Chapter 20 seven, eight

seven Here I have to explain first that I do not intend to expound the philosophical system of the so-called "Upanishads" [Note] in this book.I know so little, but even if I knew a lot, this is not the place to expound the teachings of the Upanishads. Our conversation was long; Larry told me much more than is written here, but, after all, this book is a novel and it is not appropriate to record all that Larry said.All I thought about was Larry.I shall shortly speak of the course of action which Larry intends to take; I feel that at least some of his philosophizing, and the rare experience which may arise from it, must be mentioned, lest his actions should appear inhuman; Apart from this reason, I would not have dealt with such a complicated and entangled religious issue at all.His voice is very melodious, and even the most casual sentence is persuasive; the expression of his face often changes with his thoughts, from serious to light, from brooding to playful, like a piano suddenly in many violins. Like the ripples from the playing of several themes of a concerto; and what annoys me is that all this I cannot put into words.Although he was talking about serious things, he spoke in a very natural way, with the usual tone of conversation, maybe a little hesitant, but not at all forced, just like talking about the weather or crops.If the reader gets the impression that he is preaching, it is entirely my fault.His humility, and his sincerity, are evident at a glance.

The cafe is already sparse, and there are not many people left.The drunkards have long since left.The two wretches in the business of love have also returned to their dingy apartment.Now and then a tired-looking man walks in and asks for a beer and a sandwich, or someone who doesn't seem quite awake wants a cup of coffee.They're all mental workers.One is going home to sleep after the night shift; the other is woken up by the alarm clock, unwilling to participate in a long day of labor.Larry seemed oblivious to time and to his surroundings.There are many strange things that have happened to me in my life.More than once I nearly died; more than once I nearly committed an affair and knew it; Drinking Russian tea in a tidy drawing room, listening to a friendly little man in a black jacket and striped trousers talk about how he assassinated a grand duke; The quiet and gentle piano trio, while the bombs of the plane exploded outside; but I think these encounters are not as bizarre as the present: sitting in a red velvet chair in a colorful cafe, listening to Larry's hour after hour. Talk about the hour, about God and eternity, about the Absolute and the endless cycle of weariness.

Eight Larry didn't speak for several minutes.I didn't want to rush him, so I waited.Then he gave me a friendly smile, as if suddenly aware of me again. "When I reached Travancore, I found it unnecessary to inquire about the whereabouts of Siri Ganesha. Everyone knew him. For many years he lived in a cave deep in the mountains, but at last he was persuaded to move to the plains. Up here, a benefactor donated a piece of land and built him a house with adobe walls. It is a long way from the capital, Trikitlang, and it took me a whole day, first by train, then by cattle At the entrance of the courtyard, I met a young man and asked him if he could see the teacher [note]. I brought a basket of fruit, which is the usual ceremony for audience. A few minutes later, the young man came back , led me to a long pavilion surrounded by windows. In a corner of the long pavilion, Xili Gan Naisha sat on a platform covered with tiger skins to meditate. 'I'm waiting for you,' he said. This makes I was surprised, but guessed it was my friend in Madura who told him about me. However, when I mentioned the name of this friend, he shook his head. I presented the fruit, and he told the young man to bring The fruit is taken away. There were only two of us now, and he looked at me without speaking. I don't remember how long this silence was; it might have been half an hour. I've told you about his appearance; but not about his body That serenity that radiates, that air of kindness, peace, and selflessness. I'm hot and tired after a day of traveling, but gradually I feel completely quiet. Before he speaks again, I already know that he is me Someone to visit."

"Does he speak English?" I interrupted him. "No. But, you know, I pick up languages ​​fairly quickly. I've learned quite a bit of Tamil so I can deal with people in the south. He finally spoke. "'What have you come for?' he asked. "I began to tell him how I had come to India and how I had spent these three years; how, according to the legend of how wise and holy such-and-such a man was, I sought them one by one, but found none of them could satisfy me. reply. He stops me. "'I know all about that. Don't tell me. What are you doing here?'" 'I want you to be my master,' I answered.

