Chapter 18 7-2

For a long time to come, Chandler would think about how amazing Cynthia Carpenter was!A 20-year-old woman trembling through a field of death where she could be hit by bullets at any time, her pale, gentle face seemed to be half-melted, with smudges around her eyes, eaten lipstick, and The hair on the hair pad is a bit messy, but she came over, she succeeded, she survived the disaster, and the days to come will be more precious to her, this is a miracle bestowed on her by God.This miracle will be preserved by the film.The language in the film may be changed or omitted, but the image of Cynthia Carpenter will live on forever.It was a small compensation for the misery she had endured by a man.She will forever be a local "Cynthia Carpenter" legend.

Now is the time for the gunmen in the building to surrender. "Give up"—his resistance, or his life. Surrender, or commit suicide. Overwhelmed by the excitement of the hostages being released, Chandler lost touch with Mayweather.The phone has been hung up.When I called again, no one answered.Chandler panicked at the thought of what might happen, and hurried to the loudspeaker. He is already sweating profusely. The white shirt he wore to school that morning is wet under his arms, on his chest and back.He had pulled off the tie earlier and remembered to put it in his pocket, but now he couldn't find it and lost it.His sweat was greasy, flowing down his cheeks like tears.Al?I'm Chandler.Al, thank you.Thank you for letting the girl go... It was a strange thing to say, but Chandler had to say it.He went so far as to praise the madman who held a woman hostage and held her at gunpoint for hours, and he thanked him for letting her go, and he was very sincere.Al, did you hear that?Can you pick up the phone, the phone is ringing... still no answer.The phone was redialing over and over again with no answer.Al, listen to me!There will be a happy ending, you have let the girl go, everyone can see that you have no evil intentions.Now you're going to lay down your arms, Al, okay?That way you won't get hurt, Al, you can come out, you'll be imprisoned, but you won't get hurt.Think about your family, Al?Your children, your parents.your father.He was a strong man and I remember him.He shouldn't have died so early.He wants you to live.Al.I want you to live too.There's no point continuing to stand still now, Al, you're smart, you know that.The police want you to drop your weapons, put them on the floor in the house and walk out the door slowly.Let's see you, Al, I'm here, I'm watching.Spread your hands so we can see them.It's going to be taken care of, Al, look, you let that girl go, it's different, no one was killed or badly hurt, and the girl said you were kind to her... Chandler said honestly, He was getting more and more desperate, but there was no response.

The phone redialed again, this time with a busy tone. Al?Put the phone away and listen to me...I'd love to talk to you. The situation is changing so fast it's like melting ice, but Chandler seems to be out of control now, he seems to be slowly losing, losing that fleeting energy he just had.A few minutes passed in a trance, and the energy was no longer with him.That energy is like a straight flame.But now the flame was flickering slowly, flickering.Chandler started begging.Al?You gotta trust me, Al.They promised they wouldn't hurt you—they promised—if—Chandler figured the police would give him a few minutes before they dropped their attempts at negotiation.The besieged man was no longer of any negotiable value, except his life, and perhaps after these hours of tossing, rage, and boredom, he was so exhausted that life had no meaning.The police will immediately begin the siege, throwing tear gas and crushing the man who deserved his fate.So many armed police officers, and Mayweather was alone.Chandler felt hopeless, but he couldn't give up now.

It's like rolling a dice.Why can't he give up? All this has almost nothing to do with him. Inside the police car, blindingly lit and protected by bulletproof glass, Chandler stretched his neck out and stared at the empty front of the building.The hollow brick buildings washed by the windshield are ugly.Against the background of bright blue lights, it looks like a stage stretching vertically and horizontally.Dilapidated, as if soon to be demolished, abandoned.Chandler had to act quickly and decisively, or all his energy would be drained and he would be forced back into his old circle.

Chandler wondered where Mayweather was now: Had he crawled out of a building that had been surrounded by police for hours?Had he followed Cynthia Carpenter to the front door?Would he, even now, be standing behind the broken window, aiming his rifle?Chandler stared at the oddly shaped window, the shattered glass edged like teeth.In such a thrilling drama, such a scene is very important.If it wasn't for this, maybe it would be worthless.humble life.inescapable life.future life.Even staring, Chandler was aware that his peripheral vision was slowly narrowing.Even though his eyesight was sharp, the center of his field of vision was like this, but the periphery was a bit blurred.And yet—he's now turned into a funnel full of energy.He knew—he knew! — he talked to Mayweather face-to-face — the time had come.

To save Al Mayweather.Like he saved the hostages. For another long, exhausting period after he got the megaphone, Chandler stayed in the police car, in the shadows.He crawled out and no one could stop him in time. He called in his thin, husky, human voice, "Al? It's me, Chandler." He bravely jumped to the front of the building covered with lights.Nobody can catch him fast enough.He could hear people shouting and protesting in all directions.But Chandler walked on, raising his hands earnestly.He's unarmed - of course.He wanted to show Al Mayweather that he had no protection at all.He knew he was doing the right thing.In his pure heart it was impossible for him to fail in doing what was right.Even the police yelled at him and told him to stay hidden.Even the TV cameras are focused on him.He called out, "Al? Can I walk in and talk to you? I'd love to talk to you—" Not ten feet from the half-open door, Chandler seemed to see There was movement inside, but not sure.His field of vision narrowed infinitely, as if he were looking through the reverse end of a telescope.All he saw was a small circle of bright light, but he didn't know what he was seeing, and he couldn't say.The roar in his ears got louder.He had passed that limit and was now fast approaching the waterfall.In the process, he has a sense of comfort.His heart was beating wildly.On the edge of consciousness, he could hear voices calling for cover!But the sound was far away, the cry of a complete stranger.He wanted to show Al Mayweather that he had nothing to do with those strangers; show him how close they were, like brothers with a shared past.

