Chapter 2 2

Alia's ivory satin pajamas and lace corsets with wide lace suspenders were stacked like snakes on the tiled floor.There were still dried slime stains and dark stains on the clothes...she didn't want to look any further.Thanks to the rising steam that blurred her vision.She climbed carefully into the tiger-claw-foot tub, which was not yet full. "Aw!" - the water was very hot.But she can take it.This one was bigger and clumsier than the old Littler's tub.It's like a drinking trough for elephants.The tub wasn't as clean and shiny as she'd imagined: there were thin rings of rust around the brass fixtures, and velvety curls floated in the frothy water.

Alia sat carefully in the tub.She was so thin and emaciated that she seemed to be floating.Don't look, there's no need to look.Her sickly bruised body.Linglong's breasts are as hard as green pears.The tight nipples on the breasts are like rubber caps.And she couldn't help wondering if Gilbert was disappointed... Her collarbone held up translucent pale skin speckled with white freckles.When Alia was a girl, she dared poke her fingers into her tight little navel, though she didn't know if it was "dirty" to do so.There are many other similar behaviors related to the female body.

Between her legs, that patch of furry grass is called her pussy. How embarrassing!When Alia introduced students to a music school reading class a few years ago, she stuttered when she said the word public, which sounded like she was referring to pussy.Alia immediately corrected herself—"the public."Most of the audience she faced were parents, relatives, and neighbors of her students, so she blushed: each freckle in the freckle constellation was a miniature model of a fiery red star. Fortunately, Gilbert Erskine was not in the audience.She even imagined how he dodged around the corner and retracted his eyes.

For goodness sake, no one mentioned Aaliyah's slip of the tongue. (But people must have laughed at her in private. Because Alia would laugh herself if someone else made such a stupid mistake.) In Troy, New York, a lot is left unsaid.Be it out of tact, kindness, or mercy. Alia carefully inspected one of her own broken nails.Cracked nails down to the tender flesh of the fingertips. On Gilbert's shoulder?Or on his back, or... Aaliyah, isn't Gilbert too young for you? —never in the eight months since their engagement had Alia's cousins ​​and friends asked that question.Even if it was an unintentional joke, no one ever asked.

What she wanted to know: Would anyone ask Gilbert Alia Littrell if he was a little too old for you? However, they are a perfect couple!They seem to be about the same age, not bad.They have the same intellect, bookishness, spiritual sensitivity, and perhaps a somewhat conceited temperament, easily impatient, irritable and irritable; (But Aaliyah knows to hide these characteristics of herself, to be a conscientious daughter.) Both parents wholeheartedly approved of their union. It was hard to tell which of the four elders was most relieved: Mrs Little or Mrs Erskine; Reverend Little or Reverend Erskine.

In any case, Aaliyah got engaged at the crucial moment. 29 is an age on the brink of a cliff, one step away from the forgotten age of 30.Alia used to scoff at the conventional wisdom, but in her late 20s, past the intermediary line of 25, things changed, and everyone she knew and heard was talking about getting married, Get on track with life where engagements, marriages, babies, disillusionment, and nightmares begin.Good God, give me a man.Let my life begin with this.I beg you!Alia Littrair is sometimes shy about admitting that, as a successful pianist, singer and music teacher, she should have gladly handed over her soul to her engagement ring, simple as that.And the man himself should come second.

That's when the miracle happened: the engagement. Just then, in June 1950, the wedding took place.Like Christ who saved the world with bread and fish, but more like the story of Christ saving Lazarus from death, this event was a miracle to Alia.She was no longer Alia Littrell, the priest's daughter; though she was the envied "girl" of this city of Troy.Now she can savor the innocent pride of being the wife of an aspiring young Presbyterian pastor whose husband, at just 27, became a priest in Pahl, New York, a city of 2,100. The pastor of his own church in the city of Mira.