"'Only Dafan is the master,' he said. "He stared at me with a strange expression, and then suddenly his body became stiff, and his eyes seemed to turn inward, and it could be seen that he had entered what the Indians call a state of samadhi. Next, the distinction between things and me began to disappear, and people became absolute knowledge. I sat cross-legged on the ground, facing him, and my heart was pounding. After an unknown period of time, he sighed, and I knew he had returned to normal consciousness. looked at me. "'Stay here,' he said. 'They'll tell you where to stay.' "The lodging they gave me was the same adobe house that Siri Ganesha lived in when he first came to the plains.

The Changxuan where he now lives day and night was built after his disciples gathered more and more, and more people came here admiringly.In order not to attract attention, I changed into comfortable Indian clothes, and my skin was so tanned that unless you paid special attention to me, you would probably mistake me for a native.I have read many books: to think alone; to listen to Siri Ganesh when he is happy to speak.He doesn't talk much, but when you ask him a question, he is willing to answer.It was exhilarating to hear him talk; it sounded like music.Although he himself held very strict precepts when he was young, he did not require his disciples to follow suit. He only persuaded them to get rid of the slavery of selfishness, lust, and sensuality, and told them that through quietness, restraint, humility, and concession, through concentration, through the pursuit of freedom. They can be freed if they yearn for it diligently.People often come to pray to him from a town three or four miles away; there is a famous temple there, and every year a large number of people come to the temple fair; Tell him about the suffering, ask him for advice, and listen to his teachings;

His teachings are simple.He taught that everyone is higher than he thinks he is, and that wisdom is the way to liberation.He taught that it is not necessary to become a monk to get rid of the sea of ​​suffering, as long as the word "I" is removed.He taught that acting unselfishly makes the heart pure and that responsibility provides opportunities for the individual and the greater self.But the most touching thing is not his teachings but his character, his kindness, his tolerance, and his holiness.As long as you can see his face, it is a blessing.With him, I feel very happy.I felt that I had finally achieved what I was after.Week after week, month after month, the days passed unimaginably fast.I intend to live until he dies, because he told us he doesn't intend to stay in this shell for long, or until the day when I finally realize that I have finally broken through the barriers of ignorance and convinced myself that I am one with the Absolute up. "

"So what's down here?" "Here, if what they say is true, there is nothing left to say. The soul's earthly journey ends here, never to return." "Siri? Gan Naisha dead?" I asked. "Not dead, as far as I know." When he said it, he saw the meaning of my question and smiled slightly.After a moment's hesitation, he continued, but the way he spoke made me think at first that he wanted to avoid answering the second question I asked, which of course meant whether he had attained enlightenment or not. "I haven't lived in a Taoist temple all the time. I was lucky enough to know a local forest manager. His residence is just beside a village at the foot of the mountain. This person believes in Siri Gannaisha the most. He always comes to hang around with us during his spare time. Two or three days. He is very nice and talked with us for a long time. He likes to ask me to practice English. After getting to know me for a while, he told me that there is a small house on the mountain where the forest management is located, and one day I want to go up the mountain alone Stay, and he will give me the key. I sometimes go there. It takes two days to walk on the road; first take a long-distance bus to the forest ranger's village, and then you have to walk, but after arriving, the solemnity, the quietness It was magnificent. I packed what I could carry in a knapsack, and hired a porter to carry my food, and stayed there till the provisions were gone.

It was just a hut of stumps, with a cooking-place in the back; nothing but a bunk bed for a mat, a table, and two chairs.It's very cool on the mountain, and sometimes it's helpful to light a fire at night.It was horrifying to think that there was no one inhabited for twenty miles.At night, the roar of tigers or the noise of elephants passing through the jungle is often heard.I often go far in the forest.There is one place I like to sit the most, because sitting there, the whole mountain scenery is in sight, and you can also overlook the lake below.At dusk, many wild animals such as deer, hog, buffalo, elephant and leopard come to drink.