Suddenly there was a crisp sound, it was a gunshot. TV show tonight.That man did a miracle and saved our daughter, and we prayed and prayed and he saved her.That's what the Carpenter family said of Chandler Burnaby.But Chandler won't see this interview, or any other.Nor will I watch the news footage of the three TV stations. All the excitement had receded, leaving behind the mediocre trifles of life. Hail hit the windshield.He had to drive slowly to avoid the pain in the back of the eye.He was now an hour and a half late and hadn't called.Call a woman you love, or almost love, or hope to love, and you have to think about what to say, and Chandler is out of words now.The megaphone exhausted him.The thing looked like a gigantic, ludicrous phallic.You magically pick it up, only to put it down in disappointment.

Drive up Alcott Avenue, northwest of Eleventh Street, where Melinda rents a third-floor apartment.The house was once a cottage, five minutes from Grace Memorial Hospital, where Melinda worked.It's past eight o'clock.Chandler got up early this morning, just after six o'clock.In other time periods, he is a teacher of general science for ninth grade students in LaSalle Junior High School. He is affable, honest and trustworthy.Although he was paid less than the head supervisor, he knew that this was not an isolated phenomenon.That is the case, Mr. Burnaby, teach your book quietly, and shut up.

Everyone was saying Chandler Burnaby was a hero, he saved a young woman's life.But Chandler knew better. He didn't turn on the car radio, nor did he want to.He didn't want to listen to the local news at all.Tomorrow morning, he would have to read the front-page headlines of the Niagara Gazette, which was inevitable. He felt sick and distraught.Eyes hurt.This was his punishment, he climbed the wire rope, but failed miserably. He tried to think about Melinda's baby. Melinda's baby, not Chandler's.Her father was someone else, and he left.Before she was born, when Melinda was pregnant, he abandoned them.Chandler couldn't understand such behavior, but he knew it wasn't unusual.Melinda's recently divorced ex-husband was a medical student at the University at Buffalo and is now an intern in the area.He has no custody of the children and does not want custody.Melinda just said the marriage broke up and it was her fault.

you?your mistake? My judgment.I misjudged. The implication is that she will not make another misjudgment.Melinda raised her straight chin. Child, Danya.Aaliyah was jealous of her (absurd, but true), so Chandler didn't dare mention the child, and Melinda, in front of his mother. "Hi, I love you. Know who I am?" Of course she didn't know.Who is Chandler Burnaby in Danya's life? Thinking about Danya, Chandler felt better now, less hopeless.That warm body.Sometimes it's hot and heavy.It was as if her whole being, her lifetime, had been crammed into that little body.

Her eyes are open, flickering, curious about the things around her, looking around insatiably. Whenever Chandler held Danya, he could almost feel her absorbing information, wanting to absorb the whole world. She can be my child.She can love me like she loves her father.I don't need to make excuses for the way I'm going. But when he got to Melinda's apartment, things were different.Yes, he had to find a reason for what he did. Likely he knew it, and he was looking forward to it later, which is why he didn't call. Melinda blocked him at the door, her face drawn long and angry.She was a strong, buxom woman, two years older than Chandler.Her face was attractive and dignified, and her hair was not bright at all, it was light brown, and it was cut short just under the nurse's cap.She was of average height, maybe 5.4 or 5.5 feet, but she exuded a kind of majesty that made her taller.Although she can be regarded as a temperamental person, she can surprisingly quickly jump out of this circle when others are acting emotionally.Chandler met her in the most romantic place: in Amory, during the annual blood donation event of the Red Cross, he saw her beautiful, Chandler couldn't help himself, and smiled at her.Tried to speak to her on the stretcher she was forced to lie down on.Promise me not to drain it all, my blood, I give myself into your hands. Melinda said she saw him on TV.I also saw everything he did, and was terrified for him.But looking back, she was very angry.Even disgusted. "You're risking your life for—what? Who? The stranger? 