Chapter 3 Section 01-10 of the second part

Section 01 For a long time after Hannah left the city, I looked forward to seeing her everywhere I went.Only later did I get used to not having her in the afternoons, and I stopped asking myself, when I was reading or flipping through books, which books were good to read aloud.It took a while before my flesh craved hers any more.Sometimes I myself noticed how my arms and thighs searched for her in my sleep.My brother made fun of me many times at the dinner table about me calling out for Hannah in my sleep.I still remember being distracted in class, just thinking about her.The agonizing guilt I had for the first few weeks went away.I avoided the house she lived in and went another way, and half a year later my family moved to another city.It's not that I've forgotten Hannah, but that at some point the memory of her ceased to be with me.Memories are left behind, like a train that goes on and leaves a city behind.It's still there, lurking somewhere, and I can sail to it and get it at any time.However, I don't have to.

I remember that the last years of my high school life and the first years of my college life were very happy, but very little happiness that I could tell.I finished my studies with little effort, my Baccalaureate exams and my choice of law out of desperation meant nothing to me, and friendship, love, and parting meant nothing to me, nothing at all.I take everything lightly so that everything is easy for me.Maybe that's why there's so little in memory.Maybe this lack is just a feeling on my part?I am also doubting whether my current feeling that I lived a happy life in the past is in line with the reality of the year?If I go back, I will recall enough to make me feel miserable, and I will realize that although I said goodbye to the memory of Hannah, I did not overcome it.Hannah won't humiliate me anymore, I won't be groveling anymore, I won't owe anyone anything, I won't feel guilty anymore, I won't be so in love with anyone again that it pains me to have her go .At the time, I didn't think about it so clearly, but I felt it clearly.

I developed a habit of being arrogant and supercilious, of being indifferent to everything, of being indifferent and unconfused.I'm not involved in anything.I also remember a teacher who saw this clearly.Once he mentioned it to me, I dismissed him arrogantly.I also remember Sophie.Not long after Hannah left the city, Sophie was diagnosed with tuberculosis.She spent three years in a nursing home, and she came back when I started college.She was lonely and looking for a connection with old friends, and in doing so, I won her heart easily.After we slept together, she found that my heart was not with her, and she said through tears, "What's wrong with you, what happened to you? I still remember, before my grandfather died, when I visited him for the last time When he tried to bless me, I explained that I didn't believe it and that it meant nothing to me. At the time, I was so complacent about my behavior that it's unbelievable to think about it now. I also remember that a Small gestures of affection, whether they are addressed to me or someone else, make my throat bite. Sometimes a single scene in a movie is enough to make me so emotional. I am both insensitive and sentimental, and this Even I can't believe it.

Section 02 I saw Hannah again in court. It was not the first trial of concentration camp criminals, nor was it a large one.A professor taught a class on the trial, and he hoped to track and analyze the trial with the help of his students.He was one of the few people who conducted research on Nazi history and related trial procedures at the time.I can't remember what he was going to examine, prove, or refute.I remember in class we had a discussion about banning additional penalties.Is it sufficient to try the concentration camp guards and executioners according to the relevant provisions of the penal code which existed at the time of their crime?Or look at how people understand the application of these criminal law provisions at the time of their crime, and see whether these provisions also concern them?What is law?Is it the provisions of the law or something that is actually implemented and observed in society?Or are laws simply what must be enforced and obeyed under normal circumstances, whether or not they are written into the law?The professor was an old gentleman who had returned from exile, but was still an outsider in German jurisprudence.With his great knowledge, but at the same time with a certain distance, he participated in the discussion of some problems, but those problems were not solved by learning. "Look closely at the accused, and you won't find any one who really thought he could kill."

The class we took started in the winter term, the court trial was at the beginning of the year, and the trial went on for a long time.Court sessions are in session from Monday to Thursday.Every day the professor assigns a group of students to take notes.On Friday, everyone sat down to discuss and sort out the trial situation in the past week. clean up!Clean it up!Our students in this class see themselves as pioneers in the cleanup.A layer of dust has accumulated over the terrible history of the past, and we forcefully throw the windows open to let in the wind that will eventually stir up this dust.But we are also responsible for people's breathing, people's vision.Likewise, we do not rely solely on our legal knowledge.There must be a trial, that is certain to us.It is equally certain to us that the trial of this or that concentration camp guard or executioner has so far been superficial.Those who used the guards and executioners, those who did not stop them, or at least who should have denounced them in 1945 and did not, are now brought to court.We put them on trial in our cleanup, denouncing them for their shameful actions.

Those of us whose parents played a completely different role during the Third Reich.Some fathers fought in the war, two or three were Wehrmacht officers, one was an officer in the SS Ordnance Department, and several rose up in the judiciary and administration.There were also teachers and doctors among our parents, and one of the schoolmates had an uncle who was a high-ranking official who worked with the Reich Minister of the Interior.I am sure that if we asked them and they answered us, they would tell us all kinds of things.My father doesn't want to talk about himself, but I know that his position as lecturer in philosophy was lost because of a predicted course on Spinoza.As editor of a publishing house that published tourist maps and guidebooks, he guided our family through the war.How can I condemn him as shameful?But I did it anyway.We all denounced our parents as shameful and, if possible, prosecuted them for tolerating criminals around them after 1945.

The students who take our class form a group with their own distinct characteristics.At first the other students called us the Concentration Camp Study, and before long we called ourselves that too.Some were not interested in what we were doing, many more were amazed, others were disgusted.Now I think that the enthusiasm with which we have learned about this terrible history and tried to make it known to others is really disgusting.The more dire the truth we read and hear, the clearer the task of indictment and cleanup becomes.Even the truths that choke us, we hold them up triumphantly.Look here!

I signed up for this seminar purely out of curiosity, because that would allow me to switch to something else that would be the law of sale, crime and participation in crime, German medieval codes, or ancient legal philosophy.I brought into my class the habits of arrogance and superciliousness I had developed.However, during that winter, I became more and more unable to extricate myself, not unable to extricate myself from the truth of what we read and saw, but also from the enthusiasm displayed by the students in the seminar.At first, I just wanted to share a little bit of my classmates' scientific, political, or ethical enthusiasm, but that was just self-deception.More and more, I wanted to be more involved, to share all the enthusiasm with them.Others may still think I still!Hi kept a distance from them, thinking I was arrogant.But I felt good about myself during those winter months, I felt like I belonged to the seminar, I felt like I got to know myself, what I was doing, and the people I was working with.

