Chapter 19 18

------------------ 18 Back in Goublesville, I found that nothing great had changed.In general: The Mandels, who are as poor as before, are busy arranging a sea-air trip to the Mediterranean Sea this spring to a minute-by-minute plan—Dr. No, this is a good time for him to be with his "family" and relax. No sooner had I left than my mother called and told Vivica that after much deliberation she had decided to accommodate me and that the next time I was in town I could live with her (as long as I swore strict hygiene And do not drop dross on the ground). A large boutique package arrived by courier from NYC and arrived before me - Vivica opened the box and was amazed to find so many sprays, enough to deplete the dwindling ozone and last a lifetime Endless mousse.

The Bandinoffs, former friends and colleagues of mine, called to say that they were on a sabbatical sponsored by the National Foundation to go to Kaka Island in the Pacific on an exciting archaeological dig to find an extant Fossils of ancestors of toad spiders in the Mesozoic Era.The Bandinoffs hoped to take some time off from their busy scientific schedules to do water sports and play golf.They were willing to invite the Nudelmans to their farewell party, on condition that the poor man didn't get too drunk, or that he didn't do anything embarrassing at the party. On Thursday, 16-year-old Freddie Van der Valk from the town of Goobsville was suspected of beating his mother to death with a wooden stick.Father and 11-year-old sister had a quarrel just over car use.After that, Freddy planned to burn the house to destroy the body, but the attempt failed because the fire was discovered by an alert neighbor.The house was destroyed by smoke and water, but the car in the adjacent garage was intact.

When I got home I was greeted by the whimpering Magnus, who had the bad luck of not having a single toy to his name.Looks like Leaf is controlling the toys again, trading them with his brother.If life itself is not like this, I will definitely intervene in this unfair transaction.Besides, it was in Magnus' interest to recognize this harsh reality sooner. Alexander Russell, world-renowned economist and professor at Goobsville University, was hanged today without warning in the cellar of his Goobsville home - Dr. Russell's clear vision of the economy of late Landslide is confused. In the end, though the most meaningful, Betty Mandel spends her days tossing about whether to have liver and onions or tongue for dinner.I say tongue, but Vivica advocates liver.I think it's best to sit back and wait for the results to come in.

This, gentlemen, sums up all the news from Goublesville... though one more tidbit has definitely reached my ears.One of the boys from the neighbor's down below told me yesterday that the guy who checks for unlicensed dogs has been sneaking in.George found him coming, and took him into the field behind the house, where the puppy played.He dug a hole right next to it, put the dog in the hole with his feet, and shot the dog three times, finally succeeding in killing it.It seems to me that the economic measures adopted by the Soski family are indeed a wonderful way to save 3 yuan to donate money.The next thing we have to do is to persuade Maude to kill George, so that we can save a lot of money on meals.

Interesting people, the Soski family.Once upon a time, I romanticized them as model citizens, hard-working farmers who loved the land.Due to the encroachment of the land, they had to be squeezed one by one to work in the factory workshop like a herd of cattle in a cattle ranch.what!Given the choice, the Soskis would happily go to the factory and sit there from morning to night collecting machine parts so they could earn hard cash for lawnmowers, dishwashers, stereo tape rewinders, and electronics. cross.In the past few days, I must clear up my record and clear up my so-called guilty misunderstanding.

This morning when I was filling out an application form to buy on credit at the Goublesville Market, a great way to get money came to me...in fact since my thoughts touched on Social Security and made a big splash, my The brain—after all these years of living beyond its means—has come up with as many ideas as weeds on a dunghill. Before I forget, I quickly find a piece of paper and record this storm of inspiration—though I want to catch it. To catch it is as hard as catching a storm with a hat. good.New deception.Although a bit barbaric, it is extremely simple and easy to do.Specifically, kidnapping my own children for ransom.

I would expect the steps of this particular strategy to develop as follows: 1. Kidnap Leaf or Magnus or both.2. After calling the police, the weeping parent appeared on the TV news camera with a photo of the cute almond-eyed child in one hand and the ruthless ransom notice in the other. 10000? 20000?The sky is the top.The choice is yours.3. All I can do is sit down.A distressed couple suffering from unemployment, a child of a near-destitute couple being kidnapped, I ask you, who would sit back and watch?There will be heartbreak for everyone in this great country of ours, from coast to coast.Every day my little backcountry mailbox would be filled with checks from well-meaning people.Banknotes, even nickels or dimes.That's what kind five-year-olds in the Midwest smash their precious piggy banks out of sympathy.