"After I had just completed two years in Ashramah, I went to live in my hermitage on the hill; the reason I went, you may find it funny to hear, was that I was going to spend my birthday there. On my birthday Arrived there the day before. The next morning, I woke up before dawn and wanted to go to the place I just told you to watch the sunrise. I could touch the place with my eyes closed. I sat under a tree and waited It was still night, but the stars were fading, indicating that day was coming. I was in a strange mood of anticipation. The light began to slowly pass through the darkness little by little, almost imperceptibly. Like a mysterious figure tiptoing through the trees. I feel my heart beating as if in danger. The sun rises."

Larry paused, a wry smile played on his lips. "I don't know how to describe. I don't know how to use those words to describe the scenery. I can't say it. I can't make you see the magnificent scenery that unfolds in front of me at dawn. Those mountains are full of dense forests, and the dawn and mist are still Over the tops of the trees, and far below my feet was the great, unfathomable lake. The sun came in through a crack in the mountains, and the lake was shining like silver. I was intoxicated by the beauty of the world. I never felt Such a pleasure, such a transcendent joy. I have a strange feeling, a tremor rising from the feet to the top of the head, as if one suddenly lost the body, and like pure spirits, sharing a kind of I never imagined. Pleasure. I feel a superhuman knowledge take hold of me, making everything that was confusing before become clear, and everything that confuses me has an explanation. I am painfully happy; I struggle to get out of this state , because I feel that if this goes on, one will die at once; yet, I am so intoxicated, and would rather die than give up the joy. How can I tell you how I felt then? No words can Describe how happy I was. By the time I was back to my old self, I was exhausted and shaking. I fell asleep. "It was noon when I awoke. Walked back to my cabin with such lightness and joy as if my feet hadn't touched the ground. I got myself something to eat, I was really hungry, and lit my pipe .” Larry also lit his pipe now. "I dare not think that I, Larry Durrell of Mafen, Illinois, had a revelation that no one else has had until today through years of penance." "Why don't you think it was just a hypnotic state, caused by your mood at the time, plus your solitude, the mystical atmosphere of dawn and the silvery lake at your feet?" "That's because of its extreme realism. Truth be told, it's the kind of experience that mystics all over the world have had for thousands of years. Brahmins in India, Sufis in Persia, Catholics in Spain, Protestants of New England; so far as they want to describe the indescribable, they use the same language. The existence of this state cannot be denied; the only difficulty is in explaining. Did I become one with the Absolute for a time, Whether it's a subconscious affinity (a latent affinity we all have) flowing into the general spirit, I can't say." Larry paused and gave me a mocking look. "And, can you touch your little finger with your thumb?" he asked. "Of course," I said with a smile, and showed him on the spot. "Did you know that only humans and primates can do this? It is because the thumb can meet other fingers that the hand is such a lovely tool. This thumb that can meet other fingers, when it was still in its infancy Is it not only in individual human ancestors and chimpanzees; is it only the result of countless generations of development that it has become a common feature of human beings? And the experience of this kind of unity with the absolute, in the past Does it point to the development of a sixth sense of human consciousness that is possessed by many different people, that is, in the far distant future, it will become the common sense of mankind. Human beings will directly feel the same way they feel sensory things now Absolutely? This is at least possible. " "If so, what effect do you expect to have on humanity?" I asked. "I can't tell you, just like the first person who can touch his thumb to his little finger can't tell you how big the consequences of this small action will be. I can only tell you that the richness that caught me during that moment of intoxication The sense of peace, joy, and security of my life still remains in me, and that vision of cosmic beauty that first dazzled me is still as vivid now." "But, Larry, your ideas about the Absolute must lead you to think