Chapter 21 10-1

10 Melinda was not called. At the very least, he's probably proud of his restraint. He kept writing to Melinda, but, through these intimate letters, he gradually got to know Melinda and himself.The letters were never mailed, and kept in his drawer. It wasn't until he met Joseph Pangoski that he decided to send Melinda some words.Those discourse briefs are as succinct as poetry: Sorry I can't stop thinking about you Yes, I was wrong to take my life so lightly hope you can forgive me How to sign it?Did you write Love You Chandler?It seems that there is no other way. He hates that he writes so many "I's".He hates his ego.He felt like a fly trapped in a bottle.

However, he had to get the message out.For each line, he has written and written and repeated countless times until he can no longer change it. Melinda didn't write back or call him.In any case, he felt encouraged. He stopped harassing her.He stopped driving past her apartment on Alcott Avenue.He stopped dialing her phone number, heard the other party's ringing, but was silently hung up when the receiver was picked up. He stopped visiting the hospital, whether... oh, just to see. He no longer sends flowers, and no longer puts cards with "Love you C" in them.He believes that sending flowers to a woman will make the woman feel that the man's intentions are too obvious.

Still, he sent out his carefully selected cards featuring views of Niagara Falls and the canyon.These all mean incredible beauty and the danger hidden in this beauty. Think I can change. Love you, I love Danya. will you give me another chance In early May, he was looking for some hilariously animated cards about nurses and patients, but couldn't find anything out of the ordinary.He drew a card himself, which showed a man lying flat on a stretcher with a nurse drawing his blood. Melinda!I am completely in your hands. Be merciful. He waits. "Why can't this be true? Why can't we believe it? Something we don't believe might be true..."

In the spring of 1891, a 15-year-old milkmaid from Cork, Ireland, lived with her relatives in the Niagara Falls area.The girl is said to be a "neutral" religious believer.She believed in the Holy Roman Catholic Church and its sacraments, but unlike those religious fanatics, she did not participate in large religious gatherings and religious exchanges outside of Sundays. During her year at Niagara Falls, she fell into deep trouble, becoming pale, distracted, and unable to sleep.Suddenly one day, she was driven out of their noisy group by her relatives.She was taken to Niagara Falls to atone for her sins, to atone for the sins of lust she committed with the dairyman's son.The young man swore he fell in love with the girl from the moment they met.Later, he said he wanted to strangle her with his hands.His hands were hardened from milking the smooth teats of the cows.While milking, those cows will bleat and moan.He felt crudely that the cows sounded like the milkmaid moaning in pain, as she twisted her thighs, as she bit her lower lip until it bled, as she longed for her lover in her The same moans she made during her creampie, when she longed for her lover to smear her inside with his creamy sperm.

The girl, a virgin, was so tempted that she became pregnant.But that's not the reason for that sin.The reason for her sin is that she conceived it as if she had a nut in her stomach that could not be removed. (Ashamed, the girl tries to get rid of the unwanted child. She tries! She tries! She presses her heels, beats her stomach, and runs like a fawn that has been shot. Struggling until she collapsed and gasped for breath. In doing so, she felt even more of a sinner, deservedly despised by God.) During her third month of pregnancy, everyone who knew her avoided Without her, and the dairyman forbidding her near his property, the shamed and embarrassing girl became deranged, malnourished, and self-weary with grief.She hiked to Niagara Falls.She went to the place where human beings had fallen, which was said to be a place where all sinners could cleanse themselves and get rid of their world.Like a penitent, she took off her shoes and walked on the dirty and sharp stones and grass by the rushing river as if under a spell.Never before had she gazed at the Great Falls, the place of the fall of man, with such eyes.At this time, she was in a state of madness. She looked at the mist rising from the huge waves of the canyon, and felt that it was like clouds gathered by steam. She felt that the boiling heat waves were emanating from the interior of hell heat.