Section 03 The court hearing took place in another city, nearly an hour's drive there.Before that, I had never had any relationship with that city.Another classmate drove the car. He grew up there and was very familiar with the conditions there. It was a Thursday.The court hearing started on Monday, and the first three days of the trial were devoted to defense attorneys filing applications for the defense.What our fourth group will experience is the direct trial of the defendant by the court, which will be the real beginning of the court trial. We drove along the mountain road under the fruit trees in full bloom, lighthearted and in high spirits.What we've learned is finally coming to fruition, we feel like we're not just spectators, listeners, and note-takers, but watching, hearing, and taking notes is our contribution to the cleanup.

The courthouse is a turn-of-the-century building, but without the grandeur and gloom that were common to courthouse buildings of the time.In the hall of the criminal jury court, there is a row of large windows on the left. The milky white glass blocks people's view from the inside, but it cannot block the light from the outside.The prosecutors sat at the window, their outlines visible only on the bright spring and summer days.In the courtroom sat three judges in black robes and six jurors.They sit at the front of the hall, with the accused and defense attorneys on the benches to their right.Due to the large number of people, the tables and chairs were placed in the middle of the hall and in front of the auditorium.Several defendants and defense attorneys sat with their backs to us, including Hannah.I didn't recognize her until she was summoned, stood up and walked forward.Of course, I recognized her name immediately: Hannah Smith.Then I recognized her figure too, her head, her neck, her broad back and her powerful arms, and what was strange to me was the coiled hair.She stood there, chest out, her legs perfectly still, her arms sagging, in a blue short-sleeved blouse.I recognized her, but I didn't feel anything, I didn't feel anything.

When the judge asked her if she would stand, she said yes; Yes; when asked if she had worked for Siemens in Berlin and went to the SS in the fall of 1943, she said yes. "Did you volunteer for the SS?" "yes." "why?" Hannah didn't answer. "Even though Siemens offered you a position as foreman, you went to the SS, didn't you?" Hannah's defense lawyer jumped up: "What does it mean here though? Isn't that just assuming that a woman should prefer to be a foreman at Siemens instead of going to the SS? You don't have any reason for my client's decision." Ask such a question." He sat down.He was a young defender of One, the others were elderly, and a few were quickly revealed to be old Nazis.Hannah's defenders stopped them from using lingo and inferences.But his impatience was as bad to his client as his colleagues' Nazi rhetoric was to theirs.Although his words made the presiding judge seem at a loss, and made him stop asking why Hannah went to the SS, his words left the impression that she went to the SS after careful consideration. Not compelled.An associate judge asked Hannah what she would like to do in the SS.Hannah explained that the SS recruited women workers as backup guards at Siemens and other factories, so she signed up and was hired.Although she made such an explanation, people's bad impression of her can no longer be changed. The presiding judge asked Hannah to prove the following questions with yes or no: whether she had been in Auschwitz until the beginning of 1944, whether she was sent to Krala in the winter between 1944 and 1945 Koff, a small concentration camp, traveled westward with the internees there and reached their destination, whether they had been to Kassel at the end of the war, and whether they had frequently changed places of residence since then.She lived in my hometown for eight years, which is where she lived the longest. "Can frequently changing the place of residence prove the suspicion of fleeing?" the defense lawyer asked with obvious sarcasm. "My client registered and deregistered with the police station every time she changed her residence. There was no sign that she was going to run away, and she couldn't hide anything. The arresting judge believed that my client was charged with seriousness and faced public outrage. Danger, he finds it intolerable. Can this be a reason to deprive her of her personal liberty? My honor, Mr. Judge, this is a reason for arresting people during the Nazi period. It was a popular practice during the Nazi period and was abolished after the Nazis. It's long gone now." The defense lawyer spoke