'Your high school friend'—shit! That scumbag, that's what he is, a scumbag. He killed himself, but he might have put you Kill. Why? Why the hell, Chandler? Tell me: for what?" Chandler hadn't expected such a greeting.Oh, and deep down he's a romantic, delusional fool who expects a different greeting than that, although he knows (because Chandler always feels like a heartless scientist) that he Doesn't deserve that kind of treatment. leave the family.betray. Shit. Chandler tried to explain, but he wouldn't apologize.Melinda cut him off, she knew his heart.She said angrily, "It's about your father again, isn't it? But I don't care about your father at all. I can't be with someone who doesn't care about me and my children or our life together, but cares about strangers." I can't date a man who doesn't care if he lives or dies, who throws his life like dice as if it's worthless. Good night, Chandler. Good-bye." She pushed him out the door, slamming the door on his stunned face. 3 Mandatory moves.He vowed that in the spring of his 28th year, he would take hold of his life. He was wandering, passively wandering.Like a man fascinated by great waterfalls.Melinda forced him to see this.It was as if she was holding a reflector, pointed at Chandler, and he couldn't take his eyes away; like one who has to avoid seeing the ugly Medusa in the mirror, because the mirror is obvious, but it makes people laugh. The unfathomable reality will make people dumbfounded.Toss your life like dice, as if your life is worthless.Unbelievable, Melinda must love him.She saw the deepest part of his soul. When did the negative sleepwalking life begin, the wanderings that he mistook for loyalty and self-repentance began.Maybe start with his father disappearing from his life. (Chandler never saw his father's body, no body. So how could he possibly "believe" his death?) He was once proud of his own sanity.He's by far the most rational guy in the family.He believed he was in total control, responsible, and mature.From the precocious age of 11, he was the faithful son of his (widowed, struggling) mother, and the loving, patient, and nurturing older brother to his (fatherless, immature) younger siblings. Commit to it!Alia whispered, clasping his hand tightly with both hands. Commit with your heart, with your life! Since junior high school, Chandler has been a potential and somewhat weird chess player.He taught Juliet how to play chess, and during the winter when the weather was bad and his tireless brother was stuck at home, he taught Royall how to play chess. (Aaliyah rarely played board games with her children. Perhaps out of fear of losing to them.) Neither Juliette nor Royall cared very much, so they didn't play very shrewdly and patiently, but they felt, And sometimes lucky.Chandler is not one to believe in luck.He sometimes finds himself sacrificing one of his veterans in order to fend off a fatal blow from his opponent.This is coercion: sacrifice in the short run, but victory in the long run. From now on, he wants to take his life into his own hands.He no longer feels ashamed because of his parentage or his father. Throughout the spring of 1978, he had been investigating Dirk Burnaby's life and his death.In order to understand one aspect, he must be aware of the other.He wrote short, well-worded letters to his father's former legal colleagues and friends.He first saw their names in a newspaper.Can I see you, please?Can I talk to you face to face?As Dirk Burnaby's son it means a lot to me.He tried to find a couple close to Dirk Burnaby's later years, Nina Oshek and Sam Oshek, but was sad to hear that the couple divorced in 1963, ie Not long after that case was closed; it appears that Nina Oshek, now living with her children in upstate New York, had left Plattsburgh and hadn't registered the phone.He tried to get in touch with several expert witnesses who had testified under oath to Dirk Burnaby in the Canal of Love case, but learned that these people were under pressure during the trial, and after Dirk Burnaby died, they often Being questioned about his relationship with Dirk Burnaby, he doesn't want to mention it now.He tried to contact the doctor who was in charge of the local board of health in 1961, and learned that the wealthy gentleman had "retired in Palm Beach and had no contact with the outside world." And those who