The milkmaid had made up her mind and acted calmly.In order to quickly cross the fall, she will give herself to this river, because she has heard that countless people have jumped into the river here.As it was now, her family would be burdened with the burden she had brought them, and the unwanted bastard would have no one to love (except perhaps the Dairy Maid herself).Staring intently at the clouds of mist, the milkmaid smiled at the little rainbows.Those rainbows cast faint sunlight in an overcast sky.With that innocent smile, she felt that her heart had sprouted, and she seemed to see a female god emanating light appearing in the sky in the haze.At that point, she was probably only 40 feet from the great canyon.The idol's feet slowly disappeared in the mist created by the horseshoe waterfall, while the light above the idol's head shot into the sky.After a closer look, the milkmaid was stunned when she recognized the statue of the Virgin Mary. Her feeble body knelt down and shouted, "Holy Virgin Mary, Mother of God!" A calm and beautiful face and royal blue robes.She knew this when she was baptized in the cathedral, so without hesitation or doubt she surrendered to the phantom and prayed aloud in ecstasy: "Holy Mary, Mother of God Ah! I implore you, forgive us sinners now and when we die, Amen!"

The milkmaid then begged the Virgin Mary to forgive her.The Virgin Mary smiled at her gently and spoke to her tenderly.Her voice was a little muffled by the roaring waterfall, but the milkmaid felt she heard it clearly, as if the Virgin Mary whispered in her ear: "Nothing is unforgivable, my child." of. Love, doing the will of God.” After hearing this, the milkmaid was so immersed in ecstasy that she even lost consciousness.She didn't realize that she had been by the river for hours.Later, she was delirious and had a high fever for several days.She was taken to a home near Scenic Avenue, and after seeing a doctor, she was revived.When she woke up, she wept with joy.She told those who rescued her that she had seen apparitions of the Virgin Mary.And, she repeated at length, told it to anyone who wanted to hear it, to the priests of the Roman Catholic Church who were called together at once.The Irish milkmaid, though uneducated and illiterate, claimed to have been an eyewitness to a vision of the Virgin Mary.She spoke with such confidence, with such a radiant face, that she convinced everyone that she was telling the truth.You can see the Virgin Mary in the eyes of this dairy girl.She unusually told everyone about the incredible sight she had seen, and delivered this special prophecy for believers: "Nothing is unforgivable. Love, and do the will of God."

A Roman Catholic shrine stands on the hillside three miles south of Niagara Falls in honor of what the milkmaid saw, the Cathedral of the Lady of the Falls.Countless healing myths and revelation myths are said to have appeared in that basilica, and finally, in 1949, a new statue of the Virgin Mary was completed, said to weigh more than 20 tons, stand 30 feet tall and be made of Made of marble sourced in Vermont.She was placed there, and people looked at it from miles away, and she seemed to be looking at the river and the city of Niagara Falls.You see it and you want to believe it.You see it, you turn your face away and sneer, you feel sick and ashamed, and yet you want to believe it.help me.

There is a curse on our name. wrong.Our name is a curse. sound!The sound of the waterfalls... In winter the waterfalls are covered with ice; the glittering ice forms rainbows, and the waterfalls penetrate those rainbows that cross the canyons.The mist is also frozen, as if covering the trees with clothes made of glass.There is a bridge formed by thin ice on the river between Luna Island and Wedding Dress Falls.Look at that sight and you'll believe you can walk across that bridge.It's a silent celestial sound, so barely audible that you have to hold your breath to hear it.But, towards the end of March and beginning of April, as everything thawed out, those noises came back, louder, harsher and more enticing.Come June, with that near-death anniversary, the sounds start to feel too loud and edgy, and you hear them in your sleep away from the rapids.Juliet!Juliet!Po-na-bi!Shame, thy name is shame.you know your name.Go to Great Falls and see your father.

"Sayu, don't. Stay." Juliet whispers goodbye to Sayo, jolting it out of its deep sleep at the foot of her bed.She buried her face in its familiar rough fur and let it lick her face, her hands.It panted quietly, and the eagerness to go with her made him tremble all over—to where? The silence before dawn.At dawn, the rain gradually turned to drizzle, mist. She had to get out of here before Alia knew.Before Alia stopped her from going.She lay in bed that night, trying to fall asleep, but the voices crept into her ears, teasing and mocking, Bo-na-bi!Po-na-bi!Among those voices was his calm, soft voice—Juliet!Time is up!