Alia wanted to laugh at the faces of her friends who saw her engagement ring for the first time. "Y'all never thought I'd get engaged, admit it!" She had thought about teasing them, even berating them.But of course she didn't say anything.Her friends should have denied it. The wedding passed away in a dream.Of course, Alia didn't drink champagne before the church service, but she walked unsteadily, leaning against her father's strong arm as he helped his tall, pale, red-haired daughter down the aisle Then, a bright light blinded her eyes, its pulsating beams like crazy stars.You, Alia Littrair, solemnly swear.Love, honor, obedience.Until death comes, you... of course she didn't drink champagne, but she took a couple of aspirin with a Coke, which is the family medicine.It made her heart beat faster and her mouth dry.Gilbert probably wouldn't agree.He stood beside her at the edge of the altar, looking taller, silent and alert, refraining from sniffling as he repeated his part of the ceremony in a low voice.I accept you, Alia.My legally married wife.Two trembling young men stood beside the altar, accepting blessings, like two animals about to be slaughtered by ordinary butchers, both were gripped by fear, but inexplicably forgot each other's existence.

What is waiting for Alia, what kind of "physical" test she will endure on the wedding night, and not only the wedding night, but also countless nights in the future, she is really afraid to think about these.She was no longer a girl seduced by forbidden thoughts, nor did she perform forbidden acts.Although she displayed surprising passion while playing Beethoven's great piano sonatas or singing Schubert's German folk songs, Aria was mostly shy and timid.She blushes easily and always avoids physical contact.Her pebble green eyes sparkled with intelligence rather than passion.If she did have an occasional boyfriend, it was a boy of her own kind.That is, old-fashioned, hunched-back teenagers like Gilbert Erskine.Of course, Aaliyah was always routinely examined by Littrell Family Doctor, but the old doctor tried not to use the gynecological equipment to the extreme during the examination, and he always groaned and sobbed when Aaliyah felt pain or discomfort. Stop checking when the sound is heard, or when you are dancing with your hands and feet in fear.Mrs. Littrell also always avoids such topics after marriage because of women's sensitivity and embarrassment. Of course, Mr. Littrell would rather die than tell his anxious and reserved daughter who is still a virgin such "intimate" "Things.He gave the embarrassing task to his wife and then let it go.

The hot bath made Aaliyah feel dizzy.Or maybe it was the thoughts that made her dizzy.She saw her left breast floating in the water, partly ocher, as if in shadow.He used to squeeze and pinch it.She guessed that she must also have bruises on her belly and thighs.There is numbness where the legs rub together, as if that part of the body has fallen asleep. He made that bat cry!His bright red boy face is twisted and hideous, like Boris Karloff's face in "Bride of Frankenstein." He never said I love you, Alia.He wasn't lying. Nor had she whispered I love you, Gilbert, into his arms, as she had rehearsed.Because she knew that, at this very moment, saying those words would offend him.

The hot water gradually cooled, and the surface of the water was covered with soap scum. Lying on her back in the bathtub, Alia began to cry silently.Tears burned the already aching eyes, slid down the cheeks and rolled down into the bath water.She could even imagine the scene: she was in the shower, how she heard the outside door being opened and closed, followed by Gilbert's raised voice—"Alia? Good morning!" But she didn't There was no sound of doors being opened or closed.Nor did she hear Gilbert's raised voice. She was thinking, long before she met Gilbert Erskine, when she was in high school, and she used to lock herself in the bathroom at home and look into a small mirror after showering." Examine" your own body.Oh, she almost passed out!Just like the feeling after donating blood.She saw a strange protrusion of tissue between the slender legs. How could the baby come out of such a small place? The discovery left Alia restless, debilitated, and disgusted for hours to come.Perhaps until now, she has not been able to recover from that state. 