Chapter 19 18

18 Marianne sits at the kitchen table, glumly eating a jar of peanut butter and flipping through her largest cookbook.The day after the tenderloin, she couldn't eat the pork chops either.In the weeks since then, she has been experimenting.She found that not only the things that were obviously cut from the cattle could not be swallowed, but also the things from the pigs and sheep.I don't know which organ is wrong with her, and she refuses to accept all food that shows a little bit of bone, tendon and muscle fiber, anyway, she definitely doesn't do it on purpose.Crushed and reprocessed foods, such as hot dogs and hamburgers, or lamb patties and pork sausages, are acceptable as long as she doesn't look carefully, and fish is not on the list.She has not dared to try chicken, she has always liked to eat chicken, but the skeleton of that thing makes people uncomfortable.Besides, she thought that goose skin must remind her of goosebumps on her arms.In order to ensure a variety of protein nutrition, she has been eating fried eggs, peanuts and a lot of cheese recently.But there was always a secret worry in her heart, and as she flipped through the cook book (she turned to the "lettuce" part now), this worry became more and more clear, that this refusal to eat is a malignant disease, it is It will develop, and slowly, the range she can eat will become smaller and smaller, and the things that she can accept at the moment will be excluded one by one.

"I'm going to be a vegetarian," she thought wistfully, "and join the ranks of the freaks and get lunch at the health counter." She read with disgust a column titled " How to Cook with Yogurt", the female editor-in-chief of this book happily suggested: "Sprinkle some chopped walnut kernels on the yogurt, and it will have a special flavor when you drink it." The phone rang, and she waited for it to ring twice before getting up to answer it.She was reluctant to talk, and with some difficulty she put down the article in her hand and stood up. The article was about lettuce, watercress, and a spicy dressing made of various herbs.

"Marian?" It was Leonard Slank's voice. "Is that you?" "Yes, Len," she said, "how are you?" She hadn't seen or spoken to him in a long time. He was in a hurry. "Are you alone at home? I mean is Ainsley there?" "No, she hasn't come back from get off work yet, she said she's going to do some shopping." It's the pre-Christmas shopping season, which seems to have been going on for months, and the shops don't close until nine o'clock. "I'll ask her to call back when she comes back." "No, no," he said hastily, "it's you I'm looking for. May I come to you?"

Peter was still working on the case tonight, so she was actually free, and she couldn't think of any excuse to refuse him for a while. "Of course, Len," she said.Once the words are spoken, there is no way to go back on them, she thought as she put down the phone, what a fool, why did she say yes to him. For weeks, Ainsley had been in a state of euphoria.From the very beginning, she was sure that she was pregnant, and she focused all her attention on the signs of her body, just like a scientist nervously watching a certain crucial test tube, waiting for the vital changes to occur.She spent a lot of time in the kitchen, trying to see if she was craving certain foods in particular, and tasting a lot of things to see if they tasted different.She reported the results to Marianne one by one, and according to her, the tea became more bitter, and the eggs smelled of sulfur.The full-length mirror in Marianne's room was larger than hers, and she stood on Marianne's bed, looking sideways to see if the shape of her belly had changed.It was unbearable that she could not stop humming a song as she walked about the house.Finally, one morning, she got sick and vomited at the kitchen sink, and she couldn't be happier.Finally, it was time to see the obstetrician and gynecologist. Just yesterday, she bounced up the stairs, waving the envelope in her hand with a smile on her face, and the test result came out, which was positive.

Marianne congratulated her, she might not have looked so natural a few months earlier.Then she had to think about how to deal with the problems brought about by this matter, such as where Ainsley was going to live--the landlady would not allow her to live if she found out that she had a big belly; She came to live with her alone, if she wanted to find her, wouldn't she feel a little sorry for Sisli?If she didn't look for it, living with a single mother who had just given birth must have all kinds of troubles and pressures. Could she bear it?But now all of that was out of the question, and she could be genuinely happy for Ainsley.Anyway, she was going to get married herself, and she was already an outsider.

Just because she didn't want to get involved, she was a little unhappy about Lun's phone call.From the way he spoke, she guessed that Ainsley had told him something, but she couldn't tell from his words what exactly he knew. She decided to try not to take the initiative.Of course, no matter what he said, she would listen carefully, and she had grown ears, which was unavoidable-in fact, what else could he say?If he had played any part, his mission had already been accomplished.All she could do was listen.She felt that she couldn't handle the situation, and she was upset that if Len wanted someone to talk to, he should go to Ainsley, and she would be able to provide him with answers.