(Is it his voice? Juliet believes it is his.) (Although born late. Her memory of him is like a waterfall.) When she sang, she sang for him; secretly, for him. At the recital, she imagined him sitting in the audience, not among the parents, relatives, and classmates in the first few rows, of course, but somewhere in the dark for sure.He would sit somewhere alone, and he would listen to her sing intently.She sang beautifully because he was listening carefully. Her solo "Messiah" in the music hall won praise.There was thunderous applause.for him! She was a shy girl with eyes full of emotion.Opening her eyes, she saw him smiling, a smile full of fatherly pride. Other times, unpredictably, her voice would tremble or lose strength, and she would have a sense of panic, that she was about to lose her voice: she knew it would be futile to sing to someone she couldn't remember, who died 16 years ago Useless. We are happy, but only when the music is playing. Alia relented.It must be true. (After Juliet played "Messiah", Mrs. Ehrenreck told her about going to the Buffalo Conservatory of Music where she taught. A scholarship in vocal music. The 16-year-old Juliet? Burnaby can get this scholarship. She doesn’t need to transfer to another high school. She can just take a commuter bus to attend classes twice a week after class. The bus ride is not far away, and the college will cover all her expenses. Great opportunity! So says her teacher. Smiling at Juliet Burnaby, as if expecting the frightened child to smile at her as well.) Is there a father in this family? She asked her mother like this, and her mother would say no. Is there a father in this family? She asked her brothers like this. She had grown up by then and was eager to know the answer. Chandler said yes but left.She asked why, does he hate us?Chandler mumbled, I think, just something happened.Like the weather.Mom doesn't want us to bring this up, understand?Juliet?Then saw Royall blushing and clenching his fist childishly, he doesn't know much more than Juliet, but already has his own judgment I hate him!I don't want him!I'm so glad he's come a long way. Sayu followed her to the bottom of the stairs, Sayu tapped his toes on the stairs, hesitating to find the exact spot, it was old, panting heavily, leaning on the accumulated For the sense of balance, it is estimated that its hind legs cannot support the balance of the whole body at such a steep angle.Julia resolutely left him, she was very serious and determined not to take him away, he would not and could not bark in the house: he was a very obedient dog, trained not to bark at little things. "Sayu, I told you not to. Stay." Juliet left at the front door.This was the door furthest from Aaliyah's bedroom at the rear upstairs. Alia's last child left.ran away. The last child who loves Alia, the love is too much to bear.I am not you, mother.let me go! Barefoot, running.Her feet were numb and she could hardly feel the road.There is no feeling of cold, only the grass covered with dewdrops and hard mud.She seemed to have no fear now, and yet felt strangely cheerful.Finally a decision was made, not hers.In a hurry: she's wearing a white, hole-streaked, nightmare-stained pajamas, with a waterproof jacket draped over it, tied tightly at the waist. Shame, shame!Get to know your name. Make a plan and act. The silence before dawn.The pre-dawn fog filled the air.Running in a dreamlike world, you will feel that you are not just a dreamer, but a dream itself.A long time ago, the gods of war, Ongara and Tuscaroras, roamed the land. They were tall, fierce, and stronger than anyone else, but now they are far away, and only their souls remain, drifting and dissipating before people's eyes like fog.Chandler once said that the scenery is always changing, and the waterfall is always changing.time, corrosion.The