with the ill-intentioned smugness of one who sells dirty stories. I was shocked by this.I found out that I took Hannah's arrest as natural and justified, not because of the charges, serious condemnations and strong suspicions - about which I don't know the details, but because of her being locked up in a solitary cell She will disappear from my world, from my life.I wanted to get away from her, keep her out of reach, make her a part of my life for the past few years a memory, just a memory.If the defense lawyer is successful, it means that I have to be ready to see her again, I have to make myself clear whether and how I will see her.And, I don't see how he could not be successful.If Hannah hadn't attempted to escape so far, why was she trying to do so now?What can she hide?That was just one reason for her arrest. The presiding judge looked bewildered again.I found out it was a ruse on his part.Whenever he finds an opinion obstructive and unpleasant to him, he takes off his spectacles and looks at the expresser with a near-sighted, uncertain gaze, frowning, or avoiding what has already been expressed. comments, or start asking questions like: "Did you mean..." or "Did you mean to say..." and restate the other person's opinion in another way, making it really seem that he is not interested in it, and at the same time It is useless to make people believe that it is useless to force him. "You mean that the arresting officer miscalculated that the defendant did not respond to the written arraignment and did not go to the police station, prosecutor's office and judge? Do you mean to file a report rescinding the warrant? " Defense attorneys filed one such report, which was dismissed by the court. Section 04 I didn't miss a day of the court hearing. Other students were surprised by this, and the professor appreciated it, because, in this way, one of us could convey what the previous group of students saw and heard to the next group. Group of classmates people. Only once did Hannah look towards the audience and towards me, otherwise, all the days of the trial, when she was ushered in by a female guard and after she sat down, she turned her gaze to the court bench.It made her look arrogant, and what made her look arrogant was that she didn't talk to the other defendants, and she said very little to her defense attorneys.However, the longer the court hearing lasted, the less there was conversation among the other defendants.They stood and talked with friends and family during recess in the courtroom, and waved to them when they saw them in the audience in the morning.Hannah remained in her seat during the court recess. That way I could only see her from behind.I could see her head, her neck and shoulders.I study her head, her neck and her shoulders.She holds her head especially high when it's about her.When she felt that she had been treated unfairly, or was being slandered or attacked, or was struggling to answer questions, she would lean her shoulders forward and the veins in her neck would swell.Her rebuttals were always unsuccessful, and her shoulders always dropped again.She never shrugged her shoulders, never shook her head.She was so tense that she couldn't even do the effortless movements required to shrug her shoulders and shake her head.She didn't allow herself to turn her head to one side, nor allowed herself to bow her head or lean on it.She sat stiffly in a position that must have been painful. Sometimes, a piece of hair would slowly fall out of her hairpins and hang in curls around her neck, blowing back and forth in the draft.Sometimes Hannah wore a dress with a neckline so wide that a birthmark above her left shoulder was exposed.It reminds me of when I blow the hair off her neck and go and kiss that asshole, kiss her neck.However, this memory is just a memory, I don't feel anything. During the court proceedings which lasted for several weeks, I felt nothing, my senses were like numbness.I also stimulated it occasionally, imagining as clearly as I could the actions Hannah was accused of, while I also recalled the hair on her neck and the mole on her shoulder.The result is like dragging an anesthetic arm with your hand. The arm does not know that it has been pinched by the hand, but the hand knows that it has pinched the arm. The brain can't distinguish between these two feelings at first, but the next step is to The two are clearly distinguished.Maybe the hand is too hard, the pinched place will be pale and bloodless for a while, and the blood will circulate after a while, and the pinched place will return to blood, but the feeling does not come back. Who gave me anesthesia?It's me, because can I take it