Marian swallowed another tablespoon of peanut butter, which kept sticking to her palate and she didn't like it much.To pass the time, she turned to the chapter on shrimp, crab and shellfish, and read the part about getting rid of that black line on the back of the shrimp (who buys real shrimp these days, she thought) ?), and the next thing I talked about was the soft-shelled turtle, which she has been interested in recently, but what kind of interest is it?She can't figure it out herself.The book said that after buying a turtle, you should put it in a cardboard box or other cages for a week or so, treat it well, feed it hamburgers, and let it excrete the filth in its stomach.It gradually trusts you, and maybe it will follow you slowly in the kitchen like a puppy. At this time, you put it in a large pot of cold water (it must be in the beginning) Swimming happily inside), and then put it on the fire to stew.The whole process reminded her of the torture that early Christian martyrs endured before their death.How many such atrocities are there in kitchens all over the country in the name of food preparation!But the only way to avoid such things seems to be to substitute some ready-made fish products, either wrapped in plastic film or packed in cardboard boxes.Is this a substitute, or just a disguise?Anyway, if killing is necessary, others will do it for you efficiently in advance.

The downstairs doorbell rang, and Marianne listened, not wanting to rush downstairs unless it was necessary.First she heard someone whispering something, and then the door slammed shut.The landlady has been on guard for a long time.Sighing, she closed the cookbook, licked the spoon and dropped it in the sink, and screwed on the peanut butter jar. "Hi," she greeted Len, seeing his head emerge from the landing.He was pale and out of breath, as if ill. "Come in and have a seat," she continued, since it was only half past six, "have you eaten yet? Would you like me to get you something to eat?" She really wanted to get him something to eat, even if it was bacon Tomato sandwiches would work too.Ever since she had trouble eating, she had noticed an unnatural pleasure in watching other people eat.

"Thanks, no," he said, "I'm not hungry. But if it's convenient, please bring me something to drink." He went into the living room, and sat down heavily on the couch, as if his body was a heavy weight. He could no longer carry the sack. "I only have beer here, okay?" She went into the kitchen, opened two bottles of beer, and brought them to the hall.For a good friend like Lun, she didn't have to be polite, and went to get the cup again. "Thank you," he said.He lifted the square brown bottle upside down, pursed his lips, and drank from it.Strangely enough, for a moment his mouth looked a little like a child's.Like God, I really need this thing, said he, put the wine bottle on the small table. "I suppose she must have told you?"

Marian took a sip of her beer before replying.It was Elk, and she bought a few bottles out of curiosity. She felt that the taste was the same as other brands of beer. "You mean about her pregnancy," she said in a calm tone. "Of course she told me." Len snorted in distress.He took off his horn-rimmed glasses and put one hand over his eyes. "Jesus, just thinking about it makes me sick," he said. "When she told me, I was literally taken aback. God, I just called her out for coffee and she's been kind of avoiding me since that night, and I think she must have freaked out. Who knew she Talking about it on the phone was a huge blow to my head. I couldn't do anything all afternoon. I hung up before she could finish talking, and I don't know what she's going to think about it, but I can't take it. She's so small, Marianne, and I mean most women, you'd think, hell, they deserve it, they ain't no shit anyway, it's not like I've ever had this before Thing. She's so young, and damn it, I can't remember exactly what happened that night. We came back for coffee, and I happened to be a little sick, and there was a bottle of whiskey on the table, so I drank it. Of course I don't deny that I was trying to get her hooked, but oh I didn't want that, I mean I didn't think it would be so soon, I mean I wouldn't have been so careless. It sucks ,What should I do?"