that the world and its beauty are illusions—Maya's creation." "It is wrong to think that the Hindus see the world as an illusion; the Hindus do not; they only say that the real world is not the same as the absolute real. How the infinite creates the infinite. Shamkara, the wisest of them all, asserts that this is an insoluble mystery. The difficulty, you know, is to explain why Brahmana created the world. Brahmana is Being, Bliss, and Wisdom; Changing; it has always been here, and is always still, it lacks nothing, it needs nothing, therefore it knows neither change nor contention, it is perfect; so why does it create the world ?If you ask this question, the general answer you get is that Absolutely created the world for fun and without any purpose. But when you think of floods and famines, earthquakes and hurricanes, and all the diseases that afflict the human body , your sense of justice will explode, and you will think how so many horrible things could have been created so casually in the first place. Siri Kannaisha is too honest to believe in this theory; he regards the world as an absolute expression, and the overflow of its perfection. He taught that God could not have created, and that the world was an expression of divinity. I asked him why the world was so hateful, since it was the natural expression of a perfect God. , that the only reasonable way out for all beings is to escape from its bondage. Siri Ganesha replied that earthly satisfactions are all temporary and that only infinity can provide lasting joy and happiness. But the eternity of time does not make the good any better It cannot make itself whiter. If the rose at noon loses its beauty in the morning, its beauty in the morning is still true. Everything in the world comes to an end, and we are only fools to ask for things. Unchanged, but surely we would be even more foolish if we didn't grab what we had and enjoy it in time. If trading were the nature of things, we would think that this is the most reasonable premise of our philosophy of life. None of us can wash our feet twice in the same river, yet the water that follows it is as cool and refreshing as it goes. "When the Aryans first came to India in the past, they regarded the world we know as only the appearance of the unknowable world; but they welcomed such a world and found it graceful and graceful. It was only after centuries that when the labor of conquest When the harsh climate wears down their vitality and makes them the meat of the alien invasion, they just see the ugly side of life and long to be freed from the cycle. But why do we Westerners, especially us in the United States Man, are we afraid of decay, death, hunger, disease, old age, sorrow and illusion? Our vitality is exuberant. At that time, when I sat in my small wooden house smoking a pipe, I felt that I was stronger than ever before. More spiritual. I feel a power inside me that is eager to expand. If I want to leave the world and live in a monastery, I will never do it; instead, I want to live in the world and love everything in the world, honestly not for them themselves, but for the infinity in them. If in those few moments of intoxication I did become one with the Absolute, then as they told me nothing could hurt me, and when I accounted for the cause and effect of this life After that, I will never come back to the world. Thinking of this, I can't help but be filled with confusion. I want to be reborn, reborn and reborn. I am willing to accept all kinds of life, no matter how sad and painful it is; Breathing, one life after another, can satisfy my longing, my vitality, my curiosity. "The next morning, I started down the mountain and arrived at the Taoist temple the next day. Siri Gannaisha was surprised to see me put on my suit. I changed into those clothes in the forest ranger's hut when I went up the mountain, because it was colder on the mountain. ; When I went down the mountain, I didn't think of changing it. "'Master, I've come to say goodbye,' I said. 'I'm going home.'" He said nothing.As usual, he sat cross-legged on the Zen bed covered with tiger skins. He lit a stick of incense in the fire bowl in front of him, and there was a slight scent in the air.Just like the first day I saw him, he was alone. He stared at me intently, as if he had been looking into the depths of my heart.I know he's got it all. "'That's good,' he said. 