Chapter 29 Twenty-nine

I was silent for a while, thinking about what Stroeve had told me.I can't stand his cowardice, and he can see that I don't think so of him. "You know as well as I do what Strickland's life is," he said in a trembling voice. "I couldn't let her live in it—I just couldn't." "This is your business." I replied. "What would you do if this happened to you?" he asked. "She walked away with her eyes open. If she had to suffer, it was her own fault." "You're right, but, you know, you don't love her." "Do you still love her now?"

"Ah! more love than ever. Strickland is not a man to make a woman happy. It will not last long. I will let her know that I will never fail her hopes." "Do you mean that you are still going to take her in?" "I will not hesitate. Then she will need me more than ever. When she is abandoned, humiliated, and broken, it will be terrible if she has nowhere to go. .” Stroeve did not seem at all angry with her.Maybe I am too ordinary, so I am a little annoyed at his lack of backbone.He probably guessed what I was thinking, because he said this: "I can't expect her to love me as I love her. I'm a buffoon. I'm not the kind of man to call a woman's fancy. I've known that. If she's in love with Strickland, I can't blame her." she."

"I've never seen a man so devoid of self-respect as you," I said. "I love her far more than I love myself. I feel that if there is a consideration of self-respect in matters of love, there can only be one reason: you still love yourself the most. After all, a married woman It is not uncommon for a man to fall in love with someone else, and often after his enthusiasm has passed, he returns to his wife, and she reconciles with him. This kind of thing is considered natural by everyone .If men are like this, why should women be an exception?" "I admit that what you said is very logical," I smiled, "but most men don't have this mentality, and it's impossible for them to treat this matter like this."

All the while I was talking to Stroeve in this way, I kept thinking that the suddenness of this incident puzzled me.It is impossible to imagine that he would have been kept in the dark beforehand.I recalled the strange look in Blanche Stroeve's eyes I had seen, perhaps dimly aware of her own feelings, shocked herself. "Before today, didn't you ever suspect anything was going on between the two of them?" I asked him. He didn't answer my question right away.There was a pencil on the table, and he took it up and sketched a head on blotting paper. "If you don't like me asking you that question, just say so," I said.

"I feel better when I say it. Well, if only you knew how much pain I have in my heart." He threw the pencil in his hand on the table. "Yes, I've known it since two weeks ago. I knew it before she herself knew what it was." "Then why don't you send Strickland away?" "I don't believe it, I don't think it's possible. She hates this person so much. It's impossible, it's unbelievable. I thought it was my jealousy. You know, I've always been Very jealous but I've trained myself to never show it. I'm jealous of everyone she knows, even you and I. I know she doesn't love me the way I love her. It's natural, no huh? But she allowed me to love her, and that made me happy. I forced myself to go outside, for hours at a time, with the two of them alone. I think I degraded my personality by doubting her like this Well, I'm going to punish myself. But when I came back from the outside I found that they didn't need me--it didn't matter if Strickland needed me or not, it didn't matter to him whether I was at home or not, I mean I found Bob Lanche didn't need me. When I went up to kiss her, she trembled. At last I knew it for sure, but I didn't know what to do. I knew that if I made a scene One, only to make them laugh. I thought if I pretended I didn't see anything, and didn't bring it up, maybe it would be over. I made up my mind to send him away quietly, without arguing. .Well, if only I could tell you about the pain in my heart!"

Then he repeated the story of telling Strickland to move out.He chose his moment carefully, and he tried to sound casual, but he couldn't help himself.His voice trembled, and the words that were intended to be kind and funny revealed jealous anger.He did not expect that as soon as he said it, Strickland agreed and packed up his things immediately.What surprised him most was that his wife was going with Strickland.It can be seen that he is very remorseful, and really hopes that he can continue to bear it.He would rather endure the torment of jealousy than the pain of separation. "I tried to kill him, only to embarrass myself in vain."

He was silent for a while, and finally he said what I knew was pent up in his heart. "If I'd waited a little longer, maybe nothing would have happened. I shouldn't be so impatient. Oh, poor child, I've driven her to this point!" I shrugged my shoulders, but said nothing.I have no sympathy for Blanche Stroeve, but I know that if I tell poor Dirk the truth, I will only increase his suffering. By this time he was exhausted and unable to control himself, so he just kept talking.He repeated what everyone had said during the turmoil.Now he remembered something he forgot to tell me, and now he was discussing with me what he should have said and not that.He was terribly distressed at his blindness, regretting something he had done, blaming himself for something he hadn't done.The night wore on, and at last I was as tired as he was.

"What are you going to do now?" I finally asked him. "What can I do? I can only wait for her to call me back." "Why don't you go out for a walk?" "No, no. I will make sure she can find me if she needs it." He seemed to have no idea what to do at hand.He has no plans.Finally I suggested that he should go to sleep for a while, he said he couldn't sleep, he would go out for a walk all night.Of course, I must not leave him alone under such circumstances.I persuaded him to spend the night with me, and I put him in my bed.In the living room I also have a couch that I can sleep on.He was exhausted by this time, so I went to bed according to my idea.I gave him some verona, and he was able to sleep a few hours in a state of unconsciousness.I think this is the best help I can give him.