Hindu gods are gone and no other gods can take their place. Except: the Niagara Falls bus, brightly lit like a living organism.Like an undercurrent or an exhaled breath moving through the city.The car drove to Ferry Street, Scenic Avenue, Tenth Avenue, and the main road of Hyde Park Scenic Area.Juliet stalked, shrinking her neck so as not to be seen, she crossed the Baltic Street and walked towards the park that was at this time desolate and crowded and shrouded in thick fog.run, run!She was a strong girl, and her lungs became very strong from singing.She is slender and looks younger than she is.Mom often told her not to walk alone in Baltic Park.Her brother Royall had taught her too, but she was nowhere to be seen this time, as she walked across a wet grass field on the edge of what looked to be a small softball field, divided into small pieces, in the dim light. Under the lights, it looks like a children's chess board.If her remains are not found, no one will ever know.Like her father, disappeared.Alia would say, go, never come back, we don't have to think about her anymore, we'll forget her.A block from here, a freight train was moving.There was a familiar rattling sound from the truck bed.Such a voice made her feel a little comforted.Your name is shame, know your name, what tricks are you playing?In the dream Juliet Burnaby was being trucked to Great Falls.This is because of something Mr. Pangoski once said.The noise of the trains in the city, the noise of the vans was like a nightmare to him, and he dared not expect any American to understand, but Juliet said she understood, if you got on a van, then it was like pulling a cow to slaughter Like the field, take you away.The train was moving so fast that it was impossible to jump off. In the sky over the Niagara River, a mile away, there was a sudden bright light.The sun on the horizon casts a ray of light.No, don't be afraid! 2 sound!I heard those sounds as a child when my mother pushed me in the stroller to the edge of the Great Falls.The cold steam wet our faces, eyelashes and lips, we licked our lips and laughed excitedly. Oh, comfortable! Behold, Juliet, dear, this is happiness. She loves me the most, Mom said.I am her daughter, her younger daughter, and her brothers are all boys.I'm a daughter, much like my mother, and my brothers can't be girls.This time I'm going to do it right.This time I am not guilty. Mom sang to me.My mother sang to me while playing the piano.My mother held me in her arms, hugged me tightly, and then put my chubby little hands on the keyboard, and we played the piano together; my mother urged me to sing, and when I sang with a childish voice, my mother would Return a kiss. Those dreamy moments.Only my mother is by my side. Singing that boys and girls come out to play, the moonlight is as bright as day.Singing that the lavender is turning blue, the sky is spirited!Lavender is turning green.If I'm king, you're queen.This is my mother's favorite song. She often plays and sings it. Sometimes, when I hide in bed and fall asleep, she will sing: Baby, sleep in the treetops, the wind blows, the cradle shakes, the branches Broken, the cradle fell, and the baby inside was startled.If I was about to fall off the bed, my mother would laugh and hug me. Later, when I grew up a bit.Sound is transmitted into the room.Mom said nothing!Don't think about it!Mom covered my ears with her hands, and then covered her own.The next day my mother would scold me if I talked about the sound coming into the house.Or stand up suddenly and walk away.One of my two older brothers will take care of me. When I am no longer a baby, my mother will no longer love me.When I was too old to be held in her arms like a doll and to sit on her lap and listen to her play the piano, it seemed like that was when she stopped loving me.I call