"The 109th Bead" When traveling in India - especially when visiting holy places and ashrams - you will see many people wearing prayer beads around their necks.And you can see many old photos of naked, skinny, forbidding yogis (or sometimes even fat, affable, radiant yogis) wearing prayer beads.These beads are called "JapaMala".For centuries, these beads have been used in India to help Hindus and Buddhists maintain concentration during meditation meditation.Holding the rosary in one hand, twirl it around with your fingers—every time you repeat the mantra, you touch a bead.When the Crusaders in the Middle Ages advanced eastward and carried out holy wars, they saw pilgrims holding these "reciting scorpions" and praying. They were quite appreciative, so they brought this idea back to Europe and became rosary beads.

There are 108 beads in the traditional "chanting chanting" string.In the mystical circles of Eastern philosophers, "108" is considered the most auspicious number; these three digits are perfect multiples of three, and their components add up to nine, which is three times three.And the number "three" naturally represents the highest balance, as long as anyone who has studied the Trinity or examined the high stool will understand its truth.Since this book is about my struggles for balance, I decided to give it a "chanting" structure, dividing my confession into one hundred and eight stories, or beads.The 108 stories formed in series are further divided into three sections: Italy, India and Indonesia—the three countries I visited during this year of self-seeking.This division, which means that there are thirty-six stories in each section, is very personal to me, because I wrote these words when I was thirty-six years old.

Before I get too deep into the subject of numerology, let me summarize: the idea of ​​stringing these stories together in a "chanting" structure also pleases me, because it's very... structured.True spiritual exploration often seeks to establish systematic principles.The quest for "truth" is not some stupid contest in which everyone can join, not even in this great age when everyone can participate in something.As a seeker and writer, I find it helpful to hold on to the ball as much as possible, allowing me to focus more on what I want to achieve. Each string of "reciting chant" has a special, extra bead—the 109th bead—that hangs like an ornament outside the balanced circle of 108 beads.I thought the 109th bead was an emergency backup, like an extra button on a nice sweater, or a royal baby, but it was clearly serving a much nobler purpose.When your fingers touch this mark while praying, you should suspend your concentrated meditation and thank your teachers.So, before I begin this book, I pause for a moment here at my 109th bead.I am grateful to all my teachers who have been in my life this year in all their strange forms.

I am especially grateful to my Indian teacher, who is the embodiment of compassion, and graciously allowed me to study in her Indian ashram.I would also like to take this opportunity to state that what I describe of the Indian experience is purely personal and not speaking as a theorist or official spokesperson for anyone.I will therefore not mention the name of my mentor in this book—because I cannot speak for her.In fact, the teaching words from her are the best endorsement in themselves.I also withheld the name and location of her ashram, in order to save the school from institutional publicity that it has no interest in or control over.

The last thing I would like to thank is that those characters who appear scattered throughout the book, for various reasons, are not shown by their original names.And I also decided to change the names of everyone I met in the Ashram - Indians and Westerners alike.This is out of respect for the fact that most people do spiritual pilgrimage, not to later become characters in the book (unless, of course, they are me).There is only one exception to this custom anonymity policy.Richard from Texas is indeed named Richard and is indeed from Texas.I wanted to take his real name because he was an important person during my life in India.

Finally, when I asked Richard if I could bring up his drug and alcohol past in the book...he said yes. "Anyway, I've been trying to figure out how to tell everyone about it," he said. First, though, let's start with Italy...