were also on the board of health at the time were ruled in support of Swann Chemicals The company doctors either refused to communicate with Chandler, were old or dead.And those defense lawyers at that time, most of them are successful lawyers in Niagara Falls now.Then there's former mayor "Dad" Wayne, who is now the head of the state Republican Party.And former Niagara Magistrate Judge Stroughton Howell, now a judge on the New York State Court of Appeals in Albany.He also made an appointment with an emeritus professor of biochemistry at the State University of New York at Buffalo.He also made an appointment with Dirk Burnaby's receptionist, Madeleine Sideman.Dirk Burnaby, a now retired bailiff, has admitted assaulting Judge Howell in his courtroom during the first trial.He also tried to meet Sheriff Fitch, who had been a friend of Dirk Burnaby, and the sheriff, and the detectives investigating Dirk Burnaby's death, but no one wanted to see him. Of course, what else could he expect?He is an adult, he knows the rules of the game in this world.The world of male power is full of intrigue and threats. And yet: After repeatedly rejecting Chandler's calls, Sheriff Fitch called him directly and told him that the Niagara Falls Police Department investigation team in 1962 "found a lot of things that you don't want to see that are bad for your family." Understood? We judged it to be an 'accident', and the insurance company will pay for it." Before Chandler could interject, the phone was hung up. Accident.In their sense, Chandler should be grateful that they didn't call his father's death a suicide, shouldn't he? "Maybe you murdered him. All of you. Bastards." He thought this way for a while, like a child.Until the thought fades away, like an adolescent fantasy that fades when necessary. 16 years.forget. The memory came flooding back and made him flinch in agony, like a chilblained part of his body suddenly regaining consciousness. Never cry.don't cry.No one deserves your tears. Mom is the one who loves you the most. His thinking is more rigorous, so he knows: he has as many genes as his parents.So you should be filial to two people, not just one.Filial piety to two people who made him fight inside. In the end, however, the balance always favored Aaliyah.The other, the father, had died and vanished.Mom survived and was mom supreme.Her point of view was of extraordinary importance to him, and even now that he was an adult, he was still sometimes under the influence of his mother, as if there were unresolved issues between them, unresolved. things. Years ago, she had sung to him, held him in her arms and swayed gently, loving him deeply. My firstborn!Aaliyah often spouts her words like a doomed tragic character in a Wagnerian play.The firstborn is the most important, and no one will mention the second or third child.Yet Chandler is well aware that of course Ariah prefers Royall over the two sons; she does her best to love Juliet over both sons.Chandler, as the firstborn, was quickly downgraded in love.He knew that it wasn't that he didn't work hard, but he loved Alia as always, and he loved her forever.He has long been grateful for his mother's occasional gift of childbirth. Alya once said grimly, "Einstein said he couldn't believe a God who played with the universe at his fingertips. I would say that's how God rolls dice. If you don't like it, live with it, boy." She was extremely angry at Chandler's behavior during the hostage situation.Fortunately, she did not see the live broadcast of the local TV station, but the neighbors rushed over to tell her the news.And of course the Niagara Gazette the next morning.Chandler? Burnaby, middle school teacher, a "hero."Alia knew what kind of person Chandler was, risking his life for the worthless Mayweather, but she forgave him, while Melinda didn't.Alia shrugged, wiped her eyes in her characteristic way of showing both her maternal vulnerability and her disdain for that vulnerability, and smiled. "Okay. As long as you're alive to dine with everyone tonight, that's something to be thankful for." But Chandler wondered: Is that so? The dead have nothing but the living to speak for. I'm Dirk Burnaby's son, and I'm still alive. One day, on a whim, Chandler drove to the Big Island to visit aunts he hadn't seen in more than sixteen years.His aunts, Clarice and Sylvia, are figures that Arya despises extremely.Both are