my mom at night and she doesn't want to hear it, finally I figured out I can only bury the cries in the pillow, but it stains the pillow and the tear stains are like other stains I can't control It's what mom hates.So I crawled to the side and hid by myself, no matter what they called, I would not agree.Sometimes it's a low voice, and I can only hear it when I put my ear against the wall, the pillow or the floor.Royall tried to hear, but couldn't, and said it was nothing, and it was nothing to be afraid of.I once went to the basement in the dark when my mother wouldn't let us go, fell down the steep stairs, cut my lip, and scrambled to the side trying to escape from the whine of the wind and the roar of the car , in the end it was Sayu who found me, Sayu didn't understand that I didn't want to be found out, everything was like a game to him.So he butted me with his wet nose and tickled me with his slippery tongue.Sayo barked a few times as he rarely barked in the house so they found me huddled behind a bunch of rabbit cages on the floor.My brother yelled Zhu-Julie-Yeh!Mom ran down the stairs and shone a flashlight on my face, shaking my eyes so hard that I couldn't keep my eyes open.She saw my bleeding lips, "Juliet, what did you do to yourself, oh you bad boy, you must have done it on purpose, didn't you!" From her wide green eyes, I understood that my mother wanted to intimidate me. Me, she wants to hurt me because I'm not her little girl anymore, I've let her down not once or twice, but many times, but she's Alia, not yelling at kids on the street, The other woman who slapped the child was the piano teacher Alia Burnaby. She was not the type to hit the child, so she held my hand very gently and told me over and over in a low voice that I should not violate it again. For her, don't come to this dirty place again, otherwise she will send me away. What annoyed my mother was that I actually laughed, or made a sound like a laugh.I'm filthy, my pants are soggy, and I'm sure to have a scar on my upper lip, a star-shaped scar that never goes away, draws people's eyes involuntarily, and I can even feel it How much they want to pop it off when they see this scar, like a piece of dirt, they sure want to get this thing off so I'm a cute looking little girl and It's no longer the weird look with a white glowing thing on the upper lip.Later, when I was in Baltic Elementary School, Ronnie Heron pushed me on the swing and pushed me very high. I begged him and he refused to let me down. Then I fell down and was still swinging on the swing The swing board hit me on the left forehead, and I lost consciousness all at once. The wound was deep, and my face was covered with blood. I was taken to Niagara Falls General Hospital by ambulance, where I got a few stitches. , so I also left a glowing, sickle-shaped white scar on my forehead.My mother started to be afraid of me. She firmly believed that I was crazy. I was a child who would hurt himself to hurt his mother. In order that my mother could not find me, I would hide in a dirty basement that my mother could not bear. The dirty floor in the basement was raining. The house was flooded with water from time to time, the stone walls leaked dirt, and a pile of rusty, broken rabbit cages smelled like rabbit excrement, all of which my mother could not stand. She is not my child, and sometimes I really feel like she is not my child.Mother would say that about me, and my brothers would tell her it was wrong, that Juliet was their sister, and her child as much as they were. Alia also suffered from insomnia for a long time, and now, on this rainy spring of 1978, as his death approached and her sons were away, her insomnia was spreading like unbridled fire .Yet she would not admit that she had been weakened by it, not even to the doctor.The weakness made Alia