Chapter 3 third chapter

I also have a long talk about my body.I'm going to talk a lot; you'll think at first glance that I've forgotten the spiritual side.In this narrative, the omission is deliberate: it was what was there then.I don't have enough strength to maintain a double life, and I'm thinking about my spirits and the rest until I get better. My health is far from improving.If you don't move, you will sweat, and if you don't move, you will catch a cold.I was "short of breath," as Rousseau put it; sometimes I had a low fever, and in the morning I was often exhausted;I inhaled with difficulty, carefully, and methodically. When I exhaled, there were always two tremors, which I couldn't completely hold back with much perseverance. For a long time afterwards, I had to be very careful to avoid it.

However, my biggest headache is that my sick body is very sensitive to changes in temperature.Thinking about it today, I think that the disease is compounded by the disease, and the whole nerve is disordered; I can't find any other explanation, because the series of phenomena just cannot be justified as symptoms of tuberculosis.I was either too hot or too cold; I added clothes to a ridiculous degree, and as soon as I stopped shivering, I broke out in a cold sweat;Several parts of my body were frozen, and although I was sweating, it was as cold as marble to the touch and could not be warmed.I am so afraid of the cold that when I splash some water on my feet when I wash my face, I catch a cold; the same is true of my fear of heat.I have retained this sensitivity, and it is still there today, but it is very useful now, and I feel smooth and comfortable all over my body.I think that any strong sensitivity can be the cause of pleasure or pain, depending on the strength of the body.All the factors that tormented me in the past, now make me happy.

I don't know why until then, I actually slept with the doors and windows tightly closed.Following T's advice, I tried to keep the windows open at night; at first they were opened a little, and soon they were wide open;Afterwards, how comfortable I felt when the Night Breeze and Moonlight Room approached me! ...In short, I am in a hurry, wishing I could pass through the stage of first seeing a turn for the better.Thanks to constant care, and thanks to clean air and nutritious food, my body soon recovered.I was always afraid of getting out of breath when going up and down the steps, and I dared not leave the terrace; but at the beginning of January, I finally stepped down from the terrace and tried to take a walk in the garden.

Marceline accompanied me with a shawl, and it was about two o'clock in the afternoon.It was very windy there, and for three days it made me very uncomfortable, but this time the wind stopped and the weather was pleasant. This is a park.There is a broad road that divides the park into two parts, and there are two rows of tall acacia trees growing along the road, and there are seats in the shade of the trees.There's a dug channel, I mean not wide and deep, and it goes down the road almost straight, and then divides into ditches to carry the water to the plants in the garden.The water was cloudy and earthy, like pale pink or straw-gray clay.There are almost no foreigners, only a few Arabs wandering in the garden, and when they leave the sun, their gowns are stained with dark gray.

I walked into this strange world of shade, and felt a shudder and a strange feeling, so I put on my shawl; but I felt no discomfort, quite the contrary... We sat down on a chair.Marceline was silent.Several Arabs walked past, and then a group of children ran up.Marceline recognized several of them, and she waved, and those children came over.She introduced the names to me one by one, and then had questions and answers, giggled, curled her lips, and played some small games.I felt a little flustered and ill again, tired and sweaty.But, to be frank, it wasn't the child who got in my way, but she herself.Yes, I'm a little restrained in her presence.As soon as I stand up, she will follow; as soon as I take off the shawl, she will take it; when I put it on again, she will ask: "Aren't you cold?" I dare not talk to the children in her presence, as I can see that these children are protected by her; as for me, I am interested in other children, which is both involuntary and deliberate.

"Go back." I said to her, but secretly decided to come to the park again alone. Near ten o'clock the next day, she was going out on errands, and I took advantage of this opportunity.Little Basil came almost every morning, and he carried my shawl; and I felt light in body and refreshed in spirit.We were almost alone on the avenue in the garden; I walked slowly, sat down and rested for a while, got up and walked.Bazier babbled after him, faithful and nimble as a dog.I walked until the place where the women came to wash clothes in the canal; I saw a flat stone in the middle of the water, and on it was a little girl lying on her stomach, with her face bent down to the water, her hands reaching into the water, grabbing and throwing away the twigs that floated by.She was barefoot and immersed in the water, which had already formed a watermark, and the skin color above the watermark appeared darker.Basil walked up to her and spoke a few words to her; she turned around, smiled at me, and answered Basil in Arabic.