Really creative, isn't it?And that's not even cheating because I'm never going to beg for a sponsorship - people volunteering to send a little money to a poor Goobsville family...it happens all the time...to those who use tortilla chips and schnitzel A few steel coins are nothing to a fat and spoiled child.But it can bring such joy to several malnourished lives. A very interesting incident occurred this afternoon in the office of the dentist, Dr. Rudolph Lumsey, which deserves to be mentioned.Lumsi, a doctor of medicine, is friendly and has a fat stomach like the Laughing Buddha.

A broken tooth at the Bronx station hurts.Whenever I speak, the wind swishes into my mouth from the gap, which makes me unbearable.There was no choice but to shut up and not talk, or to go to Dr. Lumsey.When I realized I was about to hit my luck, I decided to take the opportunity to have an "emergency visit". He rubbed his hands happily and led me into the clinic, saying how happy he was to see me, he wanted to know what I was doing, how my creation was going, why I hadn’t checked my teeth for four years, and what he wanted to treat in this emergency . "Which question do you want me to answer first?" said I, the wiser guy—that's how Dr. Lu always thought of me.

"Come here. Sit down. I'm a busy man," said the little doctor, swiveling a chair up to my hips. "Uh-" Lumsey said, prying open my jaw and shaking out the unfortunate broken tooth. "Is that broken one?" I was a little nervous when I thought about the medical expenses, whether I could afford it or not.It would be great if I didn't break my teeth, I muttered in my heart. "Relax, drilling teeth is my business," Dr. Lu mockingly raised a hand that can relieve the patient's pain, I think from this moment I can only obey the fate, let him use the probe Probing, taking x-rays, removing chipped teeth, etc.