without insensitivity?This insensitivity didn't just work in the halls of the court, it didn't just enable me to face Hannah—as if I were not me but an acquaintance of mine, an acquaintance who had loved her and longed for her, It also keeps me on par with all the people around me, whether it's with friends in college or at home with my parents and siblings. After a while, I discovered that similar insensitivity can be observed in other people, but you don't observe this insensitivity in defense lawyers.Throughout the trial they were consistently noisily and smugly quarrelsome, sometimes excessively sharp, sometimes rowdy and impudent, to varying degrees according to personal and political temperament.Although the trial had exhausted them, and made them tired or their voices more shrill at night, after a night of recuperation, they went to battle the next day as noisily as the day before.Those judges did not show weakness either, and they fought with high spirits every day.But they didn't achieve the desired results, first because the subject and the outcome were too shocking for them, and then the insensitivity came into play.Nowhere is this insensitivity more apparent than in the judges and jurors.During the first few weeks of the trial, they were visibly shocked or forced to calm down when they heard the horrific facts: sometimes the narrator burst into tears, sometimes choked up, sometimes very provocative, sometimes erratic .Later, their facial expressions returned to normal.They could laugh at each other and whisper something in each other's ears, or sigh impatiently when a witness testified in detail.During the trial, there was a scramble when it was announced that a female witness in Israel would be required to testify.The other classmates are always shocked by new facts, they only come to court once a week, and each time they have to face the fact that the terrible history breaks their daily life.But I stayed in court day after day, watching their reaction with cold eyes. How did the camp inmates survive month after month, how did they adjust to themselves, how did they turn a blind eye to the horrors of the newcomers?insensitive!They treat killing and death with the same insensitivity.This insensitivity is documented in all the writings left by those survivors.This insensitivity weakens the function of life, and makes lawlessness unscrupulous, and the use of gas to kill and burn people becomes commonplace.It can be seen from the few words in the descriptions of those criminals that they also regarded the gas chambers and incinerators as everyday life, took their own role very lightly, and regarded their unscrupulousness and indifference as a kind of behavior like being killed. A paralyzed state like being injected with narcotics or drunk.In my eyes, those defendants seem to be still!Chained daily and permanently in this insensitivity, they have become, in a way, fossilized. When I do research on this commonality of insensitivity, when I study insensitivity not only in criminals and victims, but also in those of us—judges, jurors, prosecutors, and recorders—who later became involved When conducting research on the insensitivity of my research, when I compared the criminal, the victim, the dead, the living, the survivor, and the immortal to each other, I felt uncomfortable, I didn't feel right, I still don't feel right now.Are people allowed to make such comparisons?When I make such comparisons in my speeches, though, I always stress that the distinction between whether criminals were forced to go to concentration camps or to go there voluntarily, and whether they are suffering themselves or causing pain to others, should not be dismissed. The distinction between the two--on the contrary, we should emphasize the importance of this distinction, but I always get burned--causes shock and anger in others, if my point of view is not caused by accusations against others. Not a reaction, but words that were brought up before they even pointed the finger at me.I ask myself now—and I began to ask myself this question then: How should our generation deal with the horrible historical view of the Holocaust?We should not think that we can understand the incomprehensible, should not compare the incomparable, and should not inquire because the inquirer himself has made that terrible past into a subject of conversation.Although they had no doubts about the terrible past, they did not regard it as a monstrous shame and a heinous crime.Should we just stop at this sense of shame and guilt?Why?The reason I ask myself this is not because the enthusiasm for cleaning up and explaining the past that I had in my seminars has died