4 right there.that note.So conspicuous.like a cry.The vanity mirror supports the note.Alia would never figure out how and why she hadn't found it sooner. The rose-red hotel stationery, with hurried and scribbled handwriting, it was difficult for Alia to recognize Gilbert's handwriting at once. It read: right there.that note.So conspicuous.like a cry.The vanity mirror supports the note.Alia would never figure out how and why she hadn't found it sooner. The rose-red hotel stationery, with hurried and scribbled handwriting, it was difficult for Alia to recognize Gilbert's handwriting at once. It read: Alia I'm sorry - I can't - i tried to love you I'm going where my arrogance eats me up I know - you won't forgive God will not forgive On this basis, I break our oath There is a monogrammed silver pen on the rug below.It must have been randomly thrown aside and tumbled to the floor. For a long, long time (five minutes? Ten minutes?), Alia stood there, clutching the note with trembling hands.Her mind went blank.In the end, she finally burst into tears, and the hoarse crying tore her body apart. Had, after all, she loved him anyway? run, run!Run for your life. At last it was dawn.All night the roaring river beckoned him.It was at night when he prayed to God for strength for the work he had to do, that the river called him.come!There is peace here.That is the River of Thunder, named by Tuscarora centuries ago.Thunder Falls.The Ungara Indians named it the Water of Thirst.Ravenously devours the unwary and the sacrificial.Those who plunged into the torrent easily forgot their sorrows and found peace.He couldn't guess how many painful souls rejected by God found peace in this surging river, and he couldn't guess how many forgotten people returned to God because of this leap.Of course there were hundreds, maybe thousands, of others like him.This goes back to 1500, when the recorded history of this part of North America first began.Many of them were pagans, but Jesus loved them nonetheless.Jesus will love him too.Jesus would have made him forget his pain, just as the Lord on the cross would have made himself forget his pain if he had chosen to.But the Lord did not claim such consolation, for being the Son of God, He was born without sin, or room for sin, or desire for sin.The Lord has never touched a woman, never screamed like that in ecstatic submission to a woman being roughly touched. Dawn has come and it's time.He has lived too long. 27 years and three months!They said he was young and made a fuss about calling him a genius, but he knew more about himself.This day and night was too long for him.You accept this woman as your legal wife.Unwavering, unwavering until death?Because of this he couldn't bear to live another hour.Slip out of bed.Take off the pajamas that smell of their bodies.While this woman who was Mrs. Erskine, his legal wife was fast asleep, he saw her lying on her back as if she had fallen from a very high place, unconscious and completely unconscious.With a startled expression on her face, her arms up, her mouth open like a fish's mouth, her breath making a wet rubbing sound after being caught in the back of her mouth, she looked like a fool.The gesture irritated him, and he wanted to put his hands around her throat and squeeze her hard.run, run!Don't look back.Gathered his clothes and shoes, tiptoed to the living room, the cold pale light in front of the window illuminated this over-decorated pink gorgeous room.Honeymoon suite, Eden for two.Luxurious and secluded, it is an idyll that will never be forgotten!He dressed hastily, fumbled for the buttons of his coat, muttered under his breath, and had hardly tucked his bare feet into his half-lace shoes before