very upset. Her child, who grew up in the 1703 house in the Baltic Sea, later recalled that she could hear her walking on the stairs before dawn in the early morning, or It was the sound of the teapot being put on the stove in the kitchen.And then she just sat in the cold, dark room at the back of the house, waiting for the water to boil, and ran her fingers over the keys at the piano, like a devout Roman Catholic, perhaps more than just a musician. She is happy, but only music can make her happy, "Music can save you, Juliet, you can get up from the worst situation. Have faith!" But by nine o'clock in the evening, Alia will be exhausted, even When her favorite New York orchestra played on the radio, she fell asleep on the sofa in the living room, with Sayu dozing on her lap.And her kids would be exchanging anxious glances because they really wanted to know: Should we wake Mommy, or let her fall asleep like this? – Either way, Mom is going to be either mad at us or embarrassed. Is there a dad in this house?That's what I asked when I got a little older and realized that other houses like ours had dads in them.Then my mother would tell me "no".I read from my mother's eyes that I shouldn't continue to ask, but I still asked, where did Dad go?Mom put her index finger on my lips and said "Shh!" If I kept going she would frown and say Daddy left us before you were born and he's gone and never coming back . A cold air suddenly surrounded me, like the feeling of sewage oozing from the basement wall, and I said to myself now you know.You asked, now you know. 3 Shame, shame.your name! In first grade, everyone else seemed to know. (But what do they know?) Maybe you can think of them as instinctive.Their eyes follow Juliet at first curiously, then become suspicious, and finally mocking.Then Royall went to junior high at another school, and Juliet remained in elementary school, alone.A strange, sullen stuttering kid who was always alone, with only two scars on her pale little face.Two scars!Her teachers didn't know what to think of her, the Burnabys?Is she related to—?Because she is the only child in the class who stutters, sometimes stutters, sometimes speaks normally, and is very smart; sometimes without warning, she mutters sullenly by herself.A little girl who is not nice to people, not very nice.But when she sings, she never stutters.When she sang, her voice was crystal clear despite trills of uncertainty. Bo-na-bi, bo-na-bi, hi! In the square of the community, people have no etiquette, no sympathy and pity for the "strange" children. That's the one!Po-na-bi!Shame! When you talk to her, she can't hear it, and when you approach her, she can't see it, but just stares at you, as if listening to the sound far away.To get her to notice you, you have to high-five her in front of her, pinch her, poke her, or pull her hair to make her cry out in pain.Bo-na-bi, your father drove the car into the river, your father is going to jail, Bo-na-bi, shame on you!The older children must have told them the truth, and the adults must have told the older children the truth. (But what exactly?) Therefore, childhood was an ordeal for her.When she recalled her childhood, it seemed that it was someone else's story, the story of a brave, strong little girl, a little girl she didn't know. 4 Aaliyah calls her a child of the shadows, and she drags a shadow of herself. When it comes to her adolescent daughter, the mother, though harsh, always has a touch of love, as if she understands the pain of the young girl and knows that she cannot be completely blamed.Sitting in front of the piano and playing Debussy's mysterious and sad "Submerged Cathedral", oh, how beautiful and moving "Submerged Cathedral" is! Her suffocating beauty is like a winter waterfall , the water rushes down silently, leaving only dense moisture, the