down during the court proceedings, but the descendants of our perpetrators are only Is it all right to feel that that period of history is an appalling humiliation and heinous crime? Section 05 The following week, the court read the indictment.It took a day and a half to read the indictment, using a day and a half of subjunctive.The defendant first committed...and she committed...and she committed...so she violated such and such a clause, and besides she committed this crime and that crime, her conduct was illegal and criminal.Hannah is the fourth defendant. The five defendants were all female guards at a small concentration camp in Krakow.Krakow was an outlying concentration camp of Auschwitz.They were sent there from Auschwitz in the spring of 1944.They were in place of female guards who were killed or injured in an explosion at a factory.In that factory, women prisoners from the concentration camp had to work.One of the accusations was the conduct of the defendants at Auschwitz, but this one seemed less important than the other.I don't remember what the other charge was.Did they have nothing to do with Hannah but only the other female guards?Are the charges against Auschwitz unimportant compared to the other charges?Or is it not important in itself?Doesn't it seem intolerable that a man who was in Auschwitz and was arrested for it was not charged for his actions in Auschwitz? Of course, the five defendants were not the head of the camp.The camp had a commander, a guard and other female guards.One night, as the prisoners were being driven westward, they were bombed. Most of the guards and female guards were killed in the bombing. A few deserted that night, and the commander escaped shortly after departure. disappeared. None of the prisoners should have survived the bombing that night, but a mother and daughter survived.The daughter wrote a book about the concentration camps and the journey west, and sampled it in America.The police and prosecutors located not only the five defendants but also several witnesses who were staying in a village when the westbound procession was bombed.The most important witnesses were the daughter and her mother who remained in Israel.The daughter made a special trip to Germany.To testify against her mother, the court, prosecutors and defenders traveled to Israel.That was the only part of the trial that I didn't experience. Chief among the charges was selection in concentration camps.About sixty women were sent out of Auschwitz every month, and a similar number were sent in, not counting those who died during this period.Everyone knows that these women will be killed in Auschwitz, and those who are brought in are unable to work in the factory.It was an ammunition factory, and although the ammunition factory itself was not very heavy work, in that ammunition factory, the women did little of the work they were supposed to do, but were involved in the construction, because an explosion at the beginning of the year damaged the factory. to severe damage. Another major allegation concerns the night of the bombing, the night it all ended.The guards and female guards locked hundreds of female prisoners in a village church.Most of the villagers have fled.Few bombs were dropped, maybe the target of the bombing was a nearby train track, or a factory, maybe there were a few bombs left after the air raid on a big city, so a random bomb just hit the guards and female guards The parsonage where they had spent the night, another bomb fell on the church tower.First there was a fire, then the roof of the church, and then all the beams of the church collapsed into the church, and all the chairs in the church started to catch fire.The heavy door didn't budge.The defendants could have opened the door, but they didn't, and the women locked up in the church were burned to death. Section 06 The court hearing couldn't have been worse for Hannah.She did not make a good impression on the court when she was questioned personally.After the indictment was read, she asked to speak because she believed something was not true.The presiding judge angrily dismissed her.He said she had had enough time to study the indictment before the main proceedings of the criminal proceedings began and she could raise objections and now that people have entered the main proceedings it is up to the hearing to decide whether the facts charged in the indictment are true or not .At the beginning of the hearing, the presiding judge suggested that the German version of the book written by the daughter should not be read aloud, because a German publishing house was preparing to publish the book, and everyone involved already had a draft.The