"Here's the sealed envelope with the winner's name on it, please open it," Lumsey joked as he took the freshly flushed X-ray from the nurse. "Domiso," he sings with a dramatic theatrical movement. "How?" I just want to get things done quickly, and I have no intention of watching the Miss America pageant. "For you, because you're such a nice guy, it's only 125 yuan—that's cheap for braces!" he added, and began to carefully wash his cards. "One hundred and ten—!" "Playing what?" he asked, playing a few tricks, fanning the cards, throwing them into the air, and catching them from behind in a fancy way. "Play cash or double win? Roll the dice? Guess the number in the phone book? Quick, quick, pick the same." Doctor Lu grinned grinningly, stretching out the cards in his hand like a temptress, luring money-grubbing patients to the bait.The same Dr. Rudolph Lumsey, who was working in the back of my mouth just now, is going to leave Goublesville's business, clinic, home, and even The wife, if she hadn't been crippled, would have gone to Las Vegas to be a banker. "You're lucky today," he whispered to me, as he maliciously drew his tool closer to his patient.The patient sat there like a penniless baby with a bib around his neck, and the aspirator in his mouth was sucking his precious life out bit by bit. "Blackjack, as usual, I'll deal the cards first." I said as I took those things out of my mouth and started trading. "Just play Blackjack," he nodded, picking the tool out of the tray and turning it back. ① Blackjack is a blackjack poker game. Later, I didn’t care about how Vivica and the children waiting outside were tossing and turning restlessly on the chairs, let alone those patients waiting for the doctor with their swollen cheeks, and the doctor used his extracted teeth as an injection—clean teeth 5, When 10 with amalgam filling.You had to make Dr. Lumsey happy when you played with him, or you'd get the old bill from the nurse at your next visit. In the first game, Dr. Lu kept asking me to deal cards to him, so I was convinced that he was lost and it was just a joke.When it came time to deal myself a 19, I didn't ask for another card.When he turned over the cards in his hand, I was disappointed to see blackjack sharp.Our dentist greedily shoveled the tooth that replaced the 20 bucks. The second game was even worse.He beat me by 17 points and I was ready to drop the bib and quit. One more game, I said to myself, but luck suddenly fell from the sky.I caught a blackjack when I came up.Good things follow.The next few hands I drew either blackjack or just happened to be bigger than his.I didn't play tricks.No one can see that it looks like a ghost.Dr. Lumsey first insisted that he shuffle and shuffled and shuffled, then called a time-out and brought out a new deck.But to no avail - even when I rolled up my sleeves, which he insisted I do.I felt like I had the Midas touch, and from the third inning I just had to put my head on the pillow and watch the pile of teeth on my side of the plate rise higher and higher.After a few more rounds, Lumsey began to mutter uneasily about the anxious waiting patients outside.And I not only won the cost of the crown I chose, but also exceeded 65 yuan! Would you like to win your future medical bills too, Dr. Lumsey asked me like a loser. "Cash, doctor, cash." I grinned ecstatically. "I see that Vivica needs a cavity filled, and your eldest son will need orthodontic braces soon." "For these days, you can play again." I smiled sympathetically, and said politely but firmly, I watched eagerly as he walked towards the cash box with great reluctance, and pulled out the glowing light from inside. 65 yuan from Dr. Lu—to take money from Dr. Lu, to say something unkind, is like pulling a tooth out of your mouth. 65 yuan - not counting the crown fee.I still can't calm down from the excitement of good luck!Let me ask you, how many people can go to the dentist and get back 65 yuan from the dentist?This little money is but a drop in the bottomless pit, like--as the aphoristic Perry puts it--"a fart in the skunk pile", but it is significant because it is the first This is a revelation, which can also be said to be an omen, that from now on I will turn around.Do you believe there is such a thing.Anyway, I believe it, I believe it.The money in my sweaty hands tells me that everything will change dramatically from now on.Thank God, Hallelujah!Thank God, Holy Trinity, Dr. Lumsey and Mayor of Goobsville.Thanks to Uncle Bernie, Dr. Mandel and everyone who has truly helped me selflessly.Let's cheer up, for the day of my salvation, for the future I'm destined to rise.At this crucial turning point in my life, nothing could change me anymore, absolutely not.Let George Soski dig a hole in the ground, shoot his sister in the head, take 18 tries to get her, and I won't bat an eye.Let him fuck the virgin calves with the big top in the pen, I won't even say "Bah".Let Goublesville be battered by storms and locusts, swept by tornadoes, plagued by bubonic plague and devastated by earthquakes, and I'll just roll my thumbs and laugh.Over the years I have wandered in the desert of the economy, attacked by wolves and dogs and exploited by collection agents, loan sharks and crooked lawyers.When a man of bad luck has finally come out of the trough and stepped on the road of no return, and this road is the road that took him up, then nothing in the world can move him, absolutely nothing. Put a $10 bill in the grimy glove of a poor toy-hungry kid and you just sit back and watch a greedy consumption.That energy is no worse than the consumption level of American housewives who buy cut-price hamburger meat. I want this, I want that.give me this.give me that.The desire to get what you want is endless.These two children just took things off the shelves, far exceeding the total value of the unexpected treasure. They pulled the baskets taller than them and walked forward, more, more, Some more, and it confuses the cargo handlers.I found that it was not what they bought, but that it was the actual shopping behavior, simple and simple, the process of changing the green bills through the ringing of a cash register, and the process was exciting.This is American Green Doping, and its effects span continents, beyond race, creed, and nationality.Everyone is using it.It keeps factories running, it keeps a man at work.Want to talk about conscience?frugal?Don't rush to be satisfied?No way!Buy it if you can afford it, whatever the hell tomorrow....but it's a father's heart comfort that they can spend like a million bucks.See, even Vivica is a little out of control.She blushed and tried on several of Goublesville's smart spring suits, struggling through each one.She looks so pretty in her new clothes, she's so attractive, I really want to make out with her in this ladies' dressing room. Before we spent the 65 yuan of the first omen, we went to the big market to teach the children a life lesson: buy things so that you don't buy them.You cannot avoid consumption without excessive consumption.It's like trying to go celibate with a chaste dick. "Debit card?" Viveka asked troubled.I was scratching my chin with the edge of the piece of plastic, wondering where I should start this lesson. "How did you get it?" "Woman, how can you ask such a question?" "How can we pay it back?" "Why. How. How." I said with a twinkle in my eyes, and an evil smile appeared on my newly healed mouth. "What are you doing?" "What's going on? What's not going on? I think the interrogation should be over. You religious people like to ask questions." I laughed and ran up and down the aisle, filled with God knows what I bought, and I was very happy. Clearly, tomorrow is Day C, the day to receive the medical certificate.Tomorrow I will join the ranks of people with brain disabilities.