he fled. run, run!Run for your life. He was agitated and couldn't wait for the elevator, so he took the fire stairs instead.Go down the fifth floor quickly.Looking at the Bulova (a gift from his proud parents when he graduated first in his class from Albany Theological Seminary), it was just after six in the morning.Gilbert did not forget to wear his watch on his neck. He was a man who abided by the regular order of life, even in the most noble last moments of his life.The hotel lobby is almost empty.A few uniformed staff paid little attention to him.The air outside the lobby was cold and damp.June is the month of the bride.June is the season of youth and love.June was a mockery to him.If the time on Gilbert's watch is dawn, the patch of sky over Niagara Falls is lost in time, covered in a shroud of mist like the bottom of a polished clay pot. There was a gloomy light, and the air was filled with the metallic smell of sulfur.Niagara!Honeymoon capital of the world.He probably knew it from the start.But he never lied to himself.He had introduced himself to the red-haired woman, eager to assert himself under the influence of her father, Thaddeus Littrell, a preacher from Troy, New York; To see her thin lips quivering in a hesitating and hopeful smile, and even those green pebbled eyes staring at him with a sparkle as unyielding as glass.Then he was filled with absurdity, vanity, and despair, and thought: This nun!the same with me. He is rushing forward.His bare feet were wearing leather shoes that matched his clothes, and the heels were scratched.It was a mistake not to wear socks, but he was really out of time.He's going to the river, he's going there.As if only there he could breathe.It had rained recently, and the wide sidewalks of Scenic Street were muddy.The cobbled streets glistened wetly.He strode quickly onto the road, when suddenly out of nowhere a tram rattled toward him, followed by a shrill horn, and he immediately covered his face so that people would Wouldn't have recognized him from the local papers.Because he knows that the shame and despair brought about by suicide will linger long after his death, and the courage contained in the act itself will be diluted, but he doesn't care, because this time has come, and God will never forgive him at this time , but gave him the right to liberty.This is the promise of the Great Falls.Although he heard the rumble of the waterfall at night, but now that he was naked in the open air, the sound could be heard more clearly, and he even felt the ground under his feet shake under the power of the waterfall.Come, there is only silence here. How proud, full of triumphal ecstasy.That was ten months ago. On the phone he announced in a trembling voice: I'm engaged, Douglas.His friend naturally said enthusiastically: Congratulations, Jill!Then he said, almost ostentatiously: Are you coming to my wedding?They set the date for next June.Douglas said: Sure, Jill.Hi, this is great news.I'm so happy for you.Gilbert said: "I'm happy too, I'm... happy.Douglas asks: Jill?Gilbert said: Huh, Douglas?Douglas asked: Who is she?Gilbert was confused for a while, and he stammered: Who?Douglas laughed: Your fiancée, Jill.When can I see her? Knowing who his friend's fiancée was, Douglas was impressed.someone's daughter.A music teacher, pianist and singer. In seminary, the two of them were polar opposites.And yet they would sit and talk long into the night with excitement: of life and death, of mortality and immortality.But they never talked about suicide, never about despair.This is because, how can young Christians who are studying to become pastors despair?They themselves are the messengers of the good news.Instead, they talk with gusto about love after puberty—"mature love"—"love between a man and a woman"—"what should a Christian marriage be like in the 1950s?" Of course, they The topic of having children was also touched upon. They played chess, Douglas' forte.Together they hiked and sometimes hunted for fossils in the shale-rich canyons and riverbeds that