'You've been away from home too long.'" I knelt down to him and he prayed for me.When I stood up, my eyes were wet.He is a noble and holy man.I will always be proud to have known him.I said goodbye to the monks in the courtyard one by one; some of them had been practicing for many years, and some came after me.I left my little clothes and books, thinking it might be of use to them, so I put my knapsack on my shoulders, and walked back to town in the old trousers and brown jacket I had when I arrived, and a battered hat. .A week later, I took a boat in Bombay and landed in Marseilles. " We both fell silent, thinking each other; but though I was very tired, there was one thing I was eager to ask, so I finally spoke. "Larry, boy," I said, "this long quest of yours began with the question of evil. It was the existence of evil in the world that made you pursue it. But after talking for a long time, you have not even thought about this question." Not even a preliminary answer." "Maybe there is no answer, and maybe I'm not smart enough to find it. Ramakrishna saw the world as a game of God. He said, 'The world is a game in which there is There is joy and sorrow, there is morality and there is depravity, there is knowledge and there is ignorance, there is good and there is evil. If evil and pain were completely eliminated at the creation of the world, can the game continue to be played?' I will deny it with all my strength This statement. The best I can come up with is that when the Absolute manifests itself as good in this world, so does evil. You would never see the Himalayas without that unimaginable horror of cataclysmic cataclysm. The majestic view of the mountain. Chinese porcelain craftsmen can burn the vase as thin as an eggshell, burn it so beautifully, decorate it with beautiful flowers, paint it with charming colors, and paint it with a brilliant luster. However, because of its The essence is porcelain, and he cannot change its fragility. If it falls on the ground, it will be broken into many pieces. By the same reason, all the good and valuable things we cherish in this world, It can only exist with ugly things, don't you think?" "Larry, that's a fancy idea. I don't find it very satisfying." "I'm not satisfied either," he said with a smile. "The best it can say is that, having come to the conclusion that certain things are inevitable, one can only do what one can." "What are your plans now?" "I have a job to finish here and go back to America." "What are you going back for?" "Life." "How to live?" His answer was calm, but with an amused look in his eyes, because he expected me to be completely unexpected. "Don't be impatient, be easy-going with others, be compassionate, throw away a word of me, not close to women." "High standards!" I said. "Then why don't you want to be close to women? You are still young; women are the strongest instinct of the animal like eating. Is it wise for you to suppress it like this?" "Fortunately, for me, the approach to women is for pleasure, not for physical needs. From my personal experience, those Indian sages claim that abstinence from women greatly enhances mental strength. Surely it's gone." "I thought the wisest way of life was to maintain a balance between physical and spiritual needs." "Indians think that this is exactly what we Westerners have not done; we think that we have many inventions, many factories and machines and the products produced, and we always want to build happiness on material things, but, Happiness is not achieved by these, but by the spirit. And they think that the road we choose is the road of destruction." "Do you think that a place like the United States is suitable for realizing your ideals?" "I don't see why it wouldn't fit. You Europeans don't understand America at all. Because we've accumulated so much wealth, you think we just want money. We don't want money at all; we spend it when we have it, sometimes Well spent, sometimes poorly spent, but we spend it all the time. Money is nothing to us, it is just a symbol of success. We are the biggest idealists in the world; I just think we put our ideals aside Misplaced, I think the highest ideal a man can aspire to is self-improvement." "That's a noble ideal, Larry." "Is this kind of ideal worth trying to realize?" "However, have you ever imagined what a man like you would do to a nation as busy, busy, lawless, and deeply individualistic as America? It's like trying to stop the Mississippi River with your bare hands. the river does not flow." "I could try. One man invented the wheel; one man discovered the laws of gravity. There's nothing that doesn't work. You throw a pebble into a pool, and the universe isn't quite what it was before. It is a mistake to