widows.rich widow.Chandler visited them separately, but knew that they must have called beforehand, because the two of them said very similar things.Clarice said coldly, "My brother is a reckless person. He is the same in death as when he was alive, and he doesn't think about others at all." Sylvia said coldly, "My brother is a reckless person. Consequences, spoiled child, dies like that." Clarice said, "We love our brother, and try not to care that he's the apple of everyone's eye. He goes to the army, serves his country with all his heart, all of that is noble, He's a good lawyer, and yet..." said Sylvia, "we love little brother, but tragedy happened to him, you see. A curse." They must be talking about the love canal case, Chandler thought, but when he asked again, Sylvia covered her nose with a fragrant handkerchief and said warily, "I'm too lazy to mention it." Clarice, too, said cryptically that it was a "curse".When Chandler asked what the curse was, his aunt hesitated and said, "Dirk fell in love with a red-haired woman, see. He was supposed to marry and settle on the island and stay on the island with his family, He was supposed to have custody of us, our property, our investments, all the Burnabys, but he hurt Mum deeply and stole half of her heart. Since then, everything has changed in our family, Our children, your cousins, all grew up and went away, and went all over the world, and none of them would stay with us. Why?—Because the red-haired woman cast a spell on her brother. Her first One husband committed suicide by jumping into the waterfall. His second husband was also doomed to die in the waterfall. It was bound to happen. Mom predicted it and it happened." first husband?Suicide by jumping into a waterfall? Shaking and exhausted, Chandler left the Big Island, vowing never to return. He knew: Claudine Burnaby, his grandmother, had died of illness a few years ago.The news came not from Aaliyah (she never mentioned the Burnabys) but from the obituary column of the Niagara Gazette.Claudine Burnaby donated the family's Charlotte estate to the Protestant Anglican Church as a school or nursing home.Most of her estate had also been left to the church, not to her children and grandchildren, a move Chandler thought must have been a blow and an insult to them. He couldn't help smiling.Grandma Burnaby: She once refused to be Grandma Burnaby. Gone are the days when Grandmother Burnaby could upset her daughter-in-law Alia.Chandler vaguely remembered the smelly, haughty woman pounced upon him at the first Luna Park home.The black sunglasses resembled the beetle's shiny, opaque eyes, and the red, glossy lips; the hair was an odd silver-brown color, and gave off a strong chemical smell.Chandler looked away from his Tinkerer toy, looked up, and blinked to see a different face looming in front of him, fierce and glowing like a mask.On her head was a black velvet headpiece that looked like a crouching spider, and Chandler was afraid it would jump on him.From her red mouth came harsh words that Chandler could recall all his life without understanding them.He wants to live into the 21st century.How strange that everyone was once so small and still human. Chandler also didn't understand why his grandmother had said he wasn't her grandson. (He had heard or thought he had heard these words. Perhaps they were just his own imagination.) Grandma Burnaby had left him presents, but he hadn't thought about opening them.After his grandmother left, his mother opened the presents.She tore at the bright foil wrappers that held all kinds of clothes.She tore off the sleeves of her little shirt and the leg of her pajamas.She tore and ravaged, sometimes muttering, sometimes laughing out loud.Then he hugged Chandler so tightly that he couldn't breathe.Suddenly, she took a bottle of wine from Dad's cupboard and ran upstairs and locked Chandler out, so Chandler had to go back downstairs to his safe Tinker Toy Village, a village It will become the village he manages most painstakingly.And only when Chandler ordered "Earthquake!" did it crumble, and Dad laughed when he saw that. 4 evidence.He took science education courses, which he should have taken with law.For the world had become a continual trial, requiring debate with opponents in search of justice (an elusive and alluring one)—he was beginning to feel it now. "Jesus. That was a harrowing experience. The judge was