presiding judge fixed Hannah's exasperated eyes, and he asked her defense lawyer to persuade her to agree to do so.Hannah disagrees.Nor did she want to accept the suggestion that she had admitted in an initial trial that she had been given the keys to the church.She said she hadn't taken that key, nobody had taken that key, there wasn't one key to the church at all, but there were many keys that opened many doors, and they were all in the locks outside the doors .But a different story was recorded in an interrogation record by an interrogator, which she had read and signed herself.She asks why people are forcing this on her, but it doesn't help at all.She asked quietly, without sounding self-righteous, but stubborn.She was bewildered and helpless, as I sensed.When she says people impose on her, she doesn't accuse them of breaking the law by doing so.However, the presiding judge understood it this way, and he reacted strongly.Hannah's defense attorney jumped to her feet and enthusiastically defended her.He sat down again when he was asked if he wanted to appropriate the condemnation of his client. Hannah wants justice.Where she thought she was wronged, she protested; if she thought she was justly condemned, she accepted it.Sometimes she protested obstinately, and sometimes she confessed willingly, as if by admitting she was gaining the right to protest, or by protesting to acknowledge something she could not normally argue.However, she didn't notice that her stubbornness annoyed the presiding judge.She has no concept of context, no concept of the rules of the game, no concept of her own and other people's expressions, and she does not know guilt or innocence. Sentencing or release often depends on the expression.In order to compensate for her lack of this, her defense lawyer must be experienced, self-confident or superior to others.Perhaps Hannah shouldn't have made it so difficult for him, she clearly showed distrust of him, but she failed to choose the lawyer she trusted.Her lawyer was appointed for her by the presiding judge, and he had the obligation and responsibility to defend her. There are times when Hannah is able to achieve a certain kind of victory.I also remember the interrogation she had on the selection of prisoners in the concentration camps.While the other defendants denied involvement by saying they did something at some point, Hannah willingly admitted to, but said she wasn't the only one, but was involved like everyone else, with others this matter.In this way, the presiding judge will have to press her. "How does the selection work?" Hannah described that several of their female guards reached a consensus to select the same number of prisoners from the same size area under the supervision of the six of them, that is to say, each of them selected ten, for a total of sixty. name.However, the number of people selected will be different in the case of low incidence and in the case of high incidence.In this way, all the female guards on duty finally decide together who should be sent back. "None of you shied away from the matter. Are you talking about everyone?" "yes." "Don't you know that you are sending the prisoners to die?" "Of course I know, but new ones are coming, and those who came first must give way to those who came later." "Because to make room, is that what you said: You, you, and you must be sent back to be killed?" Hannah didn't understand what the judge wanted to ask with this question. "I have... I think... what would you do if it were you?" Hannah asked the question as a serious one.She didn't know what she should do, or how she could do it.So she wanted to hear what the presiding judge, who seemed to be well-informed, should do. For a while, the hall was silent.The defendant's questioning of the presiding judge does not conform to the German criminal trial procedure.But now the question has been raised, and all are waiting for the presiding judge's answer.He must answer, and cannot avoid the question or make critical comments or refuse to answer with rhetorical questions.Everyone knew it, he knew it himself, and I understood his trick of making annoyed faces.The exasperated look puts a mask on him, behind which he buys himself a little time to answer questions, but not much time, and the longer he delays, the greater the anticipation, The more tense the atmosphere, the better his answers must be. "There are some things that people simply shouldn't do, and people have to avoid if not doing it would kill them." Maybe it would be enough if he told Hannah or how he himself was doing.Talking only about what people have to do, what they're not allowed to do, and what people pay for what they do doesn't match the seriousness of the issues Hannah is asking.What she wants to know is what she should do in her current situation, not what people can't do.The presiding judge's answer seemed helpless and weightless.Everyone here feels the same way.Everyone let out a deep breath of disappointment and looked in amazement at Hannah who had somehow won the battle of words.However, Hannah herself is still brooding. "Well, what if I...no...what if I can't sign up at Siemens?" 