had been Gilbert's forte since childhood. Douglas was not able to attend Gilbert's wedding.Gilbert wondered if he would be able to attend his own funeral—if a funeral could be held without a body?Because they might not be able to find his body.He thought with a smile.Sometimes, a person cruises in the Great Falls and disappears without a trace.It is said that even small boats are torn apart by the falls so that all the pieces are never recovered and illegible. Annihilation of tranquility. Gilbert left no word for Douglas.All he left was a handwritten note for Aaliyah, his wife.It is implied above that he died out of a sense of duty (which was the reason he wished he hadn't been so cruel) and not out of disgust for the woman.But Douglas would forgive him, he believed. Simple-minded and kind-hearted, Douglas was a born Christian.He will mourn Gilbert's death and forgive his sins. Douglas now has his own independent life.This has been going on for several years.He was assistant to a godfather of a popular cathedral in Springfield, Massachusetts.Douglas is a dignified husband and now has twin two-year-old daughters.To treat someone like Douglas as an accomplice, even indirectly or sub-indirectly, is a crime.It was also a crime to make Douglas such a shameful sharer in a secret.Unless it's a beautiful secret.I can't love any woman God help me I've done my best I can only love you.Douglas and Gilbert embarked on a long journey to find fossils.He began collecting Indian arrowheads and artefacts as a child, but "fossils" fascinated him even more.These exquisite foliage-covered remains document a lost and unimaginable era of human prehistory.Like other mysterious works of art, these fossils give a skeletal impression of creatures that lived millions of years ago, that is mysteriously 65 million years ago! ——It was BC.That's a long time—a thousand years is just the blink of an eye, and 6,000 years is too short a time to be measured by the geological methods of fossil dating.He started at the age of 13 with a fine net fastened to a wooden frame so he could trudge through the soft loam beside river streams to find fossils, fragments of bone and the teeth of ancient sharks and rays; The outline of the squid calcified and turned amber.Just in an inland city like Troy, New York!Gilbert, like his father, really couldn't believe this fact: how could the devil plant so many so-called fossils here to mislead mankind; thus making people doubt the description in Genesis-God created the earth and the stars As with all living things on Earth, this only happened 6,000 years ago, in just seven days and seven nights. (6000! Gilbert smiled at the thought.) However, he also disagreed with the "evolution" hypothesis.Blindly, by chance.No!impossible. However, is it true that 99% of the world's once-surviving species, including flora and fauna, have begun to become extinct and are still going extinct?every day?Is this true?Why did God create so many creatures, is it to let them kill each other crazily in order to survive, and finally all of them are wiped out?Will human beings disappear without a trace one day?Is this also God's plan?There must be a plan here.This is what Christians must try to understand and then explain.Gilbert's father refused to discuss the issue with him.My father had long ago concluded that science was a mistake and had made religion superficial, and that only deep and lasting faith was ultimately what mattered. "Son, you'll understand. Sooner or later." Gilbert's younger seminary teachers were more willing to discuss such questions, but their answers were limited and ignorant of science.To them, there is no difference between 6000 years and 65 million years or 5 million years.Faith, faith!Gilbert complained to Douglas: "If 'faith' is based on ignorance, what good is it? I want to become knowledgeable." But Douglas said: "Gilbert, you see, faith is a kind of day-to-day One day, very practical. I don't doubt the existence of God and Jesus any more than I doubt the existence of my family or you. What