Chapter 24 Indonesian Stories (23)

But now I just feel hesitant and panic.I started looking at the whole night, imagining myself getting involved with that Welsh guy who didn't even give me his email address, and I've seen our future along the way, including arguing about his smoking habits.I suspect that dedicating myself to another man will destroy my travels, my writing, my life, etc.On the other hand - in fact, there is nothing wrong with talking about love once in a while.Especially after a long dry period. (I remember Richard of Texas giving me a warning about my love life once: "You need a "drought reliever," girl. You gotta get yourself a "rainmaker.") Pretty good Ian came over on his motorbike and made love to me in my garden, how nice it was.This not-so-ugly idea somehow got me on the brakes, and I didn't want to go through the heartbreak again.And then I started missing David so much, I thought, "Maybe I should call him and ask him if he wants to try to reunite again"... (Then I got a precise radio call from my old friend Charlie, saying, "Oh, What a genius, Groceries -- besides being a little drunk last night, did you have brain surgery?") After thinking about David, he couldn't get away from brooding over the divorce, then started thinking (as always) about his ex-husband , My own divorce...

"I thought we'd settled the subject a long time ago, groceries." Then, for some reason, I started thinking about old Brazilian Felipe.He is very nice.This Felipe, he said I was young and beautiful, said I would have a good time in Bali.He was right, right?I'm going to be easy and happy, right?But this morning I don't feel happy. I don't know how to live like this. "What's life like? Do you figure it out? I don't." It was the elder sister who spoke. I return to her restaurant for a delicious and nutritious multivitamin lunch special, hoping to beat my hangover and anxiety.Brazilian woman Armenia was also there, as usual, looking like she had a spa weekend and stopped by a beauty parlor on her way home.Little Tutty sat on the floor and drew the house as usual.

The eldest sister just learned that the lease of her shop is about to expire at the end of August—only three months left—and the rent is about to increase.She may have to move again because she can't afford it.She only had about 50 yuan left in her savings, and she didn't know what to do.The move would require Tutti to transfer schools again.They need a home - a real home.This is not the life a Balinese can live. "Why is there no end to the pain?" the eldest sister asked.She didn't cry bitterly, she just asked a simple, helpless question with no answer. "Why does everything have to go on and on and on and on and on and on and on? You work hard all day and the next day you just have to keep working. You eat and the next day you're hungry again. You find love and then love Gone. You were born with nothing - no watch, no t-shirt. You worked hard and died with nothing - no watch, no t-shirt. You were young, but you will grow old. No matter how hard you work, nothing can stop grow old yourself."

"Not Armenia," I quipped, "she obviously doesn't grow old." "That's because Armenia is Brazilian," says the eldest sister. Now she understands how the world works.We all laughed, but it was a dark humor, because the situation in the world where the eldest sister is in the world is not funny at all.Here are the facts: single mothers, precocious children, subsistence businesses, looming poverty, and virtual homelessness.Where does she go?Obviously can't go to live in ex-husband's house.The elder sister's own family is a poor rice farmer in the countryside.If she went back to live with her family, her out-of-town therapy career would be over because her patients would not be able to contact her, and Tutti's dreams of getting a good education and going to college to study veterinary medicine would be dashed.

Other factors also emerged over time.The first day I noticed those two shy girls hiding behind the kitchen!It turned out that they were a pair of orphans adopted by the elder sister.Both of them are called "Old Four", and we call them the Big Four and the Little Four.The eldest sister found the two of them starving and begging in the market a few months ago.They were dumped by a Dickensian woman - probably a relative - who acted as a kind of beggar broker, placing the fatherless and motherless children in various Balinese markets for money and bringing them back in a van every night. These children, for the money they begged, let them sleep in the huts.When the eldest sister first saw the eldest and fourth child, they had not eaten for many days, and their bodies were covered with lice and parasites.The eldest sister guessed that the younger one was about ten years old, and the older one was about thirteen years old, but neither of them knew their age or what their surname was. (Little Lao Si only knows that she was born in the same year as the "pig male" in her village; but this does not help to verify the date.) The eldest sister took them in and cared for them like she took care of her Tuti.She and her three children sleep on the same mattress in a bedroom at the back of the store.