regard those saints of India as useless in life. They are lights in the dark. They represent an ideal which is a refreshing agent to their kind; ordinary people may never achieve it, However, they respect this ideal, and are always influenced by it in their lives. When a person becomes pure and perfect, his character will have a wide influence, so that those who seek truth will naturally approach him. If I Living the life you give yourself may affect others. The effect may be no greater than the ripples caused by a stone thrown into a pool, but one ripple causes a second ripple, and the second ripple Shame on the third ripple; it is likely that a few will see that my lifestyle brings happiness and comfort, and they will in turn pass on what they have learned to others." "I don't know if you know who you're up against, Larry. Know that the unlearned used to use the rack and the stake to suppress opinions they feared, and they've long since given up; they've invented A more vicious weapon of destruction—witty words." "I'm pretty tenacious," Larry said with a smile. "Well, I can only say that you have a little personal gain and finally have your luck." "It's been a great help to me. If it wasn't for this little money, I wouldn't be able to run around like I used to. However, my apprenticeship is over. From now on, it will be my burden. I want Throw it away." "It would be very unwise. The kind of life you intend to live is only possible if you don't depend on others financially." "Conversely, not looking to others financially would make the kind of life I planned meaningless." I couldn't hold back anymore, and put on an impatient look. "It may well suit the wandering dervish of India; he may spend the night under a tree, and the pious, for the sake of affiliation, would gladly fill his begging-bowl with food. But the climate of America is Sleeping rough is inappropriate, and while I don't claim to know anything about America, there is at least one thing Americans all agree on, that you have to work if you want to eat. Poor Larry, I'm afraid you'll be caught before you get started. He was taken to a reformatory as a tramp." he laughed. "I understand. One has to get used to one's surroundings, and of course I'm going to work. When I get to America, I'm going to try to get a job in a garage. I'm a pretty good mechanic, and I don't think it's going to be too difficult." "In this way, aren't you wasting energy that could have been useful?" "I like manual labor. Whenever I can't stand reading, I will do manual labor for a while. I think it can refresh people. I remember once, when I read the biography of Spinoza, I read this A philosopher who had to polish his glasses in order to earn a living, the author very foolishly thought that this was a great torture to Spinoza. I dare say that it can only be good for his intellectual activities. If nothing else, it only makes him temporarily It's enough not to brood over philosophical questions. When I wash the car or fix the carburetor, my mind doesn't think about anything, and when I'm done with the job, I feel happy. I feel like I've accomplished something. Of course, I'm not going to stay in a body shop forever. It's been years since I left the US, and I'm going to have to reacquaint myself with it. I'm going to try to find a job as a truck driver .In that case, as the days go by, I will run to the whole of the United States.” "You probably forget that the greatest use of money is to save time. Life is too short, and we have so many things to do, so we can't waste a minute. For example, you walk from one place to another , instead of taking a bus, or taking a bus instead of a taxi, how much time will you waste?" Larry smiled. "Quite rightly, it did not occur to me, but I could have my own hire-car to solve the difficulty." "What do you mean by that?" "Eventually I will settle in New York, among other reasons, because New York has the largest library. I only need a little living expenses; I don't care where I live; I only need to eat one meal a day; when I have visited all the places in the United States, I will save a lot of money to buy a movie Rent a car and be your own driver. " "You should be locked up, Larry, you're crazy." "Not crazy at all. I'm sensible and down-to-earth. As a rental car driver, I only need to drive for my board and lodging and the depreciation of the car. The rest of the time can be used for other things. work. If there is something urgent to go somewhere, you can drive your own taxi.” "But, Larry, a taxi is as much property as a government