matters is how we are connected to them, how we relate to each other How it's connected. That's what matters." Gilbert was moved by the answer.The words are plain and straightforward, and this attitude is fundamentally reasonable.However, he didn't believe he could be satisfied with this answer.He always wants more... "Maybe that's your special calling, Jill. To figure these things out, to combine science with 'faith.' Have you ever thought about it?" Douglas seemed particularly serious when he said this.He seemed to be thinking that Gilbert, a graduate of a narrow-minded Protestant seminary in upstate New York, with no scientific education at all, might be up to the task. Only Douglas had such ambitions for Gilbert. Only Douglas in the world called him Jill. However, it's all over now.Gilbert is about to ditch his fossil collection and keep the fossils at his parents' house.In his childhood room, in a drawer with cartoons.Still in middle school, he started showing these to his science teachers, who tried to make an identification and date them back in time.Whether his teachers knew more than Gilbert himself, he didn't know.He had been willing to think so.They told him with certainty that the fossils existed at least hundreds of millions of years ago.Hundreds of millions?That is the Cambrian ①, followed by the Cretaceous ②.Fossils from upstate New York probably belong to the Ice Age.The age of the dinosaurs, the age of the Neanderthals.These mysterious things no longer belonged to him, and he shuddered at the thought.There were no accidents in God's plan, and he knew it was God's will that he became a priest; and since God had allowed him to find these fossils, there must have been another reason for it.Someday he will know why.He has always wanted to take some courses in paleontology and paleontology, and to study in world-renowned universities, such as Cornell University... For some reason, his wish has not been realized.He wondered if he was afraid of facing what he was about to learn. Then you have no special mission.If you don't have it, neither do humans. Early on Sunday morning, the city seemed abandoned except for the church bells that kept ringing.There was a loud commotion.He wanted to pat lightly on his ear with his hand.He had never noticed that his beliefs could be so irritating.we are coming!Christian!surround you!Bring you the Gospel!good news!Come on, get rescued!He discovered how powerfully alluring the rumbling monosyllabic sound of the Great Falls had become. He forced himself, panting normally, to walk at his usual pace.Because if a police officer saw it and guessed his intentions, it would be troublesome.His face, his weather-beaten face.His innocent face has aged several years overnight.His eyes were sunken, and he was afraid it would make it obvious what was on his mind, which was: he was looking for a way out of pain. However, it was too difficult for him to pretend to be calm.He felt like a trapped animal on a leash.If anyone stood in his way, or tried to stop his progress, if this woman tried to stop him, he would throw her aside in a rage. It wasn't despair he felt, not at all.Despair conjures memories of meekness, passivity, and abandonment.But Gilbert Erskine gave up nothing.With another man, he would be back in the hotel suite, with his legally married wife.There was the bed, and the little strip of rust-red grass between his legs.Moaning fish mouths, eyeballs gurgling back, finally the baby, then the warm stench of diapers.This was Gilbert Erskine's true destiny.And that towering, gnarled mansion in Palmyra, N.Y., with its marl-gray brick walls and rotting shingle panels on the ceiling, housed an assembly of nearly 200 people, most of them middle-aged or older. Older people, this is the group to which the young pastor "proves" himself, he "earns" their trust, their respect, and finally their love.Got it?No. Gilbert didn't get it.He acted out of courage and conviction.God will not forgive him.But God knows me like I know myself. The roar of the Great