"She's my sister," he told me.Then he explained to me that his mother was coming to do the laundry and his sister was waiting there.Her name is Ladra, which means "green" in Arabic.When he spoke these words, his voice was sweet and clear, very innocent, and I also had a very innocent impulse. "She begged you to give her two coppers," he added. I gave her ten sous, and was going away, when his mother, the washerwoman, came.It was an outstanding plump woman, with a blue pattern tattooed on her broad forehead, and a basket of clothes on her head, resembling an ancient statue of a maiden with an offering basket. Like the ancient statue, she was only wrapped in blue broadcloth. The waist is tied up, and it hangs down to the feet.As soon as she saw Basil, she scolded him severely.He retorted fiercely, and the little girl also intervened, and the three of them quarreled fiercely.At last, as if giving up, Basil explained to me that his mother needed him this morning; he handed me the shawl with a quick look, and I was obliged to go away alone.

Before I had gone twenty paces, I felt the weight of the shawl unbearable, and I was sweating, and sat down as soon as I touched a chair.I look forward to having a child, who will take away my burden.After a while, one of them did come. This was a tall boy of fourteen years old with dark skin like a Sudanese. He was not shy at all and offered to help.His name is Ashur; and if he hadn't been one-eyed, I'd think he was handsome.He liked to chat and tell me where the river came from, how it went through the park, into the oasis, and through the oasis.As I listened to him, I forgot my fatigue.However lovely I thought Basil was, I now knew him too well and was glad to have someone else with me.Even one day, I decided in my heart to come to the park alone, sit on a chair, and wait for a chance encounter.

Ashur and I paused for a few more breaths before walking to my door.I wanted to invite him in, but I dared not, for fear of what Maceline might say. I saw her in the dining room, tending a small child; the boy was small and frail, and at first sight I was moved not by pity, but by disgust.Marceline said to me with a guilty conscience: "This poor little one is sick." "At least it's not an infectious disease, is it? What kind of disease do you have?" "I can't tell. He seems to be aching all over the place. He speaks French very badly. Wait until tomorrow, when Basil is here to be an interpreter. I'll make him some tea."

Then, when she saw that I stayed there and didn't say anything, she added as if apologizing: "I've known him for a long time, and I never dared to let him come. I was afraid that I would bother you, and maybe I would annoy you." "Why?" I said loudly, "If you like, bring all the children you like!" I thought I could let Ashur into the house, but I didn't dare to do so, and I was a little annoyed. I looked at my wife and saw that she was as gentle as a loving mother, very touching; after a while, the child left with warmth in her heart.I said I had just gone for a walk, and in a tactful tone let Maceline understand why I like to go out alone.

Usually when I sleep at night, I often wake up with a start, my body is either stiff with cold or profusely sweating.That night, he slept very peacefully, barely waking up.The next morning, just after nine o'clock, I was going out.The weather is fine.I felt completely rested, free from languidness, and in a good mood, or high spirits.It was sunny and sunny outside, but I still took the poncho, as if it was an excuse, so that I could get acquainted and would take it for me.people.As I said, the park is adjacent to our platform, just a few steps away.I walked into the shaded garden and felt refreshed.The sky is full of light.The fragrance of the acacia tree, which first blooms and then leaves; but there was a strange, faint scent, which wafted from all directions, entered me as if from several senses, and refreshed me.I breathed more easily, and walked more easily; but I sat down again when I found a chair, not from fatigue, but from ecstasy.The shade of the trees is active and thin, and does not hang down, as if it has just touched the ground.Ah, how bright! ——I am listening.What did you hear?nothing; everything; I enjoy every kind of sounds of nature. ——I remember seeing a small tree from a distance, and felt that the bark was so hard, I couldn't help getting up and walking over to touch it, just like caressing, so I felt elated.Remember... Anyway, was it that I was going to be resurrected that morning? I forgot to confess, I was monologue at that time, without waiting for anything, and I ignored the time, as if until that day, I thought a lot and felt very little, and the result was very surprised to find that my feeling was as strong as my thought. I say "as if", because from the deepness of my childhood, I have finally awakened thousands of beams of spiritual light.A thousand feelings of loss.I'm aware of my senses, and I'm both disturbed and grateful.Yes, my senses have been awakened since then, and the whole process has been rediscovered, and the past has been re-woven.My senses are alive!They have never ceased to exist, and even in the years of my devoted research they still manifest a life of stealth and cunning. I didn't meet a single child that day, but I felt relieved.I took out the pocket book "Homer's Epic" from my pocket. I haven't opened it since I set off from Marseilles. This time I reread the three lines in "The Odyssey". When there is enough food to chew, I close the book and stay there, my body and mind tremble slightly, and my thoughts are immersed in happiness. I really can't believe that people can be so full of vitality.