bond," I teased him. "And to own a taxi, you are a capitalist." he laughed. "No. My taxi is just my labor tool, no different from a fakir's staff and bowl." After this banter, our conversation broke off.I have seen for a long time that there are more and more customers in the cafe.A man in evening dress sat down not far from us and ordered a hearty breakfast; his tired and contented face showed that he had had a good night, and now he still had the aftertaste in his mouth.Several old people, because they are old and sleep less, all get up very early; they are drinking milk coffee in a serious manner, while reading the morning newspaper through the deep glasses.Younger people, some well-dressed and some in rags, hurried in, swallowed a piece of bread and drank a cup of coffee in two bites, and rushed to the office or shop.A wizened old woman came in with a bundle of morning papers to sell, but it didn't look like she sold a single one.I looked out of the big glass window and saw that it was already daylight.After a minute or two, all the lights went out, only the back half of the big café was still on.I looked at my watch, it was past seven o'clock. "How about some breakfast?" I said. We had croutons and coffee with milk; the croutons were freshly baked, hot and crispy.I was tired and listless, and must have looked ugly, but Larry was as energetic as ever, with bright eyes, a smooth face without a wrinkle, and looked no more than twenty-five years old.Coffee cheers me up a bit. "Allow me to give you a little advice, Larry. I don't give much advice." "I don't take much advice either," Larry replied, grinning. "Before you dispose of your little property, I hope you think carefully. Because once you lose it, it will never come back. Maybe one day you need money urgently for yourself or for others, and then you will regret it Moji, I feel like I did something stupid.” There was a mocking look in his eyes when he answered, but there was no malice in it. "You value money more than I do." "I take it seriously," I answered him bluntly. "You know, you've always had money, and I didn't. Money can bring me the most precious thing in the world - without asking for it. To think that now I can tell anyone to fuck off if I want to." Egg, I'm so happy, do you understand?" "But I don't mean to tell anyone to fuck off; and if I do, it's not because I don't have money in the bank. You know, money means freedom to you, but it means freedom to me." It's bondage." "You're a loser, Larry." "I know. There's no way around it. It's early anyway, and I'm going to change my mind before I can. I'm not going back to America until next spring. My painter friend, Auguste Cottet, took a village in Sanary to Lend it to me, I plan to spend the winter there." Sanary is a modest seaside retreat along the Riviera, between Bandol and Toulon. Artists and writers who don't like the colorful religious ceremonies of St. Tropez often come here. "The place is as dead as a pool of stagnant water, and you'll like it if you don't mind that." "I have something to do. I have collected a lot of information and am going to write a book." "What did you write?" "You'll know when you write it," he said with a smile. "After the book is finished, if you are willing to send it to me, maybe I can try to publish it for you." "Don't worry about it. I have some American friends who have a little publishing house in Paris. I've arranged with them to print it for me." "However, a book published in this way can hardly be expected to sell, and there will be no reviews for it." "I don't care if anyone reviews it, and I don't expect it to sell. The book is in a small print run, only to be sent to my Indian friends and the few people in France who might be interested in it. It's nothing special, I wrote It came out just to get rid of the collected material, and it was published because I thought it was only in print that I could figure out what it was." "I understand both reasons." By this time we had finished our breakfast, and I called the waiter to bill.When the bill came, I handed it to Larry. “你既然打算把你的钱全部送光，老实不客气，这顿早饭要你请了。” 他大笑，把钱付掉。坐了这样久，我人都僵了；走出咖啡馆时，觉得两胁在痛。 秋天早晨的空气非常新鲜，人很好受。天是蓝的，德?克利希大街在夜里是那样一条肮脏的通道，现在却显出一点活泼气象，就象一脸脂粉的消瘦妇人走着女孩子的轻快脚步，看去并不讨厌。我向一部过路的出租汽车打一个手势。 “带你一段路怎样？”我问拉里。 “不用。我预备步行到塞纳河边，找一处洗澡的地方游泳一下，以后还得上图书馆去，我有些东西要查。” 我们拉了手。我望着他的两条长腿大踏步走过马路。我这块料可没有他硬挣，所以坐上出租汽车回到旅馆。走进起坐间时一看，已经八点过了。 “一个年纪大的人在这个时候才回家，”我向玻璃罩里的裸体女子不以为然地说；一八一三年以来她一直就横陈在时钟上面，身体的位置在我看来极端不舒服。 她继续望着自己在镀金铜镜里的镀金铜脸，而那座钟的回答只是：滴答、滴答。 我放了一盆热洗澡水；一直泡到水不太热时，方才把身体擦干，吞下一片安眠药，把瓦勒里[注]的带到床上去看（书刚巧放在床头柜上），一直看到睡去。