clearly biased and your father was too involved in the case. No lawyer could ever get out of court like he did. So he was done." "Indeed, we were suspect. But no one could have known for sure at the time. The 'Love Canal Case' was questioned for years and years as soon as Howell brought it up. It was a case the litigants had opened to us. Joke. The word "love" has changed so much that it's become a dirty joke in some circles today. But it's since then... that we've begun to see the light, unofficially, you'd say, of course. Skinner Pressure was put on your father's witnesses, and his aides withheld his testimony. They were probably threatened. (Is there a connection to the mob? This is Niagara Falls vs. Buffalo : Can fish swim? Can birds fly? Boy, this place has been a mob scene since the 1950s.) So they must have been threatened. The Ministry of Health and the Ministry of Education stopped it. But the defendants paid high prices Hired a group of 'professional witnesses' to stand on their side. Everyone knew howell was going to turn around as usual, but maybe with a real rival in Dirk Burnaby. I'm in law school I've known Dirk since 1999, and it's a disgrace to your poor father, for God's sake. He's been tortured like that! He told me, I'll never forget Howell threw this case in The day of the toilet. 'Oh, it hurts me that it was done so meanly.' He was drinking when he said it, frankly. You can still smell it. So they ended up getting him in court Out of control. And that's what made Dirk Burnaby." "What a disgraceful act. Howell profited from it. Look at him now: making his case to the Court of Appeal. And your father has been dead - how much - for fifteen years." "Your father! I can't believe he's gone now... He was the kindest, most caring employer. I've never worked for such a gentleman and such a good man. He doesn't want people to know How much money he invested in this case, he even put all his energy. You can see the result, like a train slowly wrecking, but no one can talk him out of it. When I look When he was very anxious, he would say, 'Well, Madeleine, Dirk Burnaby doesn't know what failure is.' And that caused his tragedy, he didn't know it himself. He had a very successful life. , which blinded him to certain things, such as the nature of those around him and those he went to school with, which he believed he knew well. He would not even listen to his lawyer friends, Why would you listen to me? Of course, I never said a word to your father about these things. It's not my fault. I tried to send the woman named Oshek away, but she found it somehow Your father, and laid his claws on him. Well, he's been a gentleman all along, and the others—others are politicians. Look at that mayor named Wayne! He's accused of taking kickbacks, but He was acquitted years ago. But everybody knows what he and those others are. Besides the lawyers, and that hypocrite judge your father had reason to think was his friend! I never thought about your father Would kill himself, never thought of it. No one else who knew him. Mr. Burnaby wasn't that type...the kind that was hopeless, the type that just made things worse. Burnaby Sir is the kind of guy who just wants to help people and make things better. You know what, Chandler, I told your brother the same. He was here a few weeks ago. He called himself 'Roy' ? Your brother, I assume? A very handsome young man, a student at Niagara University." "Yeah, this is the biggest surprise of my life: your dad slapped me with a wave! Right in the face. Nearly broke my face. It felt like Walcott's right punch On Marciano's nose, broken nose, bleeding. I almost got spanked in court once, really, but the judge usually pre-empts me, I mean That lawyer! Normally, judges handcuff reckless or bad-tempered defendants. Then you'll be fine. But there was one lawyer who turned around and punched me in the face. Later, Burnaby apologized. He called me, said he was sorry, and sent me a check for a few thousand dollars, dated the day before he died. If I was thinking about cashing it I wasn't man. But then I thought, what the hell, I cashed that check... At that point, Dirk Burnaby had been dead for six months. Even though I never believed he was dead. But no one ever After falling into the Great Falls and coming back alive, I guess he must have been... must be dead. Well, what I regret now is that I never said I forgive him. I