Marianne watched him silently, so Ainsley hadn't been able to explain her motives to him.She wondered to herself, for Len's sake, whether it was her job to unravel this ridiculous mess of secrets for him, or whether it was up to Ainsley to tell it herself, which was supposed to be her responsibility. "I mean I can't marry her," said Lun grimly. "Being a husband is bad enough. I'm too young for a family right now. Make me a husband and a father, you can imagine. Is it?" He grinned, and lifted the bottle upside down again. "When I think about having a baby," he said, his voice high and disturbed, "I'm scared, it's sickening. I can't stand the thought of having a baby of my own," his voice trembling. "Well, look, it's not like you're having a baby," Marianne said matter-of-factly. Lun turned his head towards her, his face was strange, looking at her pitifully.At this moment, there are no rimless glasses on his face, and his eyes look dull, but he is usually eloquent, quick-witted, and always a little lewd. He looked so different now, and it made her a little uncomfortable to see him so changed. "Marian," He said, "Please do me a favor, can you persuade her? As long as she agrees to an abortion, I will pay for it." He swallowed, and she watched his Adam's apple wriggling up and down.She had never seen him so distressed. "I'm afraid not," she said softly. "That's right. The point is that she wants to conceive a child." "Her what?" "She did it on purpose. She wanted to get pregnant." "What absurdity!" he said. "No one wants to get pregnant, no one wants to get into such a thing on purpose." Marianne smiled; he seemed simple-minded now, and she thought his embarrassment a little cute.She felt as if she should hold him in her lap and say to him, "Listen, Leonard, it's time to tell you something grown-up." "You'd be surprised," she said, "how many people do. Look, it's the fashion these days. Ainsley reads a lot, she liked anthropology in college, and she's convinced that a woman You can't be a real woman if you haven't had a child. But don't worry, you'll have no trouble hereafter. She doesn't want a husband, all she wants is a child. So your job is done." Lun found this speech unbelievable. He put on his glasses, stared at her for a moment, and took them off again. He took another sip of beer before speaking. "Then she's a college student too, and I should have known. Then," He said meanly, "That's what it's like to educate girls, to get their heads full of ridiculous ideas." "Oh, I don't know that," Marianne returned sarcastically, "but there seem to be some men who don't make much of an education." Len's face tightened. "Isn't that meant for me? But how do I know? You must have never told me. What kind of friend is this?" "Well, I never dared to tell you anything about your life," said Marianne angrily. "Now that you know the truth, why bother? You don't have to worry about anything. She'll take care of everything." good. Ainsley is capable and totally takes care of herself. " Leonard's original expression of despair seemed to have disappeared, and he suddenly became angry. "Little bitch," he swore under his breath, "get me in the middle of this thing..." There was a sound of footsteps on the stairs. "Shh," Marianne said, "here she comes, calm down." She went to wait for Ainsley in the hall. "Hey, wait a minute and see what I've got," Ainsley greeted loudly as she bounced up the stairs.She walked into the kitchen like a gust of wind, put the big bags on the table, took off her coat, and said breathlessly: "It's really crowded, except for food-I have to eat for two people now, yes What--oh, I've bought vitamin pills, and I'll show you patterns for baby clothes." She first took out a knitting book, and then some balls of baby yarn. "Then you're ready to be a boy," said Marianne. Ainsley opened her eyes wide. "Of course, I mean, I think boys are better..." "Well, before you take any necessary steps, it may be better to consult with the father-to-be. He's in the hall at the moment, and he seems rather displeased that you haven't listened to him." .Oh," said Marianne deliberately sharply, "maybe he wants a girl." Ainsley pushed back a lock of brown hair that fell across her forehead. "Oh, Len's here, isn't he?" she said, very calmly. "Yeah, I could hear on the phone that he was a little upset." She went into the hall. Marianne wondered which of the two of them needed her help more, or which side she would take if she had to choose.She walked in behind Ainsley, thinking that if things got serious, she would just get out and leave, but she didn't know how. "Hello, Ren," Ainsley greeted him lightly, "you hung up the phone before I had finished speaking." Len refused to look at her. "Thanks, Marianne has told me." Ainsley pursed her lips a little annoyed, obviously trying to tell him this herself. "Well, someone's responsible," said Marianne, pursing her lips a little priestly. "He's terribly distressed." "Maybe I shouldn't have told you about it at all," Ainsley said, "but I couldn't take it anymore and think about how happy I am to be a mother." The anger pent up in Lun's chest gradually rose. "Huh, I don't feel like I'm at all happy about the goddamn thing," he blurted out. "It turns out you've been using me. I'm so stupid. I always thought you were innocent and cute. Who