那不是向法官提出的问题。她在自言自语，她在犹豫不定地自问，因为她还没有把这个问题提出来。她在怀疑这个问题的正确性，在寻找它的答案。 Section 07 汉娜有时固执己见地进行抗议，这使审判长大为恼火。同样，她有时心甘情愿地认错，这也气坏了其他被告。这无论是对她自己的辩护还是对她们的辩护都十分不利。 证明材料本来对被告有利。那幸存下来的母女和她们写的书是第一项主要指控的推一证明材料。一个好的辩护律师，应该能够在不抨击母女证词的情况下就能够令人信服地驳回对那几位被告参与挑选囚犯的指控。就这一点而言，证词不精确，也不可能精确，因为毕竟还有一名指挥官、一个警卫队和其他的女看守，以及一项层层下达的命令和任务，这样，这些囚犯在这个等级制中就只是一个组成部分，他们也只能看清楚与这相关的部分。类似的情形在第二项指控中也存在：那母女俩被关押在教堂里，不能就外面所发生的事情做证。虽然被告不能找任何借口，说她们当时不在现场，因为当时在那座村子里生活过的那些证人与被告交谈过，现在还记得她们，但是，这些证人必须要注意防止引火烧身，否则，人们会说，本来他们是可以把那些囚犯救出来的。如果仅仅是那几位被告在场的话，难道村民们就制服不了几个女人而自己把教堂的门打开吗？为了减轻那几位被告和作为证人的他们自己的负担，他们难道不必须站到被告这一边来吗？他们不会说当时他们都处在警卫队的暴力或命令之下吗？不会说因为警卫队确实没有逃跑，或者至少像那几位被告估计的那样，他们为了抢救一座野战医院的伤员只是离开了很短的时间，不久就又回来了吗？ 当其他被告的辩护律师意识到像这样的策略由于汉娜心甘情愿地认错而落空时，他们又换了一个策略。他们想利用汉娜认错的主动性，把责任都推到她身上，以此减轻其他被告的罪行。辩护律师们很专业地不动声色地这样做着，其他被告以愤怒的谴责为其助威。 "您说过，您知道您是送囚犯去死，这只是说您自己，是吗？您的同事们知道什么，您不可能知道。您也许能猜测，但是却不能最终断定，不对吗？" 问汉娜的是另外一位被告的辩护律师。 "但是，我们大家都知道……" "我们，我们大家，这样说比说我或说我自己要容易得多，不对吗？您，仅您一人，在集中营里有被您保护起来的人，每次都是位年轻的姑娘，每过一段时间就换一位，有这么回事吧？" 汉娜犹豫不决地说："我相信，我不是淮一的一个…， "你这个卑鄙下流说谎话的家伙！你的心肝宝贝，那是你的，你一个人的！"另一位被一个油嘴滑舌。尖酸刻毒的悍妇，用一种慢得像母鸡打咯咯的口吻说道。她显然很恼怒。 "可能是这样的吧，您说知道的地方仅仅是您的猜想，而猜想的地方是您的捏造吧？"那位辩护律师摇着头，好像对得到她的肯定的回答比较担心。"所有在您保护之下的人，当她们令您感到厌倦时，您就会在下一批被送往奥斯威辛的人中把她送走，有没有这回事？" 汉娜没有回答。 "那是您特殊的、个人的选择，难道不是这样吗？您不再想承认它了，您想把它隐藏在大家都做过的事情的背后。但是……" "啊，天哪！"在接受听证之后又坐到观众席上的那位女儿用手蒙住了脸说，"我怎么能把这件事给忘了呢？"审判长问她是否想补充她的证词。她没有等被传呼到前面去，就站了起来在观众席的座位上讲了起来。 "是的，她有心爱的人，总是年轻、体弱而温柔的姑娘中的一位。她把她们保护起来，关照她们，不让她们干活，给她们安排较好的住处并在饮食上给予较好的照顾。到了晚上，她把姑娘带到她那儿，姑娘们不允许说出她们晚上和她做了什么。我们当时想，她和那些姑娘在一起……因为她们也都被送走，好像她用她们来满足她自己的乐趣，然后又厌倦了她们似的。但事实根本不是这么回事。有一天，有位姑娘还是说了出来。我们才知道那些姑娘是一个晚上接着一个晚上地在为她朗读。这要比她那样……好得多，也比在建筑工地干活累得要死好得多。我一定是这么想的，否则的话，我不会把这件事给忘掉的。但是，那样确实好吗？"她坐下了。 汉娜转过身来望着我，她的目光一下子就捕捉到了我，我才意识到她早就知道我在这儿了。She just looks at me.从她的面部表情看，她既不是在请求什么，也不是在追求什么，更不是在保证或许诺什么。我看得出来，她的心里是多么紧张，身体是多么疲惫。她的眼圈是黑的，面颊两边从上到下各有一条我所不熟悉的皱纹，虽然还不太深，可是却已像一条疤痕一样。我在她的注视下脸红了，于是她移开了目光，把它转向法庭中的长椅子。 审判长想知道向汉娜发问的那位辩护律师是否还有问题要问被告。他想知道汉娜的律师是否还有问题要问。应该问她，我在想，问她选择了体弱、温柔的姑娘是否是因为她们反正承受不了建筑工作，是否是因为她们总归要被送往奥斯威辛，是否是因为她想使她们最后几个月的日子过得好受一点。说呀，汉娜！说你是想使她们最后的日子过得好一点。说这就是你挑选体弱、温柔姑娘们的原因，说不存在其他原因，也不可能有其他的原因。 但是，辩护律师没有问汉娜，汉娜自己也什么都没有说。 第08节 那位女儿写的关于她在集中营生活的那本书的德文版，在法庭审判结束后才出版。虽然在法庭审理期间已经有草稿，但是，只有与此案有关的人才能得到。我只好读英文版的，这对当时的我来说是件非同寻常和颇为吃力的事情。运用一门尚未完全掌握的外语，总会让人产生一种特有的若即若离、似是而非的感觉。尽管人们特别仔细认真地读过那本书，但仍旧没把它变为自己的东西。就像对书写它的这门外语一样，人们对它的内容也感到陌生。 多年以后，我又重读了那本书，并且发现，这种距离感是书本身造成的。它没能让你从中辨认出任何人，也不使任何人让你同情，包括那母女俩以及和她们一起在不同的集中营里呆过，最后在奥斯威辛和克拉科夫遭受了共同命运的那些人。无论是集中营元老、女看守，还是警卫，他们的形象都不鲜明，以致人们无法褒贬他们的行为。书中充斥着我在前面已经描述过的那种麻木不仁。然而，在这种麻木不仁中，那位女儿并没有失去记录和分析事实的能力。她没有垮下来，她的自怜和由此产生的自觉意识没有使她垮下来。她活下来了，集中营里的那几年，她不但熬过来了，而且还用文学形式又把它再现了出来。她冷静客观地描述一切，描写她自己v她的青春期和她的早熟，如果必要的话还有她的机智。 书中既没有出现汉娜的名字，也没有任何东西可以让人联想到或辨认出她。有时候，我认为书中的某一位年轻漂亮的女看守就是汉娜：执行任务时认真到丧尽天良的地步，但是，我又不能肯定。如果我仔细地对照一下其他被告的话，那个女看守又只能是汉娜。但是书中还有其他女看守。在一所集中营里，那位女儿领教了一位被称做"牡马"的女看守的厉害，她年轻漂亮，俗尽职守，残酷无情，放荡不羁，正是这些令作者回忆起了这个集中营里这一位女看守。其他人也做过这种比喻吗？汉娜知道这些吗？当我把她比喻为一匹马时，她是不是回想起了这些，因而触及了她的要害？ 克拉科夫集中营是那母女俩去奥斯威辛的最后一站。相比之下，到那里算是改善。那儿的活虽然繁重，但是生活容易些，伙食好些，而且六个人睡在一个房间总也比上百号人睡在一间临时搭建的木板房里要好。房里也暖和一些，女犯们可以从工厂回集中营的路上捡一些木材带回来。人们恐怕被挑选出来，但是这种恐惧感也不像在奥斯威辛那样严重。每个月有六十名女犯要被送回去，这六十名是从大约一千二百名中被挑选出来的。这样一来，人们只需拥有一般体力就有希望继续活二十个月，而且，人们甚至可以希望其体力超过一般水平。此外，人们也可以期望这场战争在不到二十个月的时间里就会结束。 随着集中营的被解散和囚犯的西迁，悲惨再次降临。当时正值隆冬时节，冰天雪地。女囚们身上穿的衣服在工厂里已是薄不可耐，在集中营里尚能让人承受，但是在冰天雪地里就不足以抵寒了。她们的鞋子就更惨了，它们通常是用破布或报纸做的，这样的鞋在站立和慢走时还能不散架子，但是在冰天雪地里进行长途跋涉就不可能不散架子了。那些女人不仅仅要长途跋涉，她们常被驱赶着小跑。"向死亡进军？"那位女儿在书中这样问道并回答道，"不，是赶死，是向死亡飞奔！"许多人在路上就垮掉了，又有许多人在粮仓里，或者在一面墙下过夜后就再也爬不起来了。一个星期之后，这些妇女中几乎一半都死掉了。 教堂要比那些女囚此前的栖身之处——粮仓或墙下要好多了。在这之前，当她们经过被遗弃的庭院并在那过夜时，警卫队和女看守们就分别占据能住人的房间。但在这里，一个正在被遗弃的村庄，看守们住进了教士住宅，而让女囚们住进了一个比粮仓和墙角好得多的教堂里。她们这样做了。在村子里她们甚至还得到了热汤喝，好像结束这种痛苦不堪的生活变得有希望了。这些妇女就这样入睡了。随后不久炸弹就落了下来。教堂的塔尖在燃烧时，在教堂里面只能听得见燃烧声却看不见火焰。塔尖坍塌并砸到屋架后，又过了几分钟才看得见火光，随后火焰也一点一点地蹿了进来，点燃了衣服。燃烧着的房梁掉下来点燃了座椅和布道坛。屋架很快塌人大堂，一切都熊熊燃烧了起来。 那位女儿认为，如果那些女人马上齐心协力地砸开其中的一扇门的话，她们还是可以得救的。但是当她们明白过来，知道发生了什么事，什么事将要发生，以及没人给她们开门时，为时已晚。当击中教堂的炸弹把她们惊醒时，正值漆黑的夜晚，有好一会儿工夫，她们只听得见塔顶上的一种令人奇怪和惊恐杂音。为了能更好地听清楚、弄明白那杂音是怎么一回事，她们都屏住了呼吸。那是火焰发出劈劈啪啪的声音，火光时而在窗后闪烁，那是投在她们头顶上的炸弹，那意味着大火由塔顶蔓延到了房顶，女人们直到屋架上的火焰明显地看得见的时候，才意识到这些。她们一旦意识到了这些，就开始大喊大叫，她们惊慌失措呼喊救命，向大门冲去，一边叫喊，一边拼命地摇撼和捶打着大门。 当燃烧的房顶轰轰隆隆地塌到教堂里面时，教堂里面的墙皮脱落下来使火势更旺，就像一座壁炉一样。大多数女人并不是窒息而死，而是被熊熊燃烧的大火给活活烧死的。最后，大火甚至烧透、烧红了教堂的铁皮大门，不过那是几个小时之后的事情了。那母女俩能活下来，完全是侥幸。当那些女人陷入惊慌失措时，她们也在其中。由于实在无法忍受，她们逃到了教堂的廊台上。尽管她们在那儿离火焰更近，但是这无所谓，她们只想单独呆着，远离那些吱哇乱叫的、挤来又挤去的、浑身上下着火的女人。廊台上很狭窄，狭窄到燃烧着的房顶都没有触及到它。