any medicine now, I used up all of them last time." The medic stuffed all sorts of things up the skinny woman's ass for me to see.The woman's lipstick was on the bed sheet, moaning, staring at me, yelling at the medic with the whiskey, who was rocking with laughter. Lili helped me sit on the sofa, "Lili, I don't know what happened, it's not the same as the last jet." At that time, my body was as heavy as heavy oil. Although I also felt scared, it was different from now.Now my body is completely empty, there is nothing.My head is hot, my body is cold, and the air-conditioning will not go away, and my body does not listen to me. Although I am talking now, it seems like I am dreaming. It's like speaking in an extremely terrifying nightmare, it's terrible.What I said was completely different from what was in my head.What I've been thinking about is that Japanese woman who is kind of idiotic, not you Lili, it's about that woman and that American military doctor.I know in my heart that I am not dreaming now.I know I'm lying here with my eyes open, which makes it all the more terrifying.Terrible as hell.I really want you to kill me.Really, I'm so scared. Lili stuffed the brandy glass into my mouth again, the liquid stirred my tongue and slid down my throat, and the ringing in my ears kept ringing.The gray veins on the back of the hand protruded and trembled slightly.Sweat trickled down my neck, and Lili wiped the cold sweat off my head. "You're too tired, you'll be fine after a good night's sleep." "Lili, it's time for me to go back. I want to go back. I'm dizzy now. I'm probably going to get lost. But I still want to go back. I want to go to a cool place. I've been wrapped up there before. You too Do you know where it is? It’s a place like that under the big tree that exudes fragrance. Where am I staying now? Where is it?” My throat was on fire, Lili shook her head, drank the remaining sip of brandy, and murmured: "I can't do anything about you." I'm reminded of Green Aizen.He once said to me, "Have you ever seen a blackbird? You can see a blackbird." Maybe there will be blackbirds flying outside the window, like blackbirds as big as the dark night, with huge beaks and holes Big, can't see its whole picture at all, because it is too huge.It's like the moth that I killed couldn't see the whole picture of me and died. The moth didn't know that the huge thing that crushed its green, fluid-filled belly was just a small part of my body, so it died in a daze.Now I am exactly the same as that moth, about to be squashed by a blackbird.That's probably what Green Aize was trying to tell me! "Li Li, have you seen the bird? Is there a bird flying outside now? Have you found it? I have already found it. The moth didn't see me, but I found the bird. It's a huge black bird, Li Li Li, do you know this bird?" "Aaron, are you crazy, sober up. You don't understand my words? You are really crazy." "Don't interrupt, Lili, I've seen it. I won't be fooled, I know, I know where this place is. This is the closest to the bird, and I can definitely see the bird from here! I see.I've known it for a long time, I'm only realizing it now.I've lived until now to discover this bird. "It's a bird, Lili, do you see it?" "Stop talking! Aaron, stop talking!" "Lili, do you know what this place is? How did I come here? The bird is flying outside, look, it is flying outside the window, it is here to destroy the city I imagined." Lili cried and slapped me back. "Aaron, you are really crazy." Can't Lili see the bird?Lili opened the window, and she opened the window wide while crying. Outside was the dark street. "Where is the bird you mentioned? Look carefully, there is no bird anywhere." I shattered the brandy glass, and Li Li screamed, the glass scattered and glistened. "Lili, that's a bird. If you look carefully, those streets are birds. That's not a street, and there are no people living there. It's a bird. Don't you understand my words? Don't you really understand? Crying in the desert, hurry up and explode The man who wants to kill that bird. The bird must be killed, otherwise I will lose myself. The bird hides everything I want to see, and won't let me see it. I want to kill It, Lili, if it doesn't kill the bird, it will kill me. Lili, where are you? Let's kill the bird together! Lili, I can't see anything, I can't see anything!" I rolled on the ground, Lili ran outside and drove away. I just feel that the electric lights are spinning constantly, and the birds are flying outside the window.Lili went to nowhere, and a huge black bird flew towards me. I picked up the piece of glass on the carpet, rubbed it vigorously, and stabbed my trembling wrist. The sky was gloomy, wrapping me and the hospital like a white and soft cloth.The cool wind was blowing on my hot cheeks, and the leaves were rustling.The wind carried the humidity, blowing the smell of the plants in the middle of the night. Except for the red lights at the gate and the hall, the hospital was pitch black and the patients were asleep.The sky waiting for dawn is reflected on the glass of each window framed by thin aluminum strips. There is a curved band of purple light in the sky, and I guess it may be a gap in the clouds. A car drove by, its headlights illuminating the children's hat-shaped plants, and the pebbles and weeds on the ground.I picked up the dead moth I had thrown there, its down all covered with dew, like a dead bug sweating coldly. When she walked outside Lili's house, only her left wrist, which was still bleeding, was still conscious.I put the blood-stained shards of glass in my pocket and ran on the foggy road.The doors and windows of every household were tightly closed, and no living creature could be seen.I felt like the protagonist of a fairy tale who was swallowed by a gigantic creature and was walking around in its gut, unable to find its way out. I fell several times, shattering the glass in my pocket each time. When crossing the clearing, I fell into the grass and gnawed on the wet grass. The bitter taste irritated my tongue, and the worms on the grass also entered my mouth. The little bug struggled with its thin legs sticking out of my mouth. I used my fingers to pick out the little flower beetle that was stained with my saliva.It crawled from my hands onto the grass.I used my tongue to lick the gums that had been scratched by the bugs. My body was wet with dew, but I felt very comfortable.The fragrance of grass enveloped my whole body, causing the burning sensation in my body to escape to the ground. I lay on the grass and thought, I have been troubled by an unknown thing, even now, in this soft and quiet hospital, it is still the same.The huge black horse is still flying, and I am enclosed in its belly together with the bitter grass and round worms.As long as it does not become dry and hard as a stone like a dead moth, it cannot escape the clutches of the big bird. I fished a thumbnail-sized piece of glass out of my pocket and wiped off the blood.Curved panes of glass reflected the sky, which was beginning to brighten.Below the sky is a long hospital, and in the distance are boulevards and streets. The streetscape reflected on the glass is curved and uneven, and this subtle ups and downs are very similar to the dazzling lightning that appeared together with the thunder when it was about to kill Lili at the airport in the rain. The sea level is like the graceful curve of a woman's snow-white arm. I have been surrounded by this white ups and downs. The glass with bloodstains on the edge became more transparent in the light of dawn. This is an almost infinitely transparent blue.I stood up and walked towards my apartment, wishing that I could become like this piece of glass, that I could reflect that beautiful white curve so that everyone could see it. There was light in the sky, and the glass immediately became cloudy, and when the birds sang, nothing could be reflected on the glass. Under the poplar tree in the apartment, the pineapples thrown there yesterday still smelled bad. I squatted on the ground, waiting for the bird to fly down. The little bird flew down. If the warm sunlight can shine here, my long figure will wrap the gray little bird and the pineapple.