loud high notes of the music seem to penetrate Alia's skin, and the skillful fingers penetrate her soul.Quiet, Juliet might wonder one day, isn't it strange that a mother called her daughter just out of school when she was 14, "Juliet, do you hear that? This is your song, your soul, you're Like a flooded cathedral, no one can get close to you, that's the song you were born to sing." Your tone is like, "I've given you up, go away!" Juliet walked away dejectedly, but only went upstairs, she put her arms around Sayu, whispering and confiding to each other. Alia continued to play her piano downstairs. (Why would Alia say such things to Juliet, whom she actually loves? Is the mother, imagining the private life of her charming adolescent daughter? Is the long-lost private life she craves like a heavy Seeds popping out of her? Is she jealous of her daughter? Jealous of that deep contralto voice she's been trying to train herself to have?) Royall sees, Juliet's shadowy self. It is very different in the oblique light, following her closely like a shadow, like the ripples on the water surface after ripples appearing and fading away, and following this elegant little girl like a ghost . Juliet often looks like a sleepwalker, with heavy dark circles under her eyes, curly hair that hangs to her shoulders like uncombed horse mane, and exudes a romantic and melancholy smell like autumn leaves, as if being rained Ruined violets; this faint scent attracts other boys and even men.Royall had seen scenes he didn't want to see: the shocked expression on the man's face when Juliet appeared, as if he had lost his soul. Royall was quite attractive in his teenage years, yet still felt ashamed of himself in front of his sister, and sometimes he was! Royall sometimes saw Juliet on the street, occasionally with other female students, but mostly by herself.Contemplating in his own world, drifting home like sleepwalking.Seeing her, you wonder what's going on in her head; Royall surmised that she might have music playing in her head, revising a note in her throat.Then, when she was alone in Baltic Park, there would always be men sneaking up and glancing at her now and then, or sometimes she would detour from Garrison Street (Mayweather, Stonecropp and Hayron a few family lives there), or bypass the area of ​​tall weeds and wild roses in the yard next to Lake Buffalo and Shortawal.Another time I followed her and found her walking alone along the dark and smelly ditch next to the railway track. Her lonely but attractive figure seemed to be unable to notice her own existence, just like a cat noticing her own existence. Not like his own existence, he moved forward step by step cautiously and tentatively, as if paying attention to the surrounding situation at any time-but what is it? (Blue radicchio flowers? Something that isn't there? Something skimming across the water? Maybe Juliet's subconscious reflection of what she's staring at?) Royall swears he saw Juliet's sullen shadow dragging behind her. Royall was always reluctant to imagine that.As Alia said: There is something very mysterious in Juliet's bones, which is difficult to tame and untrustworthy.Royall's embarrassment at spying on his sister from the shadows hit him like a dagger.And then he couldn't move his feet, he was her brother, he loved his sister very much, he understood how vulnerable his sister was, and there was no one on the block who could protect her except him. Fatherless Burnaby children. Shame, shame.We know your name! (Strange: no one dared to laugh at or taunt Royal Burnaby for his name. But he knew that Chandler had been annoyed by it once, and Juliet was too now.) (Royal gets annoyed just thinking about it, his name?) Royall followed Juliet for a short distance, surprised that she did not look around or notice him.This is how anyone can