母女俩紧紧地挨在一起，站在墙边，看着。听着那大火的肆意燃烧。就是第二天她们都不敢走下台阶来，不敢走出去。夜幕降临后，在黑暗中又担心害怕摸不到台阶，找不到路。在第三天的黎明时分，当她们从教堂里走出来时，遇到了几位村民。村民们不知所措，目瞪口呆地凝视着她们而说不出话来。他们给了她们衣物和食物，然后让她们逃走了。 第09节 "您为什么不把门打开？" 审判长一个接一个地向每个被告都提出同样的问题，每个被告都给予了同样的回答：她们无法打开。Why?有的说，当炸弹击中教士住宅时，她受伤了。有的说，她被轰炸吓得呆若木鸡。有的说，在轰炸之后，她要照料受伤的警卫队员和其他受伤的女看守，她把她们从废墟中救出来，为她们包扎，护理她们。有的说，她没有想到教堂，她不在教堂附近，没有看到教堂着火，也没听见从教堂里传来的呼救声。 审判长一个接一个地警告她们：报告读上去可全不是这么回事。这是经过深思熟虑后的一种谨慎表达方式。如果说从纳粹党卫队的档案里发现的报告所记载的是另外一回事；那就错了。但报告读上去的确是另一番情形。报告里指名道姓地提到谁在教土住宅里被炸死了，谁受了伤，谁把伤员用货车送到了一家野战医院，还有谁乘坐军用吉普车陪送。报告提到，女看守们被留了下来，目的是让她们等候大火烧尽，防止火势蔓延和阻止囚犯们趁火逃跑。报告中也提到了囚犯们的死亡。 被告们的名字不在名单里面，这说明她们属于留下来的女看守之列。既然把女看守们留下来是为了阻止囚犯们逃跑，这说明从教士住宅抢救伤员并把他们送到野战医院的工作还没有全部结束。从报告中可以看出，那些留守下来的女看守让教堂里的大火肆意疯狂地燃烧，并坚持不打开教堂的大门。在那些被留下来的女看守中间，正如从报告中可以看到的那样，有这几位被告在内。 不，根本不是这么回事。被告们一个接着一个地这样说。他们说那篇报告是错的。报告里讲，被留下的女看守的任务是阻止火势的蔓延，只凭这一点就可以看到那篇报告的荒谬。她们怎么能来完成这项任务。这是胡说八道，而且另外的一项任务，即阻止囚犯趁火逃跑，同样也是胡说八道。阻止逃跑？好像她们不必要照料自己人了似的，也好像不能去照料囚犯了似的，好像没有任何人可以跑掉似的。No!那篇报告把她们那天晚上的所作所为，她们的功绩和所遭受的痛苦，完全颠倒了。怎么会有这样一篇如此错误的报告？她们也都自称不知道。 轮到那位慢条斯理、尖酸刻毒的被告人时，她说她知道。"您问她吧！"她用手指着汉娜说："是她写的那篇报告，她有罪，只她一人有罪，她在报告中隐瞒了自己而想把我们扯进去。" 审判长就此问了汉娜，不过，那是他的最后的问题。他的第一个问题是："您为什么没有把门打开？" "我们在……我们要……"汉娜在寻找答案，"我们不知道该怎样帮助他们才是。" "你们不知道该怎样帮助他们才是？" "我们当中的一些人死掉了，一些人开小差了。他们说，他们要把伤员送往野战医院，然后再返回来。但是他们心里明白他们不会再回来了，我们对此也十分清楚。也许他们根本就没去野战医院，伤员们的伤势并非十分严重。他们还说，伤员需要地方，他们正好没有什么东西……正好不愿带着这么多的女人一起走，否则我们也一起走了。我不知道他们去了哪儿。" "您都干了什么？" "我们不知道该做什么，一切都发生得很快。教士住宅起火了，还有教堂的塔顶。男人们，还有小汽车开始时还都在，随后他们就离开了。转眼之间只剩下我们和教堂里的女囚。他们给我们留下了一些武器，但是我们不会用。假使我们会用它们的话，这对我们几个女人来说又能帮上什么忙呢？我们该如何看守住这么多的女囚呢？走起路来长长的一列，就是紧凑一起也够长的，看守这样长的队伍，需要比我们这几个女人多得多的人力。"汉娜稍稍停顿了一下，"然后她们开始喊叫起来，而且越来越严重。如果我们此时把门打开让所有的人都跑出来的话 审判长等了一会问："您害怕吗？您害怕被囚犯们战胜吗？" "囚犯会把我们……不，不会。但是，我们怎样才能使她们重新就范呢？那一定会乱作一团的，我们一定对付不了这种局面，而且一旦她们企图逃跑的话…·" 审判长又等了一会儿，但是，汉娜没有把那句话说完。"您害怕一旦逃跑的事情发生，您会被捕，会被判决，会被枪毙吗？" "我们当然不会轻易地让她们逃跑的，我们就是干这个的……我的意思是我们一直都在看守她们，在集中营，在行军的路上。我们看守她们的意义所在正是不让她们逃跑。正因为如此，我们才不知道如何做是好，我们也不知道有多少囚犯在后来的日子里能活下来。已经死了那么多了，剩下这些活着的也已经如此虚弱……" 汉娜注意到，她所说的事情无助于事，但是她又没别的可说。她只能尽力而为他说好她所要说的事情，更好地去描述，去解释。但是她说得越多，事情对她就越糟糕。由于她感到进退维谷，就又转向了审判长问道： "要是您的话会怎么做呢？" 但是，这一次她自己也知道她不会得到回答。她不期待回答，没有人期望得到一个回答。审判长默不作声地摇着头。 不是人们对汉娜所描述的那种不知所措和无助的情形无法想象。那个夜晚的情景：寒冷，冰雪，大火，教堂里女人的喊叫，那些曾命令她们和陪同她们的人的逃之夭夭。在这样的情况下，把囚犯放出来该会是什么样子呢！但是，认为当时这些被告的处境确实很难就可以相对减轻她们的罪责吗？人们就可以对她们的行为不那么感到震惊了吗？就可以把它看做是在一个寒冷的冬夜里，在一条人烟稀少的道路上发生的一场造成人员伤亡的车祸，而认为人们在这种情况下本来不知道如何是好？或者，这是不是反映了我们都应该担负的两种责任之间的矛盾呢？人们可以这样做，但是人们不愿意去想象汉娜所描述的情景。 "报告是您写的吗？" "我们在一起商量了该写什么，我们不想把责任都推到那些开小差的人的身上，但是我们也不想把责任都揽到我们自己身上。" "您说，你们一起商量了。谁执的笔呢？" "称！"另外的那位被告又用手指着汉娜。 "不，我没有写。谁写的，这重要吗？" 一位律师建议请一位鉴定专家对报告的字体和被告人史密兰女士的字体进行比较鉴定。 "我的字体？您想要我的字体……" 审判长、那位律师还有汉娜的辩护律师在讨论了一个人的字体超过十五年之后是否还能保持它的同一性，是否还能让人辨认出来。汉娜注意听着，几次想插话说什么，或者要问什么，越来越坐立不安。最后她说："您不需要请鉴定专家，我承认报告是我写的。" Section 10 我对每天都自愿参加的研讨会没有留下什么记忆，即使我回忆法庭的审理情形，也记不起来我们都做了哪些科学的整理工作，我们就什么问题进行了讨论，我们想要知道什么，那位教授都教了我们什么。 但是，我却记得那些周日。在法庭的那些天，使我对大自然的色彩和气息产生了新的渴望。在节假日和星期六，我把在学习中所落下的课程尽可能都补上了，这样，在做课堂练习时，我至少能跟得上，也能完成本学期的学分。星期天，我总是出去。 圣山，米西尔教堂，彼斯麦塔，哲学家之路，河岸，一个星期天接着一个星期天，我走的路线仅有很小的变动。一个星期接着一个星期，我所看到的大自然足以用丰富多彩、变化无穷来形容。深绿色的莱茵平原有时处在热气中，有时在云雾中，有时在雷雨乌云中。在森林里，当阳光照耀时可闻得花香，闻得果甜；当雨水四溅时可喷得到泥土的气息，嗅得到去年新落下的树叶的味道。我一点不需要也不寻找比这更多的多样性。行程一次比一次远些，下次度假的地方通常是上次度假时发现并喜欢的地方。有好长一段时间，我认为我应该更大胆一些，应该强迫自己去锡兰、埃及和巴西，不过，我还是去了我所熟悉的地区，为的是加深对旧地的了解。在这些地方我看到的更多。 在森林里，我又发现了我揭开汉娜秘密的地方。那不是一个什么特别的地方，当时也没有什么特别之处，没有别具一格的树木或悬崖峭壁，没有什么非同一般的可以看到那座城市和那片平原的视角，没有什么会促使你产生意想不到的联想。在周而复始他对汉娜进行思考后，我竟产生了一种想法，我追踪了这个想法，最后也得出了结论。真是筋疲力尽之时，也正是柳暗花明之日。这种情况随处可见，或者至少在这种情况下随处可见：你对一个环境或一种情况非常熟悉，以至于凡是你感受到并接受了的、令你惊讶的东西，都不是来自外部世界，而是产生于内心。我得出结论的过程就像一个人走在一条路上，先爬上陡峭的山坡，再穿越马路，再经过一个泉井，然后穿过一片森林：先是古老的、遮天蔽日的参天大树，之后才是明亮的小树丛。 汉娜既不会读也不会写。 所以她才让人给她朗读，所以在我们骑车旅行时，才让我承担读写的任务，所以当她那天早上在旅馆里发现我的字条时，才大发雷霆——她猜测出了字条的内容和我的期待，害怕自己出丑，所以她才逃避了有轨电车公司对她的提升——作为售票员，她可以掩饰她的弱点，如果被培训当司机，那她的弱点将暴露无遗，所以她才回避了西门子公司对她的提升而做了一名女看守，所以为了避免和鉴定专家对质，她承认了那篇报告是她写的。也正是因为如此她才在法庭上拼命地争辩吗？因为她既不能读那位女儿写的那本书又不会看控告词，她才看不到为自己辩护的机会并为此做相应的准备吗？也正因为如此她才把受到她特殊照顾的人送往奥斯威辛吗？是因为她怕她们发现她的弱点而想杀人灭口吗？也正是因为如此她才把那些体弱者纳入她的保护之下吗？ 都是由于这个原因吗？她为自己既不会读也不会写而感到羞耻，所以她宁愿让我感到莫名其妙也不愿自己出丑，这个我能理解。我对由于羞耻而去回避、拒绝、隐瞒、伪装并伤害他人的这些行为有亲身体会，但是，汉娜在法庭上和集中营中的所作所为是因为她对不会读写感到可耻吗？她认为做一个文盲比做一名罪犯更丢脸吗？她比暴露自己是个罪犯更害怕暴露自己是个文盲吗？ 当时和从那时以来，我经常向自己提出这个问题。如果汉娜的动机是害怕暴露自己，那为什么不暴露自己是一个无害的文盲而要暴露自己是个可怕的罪犯呢？或许她认为什么都不暴露就能蒙混过关吗？她这么愚蠢吗？她这么爱虚荣，这么邪恶吗？为了避免暴露就去做罪犯吗？ 当时和自那时以来，我总是拒绝这样想。不，我对自己说，汉娜没有想去犯罪。她没有接受西门子公司对她的提拔，而不自觉地决定做了女看守。木，她没有因为她们为她朗读过就把那些温柔体弱的人送往奥斯威辛。她特别把她们挑选出来为她朗读，是因为她想使她们在被送往奥斯威辛以前的最后几个月的日子过得好一点。木，在法庭上，汉娜没有在暴露自己是文盲还是暴露自己是罪犯之间进行斟酌。她并没有三思而后行，她的行为举止缺少策略性。她宁可被绳之以法，也不愿暴露自己是文盲。她进行的斗争不是为了自己的利益，而是为了她的真理、她的正义。那是个可悲的真理、可怜的正义，因为她总要伪装自己，因为她从未开诚布公过，从未完全自我过。不过，那是她的真理和正义，为此而进行的奋斗是她的奋斗。 她必须要使出全身解数来。她不仅仅在法庭上要争要斗，她必须要永远奋斗，其目的不是为了向世人显示她能做的事情，而是向世人掩饰她不能做的事情。这是一种其起步意味着节节败退，而其胜利隐藏着失败的生活。 汉娜离开我家乡时的处境和我当时对它的想象之间存在分歧，这种分歧不同寻常地触动着我。我曾十分肯定她是被我赶走的，因为我曾经背叛和否认过她。她离开了有轨电车公司确实逃避了一次暴露。不过，我没有把她赶走的这一事实，丝毫没有改变我背叛了她的这一事实。这就是说，我仍旧负有责任。如果说我没有什么责任的话，是因为背叛一名罪犯不必负什么责任；如果说我负有责任，是因为我曾经爱上过一个罪犯。