Waterfall, just like the roar of blood rushing in his ears, penetrated his brain that had been tossing and turning on the bed without sleep.Made him recall his vanity from the first meeting.He had thought of this woman as a "sister"—what a cruel, poor joke.How they met, now he knows.It was their elders who had arranged this meeting cunningly, and now he could see it.Her parents were desperate to marry off their prim old girl daughter, and his parents were desperate to arrange a marriage for their prim and simple bachelor son. (Are they worried about his manliness? At least the Reverend Erskine is.) Thus, "Alia" and "Gilbert" are no more than hostages on the chessboard, and they are still Thought I was a chess player! last night.His life raced toward the past as if he had drowned in the river, scarred like a cheap plastic toy in a cataract.Next to him lay an unconscious, snoring woman.Drunk woman.His wedding night with a drunk woman.run, run!He must plunge into the most violent torrent in the Great Falls, the Horseshoe Falls.Nothing could satisfy him more than this.He is terrified to live, dominated by feelings of self-aggrandizement.He was terrified of being dragged out of the choppy water below the Great Falls, bruised and crippled.Are rescuers on duty so early in the morning?He hoped that he would disappear in an instant and be completely erased.Let the red-haired woman's dirty and greedy face disappear from sight forever.In the long months since her engagement she had been apathetic, giving the impression of a simple, dignified, calm and indifferent virgin, with thin-lipped smiles and clumsy manners... Alas, he was deceived Like a puppet manipulated by a devil who seduced him.Him, Gilbert Erskine!The most questionable but not blindly obedient students in the seminary have the most "liberated" minds.He'd always been proud of himself, and for years he'd stayed away from stupid women who smirked and flirted.They all try to get married.They flocked impatiently to be "engaged"; shamelessly coveted for a ring to wear and proudly display to the world.Look, I am loved.I am saved.But Alia Littrair was so different to him, maybe a different kind.She was a young woman whom he would respect as a wife throughout his life, a woman of his social station and roughly his intellectual equal. Douglas didn't ask him: Do you love this woman, Jill?It made him miserable. He had intended to answer Douglas like this: as you love your wife. The scene never happened, and in fact, Gilbert was never asked: Do you love this woman? Gilbert might have murmured that to her, yes, he had.he loves her.Maybe it was his shyness that made it hard for him to speak.Awkward.The woman was equally prim and sensitive, her eyes blinking rapidly, green glass eyes averting his.She might also have murmured: I, I love you too. So, it was settled.He put the ring on her long, thin finger. run, run! Spray spray wet his face, as if covered with spittle stars.The roar of the Great Falls is slowly getting louder.His eyes were clouded with mist, making it almost impossible for him to see the road ahead.That bridge is the Goat Island Suspension Bridge.Love me why can't you love me for God's sake can't you.Make love and do it!Goat Island was exactly where he wanted to be.He has been marked on the tourist map.He was holding the little silver pen she gave him, with his initials GS engraved on it, and his pride was also engraved on this pen!I am loved, I am saved. Their mouths were parched, and they groped shyly for a kiss.Her body was stiff, and when he touched her and hugged her, her tough little frame straightened her body.Just like they do in the movie.Fred Astaire, Ginger Rogers, let's dance!Very simple. He knew she didn't love him.Of course he knew this. Yet he believed (almost believed!) that he was in love with her.He will slowly fall in love with her over time, his legal wife.Sooner or later. Just like his father slowly fell in love with his mother, he thought so.Like all men fall in love with their wives. Because God did not command