Chapter 42 Indonesian Stories (41)

What will happen to me and Felipe in the future?Since "I and Felipe" seem to have become one now.He told me not too long ago, "Sometimes I wish you were the lost little girl that I could pick you up and say, 'Come live with me and let me take care of you for the rest of my life. "But you're not a lost little girl. You're a career woman with big aspirations. You're the perfect snail: you carry your own home on your back. You should hold on to this freedom forever. But I just want to say- -If you want this Brazilian man, you can have him. I'm already yours."

I don't know exactly what I want.But I know there's a part of me that always wants to hear a man say, "Let me take care of you forever." I've never heard that line before.Over the past few years, I have given up looking for this person and learned to say this encouraging word to myself, especially in times of fear.But now I hear someone say this to me sincerely... I was thinking about it all last night after Felipe fell asleep, curled up next to him, wondering what was going to happen to us.What are the possibilities for our future?The question of our geographical disparity -- where are we going to live?There is also the age gap that must be considered.Even though I called my mother one day and told her I met a nice man, it was just—Mom, calm down! --"He is fifty-two years old", but she was not confused, just said: "Xiao Li, I also have news for you. You are thirty-five years old." Lucky me to have someone.) Although I don't really mind the age gap either.In fact, I like that Felipe is much older than me.I think it's sexy.It makes me feel a little... French.

what will happen to us And why am I worried about it? Haven't I learned that worrying doesn't help? So after a while, I stopped thinking about it and just hugged him as he was sleeping.I am in love with this man.Then I fell asleep beside him and had two unforgettable dreams. Both are about my mentors.In the first dream, my mentor informed me that she was closing the ashram and would no longer preach, teach, or publish books.In her final sermon to her students, she said in her speech: "You have learned enough. You have learned all the ways to set yourself free. Now go out into the world and live a happy life."

The second dream was even firmer.Felipe and I are dining at a nice restaurant in New York City.We enjoyed lamb chops, artichokes, wine, and laughed and talked happily.And I looked across the room and saw Swamiji, the master teacher of the Guru, who died in 1928.Yet he was alive that night, in a swanky restaurant in New York.He was having dinner with a group of friends who also seemed to be enjoying themselves.Our eyes met across the room, and Swamiji smiled at me and toasted me. Then—quite clearly—the little Indian tutor, who barely spoke English, mouthed to me from a distance: enjoy! I haven't seen Mr. Lai for a long time.Ever since I got involved in Felipe's life and tried to find a home for my eldest sister, the time for me to talk with the pharmacist on the balcony in the afternoon has long since ended.I stopped by his house a few times just to say hello and give his wife a gift of fruit, but we haven't had a good time together since June.Even so, whenever I wanted to apologize to Lai for my absence, he seemed to know the answers to all the tests in the universe, and said with a smile: "Everything works perfectly, Lily."

I still miss the old man, so I went to see him at his house this morning.As usual, he greeted people with a smile and said, "Nice to meet you!" (I'll never change his habit.) "Nice to see" you too, Lai. "Xiao Li, are you leaving this place soon?" "Yes Lai, it's less than two weeks. So I wanted to come and see you today. I wanted to thank you for everything. Without you, I would never have been able to return to Bali." "You will always come back to Bali." He said without hesitation or exaggeration: "You still meditate with your four brothers like I taught you?"

"yes." "Are you still meditating as taught by your Indian teacher?" "yes." "Are you still having nightmares?" "No." "Are you satisfied with God?" "Very satisfied." "You love your new boyfriend?" "I think so, yes." "Then you have to pet him. He has to pet you." "Okay." I agreed. "You're my best friend, better than a friend. You're like my daughter," he said (unlike Sharon...), "and when I die, you come back to Bali and attend my cremation. Bali Island cremation is fun--you'll like it."