approach her: anyone with malice.She crossed a field, crossed railroad tracks, slid over a gravel embankment and emerged from Forty-eighth Street, which was partly residential, shabby brick houses like the one they lived on, partly The commercial area, there are taverns, shops, a gas station.He saw, or he believed he saw, the sullen shadow of Juliet hovering behind her, and he saw guys staring at Juliet, boys his age, men, some old ones who could do them father's man.These bastards!Juliet still walked unhurriedly, sleepwalking, probably still listening to the music in her head, not paying attention to the surrounding situation at all.Her lips were moist and parted, and there was a small scar on her upper lip, and another, just barely visible on her left temple.Her breasts were accentuated by the purple cotton dress, which was too tight for her, like her black flannel dress, which wouldn't fit in a year or so.Royall gets angry: Didn't Mom see Juliet when she left the house?Was he the only one who saw it? Juliet passed the gas station, where there was always a group of twenty-something boys that Royall knew, but Juliet didn't notice that they were staring at her, whispering and winking at each other.Zhu-li-ye, bo-na-bi.Oh baby! Royall couldn't take it any longer, he caught up to his sister, and bumped his shoulder against Juliet's. "Oh, Royall! Where did you come from?" asked Juliet with a smile, startled Like a cat being stroked suddenly by a familiar hand in an unfamiliar place. 罗约尔闻了闻朱丽叶身上的气味，有点湿润叶子的味道，又似被雨水打过的花朵特有的气味。真让人发疯！朱丽叶也许几天没洗澡、没洗她那被风吹得乱蓬蓬的头发了。一个念头如火星般在罗约尔的脑海里闪了一下，是愤怒，也是断言。他不能忍受他这个对异性如此有吸引力的妹妹这么不注意自己，在第四十八大街上。难道她不知道那些小子是什么样子么？难道她一点都不知道性到底是什么么？ “朱丽叶。你到底要去哪儿啊？” “我回家啊。” “兜了这么大一圈？” 朱丽叶心虚的笑了笑，“是么？” 罗约尔试图放轻自己的声音，他爱他的小妹妹，也许他有点夸大了她可能陷入的危险，他不想冒犯或者听起来像警告她，但他还是说，“嗨，我很认真的：你需要清醒点啦，看看那些小子怎么盯着你看，难道你不知道自己在哪儿么!”朱丽叶有些受伤的答道，“罗约尔，不用责骂我，我知道我在哪里：四十八大街。你在哪儿呢？” 盯着朱丽叶的那些男孩中有一个剃平头的，他在铁道旁边的那片空地没有其他男孩的地方，保持一段距离，偷偷地跟着朱丽叶，所以就连她哥哥那双敏锐的眼睛都没有发现他。 5 羞耻啊，羞耻! 1977年的晚冬，刚刚解冻的时候，已经可以听闻猴子的尖叫声了，有一次朱丽叶跟她的同学不太开心，就一边一个人心里默默吟唱着正在学习的罗伯特?舒曼的一首歌曲，突然之间就走出了学校，没有请假，也没参加下午的两节课和女生合唱团训练——那可是她生命中最重要的事情（她敢说出来的），她跟人免费搭车就去了河边（20世纪70年代吸毒泛滥的纽约尼加拉瀑布地区，一个15岁的单身女孩跟一个陌生人搭乘免费车，司机侧面隐约露出猫看到乳酪时的那种势在必得的笑容，这不危险么？）隔离带（大概18英尺高）应该已经换过（具体撤销到哪里了呢？），因为15年前，德克?波纳比的车在陡峭的堤岸上飞驰，后来在暴风雨中失控，冲破隔离带扎到了河里。 “我在这儿，这就是那儿。” 她以前从没来过这里，这是不能来的地方，她的心因为兴奋而狂乱的跳着，如果阿莉亚在附近，她一定会暴怒。 “如果我爱你，我就一定要讨厌他吗？我不能!” 朱丽叶对自己说。 在贯通尼加拉大瀑布和布法罗的高速公路上，车流平稳地向前行进。正是下午时分，没有一丝雨。车辆都在紧挨着湍急尼加拉河的右侧车道上行驶，车道外侧是沙砾的地基和一条隔离带，隔离带距陡峭的岸边就几尺远。 朱丽叶不知道她父亲的车是在哪里冲下了悬崖，一定是在沿着这里不远的地方，隔离带已经在风吹日晒之下生了锈，整条都看不出哪里是后来连接上的，当然了，那场事故已经过去好多年了。 车冲出了隔离带，在河水最湍急的地方扎了下去，随即就被白色的浪吞灭了。现在因为是春天解冻的时候，河水的水位更高了，朱丽叶盯着河水入了神。可以想象的到汛期到来的时候河水就可能溢出河岸，甚至淹没高速公路。 你可能很难想象印第安人会相信，尼加拉大瀑布是有生命的，是有灵魂的。河水是有一个神明的，瀑布也有。哪里都有神明，尽管我们看不到。钱德勒说过，神也像人类一样，有食欲有热情。并且这些永远也不会消失，只是以另外一种形式存在而已。任何这条河流是不需要名字的，“名字”是很愚蠢很可笑的东西。河流会复活，所有你所能知道的就是它的特性是人类所拥有的，没有人能在里面生存几分钟，哪怕是几秒钟。 如果在这样的地方孤独的死去，那真是太可怕了。 朱丽叶心里突然感到一阵虚弱。她那骄傲的力量、昂首走出尼亚加拉大瀑布、搭乘过路车回家、一点也不在乎谁看到她的那种勇气，忽然间消失殆尽了。她第一次明白了什么是恐惧。事情确实发生了，就在这儿，一个男人死了。我的父亲。 想到这些字眼她就觉得是一种解脱，即使是那些带给她晕眩、迷茫的痛苦的字眼。 在接下来的几分钟里，朱丽叶迷失在周围的环境和时间里了，伴随着她的音乐，恍恍惚惚，以一种特别的方式，歌唱，呼吸，就像做梦，却睁着眼睛。她毫无意识，以一种特有的节拍走来走去。如果我爱我的母亲，我也能爱我的父亲，他需要我。 恍惚中，朱丽叶感到一个细微而神秘的韵律伴着哗哗的流水声进入她的脑海，抚慰着她的心灵。“朱丽叶！波—纳—比！到河里来，到爸爸身边来！”她从未听过那么清晰的声音，是如此的焦急和真切。太阳在天空中缓缓移动着，苍白而又阴沉。公路疾驶的卡车司机们减慢车速，看着这个静静地伫立在河边的孤独女孩儿，长长的头发随风飞扬。然而，女孩儿却对他们视而不见，沉浸在那个声音里，忘记了一切。 “小姐，你在那里干什么？”一个刺耳的男声传来。 一辆印着尼亚加拉大瀑布警察局的巡逻车一个急刹车，停在公路边上，车中的一个警官对着朱丽叶喊着，她却仿佛没有听见。风不停地吹着，朱丽叶的长发在风中飞舞。“小姐，待着别动！” 那男人声音很大，带着命令和勿庸置疑的口气。 如果说朱丽叶开始听到了喊声，她并没有做出任何反应。一个闷闷不乐的少女，虽然眼角看到了那靠近的穿着制服的身影，却固执地无视警察在几码外的叫喊，甚至连头都没回。由于受过专门的训练，他小心地靠近。他不想吓着她让她失足掉进河里。 “小姐，我在和你说话，看着我。” 魔咒解除，这次的声音慢慢的变弱，消失。朱丽叶转过身，爬上河堤，好像终于听到那威严的喊叫了。但她眼神低垂，拒绝抬头看，只有嘴中在轻轻的喃喃自语。警官站在她的面前，穿着制服，虎背熊腰。她的眼睛扫过他穿着靴子的脚，扫过他闪亮的腰带和枪套，手枪就在枪套中。她看着那有点滑稽的警徽，就像好莱坞电影里面治安警察的徽章一样闪闪发光，异常显眼。但她绝不会去看那张脸，以及盯着她的那双眼睛。Won't. 他严厉地质问她：为什么不去上学？在这么危险的地方干什么？有没有看到警告牌？她叫什么名字？ 朱丽叶静静地站着，看着地面。她被逮着了，逃不了了。你是无法从一个警察手里逃脱的。他要拘留她，这个州的权力，都在他手上。