humans to reproduce. run!Otherwise the shame would break him. At the wedding, in the hotel, there was champagne, he didn't know, and never guessed.The little woman drank as thirsty as a coolie.Ignoring his astute and cautious advice, probably because she had had enough, she smirked, wiped her smudged mouth with the back of her hand, and kicked off her shoes, trying to get up but staggering and top-heavy; He jumped up and held her up.She staggered and fell into his arms.This she was so different from the stiff-backed preacher's daughter he knew.Alia Littrair wore a ruffled white smock over a flat-pressed faux blouse with a Peter Pan collar and a flannel skirt.She wore polished high-heeled pumps, and spotless white gloves.Alia was almost three years older than him, which privately pleased Gilbert because it was like a trump card in his hand, and he knew she would be grateful that he had his eye on her.Also, he didn't want to marry an immature woman, knowing that he would be the immature of the two.Aaliyah will take care of him, as his loving mother has done for 27 years.If he was hurt, sullen, irritable, and discouraged, Arya understood and forgave him.She would have forgiven him if he had had childish tantrums, sudden tantrums, and moodiness.This is his hope.An ambitious young pastor needs a capable, mature and responsible wife.She needs to be attractive, but not overly attractive.就小镇这个范围来看，阿莉亚颇有才华，是个离群索居的才女：他曾经被她的钢琴演奏和女高音优美的音质所打动。圣诞独唱会上，阿莉亚的歌声“平安夜”是那么美妙，让她看起来也变得美丽了。蜡黄的皮肤也闪出了光泽！那双冰冷萎缩的眼睛也像祖母绿的宝石一样放出了光芒。小嘴优雅地撅着调整着那卓尔不群、甜美悠扬的嗓音。平安夜，圣善夜……同牧师和利特莱尔夫人坐在一起的吉尔伯特确实大吃一惊。他本来没指望在独唱会上能欣赏到什么好歌，可是就在阿莉亚迈上舞台，向钢琴伴奏点头示意接着开始唱歌的那一刻起，他感到了一阵莫名的激动——骄傲？还是垂涎欲滴？抑或性的吸引？这个女子漠然镇定、年轻美丽，她把歌唱给崇拜她的观众们听，穿着引人注目的葡萄酒色、带有肩带的天鹅绒长裙，外罩一件长袖的白丝绸罩衫。她抬眼向上望着，好像目光投向了天堂。她像做祈祷一样把修长渐细的手指贴在胸前。头发在一般的光线下看起来暗淡无光、无精打采，而在舞台光线下却显得华彩熠熠。细微的胭脂斑点让脸部充满了生机。万暗中，光华射……吉尔伯特握紧了拳头想着，对，没错，他会爱上这个了不起的女人，他会让她成为自己的人。 为了你的生命，跑啊。 婚礼糊里糊涂地就过去了，像一幅透过晃晃荡荡行驶列车的窗户看到的风景画一样。虽然道格拉斯没有出席婚礼，他没办法参加，吉尔伯特仍然还是斜乜着眼睛四处张望他的身影。他仿佛看到道格拉斯在微笑着点头鼓励。yes!God!我已经这么做了，吉尔，你也可以的！婚宴上，她开始喝酒，从特罗伊开车到尼亚加拉大瀑布的一路上她都在睡觉，头懒洋洋的倚靠在他的肩头，这让他心烦意乱，样子看起来如此亲密，却毫无知觉，愚蠢之极。接着在酒店房间里，她又喝光了房间里储存的大部分香槟酒。她紧张急促地唠叨着，声音含混不清，哈哈傻笑着，用手在嘴上擦擦。口红抹在牙上，衣服凌乱不堪。站起身来却头晕目眩，一下子失去了平衡，他还要跳起来扶住她。 “阿莉亚，亲爱的！”她一边整理床铺一边傻笑，还打着嗝对他支支吾吾地说话。就在他弯下腰去亲吻她轻启着的湿润的朱唇时，闻到了酒精和惊恐杂糅在一起的气息，于是他的心猛的一震，向后反冲。这张床大的可笑，床垫离地板出奇的高，阿莉亚坚持让他“抬”她一把。心形的天鹅绒垫子哪儿都是，饰有花边的床罩像渔网，专门捕捉不留神的鱼儿。这是通往哪里的神殿呢？阿莉亚身着象牙色丝绸睡衣躺在床上，嘴里打着嗝，活像一只笨拙的水獭，她把手背过来用指节堵着嘴，避免笑出声来，她也许是在歇斯底里地呜咽。 他不曾知道自己该期待什么，也不愿提前去想，但是，亲爱的上帝啊，他却没料到会是这样的情景。她好像从一场狂热恐怖的堕落之梦中惊醒过来，颤抖着，把他拽过来和她跪在一起，在他迟疑犹豫的力量影响下，她扭动呻吟着，忽然，伸开双臂搂住了他的脖子——那么紧！ ——紧得像章鱼的触角——她接着把嘴唇完完全全地贴过来亲吻他。这还是牧师的老姑娘女儿阿莉亚?利特莱尔吗？拙劣的勾引技巧，一只眼的眼皮耷拉着。他难以忍受，她滚烫的手在他身上胡乱地挥抽。她呜咽着呼唤他的名字，这声音从她口中传出听起来是那么恶心。她的手在他胸前摸索着，摸到肚子，摸到腹股沟，摸到阴茎！任何女人都会摸到他那里，就像这样……从她喉咙里传来乞求的呻吟：爱我，你为什么不爱我看在上帝的份上。做爱啊！做啊！她裸露的牙床，湿漉漉的牙齿一览无遗。紧紧夹着的两腿之间有一小溜锈红色的粗糙阴毛。他眼中的她很丑陋，令人厌恶。你这该死的犯什么病呢做爱！她把自己的腹股沟往他身上顶，她骨瘦如柴的盆骨。他想用拳头揍她，一直不停地打，直到她失去知觉不会对他有更深了解为止。他也在呻吟，在乞求着，住手！don't want!你让我恶心！实际上，他可能已经用手掴了她，确切地说他用的不是手的掌面。他被一种自卫的本能驱动着，手像鞭子一样抽打在她身上，将她打倒在特大号的枕头上。但她却只是在笑。若不是笑，那就是在哭了。黄铜制的大床随之晃动，发出吱吱的声响，突然歪向一边，发生倾斜，像一只喝醉酒了的小船。他用胳膊肘挤压着她的胸部。这对小而坚挺的乳房，那红肿的乳头都让人感到威胁和厌恶。他大喊大叫朝她吐痰，想赶她走开让自己一个人静静，谁知她却猛地朝他乱打一通，抓住他，用手使劲抓紧他的阴茎，就像思想沉浸在最淫荡的青春期性幻想之中一样。他惊恐万状，口中发出一声颤抖的惨叫，他那乳状般的精液喷涌而出，带着刺鼻的甜味，像一窝蜜蜂一样；顿时，他跌倒在她身上，喘着粗气，这时，他的思绪消失殆尽，如同吹灭了的火焰。他的心在病态地剧跳。他们汗流浃背地紧紧贴在一起。 后来，他听到她在洗手间呕吐不止。 一阵狂乱的梦魇像用了充满泡沫的脏水将他周身洗了一遍，梦中，他迷迷糊糊地感到自己可能已经把他忘记了姓名的女人杀害了。法定的妻子，不离不弃，至死不渝。他扭断了她的脖子，将她憋死在睡衣里，在她两腿之间不停地撕扯乱打。他试图向自己的父亲解释，也向自己的朋友道格拉斯——他那背叛自己的朋友——解释这一切。他无法忍受。绝不能再忍受了。 跑啊，跑啊！ 从激流之上的木板桥通过，他穿着皮鞋的光脚磨伤了。他穿戴匆忙，马马虎虎。他的拉锁也给卡住了。一个声音把他唤醒了——“嗨，先生，门票是50美分。”有人在身后叫他。50美分！吉尔伯特没有回转身。他是个有身份的人，他在神学院有着特立独行的好名声，甚至是自高自大，他为此感到骄傲自豪。道格拉斯是他唯一的朋友，道格拉斯具有真正基督徒的好品性。道格拉斯会理解他的绝望感受并进而原谅他，即使这是上帝所不能容忍的。他身上一分钱都没有，没法儿买票。但令他骄傲的是，他前去的地方一分钱都不需要。也许是魔鬼装扮成灰发的门卫的样子来取笑他的，也许这就是将“化石”放在地球上来取笑人类的那个魔鬼，正诱惑着他回过头去，引诱着胆小鬼。但是，吉尔伯特在义无反顾纵身瀑布的行动中决不会屈服，因为他已经发过誓一定要把心里的疑问弄清楚。他是对上帝发下此誓的。他是对耶稣基督（其人类拯救论正是他所批判的）发下誓言的。在死寂一般的黎明前的那个时辰，他那只宝路华金表显示时间是接近五点了，他跪在卫生间坚硬的仿大理石瓷砖地板上，膝盖生疼。他强忍着这个女人身上刺鼻的气味，还有呕吐物和汗液，这是肮脏的女人肉体发出的气味。他将自己的灵魂赤裸裸地献给造物主，让他将它连根拔起。因为他现在不再需要灵魂了。此举意味着他将像耶稣一样接受钉死在十字架上的磨难。他是作为一个男人而死去，而非懦夫。道格拉斯会看到这一点，世界上所有的人都会明白这一点。 道格拉斯最终还是会心碎的，全世界的人都会心碎的。 没有生还的可能。