am very angry with him, and also because of my behavior Slapped himself because he wanted to punch Howell in the face and I'm sorry about that, I mean it's okay not telling your father about that, I understand." "Son, what can I say? You know, your father is an old friend of mine in this city. I think—an old friend in this world. We went to college together, joined the army together, and were born in the same month , only a few days apart, although the years are different, so, this time of year, I really miss him, it makes me sad...but I can't help him. He's like one of those things you see at night A beautiful moth flew into a spider's web. Not only did he not know how strong and dangerous the web was, but he didn't even know there was such a web. In the last few weeks, he just flew blindly like this. He drank, drunk to the point that we can all get it, like the soil is all soaked and seeped. You drink more, and the alcohol goes straight into your blood, because by then the liver can't filter it anymore 。有人警告过他了，但他不听。现在人们回过头来看，他就是那些行为准则的先驱。而在当时，这看起来有点疯狂。人人都围在身边说着同样的话，就像你怎么判断这人是由于住的地方还是工作或是由于吸烟而得的病？（当然人人都抽烟。）还是由于酗酒，或遗传，或运气不好而得病的呢？你明白吗？在当时，人们说的就是这些，他们就是这么想的，主教们在电视上这么说，医生们那么说，每一个高薪政客都这么说，这与他们属于哪个政党无关。当然啦，还有法官们。所以不难想象，德克是会被打死的。但这事真发生的时候，我跟你讲，还是令人吃惊。他已经疏远了大部分朋友，我们的朋友，我们共同的朋友。坦白地说，他也有点疏远我。公开这些'被污染的空气、水和土壤'对商业极为不利，对旅游贸易尤为糟糕……当然了，城市变成这个样子我也非常痛恨。有时空气闻起来就像粪坑的味道，一些来自各地度蜜月的新婚夫妇到我的酒店来登记，期待在这里会有一片天堂——我可不知道有没有天堂——加上还有一些来自德国、日本的观看瀑布的游客，但他们对这个城市却一无所知。我们听到抱怨声也是必然的。自从1970年代以来，情况变得更为糟糕了。一些像我和我的家人那样的人，曾长久地生活在过去所谓的'豪华的酒店生意'的生活中，而现在出现的却是'旅游生意'了。谢天谢地，我总算及时从大彩虹酒店出来了，否则，就会像泰坦尼克号一样，而1960年代中期就是全国走向毁灭的一个时期。（实际上，它仍在走向毁灭，但至少已经没有那些行刺和丢汽油弹的人了。）现在，我们家族的生意，考博恩公司，也像我们这个国家一样，发生了极大的变化。在布法罗大道和风景大街，我们有'旅途终点站'和'到地方'汽车旅馆。我们拥有三家泰斯特冷饮店、一家比萨斜塔饼屋。此外，我们还有保龄球馆，在湖边还有尽兴迪斯科和岸边咖啡馆。在奥尔科特，我们在海滩上还有一些特许权，加上幸运宾果游戏场。目前我们正在考察罗伊尔香蕉的特许经销权。微型高尔夫球场！我向你承认，这是一种“狗屁”运动，但游客们为之着迷，日本人喜欢它（你能想象出原因，对不对？）所以我们就建了几个。在这片地区有两个北京村，以及一个警察随时会搜查的好莱坞迪斯科港，这些我们有可能会接管。我们去年购买的尼亚加拉腊像馆，我们正在把它改建成'尼亚加拉大瀑布的英雄和受难者，'另外就是横穿大峡谷，在那里你可以手持一杆，踩着钢丝横过汹涌的瀑布，进行一场轻松的表演，而底下的热心者则煽风点火，想把你弄下来，这个想法好极了，准能挣钱……哦，真是抱歉啊。我猜你肯定也看到了这幅画面。昨晚我在玛力奥时就想，你父亲是多么喜欢那个地方啊。他像我一样，也有个弱点，就是喜欢意大利香肠调味饭和玛力奥的薄皮比萨，他要是知道这些还没怎么改变，准高兴坏了。除了我们在变老，一些人死了之外，玛力奥根本没什么变化。 " “你父亲犯了一个诉讼者不能犯的错误。他低估了对方的道德败坏程度。处在他那种地位的人，根本无法了解他们有多么腐败，因为当他看他们的时候，他就感到在看自己一样。在一定程度上，这话一点不假。但他们——他们却是——恶毒的。他们请了律师，医生，'科学研究人员'，健康检查员来替他们干坏事。他们会跟孩子的母亲说，她的孩子得了'先天性白血病'，却不是由苯引起的，而苯就在爱的运河上她家后院子里冒气泡呢。他们还会跟30多岁的男男女女说他们得了'致命的肝病'——'致命的肾病'——这是天生的，因为他们吃了自己菜园子里的被爱的运河毒害过的蔬菜。脑瘤几乎都是由四氯乙烯引起的，这要归因于'三级电视辐射'的影响。患有哮喘病，肺部虚弱，或有膀胱炎的孩子都是'先天不足'。（你查字典看看，先天的就是'追溯到出生时候。'）流产妇女生出的孩子，或者心脏不好，或者少一部分结肠，你更会把他们归咎为'先天不足'了。当国家最终于1971年在亚摩利地区对爱的运河的居民进行血液检测时，他们都要求在上午八点钟来，等一整天，到下午五点钟的时候，还有一半的人在等。那时，'针头短缺'，'护士短缺'。有300个血液样本被'污染'了。实验室结果'没有结论'——'归档错误'。我们中有些人因为暗示这些医生跟纳粹的医生在人体上做试验没有两样而遭到了批评，但我坚持我的指控。联合会那件案子就是基于你父亲那件案子上的，不过它的范围要更广泛。我想，你已经读过有关我们的资料。包括我在内，总共是五位全职律师。我们有调查员和律师助手团。我们的基金跟对手不一样，但我们有基金来源。我们掌握了国家卫生部的最新研究结果——最终结果！——而且有利于我们。我们这场集体诉讼案总共有120名代表。他们现在称自己为爱的运河业主协会。“爱的运河”——就好像在挥舞着一面红旗。我们要求最少支付两亿美元。在1978年，司法部对于这种诉讼案总是富有同情心。卡特总统要宣布爱的运河为'灾难区域'时颇有压力——这就意味着联邦政府将买下所有房主的产权来帮助支付赔偿。这一切会发生的，只是时间问题。德克?波纳比在我们大家心目中是一个英雄——即使他犯了错误。当这一切都结束我们获胜时，我想组织人为他建一个纪念碑，像他那样的人不该被忘记……在我看来，你父亲意识到那种腐败有多深的时候，他就开始崩溃了。当时我还是一个孩子，在东部长大。我父亲和叔父都在斯旺和道化学公司工作。'依靠化学，生活才更好'。我总看见一些适合他们的该死的口号，但他们这种人事招术却骗不倒我。如果有人出钱买的话，他们还将生产那些粘粘的凝固汽油弹，而那些'研究型的科学家'此刻正在距此几英里的地方研究生物战略武器呢。钱德勒，你在拉萨尔也教这个吗？嗯，也许你应该教，如果你教的科目是科学的话…我相信德克?波纳比是自杀的吗？No.他死于“意外”吗？No.是那帮狗杂种害死了他。但是你永远都没法证明这一点。 " 5 一封散发着香气的信件寄到了钱德勒?波纳比手上，地址是拉萨尔初级中学。字是手写体，用紫色的墨水写在薰衣草信纸上。 亲爱的钱德勒?波纳比： 我的生命属于你。我多想见到你并当面向你表示感谢。我到过你的学校，在外面等过你，但由于羞涩我还是走了。我希望你不要误解！我只想看看你的脸，你脸上的那种善良。这种善良不是照片上能看到的，而是真切的生活里才有的。Can I? 我没有答应嫁给任何人。此前我曾蒙生此意，但现在再也不会答应了。 你永远的朋友 辛西娅?卡彭特 钱德勒曾预见过：一次笨拙、激动的会面。一位敏感的年轻姑娘爱上了他。一位非常迷人的年轻姑娘把他当成了英雄一般去崇拜。 这一点不像梅林达，她懂得他的心。梅林达会当着他的面把门关上。 钱德勒把辛西娅?卡彭特散发着香气的来信当作纪念品收藏起来了。 在他人生的这段新奇的时期里，他既充当了一位救星，也是一个傻子。这个纪念品既是对他的尊敬，也是他不光彩的体现，是对他的崇拜，也是对他的轻视，其程度不相上下。 6 在那个时期有一天，整整一个小时，钱德勒的孤独感非常强烈，他很渴望和罗约尔说说话。钱德勒突然觉得除了罗约尔，他再也没有别人可以说话了。他的心塞得满满的，像要爆炸了一样。 但是罗约尔不想见他，不是吗？罗约尔恨他。 罗约尔住在城里，又没有电话。朱丽叶建议他去看看他。到了那儿，敲他的门，他会让你进去的。你了解他的。 钱德勒不再那么确信了，他真的了解罗约尔吗？ 朱丽叶笑了。“罗约尔正在要那些他认识的新朋友称呼他'罗伊'呢。要是他让我们也这样，该怎么办？我永远都不会叫的。对于我来说，他永远都是'罗约尔'”。 钱德勒照朱丽叶说的做了，他去了四号大街罗约尔的公寓，坚定地敲了敲门。当罗约尔打开门的时候，两兄弟彼此吃惊地盯着对方，什么也没说。后来罗约尔尽力笑着说，“哦，见鬼。原来是你。”钱德勒说，“该叫你'罗约尔'还是'罗伊'？我可以进来吗？”罗约尔脸都红了。“当然。请进！我可没想到任何人会来。” 罗约尔一直在餐桌上读书，在一本有螺旋装订的笔记本上做记录。他写字像孩子一样，写得又大又认真。他读的是平装版莎士比亚的《哈姆雷特》。他把这些推到一边，拉出一把椅子给钱德勒。 罗约尔竟然读起了《哈姆雷特》！钱德勒笑了。 这是个舒适的厨房，比桌子大不了多少。台面上整齐地摆放着几只洗干净的玻璃杯，几只盘子和一些不锈钢的餐具，为罗约尔的下一顿饭准备着。屋子里还有做饭的味道，那种柔软的，粉状的，容易烧焦的强烈气味——燕麦吧？从一扇稍微打开的碗橱门，钱德勒扫视了一眼，里面有一些罐装的汤，一瓶西红柿汁，一盒贵格牌燕麦。