knew you had already graduated from college. Oh, women are always the same. You have no interest in me at all. All you want is my body! " "So, what do you want from me?" Ainsley said pleasantly. "Anyway, that's all I want. Keep the rest. You can rest assured that I won't go." A lawsuit will make you take on the responsibility of being a father." Len had already stood up and was pacing up and down the room, but he was far enough away from Ainsley that nothing unexpected could happen. "Relax? Ha, huh, no, you're bringing me into this. You're making me psychologically involved, and I'm never going to forget I had a baby now, and it's mean, and it's all because of you,"— - He took a deep breath, because the following line had never occurred to him before - "You seduced me!" He waved the beer bottle at her. "Birth is on my mind all the time now. Fertilization, pregnancy, stuff. Do you know what that's going to do to me? It's disgusting, so wet..." "Don't say such stupid things," Ainsley said. "It's perfectly natural and beautiful. A mother's relationship with her unborn child is the loveliest and most intimate relationship in the world." She leaned in the aisle, staring window. "The most balanced with each other..." "It's disgusting!" Len cut her off. Ainsley turned to him angrily. "You're typical uterine jealousy. Where the hell do you think you came from? You know, you didn't fall from the sparks, did your mother pick it up under the cabbages in the garden? That's good news." Well, unfortunately not. You, like everyone else, spent nine months curled up in a woman's womb, and then..." Len's face was wrinkled into a strange look. "Stop it!" he yelled. "Don't talk to me about it. I can't take it. You're making me puke. Don't come near me!" Ainsley took a step towards him, and he screamed , "You are unclean!" Marianne believed that he could not control his emotions.He sat on the arm of the couch and covered his face with his hands. "She made me do it, my mother," he whispered. "We had eggs for breakfast, and I cracked mine, and I swear there was a chick in there. I didn't want to touch it, but she didn't see it, she didn't see what was in it, she just said , don't be silly, I see it's exactly the same as the other eggs, but it's not the same, it's not the same, she made me eat it. I know, I got that little mouth and claws and something else ..." He trembled violently. "Terrible, terrible, I can't stand it," he whimpered, his shoulders twitching. Marian blushed with embarrassment, but Ainsley gave a little motherly cry and rushed over to the sofa.She sat down beside Len, put her arms around him, and pulled him toward her so that he was half in her arms, with his head on her shoulder.One's all right, all right," she reassured him. Her hair fell down over their faces like a veil, or like a net, thought Marianne. She shook a little. body, saying, "Okay, okay.It wouldn't be a chicken anyway, it would be a cute little doll, a baby. " Marianne came out of the kitchen, she couldn't stand it, they behaved like a pair of children.Hormones are such a wonderful thing, she thought, that Ainsley's mind was already fattened.Before long, she will gain weight. In the bottom of Lun's heart, there was still such a secret hidden in her heart, which she had never seen from him.Like a white worm, he was suddenly dug out from a hole in the ground, exposed to the broad daylight, writhing his body painfully and blindly.It amazed her that such a trifle had frightened him into such a state. She originally thought that he had a thick and hard shell that could not be pierced easily, but it seemed that she had overestimated.This is like the game they used to play at home. You put two palms together and press the two ends of the egg. No matter how hard you try, it will not break. Its mechanical structure is evenly distributed. on himself.However, as long as you slightly change the angle and adjust the pressure, the egg will be broken with a snap, and the yolk and egg white will flow all over your body. At this moment, Lun's fragile mental adjustment state has been disrupted, and he is in a state of being broken. She thought, I don't know how he has avoided this problem for many years. He has always been proud of himself as a veteran hunter. Could it be that he really couldn't think of the possibility of making the other party pregnant?What would he do if things turned out to be what he had thought they were, and he had accidentally impregnated Speedy?Will he excuse himself from his responsibility on the grounds of unintentional injury, so that he can escape safely?Embili could not have foreseen his reaction. But the cause of this crisis was all her.What was she going to do with him now?How should she deal with it? Sniff, forget it, she thought, anyway, this is their business, let them handle it themselves, why should I get involved?She went back to her room and closed the door. But when she cracked the soft-boiled egg the next morning and saw the yolk, it seemed to her like a yellow eye staring at her with reproach and meaning, and she felt that her own Mouth closed tightly like a frightened sea anemone.The muscles in her throat tightened and she said, this is a living thing, a life.She pushed the plate away.She's used to things like this now.She sighed helplessly, and crossed another thing off the list.