他的心已经移到了弟弟身上，就好像他是一个已经离家出走的孩子正在勇敢地模仿大人做家务一样。在他旁边，罗约尔惊奇地看到，他那当中学老师的哥哥看上去那么的不确信，闷闷不乐，眼睛发红，这可真是少见。钱德勒的下巴刮的很马虎，他的夹克斜扣着。他正在张嘴吸气，刚急匆匆地爬了两层楼梯。罗约尔二话没说，从靠近有两个燃烧器的炉子旁边的低矮冰箱里拿出了两瓶啤酒，兄弟两个面对面坐在一起，靠在上面贴有福米卡家具塑料贴面的旧桌子旁。罗约尔吹嘘说，那桌子是他花了五美元在固纬店① 里买的。 他们坐在桌旁，促膝谈心了好几个小时。那个时候夜已降临，罗约尔六扎啤酒已被消耗殆尽。 钱德勒用低低地、颤抖地声音告诉了罗约尔，他在过去的几个星期内所了解的关于父亲的一切。罗约尔也告诉了他在过去的几个月内自己所打听到的一切。 钱德勒说，“天哪！有时候我感觉他好像只是在某一天突然间消失了。我还记忆犹新呢——”（钱德勒到底想说什么？他困惑地摇摇头，无语。） 罗约尔说，“不。好像很久了。就像妈妈试图让我们相信的那样，好像我出生之前就发生了似的。” “不是你的错，罗约尔。你当时才四岁。” “四岁足以记得一切事情了。但是我什么也记不住。我一直在努力，但想不起来。” “也许这样更好——” “别这么说！狗屁。” 罗约尔双手粗暴地捋了捋头发。钱德勒可以看得出来，他一直在想这件事情，在折磨自己。他缓缓地说，用那种痛苦的更像是钱德勒而非罗约尔的方式说。“整个冬天，我一直做着关于他的奇怪的梦，但是醒来的时候，却什么也记不得了。我可以感觉到是什么样的梦，让我心情郁闷，但就是记不住。” 钱德勒在想，是的。他也曾整夜整夜地做梦，但却什么也记不住，只留下愤然、失望的感觉。 罗约尔说，“爸爸不应该死的，他不应该就那样死掉了。有人说，也许他是被杀了。”罗约尔声音在颤抖。 钱德勒浑身僵硬，感觉到心在突突地跳。 出现这种情况的时候，他会重复他所说的话。他知道情况会是这个样子。 罗约尔抬头看看钱德勒，眯起眼睛好像看到一束强光。他喝干了最后一滴温温的啤酒，用袖子擦了擦嘴巴。 “然而我试图从梦中醒过来。我的整个人生，是场梦。或者说是别的什么玩意儿。我曾是那个妈妈爱着的'罗约尔'，很多人也爱着。过去我总觉得自己不够坚强，但我现在很坚强。”罗约尔离开厨房，拿回来一个东西让钱德勒看。 “我从没用过这个东西，”他说。钱德勒有些怀疑自己的眼睛。gun?罗约尔有把枪？那支枪带有扁扁的管子和核桃木的手柄，泛着油蓝色的光，大概九英寸长。罗约尔说，“这是我老板的。他有不止一把'火器'。他把这个借给了我。我有带它的许可证，别担心。他亲自带我去了他管辖的区域。但是，钱德勒——我从没有用过他。” 钱德勒觉得有些眩晕。“罗约尔，天哪！这里面装子弹了没？” “当然装了。但是保险已经上了。瞧？” 罗约尔把保险拉下又推上。拉下，推上。他也需要刮脸了。短短的胡子茬儿在他的下巴上就像是云母。 钱德勒这样想着，打了个冷战“我弟弟手中握着死亡”。 罗约尔说道，“给我们上文学课的教授说，如果在戏剧中出现了一杆枪，那么，在某个时候，必然会有人开枪。作者不能给观众错误的期待。但是，生活中，我不相信这一套。” “对，生活中不会的。” “你可以手持一把抢，像是拿一个实用的物件——锤子、钳子。某个人赖以生存的工具。但是你没有必要开枪。” 钱德勒轻轻地推了推罗约尔的手。“罗约尔，求你把那东西拿开。确定保险拉上了，放到一边。” “就是给你看看而已，钱德勒。我绝望的时候，也许会开枪。假如知道了一些关于父亲的事情让我感到绝望的话。如果，你瞧——你认为我应该感觉绝望的话。”看到钱德勒不吭声，罗约尔说，“但是我一点也不绝望，不是吗？仅仅是理论上的。” 钱德勒还是一声不响。He took a deep breath. 罗约尔接着说，紧紧盯着他，“不过我不知道目标是什么，是谁。” “谁？豪威尔。” "Who?" 钱德勒笑了。“我们就像是一对鹰。嗬。嗬。我想我是醉了。” 罗约尔大笑。“三罐啤酒。没人喝三罐啤酒就会醉了的。” “空腹喝，有可能啊。” “我给你说过为什么会有枪，是不是？那是工作需要，为了防身。” "What job?" “我在帝国讨债公司做兼职，为其他公司代收欠款的公司。我经常开车跑来跑去的，经常上门服务。有时候我也收车，摩托车。电视机，洗衣机，两个人一起工作。我老板是个人物，曾是海军和中量级拳击手。他说他曾和乔伊?马克西姆交过手。'以往'认识父亲。不认识的人对他的印象不好。但实际上他却是'人中君子'啊。” 钱德勒的视线被罗约尔手中的枪给转移过去了。他越看越觉得丑陋。然而他笑了，“我的小弟弟。小弟弟拿着杆枪。” “这是杆三八式的史密斯?韦森转轮手枪，六个枪膛。可不是闹着玩儿的。我老板说了，如果你带了武器，你就要对你带武器的健康负责。”罗约尔把枪放在手掌上，像是在掂量它的重量。“他手下的人有的被打，有的被刺，在大街上被追或者是在车里被拖出来，射中头部、膝盖、屁股。但是这种事情不会发生在我身上，因为我从来不惹是生非。到哪儿都不惹事。” “但是，罗约尔——枪？你可是个大学生啊。” “我是！但不是全日制的，也许到明年才是吧。在帝国的工作只是临时的。我感觉应该尽可能地报答妈妈，我离开她和朱丽叶连个招呼都没打。我好像在奔命。”罗约尔看到钱德勒继续以厌恶、惊讶的眼神看着那杆枪，就把枪收了起来，等他回来的时候，笑眯眯的，用梳子在梳头。“咱们离开这个鬼地方吧。” 他们离开罗约尔破旧的赤褐色砂石大楼，朝着第四大街匆匆地走去，好像是刚刚从被囚禁了几个小时的潜艇里释放出来一般。钱德勒高兴地深吸一口气。他和罗约尔又一次成为了朋友，重归于好！他爱罗约尔，他会试图忘掉那杆枪和它所代表的意义。从安大略吹过来的风，把四分之一英里远的尼亚加拉大峡谷成片的雾气吹过来，打湿了他们温暖的脸庞。 他们去杜克烧烤吧吃饭，伴着烛光晚餐的是1960年代的摇滚乐，声音把钱德勒的耳膜快要振破了。罗约尔的身体不由自主地跟着音乐晃动，虽然她好像几乎听不到音乐。他们现在谈论的是些不很严肃的话题。他们一直在微笑，笑得像是老朋友。这晚之后再回过头来看，这次谈话对于他们来说是很稀奇的——两个人在位于波罗的海大街的家之外，在母亲的掌控之外重新互相依靠。钱德勒问了罗约尔在尼亚加拉大学的课程，问他自己一个人住，是不是有些孤独，罗约尔有些尴尬地回答说是，但是转念又说不孤独，他确实有时候感到孤独，但坦白地说他还是喜欢一个人住，感觉最终长大了，人生最重要的时期刚刚开始。“了解一些父亲的情况，知道吗？这才刚刚开始。” 钱德勒点点头，愿意相信他说的话。 罗约尔说，“我有时候想念坎德西，还有妈妈，朱丽叶……但那时没有结婚，我敢肯定我没有后悔。” “你从来没有结过婚，罗约尔。你当然不会想念她了。” “想到婚姻。要24小时爱一个人，并且对她忠诚，这个让我很有压力。” 钱德勒想法正好相反。他喜欢有这种压力。他在想象那会是什么样子。 罗约尔淡淡地说，“朱丽叶告诉我，你和梅林达分手了。你想她，对不对？” 钱德勒顿了一下。“快想疯了。还有她的孩子。” 罗约尔惊讶地摇摇头，好像孩子离他还远着呢。 “其实，梅林达挺好的。家里总有个护士是个好事儿，妈说过。” “妈说过？” 太好笑了。钱德勒揉搓着他的下巴，惊讶地发现他的胡子茬儿。今天是什么日子？难道早上上课前没有刮过胡子吗？ 他们两个谈了许多许多，像好朋友那样感到难舍难分。虽然今天是星期三的晚上，钱德勒还要备明天的课。（作为初中科学通论课的教师，他越来越忙了！德克?波纳比对他儿子的期望会更高的。）还可能有紧急电话从危机干预中心或是撒马利坦打过来，钱德勒志愿在周末服务。他不能忍受自己一个人胡思乱想！他一直在想，如果给梅林达打电话，她会不会不说话就直接挂掉。 我不能跟一个不顾自己死活的人在一起。 not like this.This is not true. 尽管已经过了晚上11点钟，饭店里依然几乎是高朋满座，人声鼎沸，烟雾缭绕。旋转门把饭店和杜克吧连了起来。这个地方是尼亚加拉大瀑布市警察和医务人员经常光顾的地方。在柜台后面，油乎乎的烧烤架子旁边坐着一个身材高大的平头男子，他看起来很笨拙，又很面熟。（梅威瑟尔家的人？或者是同一个街区的人）他不断地看着坐在小隔间里的波纳比兄弟俩，看着他们吃饭；但是当钱德勒和他对视的时候，他皱了一下眉，转身走开了。那个年轻人身高大概有6.3英尺，体重应该有220磅吧。然而他在柜台后面，显得灵活而协调。钱德勒很好奇，这个人到底是谁，罗约尔告诉他：巴德?斯通克劳普。 “他的父亲是尼亚加拉警察局的警官，曾被打成重伤，不得不提前退休。他们住在驻防街。巴德上学的时候高我几届。中途辍学，现在算是这里的厨师。” “他是厨师？” “喜欢吃辣椒吗？巴德是做辣椒的高手。” 钱德勒已经就着一些松散的蚝油饼干吃了一碗拌过的辣椒。他刚开始的时候饿得手直发抖。他很少会注意到辣椒，除非好吃得要命。罗约尔推了他一下，“如果你喜欢吃的话，告诉巴德。这是他叔叔的店，他可以随便拿的。”钱德勒向这个穿着灰白色厨师服的大块头年轻人示意了一下，告诉他自己喜欢辣椒；可是斯通克劳普脸刷地红了，绷着脸，突然间离开烧烤架消失在了厨房里。Royall smiled. “斯通克劳普很害羞。他可以打破你的脑袋，却不愿意坐下来说会儿话。” 外面大街上，两兄弟在分手的时候犹豫了一下。钱德勒的车在一个方向停着，罗约尔的公寓却在另外一个方向。从河边吹过来的雾气越来越重。天被云遮住了，什么也看见。他们一直对于那个重要的话题避而不谈。现在罗约尔压低声音，声音微微颤抖地说出了钱德勒已经猜到他要问什么的话：“钱德勒，嗨，有人说爸爸是被杀的，你觉不觉得有些蹊跷？” 钱德勒深吸一口气。“不觉得。” “不觉得？你不觉得吗？”罗约尔有些惊讶。 “不，罗约尔。你问我，我会告诉你，不。” 钱德勒不会再多说这个事情，他就准备了这些话。 罗约尔盯着他，若有所思。 他们要分手时握了握手。这是以前从来没有过的。（他们以前握过手吗？钱德勒怀疑。）他情不自禁地拥抱了罗约尔。“罗约尔，随时给我打电话啊。咱们至少每周出来撮一顿，吃巴德?斯通克劳普的辣椒，如何？” 罗约尔后退一步，笑了笑。眼泪模糊了双眼。 “当然，钱德勒。好吧。” 7 钱德勒给梅林达写的信，他从未曾寄出过。当天晚上，他给罗约尔写了封信。 亲爱的罗约尔， 不，我不会。 我不愿让我们兄弟俩人都有这种摆脱不掉的念头。 我不愿让两个人都心烦意乱。 为了找到杀害父亲的凶手/凶手们。 （如果有凶手。如果他们还活着的话。） 我不愿问你这样一个问题，也不会问自己这样的问题。 罗约尔，我爱你。你的哥哥， 钱德勒 一封不曾寄出的信，留着作纪念。就像是那封来自女人质的散发着香味的信，一直没有回复。